So I haven’t been around. Not surprised if you noticed. There has been a lot of activity in my life. Changes that have caught me by the throat. I don’t plan on bleeding those changes all over my blog, it would just open wounds that are starting to close. However, I am going to still be on hiatus a short while longer. It started with a nasty bout of bronchitis and then some nasty emotional baggage. I am slowly unpacking the baggage and starting to put things away. I think I will give myself grace through the month of December and start 2022 fresh. I need this time to deal with the mess that I got myself into. This time of year often ends me up with an emotional downside that I have been at a loss to prevent.
For me that means I will continue to work on myself and the issues that have arisen in my life. For you it merely means I am asking for patience. January will see more poetry, art, and discussion of the foibles of life that my blog has come to present on a regular basis. I thank you for the patience and I wish you all the best of holidays.
Ok, I am sure in this day and age, you have seen on social media and other sites about self care. Whether you think that it affects you, or not, it really does. Not just those who are affected by illness have issues with self care, and the importance it has on life.
We can get busy in life, and there are factors that assist in making this worse. The four listed on the picture are the ones that should happen every day. Add in exercise for a good self care, but if you miss that occasionally, you will not die. These four on the picture are life threatening if you miss them…
Now I can see the look as you glance over the list. Missing a shower doesn’t seem life threatening, heck people do all of the time and survive. But I am talking about quality of life too. Let’s look at each point individually.
Eating – well the human body is designed to do amazing things, but it needs fuel. If you don’t eat then you will find the muscles and your brain start to malfunction. You will not be able to move or think as well as before. We are only able to live for one week without eating… And the body and mind both start to suffer after one day without food.
Hydration – we are mostly water. And as we move we use a portion of said fluid up. The human body can only go three days without drinking water… Mind you I said water. Sugary drinks such as cola will only add to dehydration, though they do taste good. As we dehydrate, our muscles cramp. Our mind clouds, making concentration harder. We get dizzy spells and start feeling light headed. (Though the last symptom is also true of lack of food.)
Sleep – in today’s fast paced environment, we tend to tell ourselves that sleep is not necessary. The problem is that the brain is an organic computer. If you fail to allow your computer to have a break, well it will end up crashing because the memory does not clear of what has been done. The brain is much the same. Sleep deprivation can cause so many side effects. Google it, it is an interesting read.
Showering – ok this one is not immediately lethal. There are diseases that are made worse by being unclean. This one is a lot more about making yourself feel better. A shower makes the body clean and often makes us feel a little bit more alive.
I would recommend that you also, preferably before the shower, at least go for a small walk. It helps to get the body working properly to do at least some exercise daily.
This is good for everyone, but those of us with illness (chronic or mental) sometimes find just doing the self care checklist hard. And that is OK, as long as you do what you can. Keep in mind that this isn’t just a thing so that we are able to be socially acceptable… It is something that can be life threatening. Please do take care of you.
*I wrote this a while back. I am not sure if I ever posted it here. This was a busy weekend and I felt the need to do some self care myself, so I decided to use it for my Monday post. I am hoping to post poetry later this week.
The week has started badly with my laptop dying. I have lost a few files (Google drive back up got a lot of it…) And I am just over it. Forgive me please for the lack of update that is likely to be this week. I will be trying to get it handled, but I am going to take a couple of days getting the desktop computer that was not prepared for the writing and publishing set up. Then I will try to get it back on the proper track. I will squeeze the grief for the part of my soul that was attached to the dead laptop later.
Crawl out of the hole you’re in Who you are is not who you’ve been Now’s the time to sink or swim Will you fight the tide or get lost within And I know you’re feeling low Feel like you’ve lost control But the darkness that you know It’s not your home and you’re not alone And all you’ve wanted was just so much more This world has taken ahold Don’t let ’em get your soul The silence You feel it cold as a winter storm This world has taken ahold Don’t let ’em get your soul Iron bars are hell to break Tell me now, do you know what’s at stake? Your whole life in a blank stare haze You walk around like the end of days And I know you’re feeling low Feel like you’ve lost control But the darkness that you know It’s not your home and you’re not alone And all you’ve wanted was just so much more This world has taken ahold Don’t let ’em get your soul The silence You feel it cold as a winter storm This world has taken ahold Don’t let ’em get your soul I’m callin’ out to you Can you hear me? They can’t break you down Let you hit the ground I promise you it won’t be long (Won’t be long) You’re feeling overwhelmed here Drowned by the pain and the fear The sun will come with the dawn All you’ve wanted was just so much more This world has taken ahold Don’t let ’em get your soul The silence You feel it cold as a winter storm This world has taken ahold Don’t let ’em get your soul… Get your soul…
My 2Cents – Though this song sounds like it is about being depressed, And it most certainly is, I feel like it is about picking yourself back up when you are depressed. I have been here, and it feels impossible. then it doesn’t. Somehow you just survive, and you don’t know how you did it. but you did.
