Category: exhaustion

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics-

Spooky, scary skeletons
Send shivers down your spine
Shrieking skulls will shock your soul
Seal your doom tonight

Spooky, scary skeletons
Speak with such a screech
You’ll shake and shudder in surprise
When you hear these zombies shriek

We’re sorry skeletons, you’re so misunderstood
You only want to socialize, but I don’t think we should

‘Cause spooky, scary skeletons
Shout startling, shrilly screams
They’ll sneak from their sarcophagus
And just won’t leave you be

Spirits supernatural are shy what’s all the fuss?
But bags of bones seem so unsafe, it’s semi-serious

Spooky, scary skeletons
Are silly all the same
They’ll smile and scrabble slowly by
And drive you so insane

Sticks and stones will break your bones
They seldom let you snooze
Spooky, scary skeletons
Will wake you with a boo!

My 2 Cents –

Okay, I know this is a silly song. But it suits this time of year. I really am in the fall mood. And considering my kid blew my phone up while I was out of contact with a text chain containing one text for each word of the lyrics to this…I really had no choice…dance with me?

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics-

Mayday, mayday, the ship is slowly sinking
They think I’m crazy but they don’t know the feeling
They’re all around me circling like vultures
They wanna break me and wash away my colors
Wash away my colors
Take me high and I’ll sing
Oh, you make everything okay, okay, okay (okay, okay, okay)
We are one and the same
Oh, you take all of the pain away, away, away (away, away, away)
Save me if I become my demons
I cannot stop this sickness taking over
It takes control and drags me into nowhere
I need your help, I can’t fight this forever
I know you’re watching, I can feel you out there
Take me high and I’ll sing
Oh, you make everything okay, okay, okay (okay, okay, okay)
We are one and the same
Oh, you take all of the pain away, away, away (away, away, away)
Save me if I become my demons
Take me over the walls below
Fly forever, don’t let me go
I need a savior to heal my pain
When I become my worst enemy
The enemy
Take me high and I’ll sing
You make everything okay
We are one and the same
You take all of the pain away
Take me high and I’ll sing
Oh, you make everything okay, okay, okay (okay, okay, okay)
We are one and the same
Oh, you take all of the pain away, away, away (away, away, away)
Save me if I become my demons
Take me high and I’ll sing
Oh, you make everything (my demons) okay, okay, okay (okay, okay, okay, my demons)
We are one and the same
Oh, you take all of the pain (my demons) away, away, away (away, away, away, my demons)
Save me if I become my demons

My 2 Cents –

My demons here lately are loud…and I end up feeling like I am constantly at war. Whilst I war within I might seem strange and distant…I am not, and I apologize if it seems that way. This is just how I fight this war.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics-

[Verse 1]
Crawl out of the hole you’re in
Who you are is not who you’ve been
Now’s the time to sink or swim
Will you fight the tide or get lost within?
And I know you’re feeling low
Feel like you’ve lost control
But the darkness that you know
It’s not your home and you’re not alone

[Chorus]
And all you’ve wanted
Was just so much more
This world has taken a hold
Don’t let ’em get your soul
The silence, you feel it
Cold as a winter storm
This world has taken a hold
Don’t let ’em get your soul

[Verse 2]
Iron bars are hell to break
Tell me now, do you know what’s at stake?
Your whole life in a blank stare haze
You walk around like the end of days
And I know you’re feeling low
Feel like you’ve lost control
But the darkness that you know
It’s not your home and you’re not alone

[Chorus]
And all you’ve wanted
Was just so much more
This world has taken a hold
Don’t let ’em get your soul
The silence, you feel it
Cold as a winter storm
This world has taken a hold
Don’t let ’em get your soul

[Bridge]
I’m callin’ out to you
Can you hear me?
They can’t break you down
Let you hit the ground
I promise you it won’t be long (Won’t be long)
You’re feeling overwhelmed here
Drowned by the pain and the fear
The sun will come with the dawn

