Before i start down this road, let me explain. My music tastes are eclectic, in the extreme. I really am all over the spectrum. I listen to classical, country, rock, pop, jazz, reggae, hip-hop, even the occasional rap song. Although i do take moods where i pick a genre or theme. I am always looking for new songs to listen to.
Now that being said there is some amazing music out. I was looking tonight into “girl power ” songs. Sarah maclachlan, Kelly Clarkson, halestorm…etc. I am knocked speechless by the way some of the songs that i find speak my life so clearly. As a writer I wonder if it means everything i can imagine has already been done. However there is peace in knowing someone out there understands….
Category: Self esteem
Birthdays
Isn’t life funny? As a child, a birthday is very magical day. It’s always a milestone. However, with age, we stop seeing birthdays with as much glee. I think it’s tied to gifts and responsibilities.
Growing old should be more about becoming wise. Still as an adult it’s often a lonely day where we wonder where happened to us. Another day around the sun. We look at what we have accomplished, and many of us feel bad. I want the wonder back.
I really couldn’t care about the gifts, or lack of. But i would like a day where i don’t look in the mirror and see a failure, for my lack of meeting some grand accomplishment goal. A day where growing older just feels like i am growing wiser. I am glad my daughter is still young enough to relish her birthday. I hope she never loses the magic of it.
Disorganized, headache.
Today has been a busy day. I have been doing chores.( still have many to do tomorrow.) And all i have wanted was to make jewelry. Problem is i have had a sleepover with three twelve year old girls. Recently. And haven’t had a chance to reorganize my craft supplies since. I am quite fond of crafting. I really love making jewelry. To me it’s another art form. So the chores cut into it, and being disorganized really didn’t help. So tomorrow among the chores, is a craft organization. So, though i know i have a new list of topics, i may be Wednesday before i update. And as Thursday is the birthday of a very important twelve year old…. i will be overly busy until next week. I am not saying this to make excuses. I am only explaining, so that the blogs i squeeze in will actually be seen as what they are. Me going above and beyond what i see as my possibilities, to write.
Writing topics and reluctant writer’s
Okay I keep going back to my list for A. I am having trouble writing what’s left. Not because I am unable, or incapable. Because I am too close. Everything I would write about Abuse or sexuality might end up as angry ranting instead of the general musing I try for. Asking and assuming would sound( and did, as I tried those topics) confused and lost. Generally not a good read. Animals, while a simple topic, are another that would just be a general topic without an angle to make the entry worthy of the read.
In some ways, I see that as a general fault in most writer’s. Writing without passion and a clear head just makes an awful read. Know your limits. Find a topic you enjoy and aren’t too angry over. Or at least not so emotionally invested that writing becomes nothing but a rant. Emotionally invested is only really good for poetry and op ed pieces. I save most of those topics for poetry. Had I not been sleep deprived, my A list may have been more carefully made. So I will sleep on it, think carefully about it…and post my topics for B on the morrow.
Allowance
How does one teach a child how to use money? By giving them an allowance, of course. It has always been curious to me as to how to decide how much to pay your kids. I chose $1 a day for my daughter. And if she misbehaves then in can cost between a quarter to a full day worth. Yet, I find myself wondering if it actually prepares her for deal with money. After all she doesn’t have bills.
I have seen parenting pages that speak of working it more like a job. Assigning a cost for their chores. This is an option but I feel like that makes chores less responsibility and more a job. So then you need another method of teaching responsibility.
So I am always looking for the best when it comes to raising my girl. And so far, I haven’t found a better way of dealing with allowance. For now, it’s money so she can have a measure of independent thought and learn at least a little lesson on handling money.
Experiments in social media
I am attached to my phone. I use it for everything, from games to writing. So Facebook tends to be something i look to for promotion of my publication and for social interaction. (Not that I am a weird shut in, or something…. lol).
So in order to spark the muse, occasionally, I post things to Facebook. The latest was a challenge to my friends. I explained that I might use the answers for fodder for blogging. If cost wasn’t a factor, what would they want to gift me for my birthday. Would it be serious or a gag? I am not sure what i expected.
I got touching responses. Many were the same. Mostly everyone would give me improved health and happiness, unlimited books and art supplies, and peace for my daughter and I. When I made the post, I think I had a perception of more materialistic answers. Which would not have fit me. I don’t know why I expected it. I am surprised however that there were no gag suggestions. Hmmm perhaps it says something about me that my friends are all wanting peace of mind and happiness for me. I am sure however that I have been blessed in the friends I have.
My thoughts
So much a year can change . Life kicked me hard in the head exactly a year ago today. I am a survivor, so i did what i do. I survived. I struggled and learned. The stability i desired so badly, i have obtained. And what matters most is what i held onto. So for those who are struggling and feel that their world has fallen apart, i say hold on…things do get better.
Abundance
Well this is a blow up topic. One that if handled improperly, could cause a flame war. America has never known a lack of abundance. We have within our grasp everything we could possibly desire. And this rarely is appreciated. Don’t believe me? Try being homeless here versus in other parts of the world. I have lived out of my car. There were plenty of places I could go to get assistance. At least one shelter I left because it felt too much like they wanted to keep me. Poverty is horrible, but often in the USA, it means not having enough to do things on your own. In other places, it may mean worse. The things so often taken for granted are just not there. Food, water, basic shelter, a land not at war.
Authors, and artists in general
Lately, well for the last decade anyway, I have been surrounding myself with other artisans. Partly because I am insecure about my art. And partly because it’s nice to be among others with similar interests. I think creative types all do that. So for my mind, it seems as though there are more creative types now than at any time before. There are more ways to be a writer, or an artist, now than there have been. I firmly believe this is because the human mind is constantly expanding. At this period in time we have less to contend with for survival. Convenient grocery stores mean that the skills needed for survival are different than even what was needed a century ago.
So since we have more time that isn’t devoted to survival, we can be creative. There was a line in one of The Earth’s Children books (written by Jean M. Auel)… and now that I go looking for that exact line, I can’t find it. Anyway, the gist of the line was that the reason that beads and artistry were signs of status were because of how much time a single bead took to make. That was time that wasn’t devoted to gathering of food and shelter resources. In our society there is less need for hunting and gathering. So we as a species still have that mindset. Since there is enough time for the unnecessary making of art, then we are doing well. So we hold the artist and the storyteller in high regard because of this.
Anxiety
Okay, now for a overdone topic. There are so many blogs out there talking about anxiety… perhaps because as a culture we have over the last century become more and more anxious. Admittedly, I am not immune. It keeps me up thinking. However, I try not to feed it. I imagine anxiety as a terrible beast with sharp claws and way too many teeth. It follows me, waiting for the weakness to take hold. Waiting till I am so weary, that I rest. We all must rest occasionally. Then the beast tears into me, stealing my breath. Causing my mind to immerse in paranoid wanderings. Causing fear to take hold. Most of the time the fear is manageable, as is the self doubt. It’s always there, but perhaps I am better at pushing it down. For me, the beast called anxiety takes my power to push away.
Pattimouse 