Category: struggle

Thoughts

Book Discussion

I occasionally get introspective.

I keep a list of my personal books I have written as a guide to remind me of my own accomplishments. There are days where I don’t believe that I am worthy. That list helps me find my own worth on days where it feels like it doesn’t exist.

Now I have been told that my personal book list is daunting. I have been doing this publishing thing since 2010…and I still have a nasty case of imposter syndrome.

Most people who read my blog know that I write as Patricia Harris and as Serena Mossgraves.

Serena Mossgraves currently only has 11 books published. Not terribly daunting, but I can see it would be slightly intimidating .

Patricia Harris however has a bibliography of epic proportions. I counted 68 books published under that name. yeah it’s daunting.  I have been doing better than I thought.

Sometimes I just need to remind myself that I have been doing things of worth.

Becoming Fiction

Poetry

By Serena Mossgraves

I live in a world where biography's  
Indicate fictional characters 
Which apparently means there is naught 
That we in the real world could learn from them... 
 
History is become  
the darkness that clouds  
what lay ahead of us, 
Instead of shedding light 
on where we have been. 

And as I struggle 
                  to light the path 
for those around me 
Feeling as though  
                 this might just be a war  
I cannot win... 

I realize that even if I 
am becoming fiction... 
I still will never be the person 
that they want in the end....

I was watching a video of The North Omaha Cat Lady. Incredible creator. She was reacting to a comment claiming Anne Frank was a fictional character. Admittedly that inspired Serena’s Poem, and broke my heart. Anne Frank was an incredible young lady. There have been very few biographical books I have enjoyed over the course of time I have been a reader, and her diary was one. The other that stands out was the nine days queen…the story of Lady Jane Grey.

Please if all of the best historical people are to become fiction…then let us still learn from their example. Just because something is fiction does not stop the truth behind it. We can learn from history, from fiction and from each other if we just open our hearts and our minds.

Right now is a scary time to be alive, especially if you live anywhere in the USA. I really try not to be too political on here as I don’t feel like that is what most people come to my blog for. However, having said that…Sometimes it hurts to be self aware in a time of political turmoil and unrest.

Thursday Thoughts

Meme - emotional description

my desk is piled high and I am desperately trying trying to get caught up.

I am so far behind because of the flare that I am struggling to keep from sending my body back in to a meltdown state.

so I may not be able to meet deadlines. I am going to try. but I am not aiming to be down again.

Thursday Thoughts

Meme - Feeling Invisible

To be honest I did not know what to say this week.

How often can you complain about the same thing before even you start to see it as just whining? And that is often the thing with chronic illness…we end up feeling like we are whining. No one wants to hear that it hurts for the millionth time. We can’t do anything that remotely feels useful.

Sometimes I wonder if anyone is interested in the dribble I do have to say. Then I think about it and realize that it doesn’t matter. I still need to speak my truth. I still have to get up and fight every day. Giving up is not in the cards.

So, Though I really didn’t know what to say today…I wanted to at the very least say HI. I Exist!

Thursday Thoughts

Politics are a nasty thing. They always have been. I take after my grandmother where politics are concerned and I am fairly proud of that.

She didn’t read newspapers or watch the news because she didn’t want to feel any worse about the way things were. I don’t do either, but nowadays all a person has to do is open social media and they will find themselves bombarded with current events.

Quite a few of my friends are talking about taking social media breaks because of the mental health strain that comes with the current events. The problem is that for some of us social media is the only time we actually do socialize. Loneliness doesn’t help mental health issues.

This is why we need books and art. We need creative people to make the world less hard to accept. Music, movies, books and art bring the world a light and right now the world is so very dark.

So I will be doing my best to post more art, and make more poetry and stories to bring a light to the world. I ask everyone to do what they can to do the same.

