Category: Self esteem

Tuesday Tunes

Lyrics –

Out of balance and you fell into the ocean again
My heart was sinking when I saw you didn’t know how to swim
Tried to pull you out, you said, “Just let me drown”
You won’t let go of all the things that bring you down
Then I jumped into the water, darkness covered my head
You pulled me down into the deep, I tried to give you my breath
But you didn’t care
I touched your face and said
“I’ve got to let you go, I’m running out of air”
Ooh, I can finally see
You don’t give a fuck about me
What was I fighting for?
I guess I’ll never know
Can’t do this anymore
I’m swimming for the shore
Took off my cape, this superhero will not save you again
You are the one who wears a mask, you are the one who pretends
That you don’t need my help
Now I’ve got nothing left
Maybe the bravest thing I can do is to save myself
Ooh, I can finally see
You don’t give a fuck about me
What was I fighting for?
I guess I’ll never know
Can’t do this anymore
I’m swimming for the shore
Tried to give you my breath, but I’ve got nothing left
Maybe the bravest thing I can do is to save myself
Ooh, I can finally see
You don’t give a fuck about me
What was I fighting for?
I guess I’ll never know
Can’t do this anymore
I’m swimming for the shore
Ooh, I can finally see
You don’t give a fuck about me
What was I fighting for?
I guess I’ll never know
Can’t do this anymore
I’m swimming for the shore

My 2 cents –

I heard this song recently and it really resonates. I so often give until I have nothing left…then I feel guilty about walking away.

Holidays, and the problems that they represent.

Meme-emotional description

Today is thanksgiving in the US. (Happy Holidays if you celebrate…)

And that last bit is part of the issue. Everyone is expecting HAPPY. Holidays are sometimes a time of grief. Or a time of extra stress. This is true no matter which holiday it is. So I ask if you are struggling…reach out. There is always someone willing to listen. You Matter!!!

For me, this is a hard one. So I am hiding in the writing and video games…and other work to avoid the emotional damage that today will bring. I hope that each of you are having a day where you are able to give yourself the space and the grace that you need.

Thursday Thoughts

FAQ

So, I had decided to take the publishing Demystified and turn it into a book. I didn’t think it past the idea that I could do it in a book. I didn’t think about what it would do to my blog. I am going to be thinking about it through the month of November. Any suggestions you have might give me something to think about.

I will be posting at least twice a day because of the 2 P.A.D. challenges throughout November and I will not be posting my normal posts during that time.

I am not sure which way I will be doing for the poetry yet. I may be doing a bit of both. After all one will make my Instagram active too.

Thursday Thoughts

Meme - emotional description

I love what I do. I love the results of my work. I just have had a lot more on my plate lately than I expected. I had a friend recently reach out and ask how I was doing…and it caught me off guard. I was touched by the idea that she would even ask. I think I forget that I might matter sometimes.

Backing up

Meme - Overthinking

so I am about to get a new computer and that means I have to back up my files.

I am going back to the old files back up and cleaning them up…

I am feeling like a disaster because I keep my files so completely organized on my computer…and the back up is not.

I realize I am letting my brain be mean to me..

but I also am allowing my brain to think about it so I can deal with the reasons why it bothered me ..

Thursday Thoughts

Meme - Feeling Invisible

I have in the last few days gone from feeling amazing to invisible .

I don’t feel like I am unique in this.

Especially when the season starts to change .

However I just want to let you know I see you …even if you feel invisible.

Book Birthday

Cover Image

Poetry is designed for politics. Have you read mine?

Thursday Thoughts

Meme-emotional description

My youngest child is in the process of moving into their own house. I am so torn. They are 20 and ready to do this but I worry about it. Add in the fact that I have had a child to worry about since I was 14 and I find myself with no children to make decisions about…I am going through a lot of emotions that I don’t know what to do with.

Thursday Thoughts

Meme - I am Done

Can I please go back to avoiding the news?

Serena’s poem this week came from a news story about a child being drowned by their own parent. it’s not an uncommon story…but I’m getting tired and old. I have never been able to understand what drives a parent to kill their kids. I don’t understand why parents abuse their own child either. I have had some issues where I have made mistakes but I am not talking about that. I am talking about the ones that purposely hurt the kids. I don’t understand why.

Innocence is not a reason to hurt. If you can’t handle kids don’t have any. Some people just should not be parents.

Thursday Thoughts

Meme - I am Done

I avoid politics.

I really don’t want to have the discord in my soul that politics brings. However, I have found myself being drawn into the fray a lot more lately.

I purposely did Fighting Ignorance as a volume of political poetry because I found myself actually mad about the political issues that were coming out.

I remember thinking that everyone was pushing me to have opinions on politics when I was trying to survive being a young adult in a world that was trying to destroy me. So I refused to get involved. It did the opposite of what everyone was trying to do.

I wanted nothing to do with the news, because it would add more stress on an already tired me. Terrorism was not the people who came from a far to change my country…it was the nightly news telling me that humans were doing such awful things to each other.

I now see the political climate and wonder why we are going backwards. I read a new bill that will make voting harder for those who are like me. My birth certificate and my drivers license have two different names. My name was changed as a child. It was supposed to be changed on my birth certificate as well and due to a paperwork snafu it was not.

I keep seeing more political issues that make me feel like this country is not a safe place for me to live in, and I have no ability to do anything about it. This is why I hate politics. It engenders fear.

I am going to keep hoping for things to turn out well, I will be voting…even if my voice is probably not going to be heard.(1 live in a red state and with the electoral college in place only 51% of the vote is needed to make the choice. So my voice is likely to be unheard.)

I don’t like politics and I don’t like that I have no voice in the way my life is going to be run.

Terrorism is not always an external thing. Sometimes it’s the nightly news telling you world events.