Category: Self esteem

Monday Madness

So I normally do Monday poetry… But I didn’t feel it this week. This week I wanted to be absolutely all over the place… Chat about phone wallpaper and fun nonsense. To be honest I have been needing a lighter tone the last few days. My mind has been in some weird places… New story ideas for Serena and she still has to finish the one she is working on. This week will be both of us settling in to write, and it scares me. I have been running away from the computer and writing since thanksgiving, letting the inner voice get to me. Poetry has happened. Poetry always will. It does not scare me as bad. I know that I have skill and talent there. The demons that eat at the mind there were slain a long time ago. The demons attached to the stories and the art… They still claw at the tender bits in the back of my mind.

See every artist, no matter what their medium is, faces those demons. That wee bit of our inner soul that tells us that we are not worthy. That we will never be enough. Some, like Vincent Van Gogh, fight with the demons and lose. Not because they were not amazing, but because the demons are strong. The call to art, to create, is unbearable. But not all create on the same level. I am no Van Gogh. But I sit and question if it matters? Can I create and just be Patricia Harris? Is that enough? Well I have decided that with my poetry, it is. Now I have to get to that point with each medium I use. Serena’s macabre tales, my own children’s stories, acrylic paints, resin and jewelry art, watercolor paints, digital art, and even simple pencil drawing. I seem to have an endless imagination. Just not the confidence to back it up.

And look at this… I was supposed to chat about lighter topics. I have two phones… One that is active and one that I use as a tablet… I change my wallpaper on both about once a month. How often do you change your background on your devices? Care to share your background? Here are mine.

I considered sharing my lockscreens, but as both devices are my grandsons pictures (2 boys, 2 devices) I don’t think I will. Though I am proud of both I limit who I share my boys with because of the bad people in the world. I share that with people I trust.

So, what are your demons about? And do you want to share your wallpaper?

Wednesday thoughts

Ever wonder what makes you unique? Is it your environment, your choices? The combined experience? Here lately I’ve been questioning whether I was as unique as I used to think. In high school it was my thing… I was unique and no one could tell me different. Well high school was nearly 30 years ago. In that time I have been taught lessons from life that made the lines blur.

I have met others who have similar stories to mine. Often ones who I see as stronger than I am. I often see myself as weak. Survival doesn’t mean that you are strong, at least not always. Some times survival is just doing what you have always done.

Yeah, my thoughts are fragments. But it still is a legitimate question, what makes you unique? What about you is different than the next guy?

Oh btw this is research on character development for me… So please do give me your thoughts.

Wednesday whimsy

So I have been learning about marketing, both myself and my books. It is enough to leave my head swimming. I have been advised to look into Hootsuite to assist with keeping up with social media. Also to start a newsletter. My patreon is going into high gear starting Saturday. You guys see me during the week. I think that 2019 will be a busy year. How is it looking for you?

What do you want to see me address? And where do you think that I should take things?

Also I am considering including a fun game in each of my newsletters (word finds, crossword, etc)… Would you like to play?

Last poetry

This is the last poetry I will be able to list as ©2018. It is always humbling and slightly confusing as each year passes. I think that 2019 has the potential for a lot of good. There is definitely going to be more activity from me on my patreon and here. I have so much to look forward to. What are you looking forward to in 2019?

Straight talk Tuesday

Creative. I have my tools that I can work with. With words, technology, paint, Resin, beads, and wire I create. Well a few other things, but those are my main mediums. It came to mind because there are some other mediums I would love to try.

I shared a post that I saw on Facebook asking people to describe me in one word. I was not surprised that creative came up. Not even surprised that it was first. Then I was browsing what I call craft porn on YouTube. I like the videos of people making stuff. I usually go for stuff that with the right tools I could make… Then there is the glassblowing vids. They are addictive… Not because I think I can do it…. But because they are so freaking talented in a media I don’t ever see myself trying.