[Chorus]
All you’ve wanted
Was just so much more
This world has taken a hold
Don’t let ’em get your soul
The silence, you feel it
Cold as a winter storm
This world has taken a hold
Don’t let ’em get your soul
Get your soul

My 2 Cents –

The problem with times when my poetry flows more…my emotions feel closer to the surface. I have been writing a lot of poetry for the last few days…and it means that my music is a wee bit melancholy. This is the most positive thing I could find in what I have been listening to. As my music tastes are all over the place…I try to use music here that I can actually have something to say about – or that is a feel good piece. This is a bit of both. Remember you are important whether you feel it or not.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics-

Since I was 17
I’ve always hated my body
And it feels like my body’s hated me
Can somebody find me a pill
To make me un-afraid of me?

Seen every therapist, but I’m a cynical bitch
Don’t like to talk about my feelings
I take another hit, I find another fake fix
‘Cause it’s easier than healing

I don’t wanna be this way forever
Keep telling myself that I’ll get better
Every time I try, I always stop me
Maybe I’m just scared to be happy

Since I was 22
I’ve been with somebody who loves me
And I’ve been tryna believe it’s true
But my head always messes up my heart
No matter what I do

Seen every therapist, but I’m a cynical bitch
Don’t like to talk about my feelings
I take another sip, I swear it’s my last fix
‘Cause it’s easier than healing

‘Cause I don’t wanna be this way forever
Keep telling myself that I’ll get better
Every time I try, I always stop me
Maybe I’m just scared to be happy
I don’t wanna be this way forever
Keep telling myself that I’ll get better
Every time I try, I always stop me
Maybe I’m just scared to be happy

Maybe I’m just scared to be happy
Maybe I’m just scared to be happy

I’m so scared of having something to lose
I’m scared of being somebody new
I’m so scared of all them seeing the truth
‘Cause right now I’ve got nothing

But I don’t wanna be this way forever
Keep telling myself that I’ll get better
Every time I try, I always stop me
Maybe I’m just scared to be happy

Maybe I’m just scared to be happy (Maybe, yeah)
Maybe I’m, I’m scared to be happy

My 2 Cents –

This song has been haunting my playlist consistently for the last month. I wonder if the universe has been dropping me a hint.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics-

He was a-
Ya know it
He was a-
I was walking down the street
When out the corner of my eye
I saw a pretty little thing approaching me
She said, I’ve never seen a man
Who looks so all alone
Uh, could you use a little company?
If you pay the right price
Your evening will be nice
And you can go and send me on my way
I said, “You’re such a sweet young thing
Why’d you do this to yourself?”
She looked at me and this is what she said
“Oh, there ain’t no rest for the wicked
Money don’t grow on trees
I got bills to pay
I got mouths to feed
There ain’t nothing in this world for free
I know I can’t slow down
I can’t hold back
Though you know
I wish I could
Oh, no there ain’t no rest for the wicked
Until we close our eyes for good”
Not even 15 minutes later
I’m still walking down the street
When I saw the shadow of a man creep out of sight
And then he swept up from behind
He put a gun up to my head
He made it clear he wasn’t looking for a fight
He said, “Give me all you’ve got
I want your money not your life
But if you try to make a move, I won’t think twice”
I told him, “You can have my cash
But first you know I got to ask
What made you want to live this kind of life?”
He said, “There ain’t no rest for the wicked
Money don’t grow on trees
I got bills to pay
I got mouths to feed
There ain’t nothing in this world for free
I know I can’t slow down
I can’t hold back
Though you know, I wish I could
Oh no there ain’t no rest for the wicked
Until we close our eyes for good”
Yeah
You know it
He was a-
You know it
He was a-
Well, now a couple hours passed
And I was sitting at my house
The day was winding down and coming to an end
And so I turned on the TV
And flipped it over to the news
And what I saw I almost couldn’t comprehend
I saw a preacher man in cuffs
He’d taken money from the church
He’d stuffed his bank account with righteous dollar bills
But even still I can’t say much
Because I know we’re all the same
Oh yes, we all seek out to satisfy those thr byills
You know there ain’t no rest for the wicked
Money don’t grow on trees
We got bills to pay
We got mouths to feed
There ain’t nothing in this world for free
I know we can’t slow down
We can’t hold back, though you know, we wish we could
Oh no, there ain’t no rest for the wicked
Until we close our eyes for good

