Category: pain

Tuesday Tunes

Kenny Rogers – Buy Me A Rose

Lyrics – “Buy Me A Rose”

He works hard to give her all he thinks she wants
A three car garage, her own credit cards
He pulls in late to wake her up with a kiss good night
If he could only read her mind, she’d say:

Buy me a rose, call me from work
Open a door for me, what would it hurt
Show me you love me by the look in your eyes
These are the little things I need the most in my life

Now the days have grown to years of feeling all alone
And she can’t help but wonder what she’s doing wrong
Cause lately she’d try anything to turn his head
Would it make a difference if she said:

Buy me a rose, call me from work
Open a door for me, what would it hurt
Show me you love me by the look in your eyes
These are the little things I need the most in my life

And the more that he lives the less that he tries
To show her the love that he holds inside
And the more that she gives the more that he sees
This is a story of you and me

So I bought you a rose on the way home from work
To open the door to a heart that I hurt
And I hope you notice this look in my eyes
Cause I’m gonna make things right
For the rest of your life
I’m gonna hold you tonight
Do all those little things
For the rest of your life.

My 2 cents – The death of Kenny Rogers has hit me hard. Music when I was a child was not as much of a variety. Daddy enjoyed rock(like the Stray Cats and such) but Mama was more stubborn when it came to music. When she was around… It was only country music. I see music as another expression of art. I always have. So I have been more attracted to the way the song made me feel than the genre that the song is in.

Kenny Rogers songs always made me feel. Even more so as I aged… Because I gained wisdom.

In many ways, this has always been my favorite of his songs. Followed closely by Coward of the county. I came from a broken home. My parents loved each other once. In the way you love the image of someone. Both were not seeing the other. And neither were willing to fight for the other. They were children having children and it really wasn’t long before they drove each other away.

I’m not telling you that to condemn them or upset you. I’m telling you that because it is truth and it goes along with the chosen song. Romance is not what the books say… There is no immediate knowing how to make it work. I have been with the same guy for 24 years come May. Some days I am the asshole. Some days he is. We hurt each other. We heal each other. We communicate. We are still together, not because of what we can get each other, but because we are willing to do the effort. I am a firm believer in the idea that romance is based upon the effort you put into it.

So, with this I say goodbye to Kenny. Hopefully his memory will always comfort a word brighter for having known him. And may the game of the afterlife come up nothing but Aces for him.

Migraine and stress fairies

*Found on Google with Pinterest listed as source*

I want to apologize. I don’t feel like I have to, that is another reason why I am grateful. I was supposed to post a blog tour post for a friend yesterday, which I will post shortly. I was supposed to do a Thursday post… And I just could not. I have been fighting a stress migraine since Tuesday.

My life is a routine, built on Chaos. Still I don’t handle change well. The pandemic has stores and offices closing. I homeschool, so I was already a homebody… But when I go to the store and can’t even find a loaf of bread… And then I am forced to explain to my teenage girl that the pandemic is not likely to kill her. Especially if we are careful with hygiene. Still, she is asthmatic. And she keeps hearing about asthmatic people being in higher danger.

Add all of this to normal anxiety and stress… Insomnia is back. Insomnia brings the migraines. It is not a sane time for anyone… So I have been dealing with it. Isn’t that what you are supposed to do?

Today is the start of Ostara. The beginning of spring. That also means the start of allergy time. It is a busy time for me. Usually we are able to clean up the yard (because somehow we end up doing the reconstruction inside during the winter and the trash builds up in the yard). We normally do the preparing for the garden. The plan for what canning we want to do during the summer.

This year not as much of this. We will be doing clean up. County clean up is free. It allows us to dispose of the trash. But I am not sure that we have the energy for a garden this year. I think that the canning is going to be something more like chili and the like. Maybe we will can some homemade baked beans. I don’t know.

I would have posted regardless of the migraines… I often do… However it was severe enough for the phone to be more than I could tolerate. I have a variation in my light sensitivity. This last one I was hiding in a dark room under a blanket and it was still too damn bright. Eyes closed and there was still too much light.

This is a rough time for everyone. So much unsurity, insecurity in economics. This year has been a lot of fear of what the future holds. Definitely not alone here. So I know how much y’all understand. I appreciate you.

So I guess that this post, other than an explanation for yesterday is a basic I am here and I see you kind of thing. If you need someone to talk to… Reach out to me… I want to hear you.

Tuesday Tunes

Lyrics I’m not a perfect person
There’s many things I wish I didn’t do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know I’ve found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you I’m sorry that I hurt you
It’s something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That’s why I need you to hear I’ve found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you I’m not a perfect person
I never…

My 2 cents So I end up associating people with songs…used to be only lovers, until this song. There was a young man …I truly thought of him as a little brother. He was about the same age as my little brother. I met him because he hung out with Joe’s kid brother. He was dating a friend of mine when this song came out. I have always had a huge music collection…multiple cd’s /cassettes back before mp3’s were a thing…and now gigabytes of mp3’s. I love music variety. However back then…I had never listened to the same song on repeat…I just had so many that I could put it on Auto Dj and not hear the same song twice in a day…even in a week if I am honest. Well Jeremy…The little brother like fellow…He would get on my computer and blast this song on repeat…we must have heard it a thousand times if we heard it once.

