Perspective unique

                                                         I have been learning a lot about who I am and who I have been simply by talking to my twelve year old daughter.  She sees things in a very straight forward way. She asks questions about life and especially about the parts of human nature that often confuses her. Her questions are occasionally embarrassing and often thought provoking. For years I fumbled through life because I was more worried about how people saw me or the way people would react to me to allow myself the freedom of being completely comfortable in my own skin. I kept my secrets; My religion,  my sexuality,  my survival to myself. 

                                                        Part of the reason was because I was afraid. I spoke of my abuse. I was called a liar. I was told I was crazy. A heart can only handle so many blows before it closes itself off. Then as I grew older,  I found that I cared less. I surrounded myself with supporters who didn’t care about those things which seemed so bad before. That helped.  

                                                                                           I lost the innocence my daughter has too soon. I grew cynical because I needed a defense. I still clung to my desires to be a dreamer, even as I lived in a world made of nightmares. I used the ability to read to bury myself in places where the pain was not mine. I used the ability to write to speak with impunity my fear and struggle.  After all, my poems didn’t have to be what I was.  At twelve,  I tried to run away from home for the second time.  For my daughter,  home is where she is certain of the fact that she is loved.  I am proud of that fact. She still has many of the issues I had in dealing with her peers. She is very mature for her age, so she doesn’t understand conversation topics that amuse them. Also she has the same lack of filter I do. If it is on her mind, she speaks it. Yet for all that we are alike,  her mind is far quicker than mine.  She has a  brilliant sense of humor and more self confidence than I ever did.

The pain of revisiting my abuse for the 2nd time.

cassieharte's avatarcassieharte

Well the 2nd edition of I DID TELL I DID is almost there. It has been along hard ‘slog’ and one I should not have had to make.

When I first brought my story out in 2009, I had spent night after night revisiting the horrors that were my childhood. I was working as a Psychotherapist, looking after my home and family and many ponies. Staying up at night was the only way I could write about what had happened to me as a child. It wasn’t easy, going back in my mind, thinking about the abuse and the nastiness of the woman they called my mother. My husband Daniel was very supportive and so were my daughters although only Lucy lived at home at that time. I had locked the ‘nasties’ in boxes that were hard to open. I knew once opened I had to deal with the memories…

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Social Media isn’t social anymore 

I  get on social media to enjoy the random bits of people that they choose to share. Then there are moments that ruin the whole experience for me. And I find myself wondering why I keep going back. The idea behind social media is wonderful… but the concept falls through thanks to human nature.  Instead of compassion and attention,  social media promotes discord and self absorption.

                       If I like too much of what is posted by someone then I am stalking their page. If I post a disagreement then I am disagreeing with every thing they post. And if I ask to be asked before being added to another group then I am ignored. I am back to wondering if it isn’t more trouble to be social than it is worth. I guess that is just me being grouchy….but I feel that there should be a middle ground. 

Art

What is art,
Smart and sublime.
Each eye views differently,
Both beauty and the divine.

An artist places in their work,
Heart,  soul and mind.
Only to hear an offhand remark,
Of how they should really try to find
Something to do with their life.
Some people are but so blind.

The poet pouring themself
Into the words on the page,
Knowing all along that not all
Will see the truth.

The painter who sees a darker view,
Is no less showing
Yet one more truth
That oft goes unseen.

My truth and thine,
Not always so mesh,
So when speaking of art,
No matter the kind,
Be aware always
The ego is but a fragile
Easily broken piece
Of the artistic soul.

Sunday Songs-One For The 4th of July

Kim D. Bailey's avatarKim D. Bailey

Choosing a song for this occasion was difficult.

I wanted to avoid all of the clichés in my choice to celebrate our country’s independence, and find one that not only upholds the very essence of freedom of speech, but does so in a way that makes one think.

Some of you may remember a country band called The Dixie Chicks. They are still together and have been since 1989.

They fell out of favor with many in the USA in 2003 after this:

Source: en.m.wikipedia.org
Now, I’m not going to get into a political debate here or encourage anyone to choose a side. My goal on this weekend, which means so much to me as an American, is to share a song written in response to the backlash The Dixie Chicks received for simply speaking out and sharing an opinion.

As many know, Mary Chapin Carpenter is my favorite female…

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10 Ways to Overcome Writer’s Block

Wonderful ideas!

Words are painful

So you say
Words can’t hurt you,
Such bravado to be shown.
Strength in mind,  and heart,
Forgotten dreams,
Into the fury thrown.
For though the mind is strong,
The tongue is sharp.
Cutting the soul,
Slicing deep.

The pen is mighty,
No sword so sharp.
Each slice exquisite,
Laying vein
outside the skin.
Making me wish
The words mute
Again.

A True Statement of Pride, Or Another Slam Against the LGBTQ Community?

Kim D. Bailey's avatarKim D. Bailey


I would have to say most who find it necessary to announce this are not doing so in good faith, but as yet another systematic form of discrimination and oppression against those who are different from what they consider to be the “norm.”

