I Didn’t know what to talk about. In some ways it was better that way.
Recently, I sent a text to a friend.
He saw that text as an attack, and started to call me a liar. So I lashed out.
I apologized. Then I told him why I said what I did. I told him I felt like I was owed an apology as well. He said he was defending himself and would not apologize for it.
The problem is… I am seeing a six on the ground, and he is seeing a nine. Neither of us are wrong. He felt attacked. Though I was not attacking him, his feelings are valid. But in feeling attacked…He reacted. I then was hurt because he was attacking me…and I reacted. My apology was genuine. I honestly should not have said what I did. It was because he often calls me a liar – I don’t lie. He seems to think that because I am female it is a default…That I am going to always lie. I regret reacting…But I find myself questioning why I am putting myself in the position that this is even an issue.
I think I need new friends.
Because these make me cry. And I am damn tired of crying over people that don’t care.
I can almost see it That dream I’m dreaming But there’s a voice inside my head saying You’ll never reach it Every step I’m taking Every move I make feels Lost with no direction My faith is shaking But I, I gotta keep trying Gotta keep my head held high There’s always gonna be another mountain I’m always gonna wanna make it move Always gonna be an uphill battle Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose Ain’t about how fast I get there Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side It’s the climb The struggles I’m facing The chances I’m taking Sometimes might knock me down, but No, I’m not breaking I may not know it But these are the moments, that I’m gonna remember most, yeah Just gotta keep going And I, I gotta be strong Just keep pushing on, ’cause There’s always gonna be another mountain I’m always gonna wanna make it move Always gonna be an uphill battle Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose Ain’t about how fast I get there Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side It’s the climb Yeah There’s always gonna be another mountain I’m always gonna wanna make it move Always gonna be an uphill battle Sometimes you’re gonna have to lose Ain’t about how fast I get there Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side It’s the climb Yeah, yeah Keep on moving, keep climbing Keep the faith, baby It’s all about, it’s all about the climb Keep your faith, keep your faith Whoa
My 2 Cents –
The last two weeks have been dark songs… so I purposely went to look at the most uplifting thing I could think of. Not sure if it was just something that I was needing or just a little bit of a boost because I could. Either way… don’t give up. You matter more than you know.
Especially writing for either self publishing or indie/small publishing firms. When you think of children’s books…the first thing that comes to mind is golden books. Trust me…that is an unrealistic view of what you will be able to publish.
Amazon has the strictest regulations here, but the others are not far from it. In order to have even a Paperback book you need 24 pages. That is not as easy as you think. For Hardcover the requirements jump to 75 pages. For a kid’s book that is nearly impossible.
This is done I am sure due to the cost of printing each book. You also need to consider the cost of each book if you were to set it up as a Hard back. That often adds a factor of almost $10 to a book. How many parents are going to be willing to buy a book from a new author at such a high cost?
Sometimes it is better to start smaller and work your way big. Paperback for an initial release if it is done right can still look nice.
They cry in the dark So you can’t see their tears They hide in the light So you can’t see their fears Forgive and forget All the while Love and pain become one and the same In the eyes of a wounded child
Because hell, hell is for children And you know that their little lives can become such a mess Hell, hell is for children And you shouldn’t have to pay for your love With your bones and your flesh
It’s all so confusing this brutal abusing They blacken your eyes and then apologize Be daddy’s good girl, and don’t tell mommy a thing Be a good little boy, and you’ll get a new toy Tell grandma you fell from the swing
Because hell, hell is for children And you know that their little lives can become such a mess Hell, hell is for children And you shouldn’t have to pay for your love With your bones and your flesh
No, hell is for children
Hell, hell is for hell Hell is for hell Hell is for children
Hell, hell is for hell Hell is for hell Hell is for children
Hell, hell is for hell Hell is for hell Hell is for children
Hell is for children Hell is for children
My 2 Cents –
Was struggling to find a song for the week and this came across my dash. It’s unfortunate… But I feel this. Childhood should not be something you have to heal from…but for many of us it is.
Personally, I write Free Verse. My reason is simple… I hate dealing with the rules. Other forms require the poet to be aware of syllables or the syntax of the poem. Some require certain rhyme schemes.
I’m working on a volume of poetry entirely done with forms other than free verse – Xactly Poetic.
I am so frustrated with it at the moment. I am at 60 poems. I started with the idea that I was going to do 50… realized that I was being lazy because I always do 70 poems in each volume and I got mad at me.
So I am going to do 70. But it is not as easy as it is for the regular volumes. And I am irritated with myself for wanting to quit.
I have set a self imposed deadline/release date of September 15… that is a I have to get it done and published by that date. Which means I have to get it written by August 15. And I have 10 poems left to write. Ugh. Not normally a problem… so I am hoping that I can get it done.
