This year the holidays stunk. Yeah I said it. It is so taboo to be miserable during December, because you feel like you are weighing everyone else down. Or you feel just freaking ungrateful.
I know that I am not alone in this. This year has weighed hard on so many. No ability to do big gatherings, or family meals, or the other traditional trappings of the holidays. So much of this year has been death and illness. And for me family distancing.
The holiday was just lacking. So I was playing video games with my youngest, and scrolling down Facebook occasionally when something caught my eye. Serena has her own Facebook. Well someone, another author, had told me that Serena’s Rust, Gore, and the Junkyard Zombie was on his Christmas wishlist. He tagged Serena in the comments of his gifts… He got it.
Seeing that tag just made me smile. It made my whole holiday better. Just knowing that book was wanted.
So till this year is gone, enjoy the little things. Don’t let it fall apart because the big things are missing. Enjoy what you can. I hope that each of you find a little thing that brings joy this season.
Tools, something that are different depending upon the user. Each person may have different skills depending upon the tools that they have at hand.
For an example, I am capable of sewing by hand. I have been taught this skill in childhood. My mom, my grandmothers, my other female role models… They all sewed. In various levels of skill. My mom still makes the most beautiful quilts. However, though I have the ability to sew by hand… It is slow. I have arthritis in my hands. This makes it take longer. I am not as neat as I am with a machine.
This is something that was brought up lately. Someone told me that my digital art has improved. I am sure that it has… After all I have better tools. I have a decent laptop. I have good art programs (Gimp & Krita are my two current favorites). I even have a good mousepad that I recieved for Christmas. (An elephant with headphones on. It is an ergonomic one that helps with my arthritis).
If someone is struggling with their art, or their writing, or any part of their life and you want to assist… Ask them what tool they are missing. Sometimes it is something small such as someone to bounce ideas off of.
Blogging is harder than it looks. There’s timing, hashtags, content, and readers to consider. When you first start, if you are anything like I was, you think that you really are less than interested in sticking to a schedule… more that you just want to get what you have to say heard.
Then you start seeing that you are being seen more… Hence people are seeing what you have to say… And it becomes the thing to stick with a schedule (something I am still struggling with)…
So you find yourself searching through the daily Hashtags to find something that both fits your blog and is easy to do content for. You realize that the blog is in control.
I think that I am just not going to plan for Friday. If I feel like posting I will. Thursday is going to stay chaotic as a true mad tea party should be chaotic. (Even if the poet hosting the party is only half mad…). So I think that the blog posts that I share regularly will be Monday poetry, Tuesday Tunes, and Wordless Wednesday. Even the weeks where I am struggling I can usually do those 3.
It was suggested that I do a Follow Friday… Problem is it does not fit my blog. It’s too calm for my crazy
Hello Lovelies! Long time since we had tea. My current favorite is Lipton’s Peach Passion Green Tea.
2020 is nearly over, and I know that I am not the only one who is grateful. 2021 is already shaping up to be busy. Fae Corps has several authors lined up that we are going to be publishing. We have 2 anthologies planned (Fae Playgrounds and Fae Shivers). Serena is going to be in Circle City’s Absurd Apocalypse Anthology. And I submitted to two of Indie Blu(e)’s upcoming Anthologies. (I hope I get accepted, their books are always so pretty. )
Song of Shadow released this week. I am still working on Half Mad Meanderings and Heart Drops. I hope to release both in 2021. I am also planning on pulling each of my Poetry Volumes, one at a time, and Revamping and re-releasing them. I don’t know how long it will take to do each volume. I do know I will be releasing Large Print versions of each as well. I have learned so much this year that I can put into practice on my books. I hope it will give you, my readers a fun thing to look at.
This will be as far as I am concerned the final version of each book. Serena’s not going to do that with her books, and I am going to go through the poetry volumes first then deal with the children’s books after. I may try to talk Serena into large print at least.
I am also working on Grandmothers wisdom. Coffee house writers anthology will release next week. Like I said 2021 is shaping up to be a busy year.
