So I know that I have been awol for a couple of days. That is because of the above picture. My porch has been needing replaced for a few months…due to safety issues. We have been trying to get everyone together to get it done and the weather to cooperate. Yesterday and today has been a good shot… but I don’t do well with being out in the cold and working. so I have been unable to get the blog together. I have gotten the poem a day done but haven’t been able to get the image to the blog. I am so very thankful for my friends. Hopefully my porch will be done today. The holiday is likely to interrupt the posting. So I am planning on returning to this on Monday after the holiday. So I wish you all a happy Thanksgiving.
So, I have been thinking about when I should release thoughtcicles. Handprints on my soul releases on the 18th. Then the first week of December is Kid’s week. Fae Corps is releasing 2 of my kids books and 3 from other authors. That means that I have been busy with getting them together. I always do a vacation from the publishing from the end of kid’s week until after the first of the year. Three weeks. I could do it during the break…but I feel like I am just asking for burn out if I don’t take the break. I really didn’t expect to finish the volume so quickly. I think that I will schedule it for the end of January so I don’t have to go without the break.
Next year is already looking like a busy year. We are publishing a book by Ruan Bradford Wright. Probably another by Raz T Slasher. I am hoping that we will see the next one from Ashira Datya. Maybe book two from Andrew McDowell? We will have to see. I know that there will be a book from DW Storer. Add in my poetry volumes and I see it as a busy year. The anthologies are also a thing. The blog for Fae Corps Publishing will have more exact details as we have them. Currently I am in charge of the blog there as well.
So, I think that I would be best to remember that I am not supergirl and pace myself. January is soon enough for the release of Thoughtcicles.
Today’s Prompt was a fill in the blank. “In the (Blank)”. Those that are my facebook friends have seen me trying to do to-do lists the last few days. They are never long…usually four or five items…but it wears me out. So I am fighting exhaustion and trying to celebrate my wins.
The laundry is caught up.
Dishes are nearly there.
Bathrooms are clean. (Well the two that I can get to)
The laundry room is clean.
All the clothes are folded…not put away yet, but folded.
My bedroom is halfway there.
Joe’s room is clean.
I have finished Layout on all but one of the Kid’s books for kid’s week(The final one is waiting on the illustrator. He had a cord malfunction and couldn’t send in the art yet. Poor guy)
I have started getting preorders set up for the kid’s week books. *Links will be in a post on the Fae Corps blog when I finish the getting of the preorder links….
I have written a poem a day for everyday in November so far and got a little bit of a word count in Sea Wytch.
I did my grocery shopping for November. And came in under budget.
I have started my christmas shopping.
I made it to therapy.
I have remembered my medicine over half of the time…(I set another set of reminders on my phone…seriously the only reason I remember to eat half of the time is the dizzy feeling I get when I forget.)
I have stayed Hydrated…
See I am killing this…even if there are days when my body says I am killing me. I created a to-do list for self care. So far it has morning and night meds, and art…(Therapist said art was self care!)
What did you do today? Let us celebrate the win together.
Last week I said that I was going to try to be more responsible with my own blog… the more observant among you have noticed that I have not been posting the drawings for the past two days. The weather changes and my crappy immune system equals I am sick. It is not life threatening but it is bad enough that I am barely out of the bed today. I am hoping to be able to do some periodic posts this week instead of the scheduled stuff… mostly because I feel like warmed over death at the moment. My sinuses are driving me nuts and I am so going back to bed. Peace out y’all.
This is the piece that caused me all the emotional drama earlier. I was trying to show a caterpillar with a transformation of a butterfly attached. The feedback is that it looks like the butterfly is pooping. Yes. yes, it does. And now that will forever be what the transformation is. SHIT. Thanks.
However I made myself attempt another piece because I was honestly ready to delete the piece, the program and all. I needed to make myself work past the hurt and the disgust with what I had created to try to figure out creation again.
Let me preface this by saying that I don’t know what I am changing yet…if anything. I am entering a little bit of a restructuring of my own life and social media. I still plan on being here. I am still me. However, I recently broke ties to a friend of over a decade. This has been coming for the past year. It should surprise no one.
I don’t know if I have anything to change, however a decade of shared speces and shared faces means that I at the very least have to consider the change… and the backlash it will have on the people around me. Though I share easily my life here, I don’t feel like I should be pointing fingers at others and writing their sins. What is toxic to me may not be to them. We can each only tell our own truth… whatever that may be.
I do post on social media vague rants and those who are close to me can figure it out…but I don’t point fingers. I don’t feel like it is my place to call someone out. It is my place to try and work through my own emotions and my reaction to the situation. Hence why I vague post. They are my way to work through the issue. Comments end up helping me to see if I am way out in left field or missing something.
Right now I am feeling grief. I am processing it. I am pulling myself away from the shared spaces. I am also refusing to allow my grief to stop the forward motion of Fae Corps. She requested that her books be pulled. She has decided to cut the ties completely. I think that is probably the best idea, as I will continue to get hurt otherwise. She left me feeling like I am hard to love, and hard to get along with. That is my responsibility to deal with.
I am back to dealing with this blog and the Fae Corps blog. I spent all day Sunday getting it dealt with, and I am determined to keep my blog from falling behind. Maybe I will have an easier time doing so with my mind not distracted by the issues I was facing.
I was going to do the usual poetry update today…but my kitchen sink busted last night…well a piece of it did. We have a hose attachment that allows us directly to use water (my dishwasher is a portable) and the hose busted. It is not going to be an expensive fix. Just was a panic at 2 in the morning because of the flooded kitchen. It got me thinking, much as most incidents like that do.
My daughter was the one who had found the flooded kitchen, and bless her she immediately went to work cleaning up the mess. She sent me messages to wake me up. She was comfortable enough to curse at me for not answering the phone (I was actually in a deep sleep for a change). I wonder if I would have ever been so with my mom.
We had a conversation while we were stuck at Walmart about what our favorite dinosaur was (hers is a Saurolophus, mine has always been a triceratops) and I adore the little things that I can get to share with her. (The dinosaur conversation was initiated due to a figit toy she had in her purse. A club tailed dino filled with sand that can be manipulated various ways.)
I don’t remember ever being comfortable enough talking to my mom about anything. My doctor finds my mom and I to be a funny topic. I told her (doctor) that My mom still is blaming me for a virus I had as a teenager. I had infantigo when I was around 11 or 12. Mom is still convinced that I caused it by picking at it. And even though I am in my late 40’s brought it up as I was going to cause myself to get it again. The doctor thinks it’s funny. It is a bit of the epiphany for me.
I always expect my daughter to be amazing. Even if she has a bad day, she is going to be amazing. Nothing can change my mind on that. My mom expects the worst about me. She always has, always will… and I have to stop letting her voice color my self view I have spent 47 years trying to be good enough for a woman who is never going to see me as adequate. Time to change my aim.
