Category: Self esteem

Writing Friday

Writing. Crap. What do I say? Do I sit here and try to explain that, at least for me, writing is something akin to breathing? That there’s never been a time when I didn’t need to put words together? And then I would have to tell you just how it feels to read what I wrote and think that I am not cut out for this. How many people who I know personally who are brilliant at this whole writing gig. Still… I would have to mention that the idea of stopping is actually painful. It has been how I was able to see the answers to life, since before I ever realized that there was a question.

Usually, I try to use the Friday post to give tips, and help with the whole writing and publishing thing. And I think that is great to keep the blog going… But today I was thinking about the reason why I write. Yeah… I could probably claim that I was trying to add beauty. But I don’t generally lie. My art is more how I do beauty. Abstract and pencil drawings to encourage happiness in the eye of the beholder. My children’s books are a way of connecting with my daughter, as they have thus far been stories I told her, or wrote for her. Serena’s stuff is stories that I want to read. But if I am honest with myself… My main writing is my poetry.

My poetry will never be hallmark stuff. My poetry is raw emotion and survival. I have lived a survivors life. My poetry is how I have been able to express myself even when my voice was stolen. I could write my story… Even though I was being told I lied. I could write it and it was accepted because it was poetry. It was written in a way that meant I was non-threatening to those who were part of hurting me. And it was written off as just an angsty teen writing depressing poetry… For don’t we all have that stage?

After I was free, and I was no longer needing verse to speak my truth, well it was still the easiest way to speak my pain. To spread my views. It was habit. I may never be able to sit along with the likes of Poe or Dickenson… But my words will remain. I will be there when another lost soul seeks to know that they are not alone.

Tuesday Tea party

I have some announcements and I just generally felt like rambling a bit. First… Let’s get the announcement portion done.

This week my writing advice on Friday will be about poetry. Depending upon the response I may do more about poetry. We will see.

I have been accepted to write poetry for Creative Risings Ezine. I will be posting the links and information as I have it. However, I do think that this issue is going to be amazing. Not only is the topics interesting, but the creators are an amazing bunch.

Under the mists is in the editing process. The stories are all really good. I am personally excited to be working on this project.

I have submitted some poems to a couple of lit mags. I await to hear if that will bear fruit. If it does, I’ll be posting links and probably a bunch of excited whoops. Lol

Ink Splashes has been flowing. I just started it a couple of days ago and I already have 17 poems out of the 70.

The first week in June, from the 3rd until the 7th, I will not be posting any posts. I am going on a road trip to see my brother, my son, my grandson, my dad, and my aunt and her family. It’s not that the trip is all that far. It will be around 550 miles round trip. I just plan to focus on my family for the trip.

Whew. That was a lot of announcements. I feel like I am forgetting something. Y’all already know that Dream Drips was released. I have been doing reasonably well at posting on my Patreon. There have been a couple of art delays where I had to post it the next day. I have caught up both times. I have been collecting art prompts, so I can keep doing a daily sketch for patreon… And because it helps me improve.

I try to set goals for myself and the stuff like writing and art. My writing goal is 500 words or a poem a day. I used to include a blog post as a “or” in that but I have gotten my blog posts on a schedule… Somewhat. With 500 words it gives me leeway. My children’s books are often less than 5000 words in total. Honestly the current W. I. P. Is middle grade and will be longer than the others. However, if I am working on Serena’s stuff… Well 500 words is better than none. Slow progress is better than none. Well, even though I love to draw… I have been avoiding setting a goal.

Then I was scrambling for content for patreon. I have been doing mostly writing here. So I needed something that I was not really doing here. I wanted to feel like my patrons were getting some unique content. So when I read about the mermay drawing challenge, I figured it was worth a shot. And I also about the same time decided to do a digital art piece here for Wordlessly Wednesday. So, I think it is time to add an art goal. Besides the digital piece for here on Wednesday, I am going to attempt a drawing of some sort daily. It is how I will improve.