The kid is asleep, So I thought I would take the time to do an update here. 2020, for all that it has sucked, has taught me a lot. I updated most of the covers on my poetry volumes this year, but I really have not looked at the interior of any of them since I published them…until recently.
Now don’t get me wrong…I did not publish anything badly, I just can clean it up and make it look a little nicer. So I have decided that is what 2021 will be. I have a full schedule with Fae Corps…We have multiple authors who have entrusted their books in our care. And there will be 3 anthologies for fae corps. I have one I am hoping to release (Wisdom: Grandmother’s Words). So instead of trying to release any new poetry volumes in 2021, I think that I am going to update and re-release my older volumes.
Changes in staff at Fae Corps is making this year coming exciting…and scary. Fae Corps is growing. We have up till now just had Cyndi and I doing whatever needed to be done. That left both of us stuck with marketing, something that neither of us are normally that good at. Now we have KT. Due to a difference in opinion we lost our consulting editor. We decided on official roles. Cyndi is our Developmental editor, I am the Copy editor. I do the Cover designs, KT does the marketing, and the scheduling. We also take projects for authors who do not choose to publish with us. Cyndi took an editing job that ended up choosing to publish with us after.
So with Fae Corps being so busy, I feel like I should plan my own writing projects to be lighter.. Not nonexistent, just lighter. Song of Shadow releases December 1st, 2020. I also am in the Coffee House Writer’s Anthology Volume 1 which is available for preorder. Serena is working hard to get stories ready for Fae Corps 2021 anthologies, and has one coming out in Circle City’s An Absurd Apocalypse. (It’s only a flash fiction, but I read it and it is cute and funny). 2020 was a busy year writing and publishing wise. I submitted to a project for Indie Blu(e) publishing which I hope to hear whether it is accepted after the first of the year. (Another small press with big talent that I want to support) So even though I am planning to do clean up on older volumes in the upcoming year…as you can see it will be a busy year.
Of Course I will still be working with Coffee House Writers, and I am still working on the two new volumes…I am just not rushing to put them out over the next year. Maybe I can do a re-release a month and see what else I can squeeze in from there.
I don’t often post pictures of my daughter or myself, not on here. Today it seems important. I got a call this morning, while making breakfast and listening to her laughter as her and her dad were picking at each other.
I took her to the doctor yesterday. She is asthmatic, and her left lung has been hurting for a couple of days. She also had other concerns and needed shots. So the doc sent her for a chest X-ray.
That call was the nurse from the Doctor’s office. The X-ray came back as she has pneumonia. They want a covid test. And my heart dropped into my stomach. Since the pandemic hit we have been very careful. We don’t go anywhere, at least nowhere unnecessary. We are both asthmatic and her dad has emphysema. The whole lot of us are high risk.
So I am scared. I have a 16 year old stubborn girl who is going to need to rest… and like her mama, she is not inclined towards rest often. She is a busy bee with multiple things that she is wanting to do at any given moment.
We are just about to go out to get her covid test… and I am worried.
So I am probably not going to be posting this week due to this. I will be back next week, and I am going to try to be more active. thank you for understanding.
This has been a crazy month so far. Fae Corps is releasing 4 anthologies on the 31st, and I have been busy getting them ready for release. Then I get a seasonal crud. So I have been sick for the last two days.
I am starting to feel better and I look into the blogs (as I am often the one that maintains the Fae Corps blog). I did a few planned posts and decided to read the blogs that I follow to find a few to spotlight. Y’all! I literally had an angry comment on one of the shared posts claiming that I posted it without permission. I have taken the post down, unfollowed the blog in question, and blocked them so I will not accidentally see them and reblog anything by them.
I was under the impression that reblogging gave the post more reach. Which seems like more people seeing what you wrote is better? I don’t know.
I am not going to dwell on this. Instead I will let you know that we have a newsletter now (see the Fae Corps blog). We are always looking for stories and poems to feature on both. I like to link directly to the persons site when I feature people.
I have a few more people in our author spotlight file to still post on the blog… I have not forgotten. Once the meet the author for the new anthologies are done I will be returning to focus on those.
I have been struggling with files for four anthologies. Trying to get it all to shine. I have been fighting my own self doubt. I have been working on trying not to feel like I have to do it all.
