Category: struggle

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –

Please, forgive me, I’ve got demons in my head
There’s something in the water
I don’t like the flavour, I don’t like the taste
Searching for nirvana
Something that’ll take it all away from me
Don’t bother me, my misery
It’s holding me
Won’t let me speak
Please, forgive me, I’ve got demons in my head (in my head)
Please, forgive me, I’ve got demons in my head
Tryna eat me, tryna feed me lies until I’m dead (’til I’m dead)
Please, forgive me, I’ve got demons in my head (in my head)
It’s creeping in, it’s gonna get me by the end of the night
I’m sinking deeper, still I’m reaching for the end of the light
Burning in the lava
You can’t go and pray this type of pain away
Don’t bother me, my misery
It’s holding me
Won’t let me speak
Please, forgive me, I’ve got demons in my head (in my head)
Please, forgive me, I’ve got demons in my head
Tryna eat me, tryna feed me lies until I’m dead (’til I’m dead)
Please, forgive me, I’ve got demons in my head (oh, head!)I feel like I can’t breathe
I feel like I can’t sleep
How did I not see?
I’m unwell
I feel like I can’t breathe
I feel like I can’t sleep
How did I not see?
I’m unwell
Please, forgive me, I’ve got demons in my head (in my head)
Please, forgive me, I’ve got demons in my head (oh, head!)
Please, forgive me, I’ve got demons in my head (in my head)
Please, forgive me, I’ve got demons in my head
Tryna eat me, tryna feed me lies until I’m dead (’til I’m dead)
Please, forgive me, I’ve got demons in my head (oh, head!)In my head
Please, forgive me, I’ve got demons in my head (in my head)
Please, forgive me, I’ve got demons in my head

My 2 Cents-
Ok…. I am behind on Loki. Just got to watch episodes 3 & 4 this weekend. (Me and a couple of friends are watching it together. This song began episode 3 and I just had to look it up. The lyrics feel, much like many of my favorite songs, like someone is watching my life too closely. The best songs always feel like they rip your heart out. You can understand it far better than you really want to. What song tears you apart?

Broken heart

I lost a friend today. He actually passed away on the 7th… But I found out today. He was so bright and compassionate. He would at least once a month send me a digital hug. He was a veteran and a good man. I will miss him.

I normally put poetry on pictures with a copyright notice… This one hurts too much.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –
[Verse 1]
Thought I’d bite my tongue
Just this once, maybe twice, but the harder I bite
Now it’s drawing blood
There’s a trace on my lips, leaves a taste when we kiss
Try to cover up
All of the lies and all of the lines that I
Bottle up
To keep you safe and sound

[Pre-Chorus]
But echoes of warnings
Like whispers of morning, like
It creeping through cracks in my memory
It’d make me lose my mind

[Chorus]
But every time I close my eyes
It’s calling in like a siren
Threatening to comе alive
Unless I pay the pricе, yeah
But if my heart is right this time
And I can finally bear my secrets
Maybe you won’t run and hide
But love the monster inside me

[Verse 2]
Maybe all the love
Is a switch that we flip when we’re losing our grip
And it’s close enough
Taking good with the pain, go a little insane
All we really want
Is someone to hold until we grow old
And no matter what (No matter)
Can’t be scared away

[Pre-Chorus]
Echoes of warnings
Like whispers of morning, like
It creeping through cracks in my memory
It’d make me lose my mind

[Chorus]
But every time I close my eyes
It’s calling in like a siren
Threatening to come alive
Unless I pay the price, yeah
But if my heart is right this time
And I can finally bear my secrets
Maybe you won’t run and hide
But love the monster inside me
[Bridge]
Beauty in the chaos, all that’s left to save us
Now
Beauty in the chaos, all that’s left to save us
Now
Beauty in the chaos, all that’s left to save us
Now
Echoes of warnings like
Beauty in the chaos, all that’s left to save us now
Echoes of warnings like
Beauty in the chaos, all that’s left to save us now