My 2 Cents –

This week was a headache day for me on schedule day. So I chose an upbeat song.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics-

If I had only known the last time would be the last time
I would’ve put off all the things I had to do
I would’ve stayed a little longer, held on a little tighter
Now what I’d give for one more day with you
‘Cause there’s a wound here in my heart where something’s missing
And they tell me that it’s gonna heal with time
But I know you’re in a place where all your wounds have been erased
And knowing yours are healed is healing mine
The only scars in Heaven, they won’t belong to me and you
There’ll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in Heaven are on the hands that hold you now
I know the road you walked was anything but easy
You picked up your share of scars along the way
Oh, but now you’re standing in the sun, you’ve fought your fight and your race is run
The pain is all a million miles away
The only scars in Heaven, they won’t belong to me and you
There’ll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in Heaven, yeah, are on the hands that hold you now
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, for the hands that hold you now
There’s not a day goes by that I don’t see you
You live on in all the better parts of me
Until I’m standing with you in the sun, I’ll fight this fight and this race I’ll run
Until I finally see what you can see, oh-oh
The only scars in Heaven, they won’t belong to me and you
There’ll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in Heaven are on the hands that hold you now

My 2 Cents –

This is the second time I am posting a grief song. This one is based on my daughter’s pet chicken. She went to sleep and didn’t wake up. Poor baby. So this has been a long weekend.

This year

Photo by Leeloo Thefirst on Pexels.com

I was going over the publishing calendar for the rest of the year. Whew.

2 books in September (one of My books, and one of Serena’s)

4 books in October (One of Mine, 2 Anthologies from Fae Corps, One from Raz T. Slasher)

4 books in November (One from Ashira Datya, One from NK Xero that I am still waiting on the cover and Manuscript for, One of Mine, and One of Serena’s that the link is coming soon for)

Then our Kids week has currently 3 books tentatively planned. One by me, one by Raz T. Slasher, and a third by CM Snow.

And Next year’s schedule is already filling up. January has 2. March already has one. And May has one. There are vague others that have placeholders but no defined date yet. I try to limit my calendar to four per month because sometimes even that is more than I can do.

I feel like I want to do more than I am capable of.

And I still have to squeeze my own writing and life in on the schedule too.

This year has been busier than I am used to. It wears on a person.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics-

There’s a war inside my head
Sometimes I wish that I was dead, I’m broken
So I call this therapist
And she said girl you can’t be fixed just take this

I’m tired of tryin’ to be normal
I’m always overthinking
I’m driving myself crazy
So what if I’m fucking crazy

And I don’t need your quick fix
I don’t want your prescriptions
Just ’cause you say I’m crazy
So what if I’m fucking crazy
Yeah, I’m gonna show you

Loco, maniac, sick bitch, psychopath
Yeah, I’m gonna show you
I’m gonna show you
Yeah, I’m gonna show you

Mental out my brain, bad shit go insane
Yeah, I’m gonna show you
I’m gonna show you
Yeah, I’m gonna show you

I’ve been searching city streets
Trying to find the missing piece like you said
And I searched hard only to find
There’s not a single thing that’s wrong with my mind

Yeah, I’m tired of tryin’ to be normal
I’m always over thinking
I’m driving myself crazy
So what if I’m fucking crazy

And I don’t need your quick fix
I don’t want your prescriptions
Just ’cause you say I’m crazy
So what if I’m fucking crazy
I’m gonna show you

Loco, maniac, sick bitch, psychopath
Yeah, I’m gonna show you
I’m gonna show you
Yeah, I’m gonna show you

Mental out my brain, bad shit go insane
Yeah, I’m gonna show you
I’m gonna show you
I’m gonna show you

Crazy, crazy
Yeah, I’m gonna show you
Crazy, crazy
Yeah I’m gonna show you
Crazy, crazy yeah