This year the holidays stunk. Yeah I said it. It is so taboo to be miserable during December, because you feel like you are weighing everyone else down. Or you feel just freaking ungrateful.
I know that I am not alone in this. This year has weighed hard on so many. No ability to do big gatherings, or family meals, or the other traditional trappings of the holidays. So much of this year has been death and illness. And for me family distancing.
The holiday was just lacking. So I was playing video games with my youngest, and scrolling down Facebook occasionally when something caught my eye. Serena has her own Facebook. Well someone, another author, had told me that Serena’s Rust, Gore, and the Junkyard Zombie was on his Christmas wishlist. He tagged Serena in the comments of his gifts… He got it.
Seeing that tag just made me smile. It made my whole holiday better. Just knowing that book was wanted.
So till this year is gone, enjoy the little things. Don’t let it fall apart because the big things are missing. Enjoy what you can. I hope that each of you find a little thing that brings joy this season.
Tools, something that are different depending upon the user. Each person may have different skills depending upon the tools that they have at hand.
For an example, I am capable of sewing by hand. I have been taught this skill in childhood. My mom, my grandmothers, my other female role models… They all sewed. In various levels of skill. My mom still makes the most beautiful quilts. However, though I have the ability to sew by hand… It is slow. I have arthritis in my hands. This makes it take longer. I am not as neat as I am with a machine.
This is something that was brought up lately. Someone told me that my digital art has improved. I am sure that it has… After all I have better tools. I have a decent laptop. I have good art programs (Gimp & Krita are my two current favorites). I even have a good mousepad that I recieved for Christmas. (An elephant with headphones on. It is an ergonomic one that helps with my arthritis).
If someone is struggling with their art, or their writing, or any part of their life and you want to assist… Ask them what tool they are missing. Sometimes it is something small such as someone to bounce ideas off of.
I don’t often post pictures of my daughter or myself, not on here. Today it seems important. I got a call this morning, while making breakfast and listening to her laughter as her and her dad were picking at each other.
I took her to the doctor yesterday. She is asthmatic, and her left lung has been hurting for a couple of days. She also had other concerns and needed shots. So the doc sent her for a chest X-ray.
That call was the nurse from the Doctor’s office. The X-ray came back as she has pneumonia. They want a covid test. And my heart dropped into my stomach. Since the pandemic hit we have been very careful. We don’t go anywhere, at least nowhere unnecessary. We are both asthmatic and her dad has emphysema. The whole lot of us are high risk.
So I am scared. I have a 16 year old stubborn girl who is going to need to rest… and like her mama, she is not inclined towards rest often. She is a busy bee with multiple things that she is wanting to do at any given moment.
We are just about to go out to get her covid test… and I am worried.
So I am probably not going to be posting this week due to this. I will be back next week, and I am going to try to be more active. thank you for understanding.
I have been struggling with files for four anthologies. Trying to get it all to shine. I have been fighting my own self doubt. I have been working on trying not to feel like I have to do it all.
That is probably the worst thing about me, that feeling like I have to do it all, like I can’t lean on anyone else or I will burden them. Because I am, in my own mind, never good enough. I work extra hard to attempt to be seen as even half of the capable as the others around me. And then I end up intimidating the ones that I admire. Intimidating and hurting, because they end up feeling that they cannot possibly do as much as I do. While I am feeling that I am a screw up because I am dropping balls that I should have never tried to carry at all.
Balls bounce, and I can often grab them in rebound, but the hurt… I regret that. I try to be a good person. I try to do everything right… Even though I often do not have a clue what right actually is. So sometimes all that I can do is see the balls drop, and apologize for causing the hurt.
I read somewhere that the truest apology was changed behavior. This is where I truly fail. I try. But in some ways it is like an addiction. I have to put myself in that mess. I have to try to be the one that is doing the overwhelming of myself. It is my toxic trait.