[Chorus]
But every time I close my eyes
It’s calling in like a siren
Threatening to come alive
Unless I pay the price, yeah
But every time I close my eyes
It’s calling in like a siren
Threatening to come alive
Unless I pay the price, yeah
But if my heart is right this time
And I can finally bear my secrets
Maybe you won’t run and hide
But love the monster inside me

My 2 Cents –
I have always fought the stigma of my mental health. I am a survivor. That being said, sometimes the labels are easier to fight than others. Now I am trying to help my teenager fight them. She wants to write horror. She is into the creepy and dark. When she told her therapist that (New therapist) the therapist tried to claim that she was homicidal. She doesn’t want to hurt anyone. She is a gentle soul with a rich imagination. She wants to write dark stories so she is apparently Homicidal. I raised all kinds of hell with the office. The supervisor talked to my daughter and agreed that the therapist was way off base. So I am left with a wonderful beginning writer who is struggling because of labels. Seems to me that the world wants to label madness too easily and the monsters that truly exist are allowed too much leeway. so today at least I think I love the monster inside me and will revel in the beauty in chaos.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –
I haven’t always been this way
I wasn’t born a renegade
I felt alone, still feel afraid
I stumble through it anyway
I wish someone would’ve told me that this life is ours to choose
No one’s handing you the keys or a book with all the rules
The little that I know I’ll tell to you
When they dress you up in lies and you’re left naked with the truth
You throw your head back
And you spit in the wind
Let the walls crack
‘Cause it lets the light in
Let ’em drag you through hell
They can’t tell you to change who you are
(That’s all I know so far)
And when the storm’s out
You’ll run in the rain
Put your sword down
Dive right into the pain
Stay unfiltered and loud
You’ll be proud of that skin full of scars
That’s all I know so far
That’s all I know so far
So you might give yourself away, yeah
And pay full price for each mistake
But when the candy coating hides the razor blade
You can cut yourself loose and use that rage
I wish someone would’ve told me that this darkness comes and goes
People will pretend but, baby girl, nobody knows
And even I can’t teach you how to fly
But I can show you how to live like your life is on the line
You throw your head back
And you spit in the wind
Let the walls crack
‘Cause it lets the light in
Let ’em drag you through hell
They can’t tell you to change who you are
(That’s all I know so far)
And when the storm’s out
You’ll run in the rain
Put your sword down
Dive right into the pain
Stay unfiltered and loud
You’ll be proud of that skin full of scars
That’s all I know so far
That’s all I know, that’s all I know so far
That’s all I know, that’s all I know so far
That’s all I know, that’s all I know so far
That’s all I know, that’s all I know so far
I will be with you ’til the world blows up, yes
Up and down and through ’til the world blows up, yeah
When it’s right or it’s all fucked up
‘Til the world blows up, ’til the world blows up
And we will be enough
And until the world blows up
Just throw your head back
And spit in the wind
Let the walls crack
‘Cause it lets the light in
Let ’em drag you through hell
They can’t tell you to change who you are
And when the storm’s out
You’ll run in the rain
Put your sword down
Dive right into the pain
Stay unfiltered and loud
You’ll be proud of that skin full of scars
That’s all I know so far
That’s all I know, that’s all I know so far
That’s all I know, that’s all I know so far
That’s all I know, that’s all I know so far
That’s all I know, that’s all I know so far
I will be with you ’til the world blows up, hm

My 2 cents – This speaks wonders about being a parent. My relationship with my mom has never been real close. She was busy working and I was busy fighting. So we never really clicked. I wanted better. So when my daughter was born I was determined to have better. I didn’t want a mini me. Mom kept telling me I was so much like her. I hated that because I felt so misunderstood. I did not want to make my baby feel like she had to be me. I wanted to let her make her own mistakes in life. I guided her and told her the truth about the mistakes I made. I stood with tears in my eyes watching the mistakes that she could have avoided. And She tells me that she is so much like me. I stand at her back and she is the best person she can be…and I will be there for her until my world ends.

Blog Basics

Photo by Timothy Paule II on Pexels.com

I have been doing an Author spotlight for Fae Corps. It has given me the realization that some of the basics for blogging are not well known. We ask for a picture. Most of the time we don’t get it. We ask for a website…guess what? So it came to me that maybe I could help others by giving you what I have picked up in the time I have been running this blog.