Wow, I said rambling but this post ended up way longer than I intended. So tell me, is there something that you want to see me draw?

Thursday truths

First thing, I have published Dream Drips. I will be posting a new release link post as soon as it is completely live. (Takes up to 72 hours.)

My poetry has been accepted for the summer edition of Creatives Rising Ezine. I am always honored to be chosen to contribute.

I have been doing a weekly digital abstract piece for my wordless Wednesday blog. So far it seems to be well received. I think that I shall continue with that.

I came to the realization last night. As a publishing company, we have done 23 books. 21 for me, (3 children’s books, and 18 poetry), and Serena has 2(a novel, and a novella). Serenity Studios has only been a thing since 2010. That seems so amazing to me.

Also, a minor note. I noticed that I had neglected to upload the ebook version of Soul Drops to Amazon. There was a good reason for this. I use draft2digital for most of my eBook publishing. However I had decided that I didn’t like how Amazon was set up through them. So I had done soul drops paperback on kdp… And the ebook through d2d. The problem is… Because I did not like the set up… I ended up not complying with the required information on d2d for amazon. Forgetting that I had done soul drops that way. I realized that today. So I fixed it. It will be live in 72 hours.

Whut r words

So I usually do writing tips on Friday. World and character development, and other useful writing based posts… Today I have nothing. Layout, and a lot of sleep deprivation, has me melty brained.

It seems to me every writer, especially the indie publishing writer, has that moment… The moment when you look at the paper and just ask “Whut R Words”…it’s not that you have nothing you can write, or no ideas for new stories. It is that in that moment you need a break. A chance to step back and breathe. This is where having other interests help.

To be honest I am in awe of authors who put out a book every month. Don’t they ever feel burnout? Feel like their brains are melting?

Help me out here, tell me how you clear your mind and refocus on the task at hand? What activities do you do when you can’t concentrate?

Thankful Thursday

So, yesterday I had a fair few comments telling me that I had done well with this blog. I am grateful for all comments and interaction. Sometimes it feels like I am screaming into the void, unheard. So, it is nice to be told that I have been heard.

Today I feel that I have so much to be grateful for. I have the ability to do the stuff that I want, and still live my life. I struggle. I don’t have everything I could want. Still, I don’t have a bad life.

So I decided that today I will be thankful. Tell me what you are thankful for?

And because I was asked for a donate button… this is my paypal and you can sponsor me on Patreon.

Tuesday Tea Party

To be honest I have nothing to post today. So I thought I would ask questions about my readers. Tell me what you would like to see on here. Who are you? What is your interests? Do you like poetry? Do you prefer stories? Where are you located? (In general, not specific. Safety first here.) Do you like music? I love music. Do you have any specific song you are listening to right now?

I would love to hear more about those who are reading what I write. It will help me to know what I need to post. I struggle with what to post sometimes. Sometimes it feels like I am just rambling to myself. The likes on my posts make me feel like at least someone hears me.

Tuesday tea party

So I realized this week I am overloading myself, again. Trying to do a weekly newsletter, a healthy weekday blog, a weekly patreon post, and still trying to both write and live life. Some weeks I can juggle it all. Others I think it may take double my allotment of spoons just to live. I plan on keeping up with the patreon. More or less with this blog. (Hiccups happen).. Life and writing don’t stop… But I think that I will be more realistic about the newsletter. I am moving it to a biweekly affair. That may be easier to keep up with it. I skipped last week unintentionally. I was just overwhelmed by all that I had to do.

To be honest I wonder how some people manage to juggle the huge amount of stuff that they accomplish.

Temporary Temporals

How fleeting life can be. A string of moments, all connected with something called a lifespan. I recently got news about a friend who is fighting cancer. It hit harder than I ever could have expected any news to hit. She is younger than me. And it feels damned unfair. Now mind you, as usual, she has it under control. She has always had it under control.

