Category: struggle

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics

Will you make it sound so pretty even when it’s not?
Didn’t choose but it’s the only one we’ve got
And sometimes I get so tired
Of getting tied up in my thoughts
You’re the only one that often makes it stop
God, it hurts to be human
Without you I’d be losing
And someday we’ll face the music
God, it hurts to be human
But I’ve got you, you, you, you, you, you, hey
And you’ve got me, me, me, me, too
Like we’re buckled and preparing before the crash
Like we’re walking down a road of broken glass
Now if we defeat all odds
And it was us against the world
You can count on me
You know I’d have your back
God, it hurts to be human
Without you I’d be losing
And someday we’ll face the music
God, it hurts to be human
But I’ve got you, you, you, you, you, you (Hey)
And you’ve got me, me, me, me, too
But I’ve got you, you, you, you, you, you (Hey)
And you’ve got me, me, me, me, too
Hope flows away
If you could spend a day in my shoes
Your mind would change
If you’d known what I’ve gone through
We want the same (Yeah, we do)
Maybe then you’ll understand
How it hurts to be human
God, it hurts to be human
Without you (without you) I’d be losing (Yeah, yeah, yeah)
And someday we’ll face the music
God, it hurts to be human
But I’ve got you, you, you, you, you, you, hey
And you’ve got me, me, me, me, too
But I’ve got you, you, you, you, you, you, hey
And you’ve got me, me, me, me, too
Oh God, it hurts to be human

MY 2Cents
This song speaks to me right now. There is no reason why I have been dragging ass and miserable this week. The cold came back, the laptop died, I have responsibilities that I usually enjoy…But this week… I just couldn’t stand to be human. I was snapping at people over stupid shit. And I know it was stupid. I have no reason or explanation. Just cranky. And I can’t explain it better that this week felt that I was struggling in the fight to be happy…and I was loosing. So for those that have me, and wondered what the heck was my damage…I thank you. I love you all. Thank you for tolerating my bad week.

A death in my house

The week has started badly with my laptop dying. I have lost a few files (Google drive back up got a lot of it…) And I am just over it. Forgive me please for the lack of update that is likely to be this week. I will be trying to get it handled, but I am going to take a couple of days getting the desktop computer that was not prepared for the writing and publishing set up. Then I will try to get it back on the proper track. I will squeeze the grief for the part of my soul that was attached to the dead laptop later.

A day later…

Pad #9

Changes ahead

The last two years have been so busy. And I am finding it hard to keep up. When I started with Coffee house writer’s I was easily able to keep up with the schedule I was on. But I have since started doing more here and with Fae Corps. We are doing more in Fae Corps. I am floundering under the weight of the responsibility… So I have made a decision. I am leaving Chw for now. I have already told my wonderful editor. There will be one more post next Monday. Then… I think that I will try to post here more. I am hoping that releasing one responsibility will ease the burden of the rest.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lost Within by Fivefold

Lyrics

Crawl out of the hole you’re in
Who you are is not who you’ve been
Now’s the time to sink or swim
Will you fight the tide or get lost within
And I know you’re feeling low
Feel like you’ve lost control
But the darkness that you know
It’s not your home and you’re not alone
And all you’ve wanted was just so much more
This world has taken ahold
Don’t let ’em get your soul
The silence
You feel it cold as a winter storm
This world has taken ahold
Don’t let ’em get your soul
Iron bars are hell to break
Tell me now, do you know what’s at stake?
Your whole life in a blank stare haze
You walk around like the end of days
And I know you’re feeling low
Feel like you’ve lost control
But the darkness that you know
It’s not your home and you’re not alone
And all you’ve wanted was just so much more
This world has taken ahold
Don’t let ’em get your soul
The silence
You feel it cold as a winter storm
This world has taken ahold
Don’t let ’em get your soul
I’m callin’ out to you
Can you hear me?
They can’t break you down
Let you hit the ground
I promise you it won’t be long (Won’t be long)
You’re feeling overwhelmed here
Drowned by the pain and the fear
The sun will come with the dawn
All you’ve wanted was just so much more
This world has taken ahold
Don’t let ’em get your soul
The silence
You feel it cold as a winter storm
This world has taken ahold
Don’t let ’em get your soul…
Get your soul…

My 2Cents –
Though this song sounds like it is about being depressed, And it most certainly is, I feel like it is about picking yourself back up when you are depressed. I have been here, and it feels impossible. then it doesn’t. Somehow you just survive, and you don’t know how you did it. but you did.

Book Birthday – A Day Late

books2read.com/HeartDrops

It released yesterday but by the time I finished with the flea market, I was so tired I couldn’t think straight. So I am posting it today. The beta readers all said this was a lovely volume. It is all love poetry and my art.

The flea market

They tell you to price for your time and the cost of the materials. I am not good at such things. Putting a price for my art… It’s not that easy. I broke even, after making changes to the prices. Etsy is not a good reference. So I faced my anxiety. I sold enough to break even, with it cold enough to freeze out.

I am calling it a win. It was not the complete landslide sale I was hoping for. But I did not come back with my tail between my legs, broken, either.

Sometimes you take the small win.

Commission Options

Photo by Artem Podrez on Pexels.com

I am open for commissions and I have various places that You could hire me. Book covers, editing, pencil drawings, poetry, or even Tarot Readings… I am open. Paypal, Ko-Fi, or Cashapp. I still have a Patreon as well.

Headaches and heartbreaks

Today has been me hiding with a migraine. I peeked at social media to be surprised by a blast from the past. A young man who has been like a son to me shared this picture of me and my oldest son. My eldest is currently estranged because someone told him lies about me, and he believed them. So I have been heartbroken about it since thanksgiving… The picture was such a nice thing, even if he is not speaking to me. It reminded me of a time when he trusted me unconditionally.