I’m tired of trying to be normal
I’m driving myself crazy

And I don’t need your quick fix
I don’t want your prescriptions
Just ’cause you say I’m crazy
So what if I’m fucking crazy
Yeah, I’m gonna show you

Loco, maniac, sick bitch, psychopath
Yeah, I’m gonna show you
I’m gonna show you
Yeah, I’m gonna show you

Mental out my brain, bad shit go insane
Yeah, I’m gonna show you
I’m gonna show you
Yeah, I’m gonna show you

My 2 Cents –

For me today is Sunday. I always schedule the blog when I can on Sunday. Yesterday Arleen Sorkin passed away. Now I doubt that name will mean much to some of you. She was an amazing voice actor. One of the many that brought my favorite Batman villain to life. The first to do so. This song always makes me think of Harley Quinn. So, I am posting it with the wish that whatever her afterlife is be blessed.

Productivity is subjective.

I am fighting a mad right now. I admit it.

Perhaps it is time to step back and look at things from a different point of view.

Boyfriend sneered that he was the only one to do anything productive today.

From his point of view I am sure that is true. After all…He does not read. Everything I did today was to further the amount of books in the world. Either that or scheduling the week here on my blog.

Neither thing is exactly physical for him.

Publishing does not make me a huge paycheck.

What it does do is make me feel better about the world.

The world without books is a very dark place. So many wonderful books end up not getting a chance because the author does not know how to be heard. I am trying to help those authors.

However I suppose if you do not like books then it looks like I am locking myself in my room every Sunday. I am being antisocial and just playing on my computer.

Doing stuff that he does not understand and is not a part of.

While he made up homemade chicken nuggets. (He really is a wonderful cook.)

Usually I at least keep him company while he cooks. Still, He does know that Sunday is my day that I have set aside to do blog, and book stuff. I fight to keep it that way. If I don’t then I would never have anytime allowed. He would expect me to be available all the time. Which is not fair. To me, or to what I want to get done.

So I am mad. I am frustrated. And I feel like I should do more work because I am mad. (I was supposed to join the family game when I got my work done. But now I don’t think it is such a good idea.) However if I do too much at once I court burn out. And I risk mistakes because I am working mad.

So I am sitting here bored. Because spite is a thing too. I did more work than I had slated for today. My arm hurts. I am exhausted. And I just wish I had a way to explain to him that my work is productive too.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics-

Welcome to the city of lies
Where everything’s got a price
It’s gonna be in your favorite place
You can be a movie star
And get everything you want
Just put some plastic on your face
This place is a circus, you just see the surface
They cover shit under the rug
You can’t see they’re faking, they’ll never be naked
Just fill your drink with tonic gin, this is the American dream, so
Sip the gossip, drink ’til you choke
Sip the gossip, burn down your throat
You’re not iconic, you are just like them all
Don’t act like you don’t know, so
Sip the gossip, drink ’til you choke
Sip the gossip, burn down your throat
You’re not iconic, you are just like them all
Don’t act like you don’t know
Keep drinking and acting cool
Don’t care if your day is blue
Nobody loves a gloomy face, just
Take your pills and dance all night
Don’t think at all, that’s the advice
So c’mon, let’s try, it’s just a taste
This place is a circus, you just see the surface
They cover shit under the rug
You can’t see they’re faking, they’ll never be naked
Just fill your drink with tonic gin, this is the American dream, so
Sip the gossip, drink ’til you choke
Sip the gossip, burn down your throat
You’re not iconic, you are just like them all
Don’t act like you don’t know, so
Sip the gossip, drink ’til you choke
Sip the gossip, burn down your throat
You’re not iconic, you are just like them all
Don’t act like you don’t know
So sip the gossip, drink ’til you choke
Sip the gossip, burn down your throat
You’re not iconic, you are just like them all
Don’t act like you don’t know

My 2 Cents –

Gossip is a drug to some. A festering need. It is never truth. It doesn’t fulfill any actual place in society. If you hear anything about me – ask me. I will always tell you what the truth is… you might be surprised at the little amount of truth gossip holds.