So it appears that I have limits to my creativity. I still want to explore clay, even to the point of a pottery wheel. I want to play with polymer Clay. And perler beads. Maybe some needle felting (though I have my doubts that I will enjoy it). Wood and metal working… So much of the ones I want to try require tools, or the medium itself is expensive.

I think that creating for the sake of creating is never a bad thing. So what medium do you use?

Accepted

So I have been accepted by another literary magazine. So I think that I will need to do a list of places… Other than my own publications that I have been published and what was published. Some of these are still upcoming. Approval often happens well before the printing.

Creatives Rising, Issue 1, Poem

Issue 2, Art

Issue 3(upcoming), Art

Down in the dirt. Jan/feb 2019 issue poem

bewildering stories, issue tbd (should be 762 or later, roughly a month from now give or take.) Poem

This list is obviously subject to update. I am starting to get braver about sharing my stuff. It is not an easy thing for me. I am so tickled by the response I have been getting.

Also with the change in createspace to kdp… I have been thinking. I am debating whether or not to keep my poetry volumes and kids books in Kindle unlimited or to do it over the other platforms. Weigh in with your opinion?

Two seconds.

There is a lot that if looked at from the other point of view may appear to be ridiculous. Asking for contact when you are busy with a lot on your mind for example. Seems like you can just talk to them when you are less busy, right? Then time goes on. You let people know that you are thinking about them… And it is not a big deal right? Well if you pass on spending the two seconds that it takes to acknowledge another soul… You may find the other soul walking away in pain. Not everyone deserves to be there in your life. And though it slices you in half… Sometimes it is better to walk away and let the sky be your only witness.

My thoughts, and other imaginary things

Fighting the mental gremlins mean that even though I feel inadequate, I keep going. For me this often means writing, even if I feel like it is not something anyone wants to read. I have been sharing my poetry more lately on my Instagram. My reason? I am getting the reactions there. It makes me feel like I am pimping out my soul to ask for reactions, but I end up using the positive feedback to boost myself in the fight against the voice in the back of my head… You know that voice… The one that tells me how awful I am, how awful my writing and art is.

I have been avoiding any posting of opinions lately, mostly because I have been feeling less than qualified to have opinions. Much less speak them. What that means is that I have been hiding behind my poetry a lot more lately. I finished and published Music For The Soul. I am about thirty poems into the next volume (Poetry Kisses). I am also looking into helping to promote other authors through my blog. (Which would give me more to post here as well as help with promoting my fellow writers.)

See, I firmly believe that as a writer, I should be helping other writers. I am not in competition with anyone, and the world can only benefit from others who are writing. Lately, I have been seeing controversy over trademarks in the writing world (specifically the romance genre…) I watched horrified that it was even a consideration. How is a single word causing so much trouble.

So I have been watching that and keeping my opinions to myself.

I will be trying to post more information as I receive it about the promoting.

Changes on the horizon

So I have been considering adjusting this blog. I really need to separate Pattimouse and Serena online. There is also a few others who I am possibly going to be working with in publishing.

So there might be a bit of upheaval as I change the main page to Serenity Studios crafting and publishing. Please be patient with me. I will be providing you with more great posts, and I am considering adding a sales page for handcrafted goods as well.

Miscommunication hazards

It hurts to be ignored. I was invited to help with an interesting project. I was to blog about a apocalyptic anthology. Then it was suggested that I might be able to contribute… By the editor, not the organizer. The organizer became very angry with me for contributing a poem as I was asked. So today I see her asking for female zombie writers. So I am doing the best for my mental health and walking away from the project.

I will still write (as Serena Mossgraves of course) apocalyptic fiction. My book (Rust, Gore, and the Junkyard Zombie) will be live on May first. I want the other authors in the project to do wonderfully well. I just will not be giving any more whispers of that project. I have been asked to assist with another anthology, and I will be posting more on that as it comes closer.

Please forgive my need to no longer speak of a project that I was obviously never wanted for.