I am sharing this for a reason…he died, very young. He was 28. I find I am missing him lately often. He was all about his games, and we have all (my gaming group) been missing his enthusiasm. So Duesy…You are the reason I can’t hear this song with out cryin.

Whelp… It’s Wednesday

I was going to do a wordless Wednesday… Then my art app crashed taking the picture with it. I don’t have a web discovery/ webcomic post written because I was not expecting to do it this week… And I am flabbergasted.

So, I ask you… What does Wednesday mean for you? Do you have a routine? Is it just marking the middle of the work week? Also, what do you do when things go sideways?

Tuesday Tunes

Plumb – Damaged

Lyrics – Dreaming comes so easily
Cause it’s all that I’ve known
True love is a fairy tale
I’m damaged, so how would I know

I’m scared and I’m alone
I’m ashamed, and I need for you to know

I didn’t say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can’t take back what you’ve taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me

I didn’t say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can’t take back what you’ve taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me

Healing comes so painfully
And it chills to the bone
Will anyone get close to me?
I’m damaged, as I’m sure you know

I’m scared and I’m alone
I’m ashamed and I need for you to know

I didn’t say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can’t take back what you’ve taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me

I didn’t say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can’t take back what you’ve taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me

There’s mending for my soul
An ending to this fear
Forgiveness for a man who was stronger
I was just a little girl, but I can’t go back

I didn’t say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can’t take back what you’ve taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me

I didn’t say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can’t take back what you’ve taken away
Cause I feel you, oh, I feel you near me

Can’t go back
Can’t go back
Can’t go back
Can’t go back
Can’t go back
I can’t go back
I can’t go back
I must go on
I must go on
I must go on
I must go on
I must go on
I must go on
I must go on

My 2 cents – I think that music that resonates most is often music that we see ourselves in. I, thusly, tend towards the music of survival and broken hearts. This song has always resonated. It truly speaks to the broken heart.

Migraine blues

Today is a nope day. I apologize but I can’t think. It is too painful.

Echoes Into the Void

So I was having an email conversation with a friend about social media. He was pointing out the algorithm that sucks the orginality out of social media in general. While I agree with him and sometimes I think that I would be happier without the view of humanity that I recieve from reading the interwebs, I would miss the delight of seeing the creativity in the human soul.

The conversation ended with the idea that we both often feel unseen. It is not, I am sure, a novel feeling. To feel like instead of being actually heard… You are merely sending echoes into the void.

So I think that I want to hear the echoes…tell me something that you feel like isn’t being heard. One thing that you want to say. I will listen. And then go through the comments and hear others. Or pass the post on to others. Let’s get it to where no one feels like that echo.

Tuesday Tunes (Delayed Edition)

Ok, I missed yesterday. I know I posted the first of the poet posts… But I feel like this fits.

Pat Benatar – Hell is for Children

Lyrics – They cry in the dark
So you can’t see their tears
They hide in the light
So you can’t see their fears
Forgive and forget
All the while
Love and pain become one and the same
In the eyes of a wounded child
Because hell, hell is for children
And you know that their little lives can become such a mess
Hell, hell is for children
And you shouldn’t have to pay for your love
With your bones and your flesh
It’s all so confusing this brutal abusing
They blacken your eyes and then apologize
Be daddy’s good girl, and don’t tell mommy a thing
Be a good little boy, and you’ll get a new toy
Tell grandma you fell from the swing
Because hell, hell is for children
And you know that their little lives can become such a mess
Hell, hell is for children
And you shouldn’t have to pay for your love
With your bones and your flesh
No, hell is for children
Hell, hell is for hell
Hell is for hell
Hell is for children
Hell, hell is for hell
Hell is for hell
Hell is for children
Hell, hell is for hell
Hell is for hell
Hell is for children
Hell is for children
Hell is for children

My 2 cents – so all of the poets that I will be telling you about helped me to start to heal. Well there were also some songs… This one helped me feel like I was not alone. I felt understood, A rare thing then.

