Category: family

Tuesday Tunes

Tuesday Tunes
A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –

[Verse 1]
My entire childhood
I thought I had to hide who I was
I never let anybody see
I finally accept now
That some things never change
How your image will always matter more than me
I never really seem to measure up
I gave my all, but it’s just never good enough[Chorus]
But I’m your daughter, ain’t that enough
To be someone you’re proud of?
I tried my best
And yet you wish that I was different
And the reason why I always shut you out
Was because I felt like I let you down
If I continue this way I’m gonna break
I’m not the one who needs to change

[Verse 2]
I always used to hold back
Afraid that I’d be too much
‘Cause my whole life you taught me that I was
Afraid I was too wild
When in fact I was just a child
Who desperately wanted to be loved
So I chased the love from others
You never understood
But did it ever cross your mind that maybe they gave me what you never could?
[Chorus]
‘Cause being your daughter is not enough
To be someone you’re proud of
I tried my best
And yet you wish that I was different
And the reason why I always shut you out
Was because I felt like I let you down
If I continue this way I’m gonna break
I’m not the one who needs to change

[Bridge]
And I know my sexuality
Doesn’t go well with what you believe
And when I started in recovery
You became my worst enemy
It’s like I’m always almost good enough
It’s like I always almost measure up
But if I could then I would be the one that you want me to be
I just don’t see why

[Chorus]
Being your daughter is not enough
To be someone you’re proud of
I try my best
And yet you wish that I was different
And the reason why I always shut you out
Is because I know that I’ve let you down
If I continue this way I’m gonna break
I’m not the one who needs to change

My 2 cents –

This is Pride month. And though my own mother barely reacted when I came out of the closet, there was so many other reasons why I felt like I had disappointed her. And this song felt so much like someone understood. This month I plan on mostly hitting on the songs that fit the queer tags, but Like usual I try to also pop the ones in that feel like they give me something to say.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –

Now he’s thinkin’ ’bout me every night, oh
Is it that sweet? I guess so
Say you can’t sleep, baby, I know
That’s that me, espresso
Move it up, down, left, right, oh
Switch it up like Nintendo
Say you can’t sleep, baby, I know
That’s that me, espresso
I can’t relate to desperation
My ‘give a fucks’ are on vacation
And I got this one boy
And he won’t stop calling
When they act this way
I know I got ’em
Too bad your ex don’t do it for ya
Walked in and dream came trued it for ya
Soft skin and I perfumed it for ya
I know I Mountain Dew it for ya
That morning coffee, brewed it for ya
One touch and I brand newed it for ya
Now he’s thinkin’ ’bout me every night, oh
Is it that sweet? I guess so
Say you can’t sleep, baby, I know
That’s that me, espresso
Move it up, down, left, right, oh
Switch it up like Nintendo
Say you can’t sleep, baby, I know
That’s that me, espresso
Is it that sweet? I guess so
I’m working late ’cause I’m a singer
Oh, he looks so cute wrapped around my finger
My twisted humor, make him laugh so often
My honey bee, come and get this pollen
Too bad your ex don’t do it for ya
Walked in and dream came trued it for ya
Soft skin and I perfumed it for ya
I know I Mountain Dew it for ya
That morning coffee, brewed it for ya
One touch and I brand newed it for ya
Now he’s thinkin’ ’bout me every night, oh
Is it that sweet? I guess so
Say you can’t sleep, baby, I know
That’s that me, espresso
Move it up, down, left, right, oh
Switch it up like Nintendo
Say you can’t sleep, baby, I know
That’s that me, espresso
He’s thinkin’ ’bout me every night, oh
Is it that sweet? I guess so
Say you can’t sleep, baby, I know
That’s that me, espresso
Move it up, down, left, right, oh
Switch it up like Nintendo
Say you can’t sleep, baby, I know
That’s that me, espresso
Is it that sweet? I guess so
That’s that me, espresso

My 2 cents –

The beat of this is contagious. I have been an insomniac for so long that I tend to be drawn to songs and art that feels like I am being seen.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –

There’s blood in the water
And they’re coming to bring me down
What’s hope with no savior
Yeah, there’s no one in this ghost town
She looked right through me
And I turned to stone
Medusa, Medusa, I’ve been here alone
And I crumbled to pieces
My body, my weakness is on the floor
And the wind will blow and blow
And I won’t be here no more
My wishing well has run dry
Stars are dying in the sky
So I’ll shed my blood and tears
I’ll show no fear just to survive
She looked right through me
And I turned to stone
Oh Medusa, Medusa, I’ve been here alone
Ahh, ahh
Ahhhh
She says, mortal one you’ve been chosen
You’re beautiful, but you’re broken
So hold on to this moment
And fight until you’re hopeless
There’s secrets and riddles
That live in these walls
There’s ghosts of past heroes
And I hear them call my name
We won’t be tamed
Oh, she looked right through me
And I turned to stone
Medusa, Medusa, I’ve been here alone
She looked right through me
And I turned to stone
Oh Medusa, Medusa, I’ve been here alone
Ahh, ahh
Ahhhh
Ahh, ahh
Ahhhh

My 2 cents –

I have always loved the myth of Medusa. I see the curse she was given as Athena’s way of giving her a way to defend herself. I read a poem recently and I loved it so much… But I didn’t save it so I am not sure who penned it. Or even if I am remembering it right.  But it was about Medusa. It basically said that the reason why she was hated was because she made her trauma so loud that they made her body a battlefield. Gah I wish I had saved it now. It really was so lovely.