  1. The first thing is that every entry should have a picture. The picture grabs the attention It gives a hook to your post.
  2. Make sure that you proofread your post. Typos do not encourage repeat readers.
  3. Try to keep a schedule. If possible at least four times a week, but if you cannot keep that then try for at least once a week.
  4. Think about what you would want to read. Try to keep from whining or complaining – no one wants to read that.
  5. Whenever possible include links. Example – My Books. Make it open in a new tab. you don’t want them to go off of your site completely.

Most of this is common sense. It really is hard to screw up blogging. However, some of it is also stuff you pick up. I started off treating my blog like a journal. It took me time. I also am terrible at keeping the schedule. Is the world gonna end if I fail to keep up? NO, but I may have a few readers who decide that I am not worth following. So I keep trying. If you are looking to get on as a spotlight on someone’s blog, or as a guest blogger, then I recommend trying to make sure that you provide them with as much information in what they ask for as possible. It makes it easier on them but it also makes you look good. That is the whole reason to do this, isn’t it?

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics-

I’ve seen people go under
I’ve seen people move on
But the voices getting louder
Until there is none

They said I was special
They said I could fight it
I said it was painful
I told them I’ll lose it

I wanna be special
I wanna be you
But I don’t belong here
I see it in you

They said I was special
They said I could fight it
I said it was painful
I told them I’ll lose it

They said I was special
Yeah!

I’ve seen people in battle
I’ve seen people give up
But they’re all just like cattle
They don’t know when to stop

I thought they were special
I thought they all knew
But they are just assholes
They’re all just like you

I said it was painful
I told them I’ll lose it

If you’re coming back home tonight
I’ll be all long gone
I’ll be all long gone
[x2]

I thought it was easy
I’ll be all long gone
I’ll be all long gone
[x2]

My 2 Cents-
We all have those moments. where we feel left alone, like we are not as special. Each of us are individuals. It doesn’t always feel like it though. And to me this song speaks to that depression that gives us the mental gremlins telling us that we are not anything worth having. The gremlins lie.

Self Care and the Importance of it

Ok, I am sure in this day and age, you have seen on social media and other sites about self care. Whether you think that it affects you, or not, it really does. Not just those who are affected by illness have issues with self care, and the importance it has on life.

We can get busy in life, and there are factors that assist in making this worse. The four listed on the picture are the ones that should happen every day. Add in exercise for a good self care, but if you miss that occasionally, you will not die. These four on the picture are life threatening if you miss them…

Now I can see the look as you glance over the list. Missing a shower doesn’t seem life threatening, heck people do all of the time and survive. But I am talking about quality of life too. Let’s look at each point individually.

  1. Eating – well the human body is designed to do amazing things, but it needs fuel. If you don’t eat then you will find the muscles and your brain start to malfunction. You will not be able to move or think as well as before. We are only able to live for one week without eating… And the body and mind both start to suffer after one day without food.
  2. Hydration – we are mostly water. And as we move we use a portion of said fluid up. The human body can only go three days without drinking water… Mind you I said water. Sugary drinks such as cola will only add to dehydration, though they do taste good. As we dehydrate, our muscles cramp. Our mind clouds, making concentration harder. We get dizzy spells and start feeling light headed. (Though the last symptom is also true of lack of food.)
  3. Sleep – in today’s fast paced environment, we tend to tell ourselves that sleep is not necessary. The problem is that the brain is an organic computer. If you fail to allow your computer to have a break, well it will end up crashing because the memory does not clear of what has been done. The brain is much the same. Sleep deprivation can cause so many side effects. Google it, it is an interesting read.
  4. Showering – ok this one is not immediately lethal. There are diseases that are made worse by being unclean. This one is a lot more about making yourself feel better. A shower makes the body clean and often makes us feel a little bit more alive.

I would recommend that you also, preferably before the shower, at least go for a small walk. It helps to get the body working properly to do at least some exercise daily.