Julie DiCaro hit the nail on the head.

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Liebster award nomination

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Liebster Award

It is a blogger award where one blogger awards another blogger for their fantastic blogging skills.

Following the rules
Thanks to Jennifer Steiner for my nomination. This is fairly awesome.  Check out her blog,  she is a wonderful writer.  Her blog posts are often about gaming. She has a nicely upbeat attitude. 

Another wonderful blog is one my sister does The birchwood grove gazette. She is writing a young adult story focused on faeries. This blog is a really neat newspaper done by the characters in her story.

Let’s move on.

Now follows the section where I answer (or attempt to answer) the questions that the one who nominated me  came up with.

1. What is your favorite book? Well this is a really hard question. I have so many. Tamora Pierce’s books,  Nora Roberts’s books,  Jacqueline Carey’s books,  changeover by margheret mahy,  up a road slowly by irene hunt, the ghost belonged to me by richard peck, the earths children saga by Jean M Auel, outlander saga by Diana Gabadon, most of Anne Rice’s books, lost boys by orson scott card, several books by Barbara Michaels, a couple by John Saul, a few by Steven King… honestly I think of the books I have read it would be a shorter list to name those i have hated.

2. What did you want to be when you grew up? A teacher or a writer. There were a few others,  but those two more than any.

3. If your house catches fire, what do you grab on your way out? Other than family? I keep my important papers in a folder. That and my kindle.

4. Who is the person most responsible for not only the person you are today, but who has pushed you to be you? 
My boyfriend of twenty years and myself.  He was support and sounding board but I am who pushed.

5. List five things that inspire you (person, place, book, movie, show, etc.).My maternal grandmother,  life, nature,  all books,  dreams

6. What is your favorite dessert and why? 
tiramisu….it’s just wonderful

7. Why are you here today? Because I have never given up.

8. What makes you get up in the morning? my children and my boyfriend

9. If you could raise ONE person from the dead to tell them ONE thing, who and what would it be? my grandma to tell her i love her.

10. If you could buy something you greatly desire or create peace between people, which would you choose? peace.  I am always going to choose peace.

Random Facts about me
1. I am often known for having trouble verbally.  Those who know me call the moments of verbal duhs “Pattispeak”.

2. I am geeky. I taught myself c++ because I wanted to play with world design for ultima online.

3. I have no patience with blatant cruelty or stupidity.

4. I am a survivor.  I make do with every situation life throws at me. And I don’t let it stop me.

5. I am still working on a novel from over twenty years ago.

6. I am an insomniac.

7. I am pansexual.

8. I love to read. I have always got a book with me.

9. I love to stay busy.  And though I have many shows that I enjoy,  i really don’t like video.  (I am usually doing something with my hands while I watch television.

10. I am a textbook Pisces.  Highly emotional and extremely creative.

The Rules-

Thank the person who nominated you, and post a link to their blog on your blog. Try to include a little promotion for the person who nominated you. Display the award on your blog. Write a post about your favorite blog that is not your own. Explain why you like the blog, provide links. Provide 10 random facts about yourself. Nominate 5 – 11 blogs that you fee
l deserve the award. List these rules in your post. Once you have written and published it, you then have to: Inform the people/blogs that you nominated that they have been nominated for the Liebster award and provide a link for them to your post or mine if you don’t have all the information so that they can learn about it.

My nominations

Kim Bailey Deal

Cynthia Pilcher

Robin Koontz

A Not So Jaded Life

Sharon King

My questions for the nominees
1.Why do you blog?
2. What is your favorite music,  and why?
3. What is your favorite medium (ie pen, digital,  crayon,  gel pens,  pencil ) to write with and why?
4. Which cause is closest to your heart? And why?
5. How do you read most?  Ereader, audio or actual book?
6. Who is the biggest influence in your life?
7. If you had the power to change one thing in this world and have it work,  what would you change?
8. What is your writing routine?
9. If you could visit with one historical figure for a full day,  who would you visit?
10. Other than blogging,  what else do you do as a hobby?

Speaking out and why

        Those who know me know I am a very outspoken person. I try to be as honest as possible. Mostly because my memory is awful,  i really would forget the lie. Easiest way to end up caught. There are topics I voice that I know make some uncomfortable. I refuse to be silenced because what I have to say makes any one feel bad.  I was told I was lying when i first spoke my truth.  Others suffered because of this.  I was sexually abused. I was terrified of my abuser doing exactly what he threatened to do. So it took time after to speak. He told me no one would believe me. They proved him right.  I was thirteen years old when I finally found the courage.  So he was allowed to continue his life,  and I was thought insane.  He did to others what was done to me.  They were heard and believed. He has been in jail for about six years now.

I speak now to take back my power.
I speak now because I believe the truth should be heard.
I speak now for those who may find comfort in my story.
I speak now because I survived. 
I speak now because no one should feel insane for telling their story.
I speak now so that my abuser and those like him never win.