I am not quiet about my mental illness. I sit and listen to others who need me as often as I can. Mostly because I feel like I am often not heard myself. I scramble to speak, and I am as precise in my language as I can be…because words are important…But there are days when the words leave me.
Sometimes It is easier to advise others than to listen to what you yourself need to hear.
And lately I am finding the words harder than I would like to admit. I have had to make choices for my own mental wellbeing that have left me drained.
So, Like so many others I seek the happy chemicals on the internet. Scrolling, and wishing it was a easy thing to just choose to be happy.
I have work to do.
I refuse to let those who depend on me down. So, I have had my moping period…And now I am done. I have my own plans for what life should be. I have happiness that I will seek out.
So…If you catch me moping again, know it will pass.
I am not here to sit upon a dead ass and be miserable.
If you are a facebook friend or follow my Instagram… you have seen me post yesterday that our family cat has passed. That means I am a true mess. My Child is the Intern doing the Fae Corps blog…So I scheduled it for them…because in so many ways Luna was their baby. We are going to be okay…but it will take time. This is probably the only post I am doing for Wednesday & Thursday here. I will schedule my usual Friday post. By Monday I should be back to my routine…but if not then I will try to pick it back up as soon as I can. We are used to a very vocal baby who is now silent. This will be hard.
I am frazzled this day, I slept wrong and I don’t feel good. So I am trying to find my way today and it is becoming a struggle because I am not working on my normal schedule. I normally have my blog scheduled ahead…but I was doing it daily because I was doing a daily poem. Now I am in between the two. I don’t do well with change.
I am trying to at least keep the blog as active as I can…but this is difficult. Tomorrow is easy. I can share my normal Friday thing and it will work. Thursday is the problem. I want to do more of a discussion about art and the use of it in the day to day…and that will take planning. Which I can not do on the lack of sleep I have had.
So I finished with the pad challenge yesterday and now I am starting the next phase of my new blog experience… and I don’t have any posts planned for this week. That means that I will be posting at random times for the next couple of days… but I am going to be trying to figure out what the new blog is going to be looking like.
I have a book review for a friend that I will be posting sometime soon – I was lucky enough to get an ARC for her book… and I can’t wait to tell you what I think about it. I have nearly finished reading it. My review is likely to be released near the release date in June.
Fae Corps Publishing has a full release schedule until January of next year. So I will be able to talk about the publisher side of things some as well.
I still have to go through the categories and do a bit of a cleaning. I hope to get it done before next week.
Though I have done a lot of changes and the changes may mean the blog looks different, I think that it will be nicer to read in the long run.
Okay, I went through and I cleaned out my media files. Starting the first week of May… my blog is going to look slightly different.
I still have to go through my categories and do a cleaning.
I’m going to start posting the poetry more like I have this month. With the reusable image.
I will still be posting art on occasion but I am thinking about using Artsy Fartsy Thursday as a day to discuss art and the creation of rather than just posting the art.
The images I saved are either blog images, or memes that I use regularly, or book covers. So much of the blog before this is going to be missing the image from the posts.
Since I am going to be doing the poetry in a text format, I plan to try to do a second post on Monday but I don’t know if it will always be a second poem.
That should be the majority of the changes. Thank you for the patience as I have been doing this change.
So, I decided I wanted to do my blog differently because the picture limits were annoying me. However…I don’t like the expense for the paid blog here. So I paid for www.pattimouse.org Which I am waiting for the site to be situated that I designed…(And then it will probably take a bit of time to adjust to the new blog) I plan on still linking to it, HERE…and doing the random text blogging here…but I will be doing the picture heavy stuff there. So I will be doing some adjustments to how I post. Once I get it set up right…which as I said will take time. This should make my posts more interesting I hope.
When you feel that rage (When you feel that) When you feel that rage
We’re the underdogs roaming in the dark We’re the savages born from worlds apart Our past has shown just how we bleed A blind future in front of me Lost and fractured to the point of break
So come and play with that rage (that rage) Light a match and reignite the flames (the flames) This ain’t the end, we’re here to stay We rush into the unknown Fearless and brave So don’t throw it away (that rage) Won’t stop until sweet victory
We’ve been working towards the goal for most our lives Every challenge that we faced, we have survived Our confidence is growing everyday Finally it is our time to reign
Our past has shown just how we bleed A blind future in front of me Lost and fractured to the point of break
So come and play with that rage (that rage) Light a match and reignite the flames (the flames) This ain’t the end, we’re here to stay We rush into the unknown Fearless and brave So don’t throw it away (that rage) Won’t stop until sweet victory
We’re the underdogs roaming in the dark We’re the savages born from worlds apart And now I know that this is just the start We will fight for everything we are RAGE, that RAGE (when you feel that rage, when you feel that) RAGE, that RAGE (when you feel that rage, when you feel that) Rage (that rage) Light a match and reignite the flames (the flames) This ain’t the end, we’re here to stay We rush into the unknown Fearless and brave So don’t throw it away (that rage) Won’t stop until sweet victory We will go down in history So come and play with that rage (that rage)
My 2 Cents –
too many people consider Rage as a variety of anger. Rage is so much more. and at the same time is. Rage is unconscious, uncontrollable, the first instinct when we get backed into a corner…. and yes it is anger, but it is also so much more.
I was once told that I should not be angry about the abuse that I suffered… I was told that I should forgive.
Anger is a safety mechanism. forgiving allows you to forget about the pain caused. It means letting go of righteous pain. that righteous pain built me into the person that I am. it made me empathetic, it made me kind, and it made me aware of the people that exist in this world who are going to hurt others.
Pattimouse 