This is good for everyone, but those of us with illness (chronic or mental) sometimes find just doing the self care checklist hard. And that is OK, as long as you do what you can. Keep in mind that this isn’t just a thing so that we are able to be socially acceptable… It is something that can be life threatening. Please do take care of you.

*I wrote this a while back. I am not sure if I ever posted it here. This was a busy weekend and I felt the need to do some self care myself, so I decided to use it for my Monday post. I am hoping to post poetry later this week.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –
And I feel that time’s a-wasting, go
So where ya going to tomorrow?
And I see that these are lies to come
So would you even care?
And I feel it
And I feel it
Where ya going for tomorrow?
Where ya goin’ with the mask I found
And I feel, and I feel
When the dogs begin to smell her
Will she smell alone?
And I feel, so much depends on the weather
So is it raining in your bedroom?
And I see, that these are the eyes of disarray
Would you even care?
And I feel it
And she feels it
Where ya going for tomorrow?
Where ya goin’ with the mask I found?
And I feel, and I feel
When the dogs begin to smell her
Will she smell alone?
When the dogs do find her
Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow
To find it
To find it
To find it
When the dogs do find her
Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow
To find it
To find it
To find it
Where ya going for tomorrow?
Where ya goin’ with the mask I found?
And I feel, and I feel
When the dogs begin to smell her
Will she smell alone?
When the dogs do find her
Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow
To find it
To find it
To find it
When the dogs do find her
Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow
To find it
To find it
To find it
To find it
To find it
To find it

My 2 Cents –
This week has been crazy, on a personal level. I know that this song is about murder…but sometimes in order to become who we need to be, it feels like we kill parts of ourselves. I am struggling with decisions that may leave parts of me behind and I am not sure if it will allow me to continue my life as it is or if things will change. This song to me talks a lot of patience.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics

Will you make it sound so pretty even when it’s not?
Didn’t choose but it’s the only one we’ve got
And sometimes I get so tired
Of getting tied up in my thoughts
You’re the only one that often makes it stop
God, it hurts to be human
Without you I’d be losing
And someday we’ll face the music
God, it hurts to be human
But I’ve got you, you, you, you, you, you, hey
And you’ve got me, me, me, me, too
Like we’re buckled and preparing before the crash
Like we’re walking down a road of broken glass
Now if we defeat all odds
And it was us against the world
You can count on me
You know I’d have your back
God, it hurts to be human
Without you I’d be losing
And someday we’ll face the music
God, it hurts to be human
But I’ve got you, you, you, you, you, you (Hey)
And you’ve got me, me, me, me, too
But I’ve got you, you, you, you, you, you (Hey)
And you’ve got me, me, me, me, too
Hope flows away
If you could spend a day in my shoes
Your mind would change
If you’d known what I’ve gone through
We want the same (Yeah, we do)
Maybe then you’ll understand
How it hurts to be human
God, it hurts to be human
Without you (without you) I’d be losing (Yeah, yeah, yeah)
And someday we’ll face the music
God, it hurts to be human
But I’ve got you, you, you, you, you, you, hey
And you’ve got me, me, me, me, too
But I’ve got you, you, you, you, you, you, hey
And you’ve got me, me, me, me, too
Oh God, it hurts to be human

MY 2Cents
This song speaks to me right now. There is no reason why I have been dragging ass and miserable this week. The cold came back, the laptop died, I have responsibilities that I usually enjoy…But this week… I just couldn’t stand to be human. I was snapping at people over stupid shit. And I know it was stupid. I have no reason or explanation. Just cranky. And I can’t explain it better that this week felt that I was struggling in the fight to be happy…and I was loosing. So for those that have me, and wondered what the heck was my damage…I thank you. I love you all. Thank you for tolerating my bad week.

A death in my house

The week has started badly with my laptop dying. I have lost a few files (Google drive back up got a lot of it…) And I am just over it. Forgive me please for the lack of update that is likely to be this week. I will be trying to get it handled, but I am going to take a couple of days getting the desktop computer that was not prepared for the writing and publishing set up. Then I will try to get it back on the proper track. I will squeeze the grief for the part of my soul that was attached to the dead laptop later.