Thursday Thoughts

Thursday Thoughts
Meme - Overthinking

So I posted about an anthology that Serena is in. It really is such a lovely book. The other authors are amazing…and I can’t help feeling like I don’t belong there. The story I wrote was decent…I am not going to claim it was awful or any crap like that. But there is an Introduction in the front of the book that lists that authors as the top horror and dark romance authors…And my brain goes ok now I am guilty of lying to these amazing people.

Imposter syndrome is such a tough thing to grapple with. Most of the best authors I know fight with it. It can seriously cripple even the best writer to a mess and make writing a defeated blank on an overthinking mind…

So, I am struggling with my own brain. I don’t want to accept the idea that I am unable to tell the stories locked inside the squishy lump calling itself my brain.

Tuesday Tunes

Tuesday Tunes

Lyrics –

Southern trees bear a strange fruit
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root
Black bodies swingin’ in the Southern breeze
Strange fruit hangin’ from the poplar trees

Pastoral scene of the gallant South
The bulgin’ eyes and the twisted mouth
Scent of magnolias sweet and fresh
Then the sudden smell of burnin’ flesh

Here is a fruit for the crows to pluck
For the rain to gather
For the wind to suck
For the sun to rot
For the tree to drop
Here is a strange and bitter crop

My 2 cents –

I hate the direction American politics have taken lately. I feel like the songs from the past are relevant again. Though the topic was not a good one, Billie Holiday had a gorgeous voice and made the song seem like such a beautiful thing. I am leaning into the older blues and jazz music lately…Because it seems to be relevant again…and that make me sad.

Book Birthday Belated…

I forgot to post this when the book released….

Tuesday Tunes

Lyrics –

There’s a devil inside me

Keep me close to your breath and your heart

White sands build these mountains, beauty at the start

Climb so high till your feet can’t touch the ground

Head so clouded, you’re right where I want you now

I become your medication Get off on numb sensation

Know every single weakness Bring out your inner demons

This devil digs deeper down inside of me

Will you get out of me

Will you get out of me

I’ll tempt you with my siren song

Close your eyes and just sing along

I can feel you thinking

One more kiss is all I need from this

Do you crave me, or am I just your escape?

From the darkness that resides inside your brain

Call me devil baby, but you know the truth

The only thing that you fear is you (It’s you)

I become your medication Get off on numb sensation

Know every single weakness

Breaking you down to pieces

This devil digs deeper down inside of me

Will you get out of me

Will you get out of me

I’ll tempt you with my siren song

Close your eyes and just sing along I can feel you thinking

One more kiss is all I need from this

There’s a devil inside me

Head so clouded, you’re right where I want you know

This f **ing devil! This devil digs deeper down inside of me

Will you get out of me

Will you get out of me

I’ll tempt you with my siren song

Close your eyes and just sing along I can feel you thinking

One more kiss is all I need from this

This f **ing devil’s white grip Is all I need from this

My 2 cents –

Ever get a song stuck in your head and not be able to put your fingers on what the song is? This was my song this week. All I had was the rhythm. Then the boyfriend randomly decided to play it. whew, that cleared the song from my mind.

Tuesday Tunes

Lyrics –



Ramblers in the wilderness we can’t find what we need
We get a little restless from the searching
Get a little worn down in between
Like a bull chasing the matador
Is the man left to his own schemes
Everybody needs someone beside em’
Shining like a lighthouse from the sea

Brother, let me be your shelter
Never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re low

Brother, let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

Face down in the desert
Now there’s a cage locked around my heart
I found a way to drop the keys
Where my failures were

Now my hands can’t reach that far
I ain’t made for a rivalry
I could never take the world alone
I know that in my weakness I am strong, but
It’s your love that brings me home

Brother, let me be your shelter
Never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re low

Brother, let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

And when you call and need me near
Sayin’ where’d you go?
Brother, I’m right here
And on those days when the sky begins to fall
You’re the blood of my blood
We can get through it all

Brother, let me be your shelter
Never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re feelin’ low

Brother, let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

Brother, let me be your shelter
Never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re low

Brother, let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

My 2 cents –

I am currently on a binge….