Category: pain

Day five

poem a day challenge

Prompt a private poem.

This one is a bit of a thing for me. I don’t believe in secrets. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. The word secret carries some tough pain with it. Please if it has to be a secret, don’t do it…

Inktober delayed

So between layout for this and general feeling blah… Guess what I did not get done. Will be up again around three. In the am. So I already wrote the poem. Just got to put it on a graphic and draw the art.

Inktober only

Today’s prompt is expensive. I had an author takeover event on Facebook and a migraine this morning. Add it all up….and I was overwhelmed. I will get the poem written and hopefully posted by tomorrow. Thanks for your understanding.

Oh btw, the schedule I have planned is probably going to start in November.

Eleven and tired.

Due to a lot of lack of sleep over the last two nights, My brain is not in a good place for poetry. So I will post the poem after sleep has been achieved. Still here is the inktober offerings for day 11. Prompt: cruel.

Two seconds.

There is a lot that if looked at from the other point of view may appear to be ridiculous. Asking for contact when you are busy with a lot on your mind for example. Seems like you can just talk to them when you are less busy, right? Then time goes on. You let people know that you are thinking about them… And it is not a big deal right? Well if you pass on spending the two seconds that it takes to acknowledge another soul… You may find the other soul walking away in pain. Not everyone deserves to be there in your life. And though it slices you in half… Sometimes it is better to walk away and let the sky be your only witness.

My thoughts, and other imaginary things

Fighting the mental gremlins mean that even though I feel inadequate, I keep going. For me this often means writing, even if I feel like it is not something anyone wants to read. I have been sharing my poetry more lately on my Instagram. My reason? I am getting the reactions there. It makes me feel like I am pimping out my soul to ask for reactions, but I end up using the positive feedback to boost myself in the fight against the voice in the back of my head… You know that voice… The one that tells me how awful I am, how awful my writing and art is.

I have been avoiding any posting of opinions lately, mostly because I have been feeling less than qualified to have opinions. Much less speak them. What that means is that I have been hiding behind my poetry a lot more lately. I finished and published Music For The Soul. I am about thirty poems into the next volume (Poetry Kisses). I am also looking into helping to promote other authors through my blog. (Which would give me more to post here as well as help with promoting my fellow writers.)

See, I firmly believe that as a writer, I should be helping other writers. I am not in competition with anyone, and the world can only benefit from others who are writing. Lately, I have been seeing controversy over trademarks in the writing world (specifically the romance genre…) I watched horrified that it was even a consideration. How is a single word causing so much trouble.

So I have been watching that and keeping my opinions to myself.

I will be trying to post more information as I receive it about the promoting.

Miscommunication hazards

It hurts to be ignored. I was invited to help with an interesting project. I was to blog about a apocalyptic anthology. Then it was suggested that I might be able to contribute… By the editor, not the organizer. The organizer became very angry with me for contributing a poem as I was asked. So today I see her asking for female zombie writers. So I am doing the best for my mental health and walking away from the project.

I will still write (as Serena Mossgraves of course) apocalyptic fiction. My book (Rust, Gore, and the Junkyard Zombie) will be live on May first. I want the other authors in the project to do wonderfully well. I just will not be giving any more whispers of that project. I have been asked to assist with another anthology, and I will be posting more on that as it comes closer.

Please forgive my need to no longer speak of a project that I was obviously never wanted for.

Creative kindness

Creative folks are sensitive, and often it’s the little things that send us into waves of self doubt and wavering, crushing questions about our own worth.
Now I am not claiming that you should not be honest with those folks. Quite the opposite. Just be aware that jumping a creative soul for a miscommunication is likely to cause them to question their own worth. Their own value and whether the work that they they do is worth showing to the world.
So before jumping off the deep end when you are dealing with a creative soul, consider if they were aware of how things went on the other end? Consider asking instead of jumping on them. Because if you are wrong, you will result in them questioning their own worth. Questioning whether they have anything worth putting out into a busy world.
In all things please, be kind first. You don’t know who’s life it might save. And if you decide that you dislike what they have created? Again answer with kindness. Telling the creative to go kill themselves, well the likelihood of them taking it to heart is high. Think before you speak. Or risk the death of another creative soul.

Be kind to each other, for the human race needs one another.

Prompts and some honest results

so Insomnia is kicking my butt. I decided to do a month of prompts in December… And the group did another for this month. Well I was feeling extra creative and decided to put the ones that I have done for January to lovely picture files. Please enjoy as I try to pretend that I am sleeping… Again.

Capability vs self worth

(Picture borrowed from Debbie Burns, head unicorn and founder of Debbieburns.me all rights to it are hers)

My writing mentor posted this picture earlier. It brings up a topic that I believe I would like to try and tackle. I have no doubt of how capable I am. I am aware of my strengths, my flaws, and the areas I need to work on. Still I have moments where I question my worth.

Now I could blame my past for that doubt. Claim that I am flawed because no one has ever seen my worth….but I really hate that. It is possible to both know your capability and to doubt your worth. I am a strong and open minded individual, still I struggle. I don’t see what others claim is talent. I see a lifetime of fighting. Of me trying to be half of what those around me said I was.

I struggle because this is the path I see. I stuggle because I refuse to quit. Perhaps the above is true, perhaps some can see the ability within and it will set them free…still not all of those who are struggling fail to see their own capability. I am a strong woman, I have a generous heart. I am creative, with a quick mind. I am a survivor who has learned to be more….still I have days when I don’t understand the love everyone around me has for the broken soul I am. Days when I am the one that sees too much of life and has no way of processing it.

This is just part of being me. Those who love me generally understand those days. They are quick to reach to help me understand why I am loved. And even then I understand my capability…even as I have no understanding of my self worth.