We are trying to raise the money to get the roof repaired and the basement fixed. I don’t often ask for assistance but I’m stuck between the proverbial rock and the hard place. Thank you for all your assistance and support.
The picture is of the garage. It’s sort of where my life really started. When I started dating my boyfriend, we lived in that garage. His grandma didn’t him to live in his car with me, and we had nowhere else to go. So, she let us live in the garage. Now we live in the house. The garage was home 27 years ago. The house roof has been patched but it really needs to be replaced. The cellar used to have a drain, but the septic tank was broken and his mom didn’t realize that it was still necessary. So when it was broken, she had it filled in…and the cellar floods because of it. We have temp fixed it with a sump pump, but it doesn’t ever empty.
We are trying to raise the money to get the roof repaired and the basement fixed. I don’t often ask for assistance but I’m stuck between the proverbial rock and the hard place. Thank you for all assistance and support.
I am not my mother’s Pious Daughter I am one who runs barefoot cursing sharp stones I am not my mother’s righteous daughter I will tattoo my skin I will not lower my voice She birthed a witch when she wanted a lady She prayed for a child who would walk with the lord But I watch the stars and I live by the planets I cut her dreams short with the edge of my sword We’re not our mother’s saintly daughters We forge our own paths, we sing our own tune We’ll make our own family and walk with our ancestors One day we’ll meet them with a song and a broom.
My Two Cents- I usually do Youtube for the video, Today this song is from TikTok. It is a reimagination of I am my Mother’s Savage Daughter. I truly love this. I am not the daughter my mother wanted…and that does not make me less. I am me, and I think I need to remember what that really means.
Well me, it’s nice talking to myself A credit to dementia Some day you too will know my pain And smile its “black-tooth grin”
If the war inside my head Won’t take a day off I’ll be dead My icy fingers claw your back Here I come again
Feeling paranoid True enemy or false friend? Anxiety’s attacking me And my air is getting thin
Feeling claustrophobic Like the walls are closing in Blood stains on my hands And I don’t know where I’ve been
Once you committed me Now you’ve acquitted me Claiming validity For your stupidity
I’m chomping at the bit I’m sharpening the axe Here I come again, whoa! Sweating bullets
My Two Cents- Remember the war within? Yeah, I am still fighting. Don’t we all fight those voices? I have spent quite a few years worried about my mental health issues getting me locked away. Asylums are not good places. Especially when you are extremely claustrophobic. My mind is a place where so many wars have been fought. And I know I am not alone.
As many of you know, I just took a vacation. The vacation was fun…and it was miserable. I will explain. My daughter and I went to visit my mom. We enjoyed the visit…but there were snide little digs that my mom made that we did not enjoy. I don’t plan on going into details. When we got back we were both upset and trying to get back to the happiness that was home. Then today we were talking about it.
“It wasn’t that bad” “I just exaggerated it” “I am just ungrateful.” “I blew it out of proportion.” “She probably didn’t mean it the way it sounded.” “I was just looking for reasons to hate the trip.”
This often happens to me when I deal with my mom. I end up feeling guilty because I take what she says the wrong way. I told my therapist about a thing that my mom had said that had my daughter upset. I told her that I had told my girl “My mother loves me, but I don’t think she likes me very much. The difference Is I love you and I like you just how you are. I would not change anything about you.” My therapist asked me a question that has been bouncing around my head ever since. “Are you sure that your mom loves you?”
The question becomes how are we sure if anyone loves us? When my parents got divorced, my mom told me something that stuck in my brain. She said that Daddy loved her, but not in the way she needed. Perhaps the demons eating at my brain are doing so, not because I am unloved or unwanted, but instead because I need more than those who have loved me were capable of giving. So my internal war today is the question – Am I too needy? Is everything I do stemming from the desire to be loved more than anyone is possibly capable of? And is my inner voice just looking for an excuse to be miserable?
I am at war with myself, and to be frank, I doubt that I am going to win. I am fighting the demons within, and it looks like I am losing again. The words that whisper in my brain are getting real loud within. Teaching me that I am failing seems to be the goal, Leaving me there to somehow the answers know.
Yeah, I guess I am going slightly mad, For I find myself doubting even the truth I had. Instead of knowing that I am whole and hale, I find doubt behind every thought, everywhere.
I don’t know if I will get every day this week posted. I am not able to get the week scheduled today. I am busy fighting that war inside me.