Because I want to be seen as amazing… And there is the voice in the back of my head that is always going to tell me I am not.
That voice we all have. It’s mean. It bullies us into believing the lie… AND it is a lie. I am not worthless. I am talented and I am loved. I have been improving at art, writing, cover design, and publishing. I have been improving with all of my skills that have been a struggle… Except for dealing with interpersonal relationships.
I am sorry for those who I hurt when I am dropping the balls. I am sorry for the heartache that I cause in those who love me. I am not going to say that I will try to do better, because I should not lie, even to myself. However I will say that when I am struggling with the mental gremlins, and fighting for the strength to share the load… I am so very grateful that I have you all in my life.
You are amazing. You all keep me going. And I only hope that my own stubborn nature will not end up pushing you away.
Before I do this… I apologize for the late posts the last couple of days… I have been helping a friend and I have been late getting home. Usually I will do the posts while out if need be, but I was the driver this time. Stretches my ability to get things done.
Lyrics – Crawl out of the hole you’re in Who you are is not who you’ve been Now’s the time to sink or swim Will you fight the tide or get lost within And I know you’re feeling low Feel like you’ve lost control But the darkness that you know It’s not your home and you’re not alone And all you’ve wanted was just so much more This world has taken ahold Don’t let ’em get your soul The silence You feel it cold as a winter storm This world has taken ahold Don’t let ’em get your soul Iron bars are hell to break Tell me now, do you know what’s at stake? Your whole life in a blank stare haze You walk around like the end of days And I know you’re feeling low Feel like you’ve lost control But the darkness that you know It’s not your home and you’re not alone And all you’ve wanted was just so much more This world has taken ahold Don’t let ’em get your soul The silence You feel it cold as a winter storm This world has taken ahold Don’t let ’em get your soul I’m callin’ out to you Can you hear me? They can’t break you down Let you hit the ground I promise you it won’t be long (Won’t be long) You’re feeling overwhelmed here Drowned by the pain and the fear The sun will come with the dawn All you’ve wanted was just so much more This world has taken ahold Don’t let ’em get your soul The silence You feel it cold as a winter storm This world has taken ahold Don’t let ’em get your soul… Get your soul…
My 2 cents – this is a song about learning how to be strong after a struggle. Don’t let the world destroy you. It’s a good song, and it feels like a good message.
Lyrics – [Verse 1] I hate the world today You’re so good to me, I know, but I can’t change Tried to tell you but you look at me like maybe I’m an angel underneath Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried You must have been relieved to see the softer side I can understand how you’d be so confused I don’t envy you I’m a little bit of everything all rolled into one
[Chorus] I’m a bitch, I’m a lover I’m a child, I’m a mother I’m a sinner, I’m a saint I do not feel ashamed I’m your Hell, I’m your dream I’m nothing in between You know you wouldn’t want it any other way
[Verse 2] So take me as I am This may mean you’ll have to be a stronger man Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous And I’m going to extremes Tomorrow I will change and today won’t mean a thing
[Chorus] I’m a bitch, I’m a lover I’m a child, I’m a mother I’m a sinner, I’m a saint I do not feel ashamed I’m your Hell, I’m your dream I’m nothing in between You know you wouldn’t want it any other way
[Bridge] Just when you think you got me figured out The season’s already changing I think it’s cool, you do what you do And don’t try to save me
[Chorus] I’m a bitch, I’m a lover I’m a child, I’m a mother I’m a sinner, I’m a saint I do not feel ashamed I’m your Hell, I’m your dream I’m nothing in between You know you wouldn’t want it any other way
[Chorus 2] I’m a bitch, I’m a tease I’m a goddess on my knees When you hurt, when you suffer I’m your angel undercover I’ve been numb, I’m revived Can’t say I’m not alive You know I wouldn’t want it any other way
My 2 cents – OK, some days I feel the power of self confidence. I know that I am unique and my power is in my creativity… But those are the rare days. I have struggled with public opinion and self esteem my whole life. Today I see my flaws and I embrace the idea that they are part of my uniqueness. Tomorrow the weight of them may be too much. This song speaks to that. Nobody is perfect, that struggle is in every single soul. The need to be both saint and sinner exists in each of us. So, if you are not sure of someone’s situation… Be kind. Lest you send them into a personal hell.