That is probably the worst thing about me, that feeling like I have to do it all, like I can’t lean on anyone else or I will burden them. Because I am, in my own mind, never good enough. I work extra hard to attempt to be seen as even half of the capable as the others around me. And then I end up intimidating the ones that I admire. Intimidating and hurting, because they end up feeling that they cannot possibly do as much as I do. While I am feeling that I am a screw up because I am dropping balls that I should have never tried to carry at all.
Balls bounce, and I can often grab them in rebound, but the hurt… I regret that. I try to be a good person. I try to do everything right… Even though I often do not have a clue what right actually is. So sometimes all that I can do is see the balls drop, and apologize for causing the hurt.
I read somewhere that the truest apology was changed behavior. This is where I truly fail. I try. But in some ways it is like an addiction. I have to put myself in that mess. I have to try to be the one that is doing the overwhelming of myself. It is my toxic trait.
Because I want to be seen as amazing… And there is the voice in the back of my head that is always going to tell me I am not.
That voice we all have. It’s mean. It bullies us into believing the lie… AND it is a lie. I am not worthless. I am talented and I am loved. I have been improving at art, writing, cover design, and publishing. I have been improving with all of my skills that have been a struggle… Except for dealing with interpersonal relationships.
I am sorry for those who I hurt when I am dropping the balls. I am sorry for the heartache that I cause in those who love me. I am not going to say that I will try to do better, because I should not lie, even to myself. However I will say that when I am struggling with the mental gremlins, and fighting for the strength to share the load… I am so very grateful that I have you all in my life.
You are amazing. You all keep me going. And I only hope that my own stubborn nature will not end up pushing you away.
I normally juggle the balls in my life reasonably well. Author, blogger, editor, formatter, artist, friend, CHW poet, poet, game master, cover designer, mom, teacher, housewife, publisher….
These hats all are comfortable. I can deal with the multiple things happening at once. Not Today. this week has been one nightmare after another. Me making mistakes that I normally avoid.
Including missing posts on my blog. And then realizing that I am too stressed to know what to post all week. Fae corps has 4 volumes coming out at once(fae dreams, and 3 volumes of Nightmare Whispers) and one of the volumes is causing Technical difficulties.(Fae Dreams). Said difficulties are because I missed details, so I am being extra hard on myself. I am fighting those gremlins that come from it. However I am dropping balls because of it. I will try to get a couple of things back on track and figure out something to post. So please stay tuned…this may be an unusual week….but bear with me.
I may just post a couple of reviews to get me through the rest of the week….
Before I do this… I apologize for the late posts the last couple of days… I have been helping a friend and I have been late getting home. Usually I will do the posts while out if need be, but I was the driver this time. Stretches my ability to get things done.
Lyrics – Crawl out of the hole you’re in Who you are is not who you’ve been Now’s the time to sink or swim Will you fight the tide or get lost within And I know you’re feeling low Feel like you’ve lost control But the darkness that you know It’s not your home and you’re not alone And all you’ve wanted was just so much more This world has taken ahold Don’t let ’em get your soul The silence You feel it cold as a winter storm This world has taken ahold Don’t let ’em get your soul Iron bars are hell to break Tell me now, do you know what’s at stake? Your whole life in a blank stare haze You walk around like the end of days And I know you’re feeling low Feel like you’ve lost control But the darkness that you know It’s not your home and you’re not alone And all you’ve wanted was just so much more This world has taken ahold Don’t let ’em get your soul The silence You feel it cold as a winter storm This world has taken ahold Don’t let ’em get your soul I’m callin’ out to you Can you hear me? They can’t break you down Let you hit the ground I promise you it won’t be long (Won’t be long) You’re feeling overwhelmed here Drowned by the pain and the fear The sun will come with the dawn All you’ve wanted was just so much more This world has taken ahold Don’t let ’em get your soul The silence You feel it cold as a winter storm This world has taken ahold Don’t let ’em get your soul… Get your soul…
My 2 cents – this is a song about learning how to be strong after a struggle. Don’t let the world destroy you. It’s a good song, and it feels like a good message.
Pattimouse 