Tuesday Tunes

Au/Ra – Ghost

Lyrics –

[Intro]
(Ghost, ghost, ghost, ghost)
(Ghost, ghost, ghost, ghost)

[Verse 1]
Today I’m kinda feelin’ like a ghost
Call my friends but ain’t nobody home
Tell myself I’m fine but I don’t really know
I’m just scared that I’ll end up, I’ll end up, I’ll end up alone
I never let it show
But I feel like a missed call on a phone
Tryna live my life, pay-as-you-go
But I’m so scared that I’ll end up, I’ll end up, I’ll end up alone

[Chorus]
You know I’m like a ghost, sometimes I have to fade
And it haunts me that I have to be this way
You say it’s gone cold, I say I’ll do better
But I always seem to disappear again
You know I’m like a ghost, I see it in your face
And it haunts me that I have to be this way
You say it’s gone cold, I say I’ll do better
But I always seem to disappear again
You know I’m like a ghost

[Verse 2]
You know I never meant to cut you off
Got phantom feelings I can never solve
Stranger things to worry ’bout, I know
But I’m so scared that I’ll end up, I’ll end up, I’llghost

up alone

[Pre-Chorus]
Can’t see myself in the mirror
Does that mean I’m not really here?
I’m losin’ touch with everything I know
And I’m so scared that I’ll end up, I’ll end up, I’ll end up alone

[Chorus]
You know I’m like a ghost, sometimes I have to fade
And it haunts me that I have to be this way
You say it’s gone cold, I say I’ll do better
But I always seem to disappear again
You know I’m like a ghost, I see it in your face
And it haunts me that I have to be this way
You say it’s gone cold, I say I’ll do better
But I always seem to disappear again
You know I’m like a ghost

[Bridge]
(Ghost, ghost, ghost, ghost)
(Ghost, ghost, ghost, ghost)
You know I’m like a ghost
(Ghost, ghost, ghost, ghost)
(Ghost, ghost, ghost, ghost, you know I’m like a ghost)
Ooh, I’ll be okay, I’ll be alright, I know
Ooh, I’ll be okay, I’m just scared that I’ll end up alone
(Ooh, ooh)

[Chorus]
You know I’m like a ghost, I see it in your face
And it haunts me that I have to be this way
You say it’s gone cold, I say I’ll do better
But I always seem to disappear again
You know I’m like a ghost

My 2 cents –

I honestly thought about a holiday song… But not everyone celebrates the same holiday. So I found a song that I feel reflects how many feel during this time of year. The artist has a wonderful voice and you really feel the loneliness in the song. I often feel like a ghost, unseen. That is the result of having a chronic illness. I often end up with only my family as company because I am too ill to go out. And then anxiety adds to it. If you are feeling like a ghost… You are not as alone as you feel. Reach out. Message me (patti.mouse@gmail). I will always chat with anyone who feels alone.

Tuesday Tunes

Au/Ra – Ghost

Lyrics –
[Intro]
(Ghost, ghost, ghost, ghost)
(Ghost, ghost, ghost, ghost)

[Verse 1]
Today I’m kinda feelin’ like a ghost
Call my friends but ain’t nobody home
Tell myself I’m fine but I don’t really know
I’m just scared that I’ll end up, I’ll end up, I’ll end up alone
I never let it show
But I feel like a missed call on a phone
Tryna live my life, pay-as-you-go
But I’m so scared that I’ll end up, I’ll end up, I’ll end up alone

[Chorus]
You know I’m like a ghost, sometimes I have to fade
And it haunts me that I have to be this way
You say it’s gone cold, I say I’ll do better
But I always seem to disappear again
You know I’m like a ghost, I see it in your face
And it haunts me that I have to be this way
You say it’s gone cold, I say I’ll do better
But I always seem to disappear again
You know I’m like a ghost

[Verse 2]
You know I never meant to cut you off
Got phantom feelings I can never solve
Stranger things to worry ’bout, I know
But I’m so scared that I’ll end up, I’ll end up, I’ll end up alone

[Pre-Chorus]
Can’t see myself in the mirror
Does that mean I’m not really here?
I’m losin’ touch with everything I know
And I’m so scared that I’ll end up, I’ll end up, I’ll end up alone

[Chorus]
You know I’m like a ghost, sometimes I have to fade
And it haunts me that I have to be this way
You say it’s gone cold, I say I’ll do better
But I always seem to disappear again
You know I’m like a ghost, I see it in your face
And it haunts me that I have to be this way
You say it’s gone cold, I say I’ll do better
But I always seem to disappear again
You know I’m like a ghost

[Bridge]
(Ghost, ghost, ghost, ghost)
(Ghost, ghost, ghost, ghost)
You know I’m like a ghost
(Ghost, ghost, ghost, ghost)
(Ghost, ghost, ghost, ghost, you know I’m like a ghost)
Ooh, I’ll be okay, I’ll be alright, I know
Ooh, I’ll be okay, I’m just scared that I’ll end up alone
(Ooh, ooh)

[Chorus]
You know I’m like a ghost, I see it in your face
And it haunts me that I have to be this way
You say it’s gone cold, I say I’ll do better
But I always seem to disappear again
You know I’m like a ghost



My 2 cents –
During this time of year,  something happens. For so many of us the holidays are a struggle. We end up feeling isolated. I know that not everyone who reads this is in winter right now,  but it is still valid even during the other seasons. If you feel unseen or isolated… Reach out. There is always someone who will listen.


There is no shame in needing help. You are not a ghost… Even if you feel like one.