It seems like it is easy to react from outside of a situation with righteous indignation, and fear. Those two emotions cause us to fail to see the weight we put on the one inside with each question. Sometimes, it would be kinder to just be an ear.

It’s hard to be just an ear when we want to scream frustration. It will pass but what damage do you do to those around you as you fight to calm yourself down?

That is the stage I am in. I am fighting to remind myself that this too shall pass. It is not about me, and I have to learn how to be there for her. I have to not let my own fears come between me and supporting her. It is Damned Unfair, but life is not about what is fair. It is about learning, loving, and creating. So I wish for all of you…

May you love deeply,

May you learn happily,

And may you always

be able to create beauty!

Throwback Thursday

I don’t usually do pictures of my self here. I usually stick with my art and go…. But I feel like this is the best way of expressing my thoughts here. Each of them are pictures of me at the various stages of life. Picture #1 is child… I think that I was 2? Maybe 3. I had no thought of the future… It was all about living and playing. Picture #2 is my senior year. I made the jewelry I was wearing. I saw everything I wanted in life become impossible. I worked so hard just to find out that life was unfair. I didn’t see myself reaching 30…and I was beyond over caring. I couldn’t go to college. I couldn’t get custody of my son… Life was sucking, but I didn’t care because I could survive. I had friends and family. I was incredibly oblivious and it worked. Picture #3 I was in my early 30’s… I had a toddler. That is the best picture of that time in my life. I was out thousands of miles from home, stuck in what seemed the most foriegn land I would ever know. I had made it… Now what did I do. I was healing my mind and raising my girl. I think that I spent the next few years just asking myself what now. How does one plan for an age they never expected to reach? And when they do, how do you find that steady point? Picture #4…that is 4 years ago. My life is in chaos. That is the year I decided to start a blog. I published more, that is the year two of my kids books and another poetry volume was released. It was the beginning of another chapter in my weird story. I don’t want to put another picture here because I don’t feel like I am in another era for me. I am in my crone phase, and I think that I am rocking it. I am growing. Each day I learn.

When I started with the whole blog thing I was really green. Now I watch my following grow daily. I only hope it is because you are enjoying the content. Thank you for seeing me! Btw Friday will be prompts again and I am hoping to do the monthly links post on Saturday. I am just over 350 following. At 500 I will do a drawing for a hand written or unique drawing from me. Till tomorrow.

Ciúnas

Words have power… Sometimes more than we realize. Take the title of this post for an example. It is a Gaelic word for silence. Yet, when spoken silence is broken.

Too many times we speak with no regard for those who hear. We react to our own version of things. It is a flaw in how human beings are made. We are tender underneath. We react when we are in pain, and we are not always nice. I, myself, have been guilty of this. If I were honest, the only regrets I have in life were just that. Speaking from a place of my own pain, without consideration for who I may have hurt in the process.

This quote has been popping up in my life a lot lately. Though I don’t know who said it. It has made me think. Yes, I am crazy. The muddled mind of a half mad poet and all…. But I don’t try to be cruel. I make mistakes. I apologize. But I also try to learn. I am trying to practice ciunas. The silence. The pause.

Some days I need to practice it so I don’t hurt me. Your inner voice is just as easily able to harm as your outer voice can. Only there it just adds to the bleeding. I think that is the hard part… Silencing that damn inner voice.

I struggle with mine. I know that my friends see me as better than I see myself. I asked for a gift for my birthday this year. It will be in two weeks on the thirteenth. I asked for my friends and family to tell me what they liked about me and what irked them. I got five comments. One was a joke (I think, with the guy in question it may have been serious) about more “nekkid pics.” Two couldn’t think of an irksome quality. The other two… Well both of them said the only thing that irked them about me was my self doubt. Self doubt is one of any artist’s sharpest blades.

I think that I am going to try to pack mine in the back of the drawer. It is time to be the artist who I was meant to be. I will today tell the inner voice “Ciúnas! ” and I suggest that you do the same.