Well the key to my survival Was never in much doubt The question was, how I could keep sane Trying to find a way out? Things were never easy for me Peace of mind was hard to find And I needed a place where I could hide Somewhere I could call mine I didn’t think much about it ‘Til it started happening all the time Soon I was living with the fear everyday Of what might happen that night I couldn’t stand to hear the crying Of my mother, and I remember when I swore that that would be the last they’d see of me And I never went home again They say that time is a healer And now my wounds are not the same I rang the bell with my heart in my mouth I had to hear what he’d say He sat me down to talk to me He looked me straight in the eyes He said “You’re no son, you’re no son of mine” “You’re no son, you’re no son of mine” “You walked out, you left us behind” “And you’re no son, you’re no son of mine” Oh, his words how they hurt me, I’ll never forget it And as the time, it went by, I lived to regret it “You’re no son, you’re no son of mine” But where should I go and what should I do? “You’re no son, you’re no son of mine” But I came here for help, oh I came here for you Well the years they passed so slowly I thought about him everyday What would I do, if we passed on the street Would I keep running away? In and out of hiding places Soon I’d have to face the facts We’d have to sit down and talk it over And that would mean going back They say that time is a healer And now my wounds are not the same But I rang that bell with my heart in my mouth I had to hear what he’d say He sat me down to talk to me He looked me straight in the eyes He said “You’re no son, you’re no son of mine” “You’re no son, no son of mine” “When you walked out, you left us behind” “And you’re no son, you’re no son of mine” Oh, his words how they hurt me I’ll never forget it And as the time, it went by I lived to regret it “You’re no son, you’re no son of mine” But where should I go and what should I do? “You’re no son, you’re no son of mine” Well I came here for help, oh I was looking for you “You’re no son, you’re no son of mine oh” “You’re no son” ha yeah, ha yeah, ha yeah, ha yeah, ha yeah “You’re no son, you’re no son of mine” Oh, oh Oh, oh Oh, oh Oh, oh Oh, oh Oh, oh Oh, oh You’re no son of mine (oh, oh) (Oh, oh) You’re no son of mine (oh, oh) You’re no son (oh, oh), you’re no son of mine (oh, oh) Oh, oh Oh, oh Oh, oh You’re no son of mine (oh, oh) Oh, oh Oh, oh Oh, oh Oh, oh Oh, oh Oh, oh Oh, oh
My 2 Cents –
This is a song that caught my attention in high school. It sparked my empathy then, and really still does. Not all survivors of abuse are the same, but we all know what it feels like…
Captain Planet, Arab Spring, L.A. riots, Rodney King Deep fakes, earthquakes, Iceland volcano Oklahoma City bomb, Kurt Cobain, Pokémon Tiger Woods, MySpace, Monsanto, GMOs
Harry Potter, Twilight, Michael Jackson dies Nuclear accident, Fukushima, Japan Crimean Peninsula, Cambridge Analytica Kim Jong Un, Robert Downey Jr., Iron Man
We didn’t start the fire It was always burning since the world’s been turning We didn’t start the fire No, we didn’t light it, but we’re trying to fight it
More war in Afghanistan, Cubs go all the way again Obama, Spielberg, explosion, Lebanon Unabomber, Bobbitt, John, bombing Boston Marathon Balloon Boy, War on Terror, QAnon
Trump gets impeached twice, Polar bears got no ice Fyre Fest, Black Parade, Michael Phelps, Y2K Boris Johnson, Brexit, Kanye West and Taylor Swift Stranger Things, Tiger King, Ever Given, Suez
We didn’t start the fire It was always burning since the world’s been turning We didn’t start the fire No, we didn’t light it, but we’re trying to fight it
Sandy Hook, Columbine, Sandra Bland and Tamir Rice ISIS, LeBron James, Shinzo Abe blown away Meghan Markle, George Floyd, Burj Khalifa, Metroid Fermi paradox, Venus and Serena
Oh-oh-oh, Michael Jordan, 23, YouTube killed MTV SpongeBob, Golden State Killer got caught Michael Jordan, 45, Woodstock ’99 Keaton, Batman, Bush v. Gore, I can’t take it anymore
We didn’t start the fire It was always burning since the world’s been turning We didn’t start the fire No, we didn’t light it, but we’re trying to fight it
Elon Musk, Kaepernick, Texas failed electric grid Jeff Bezos, climate change, white rhino goes extinct Great Pacific Garbage Patch, Tom DeLonge and aliens Mars rover, Avatar, self-driving electric cars SSRI’s, Prince and The Queen die World trade, second plane, what else do I have to say?
We didn’t start the fire (we didn’t start it) It was always burning since the world’s been turning (oh) We didn’t start the fire (we didn’t start it) But when we are gone, it will still go on (oh-yeah)
And on, and on, and on, an on And on, and on, and on We didn’t start the fire (fire) It was always burning since the world’s been turning
My 2 Cents –
I’m Gen X. That damn song is practically the anthem of my generation. And it’s been updated with this cover. It breaks my heart. But it is so freaking right.
Love thy neighbor, right? Or is it only if they’re Rich, able-bodied, cis, hetero and white? I’m starting to think this lord of yours is overrated If he made you in his image Must’ve been real inebriated
Preacher preaching rubbish Rambling, condemning sodomy Vocal variation of an awfully botched lobotomy Scream about the gays And how you wish you could exterminate ’em Jesus would’ve hated the way you’ve portrayed him
Love thy neighbor, right? Or is it only if they’re Rich, able-bodied, cis, hetero and white? I’m starting to think this lord of yours is overrated If he made you in his image Must’ve been real inebriated
My 2 Cents –
I found this when I was driving. It definitely caught me by surprise. I don’t normally push any idea that has a hate filled message and this one has some…but it also has a lot of truth to it too. Hate seems to flow through everything anymore and I am so very tired of it. Jesus is portrayed as someone by the bible who would have been happy to sit with the gays, and the theys. But the modern media portrayal is one that has him hating everything not christian. It hurts my heart. We are all human. So kindness should be the thing that we default to.
I believe it is time to order a new keyboard. I am hard on mine. Mostly due to gaming, but I do a lot of typing as well. The only requirement I have for my keyboard is it has to be backlit…and it has to have the number pad.
This is the one I settled on. I hope it is more sturdy.
Pattimouse 