Edit :  not sure if it is going to share properly but I found a reel of it. It is titled Aphroditie made me do it by Trista Mateer.

What a week!

Meme - Not today

okay, so I have overdone everything.

my body aches everywhere.

I have a few things that are still in the works, and I am not sure what I have that I can share about them.

I know I have to work on a million things… but it has been a long week.

So I don’t have any more spoons.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –

Hail, hail the black sheep
We are blood, we are family

Call me an outcast, call me a freak
Watch those bullets ricochet straight off of me
‘Cause I belong where right is wrong

No lost cause like the good books say
Don’t give a damn what people think
I march along to a different song

Oh, I feel it deep in my bones
I was born to break every curse, every chain
So I’m singing

Hail, hail the black sheep
We are blood, we are family

Pray the lord my soul to keep
Hail, hail, the black sheep

Thinkin’ like water, think it speaks
Oh, how the river runs deep

We are blood, we are family
Hail, hail the black sheep

Can’t shut me up, won’t bite my tongue
Speak my truth till the day is done
I’m not a saint, I own my pain

Never was lost, but I found my way
Always knew I’d show my scars one day
For the rules I broke, helped me build my throne

Oh, I’m right where I belong
Now I’m singing

Hail, hail the black sheep
We are blood, we are family

Pray the lord my soul to keep
Hail, hail, the black sheep

Thinkin’ like water, think it speaks
Oh, how the river runs deep

We are blood, we are family
Hail, hail the black sheep

Hail the black sheep, yeah
Hail the black sheep, oh yeah

From the streets, to the gutters
We’re sisters and brothers

One nation under one love, one color
Born to be
Black sheep

Hail, hail the black sheep
We are blood, we are family

Pray the lord my soul to keep
Hail, hail, the black sheep

Thinkin’ like water, think it speaks
Oh, how the river runs deep

We are blood, we are family
Hail, hail the black sheep

From the streets, to the gutters
We’re sisters and brothers

We are blood, we are family
Hail, hail the black sheep

My 2 cents –

Family is such a huge thing. For some of us it is a good thing, and for others… well…we spend the whole of our lives wondering what is wrong with us.

What a week!

Meme - Not today

So I know that I have been trying to get back to my usual for this week… and yes… I am scheduling it all on Sunday… but I got as far as Wednesday and I don’t know what to do with it.

I have so much going on, and I know that I can use it for telling you about it… but sometimes it’s not stuff that I know how to share.

This month especially is physically busy. It’s also busy with work. Okay let me explain.

Work is not usually physical for me. Work is writing, editing, and publishing. It can be incredibly mentally taxing. But I am often not up and moving around.

Part of the reason why is that I don’t have exactly good mobility. I will get unable to move if I do too much.

Well, in order for me to have an office…we have to clean out a storage room. Plus I have plans for the weekend to be at Milton Flea market with my resin art and jewelry. (Kiddo is doing yard sale stuff at the same time.) And the chickens are going to be getting a new coop from a old building in the yard – that also needed cleaned out to be useable.

So, I think that I am just overwhelmed and stressed out. Hopefully I can do a good post next week about the flea market.

Raz T Slasher

Book Discussion

So one of my favorite people is off on an adventure today. Raz T. Slasher is going to be at Final Boss Con today at a table talking about his books. If you are in Ohio in the area, stop by and say hi for me.

He is one that I have enjoyed publishing, and knowing for a little bit now. It’s only about an hour away from where I live but I can’t get transportation to go see him.

Pad Challenge Day 19

Regrets

By Patricia Harris

In the moment when you seek
a reprieve from your own mind
or the uneasiness of your own skin…
that is when regrets sneak in.

The emotional toll is heavy indeed,
for regrets are weighty when the
soul is most in need of relief.

*Poet’s Note…Though I have been Keeping up with the PAD Challenge…I failed to post yesterday. I apologize. My Daughter is very ill, and I have been trying to keep up. I was at the ER most of the Day yesterday.

Answer the question

My daughter is actually too smart for my own good.

We were having a conversation and she got slightly aggravated with me. I know she probably phrased it slightly differently but the gist of what she said was that she had heard me tell her father that I don’t see him as the villain, and I don’t want him to be my hero. Her question was “well why the hell not? who rescues you?”

I don’t know how to explain to her that I don’t want to be rescued. I am my own hero…. and I tried to tell her that. She said that she had never seen me choose myself over them. I have always chosen the best for her and him. She said she didn’t understand. I chose the best for the best part of my life. How do I even begin to explain it?

She is my whole world. Don’t get me wrong, I love my other two children but I didn’t get to raise either of them… and then add in the two miscarriages I had before her. I can’t have any more children. I wanted a house full when I was younger.  I found having her was enough.

She always seems to know what to say and when I just need her to be around. She has such a delightful eclectic taste in music and an artistic bent. She is so empathetic and she has a definite view of the world.

So, she is my whole reason to want to be a better person. And she gets mad at me for not being selfish.

How does it work?

Birthdays and family

20 years ago today I gave birth to my own best friend….

{the picture is old}

As her day is on Sunday I will be struggling with getting my blog done this week.