She was born in the 1930’s in Washington DC. She said that young women were not allowed to carry any weapons…but they had hat pins. I put a picture on this post…She told me that the hat pins were sharp and it baffled me. How did women use them with out poking themselves? The hat pins were seriously the same as a dagger in the hands of these young women.
Her story made me think that DC was a really bad place in her youth…(though I guess I can’t say it is a good place now)
I don’t remember the whole story but it was full of the necessary thrill to ensure that the teen I was would be hooked on every word. Now the woman I am in the middle of a dystopian nightmare for women am wishing I could have recorded every single story she told. I will always remember her telling me that Roe vs Wade didn’t make abortion easier to get, it merely made safe abortion easier to get. Women were still getting them, just most of them were dying. She told me about back alley butchers. I was so happy that I was born in post Roe vs Wade America…now I am sorry that I have lived long enough to see my home become a place where I am no longer free.
I have mentioned before that I was going on Vacation. I have also mentioned that I have many strong amazing women in my family. I went to see my Aunt at work today.
She is 70 and still working because she believes in the place she works for. My Daughter and I got to get a little tour. I can’t imagine a more amazing place.
My little girl was wishing that we were closer because of how cool she found it to be. It is a place that helps special needs people to do some pretty cool things.
My Aunt works for Challenge Mountain. They do all sorts of things for people who need a little bit of help. Skiing, snowboarding, sailing, biking, art classes, and more. (My Aunt spoke about a 70’s dance that was recently held. ) She showed us safety equipment for disabled people to make sure that the activities were available for all. I honestly was so impressed with the way it was set up.
I know that I said that I was going to be not updating while I am on vacation, but I had to share my adventure today.
So, my mommy messaged me around the beginning of June and said that she was coming to get me around the 18th and keeping me until the 28th. I was not asked if I wanted to go…but I do.. so I am going. I will have internet, but I don’t know what I am going to be doing. So this is your warning. I will not be posting anything during those 10 days…I don’t know if I am going to be able to get myself back to work before the 5th of July (due to a cookout that I decided was a good idea for the fourth) I will be back to posting after the fifth. so please excuse my random disappearance. Have fun and be nice to each other while I am gone…
Due to the lack of spoons and the huge amount of stuff that I am supposed to be getting done…I am noping out of Today. Thank you for your understanding.
Wanna be loved every night Wanna know she’s only mine Breathe her in, give me life Got all these hearts in line They all wasting their time ‘Cause only you do me right
Baby, you should pick up the phone ‘Cause I’m wondering if you’re alone ‘Cause I’m driving down Sunset If you’re ’round, come get it If you come, come get it
I wanna be missed like every night I wanna be kissed like it’s the last time Say you can’t eat Can’t sleep, can’t breathe without me I wanna be held, fragile like glass ‘Cause I’ve never felt nothing like that Say you can’t walk Can’t talk, go on without me
Aren’t you tired every day? ‘Cause I run through your brain Hold me down, keep me safe This is as good as it gets Don’t you dare second guess Only want you saying yes
Baby, you should pick up the phone ‘Cause I’m wondering if you’re alone ‘Cause I’m driving down Sunset If you’re ’round, come get it If you come, come get it
I wanna be missed like every night I wanna be kissed like it’s the last time Say you can’t eat Can’t sleep, can’t breathe without me I wanna be held, fragile like glass ‘Cause I’ve never felt nothing like that Say you can’t walk Can’t talk, go on without me
Say, say you can’t eat Say, say you can’t sleep Say, say you can’t breathe You can’t breathe without me You can’t breathe without me
I wanna be missed like every night I wanna be kissed like it’s the last time Say you can’t eat Can’t sleep, can’t breathe without me I wanna be held, fragile like glass ‘Cause I’ve never felt nothing like that Say you can’t walk Can’t talk, go on without me
I wanna be missed, come hold me I wanna be kissed, come feel me Come, come make me feel missed (I wanna be missed) Come, come make me feel missed I wanna be held, come hold me I wanna be felt, come feel me Come on make me feel missed (come on make me feel) Girl, come make me feel missed Make me feel missed
My Two Cents-
It’s pride month and I couldn’t resist the urge to post a girlfriend song. I really enjoy this song. I am Pansexual. My blog is always a safe place for all. What is your favorite Gay song?
Pattimouse 