This time of year is the hardest part of everything. The holiday season adds a lot of stress. I end up every year feeling burned out.
this is why I try to schedule less publishing work. I also don’t end up being able to get as much written as I want to in November.
I end up sick physically.
I end up sick psychologically.
it lasts until somewhere around February. By then I have a chance to catch my breath. I am still working on trying to not fall apart during this time of year.
And this year is worse because I see next year as being bad. So I am falling apart.
Out of balance and you fell into the ocean again My heart was sinking when I saw you didn’t know how to swim Tried to pull you out, you said, “Just let me drown” You won’t let go of all the things that bring you down Then I jumped into the water, darkness covered my head You pulled me down into the deep, I tried to give you my breath But you didn’t care I touched your face and said “I’ve got to let you go, I’m running out of air” Ooh, I can finally see You don’t give a fuck about me What was I fighting for? I guess I’ll never know Can’t do this anymore I’m swimming for the shore Took off my cape, this superhero will not save you again You are the one who wears a mask, you are the one who pretends That you don’t need my help Now I’ve got nothing left Maybe the bravest thing I can do is to save myself Ooh, I can finally see You don’t give a fuck about me What was I fighting for? I guess I’ll never know Can’t do this anymore I’m swimming for the shore Tried to give you my breath, but I’ve got nothing left Maybe the bravest thing I can do is to save myself Ooh, I can finally see You don’t give a fuck about me What was I fighting for? I guess I’ll never know Can’t do this anymore I’m swimming for the shore Ooh, I can finally see You don’t give a fuck about me What was I fighting for? I guess I’ll never know Can’t do this anymore I’m swimming for the shore
My 2 cents –
I heard this song recently and it really resonates. I so often give until I have nothing left…then I feel guilty about walking away.
Today is thanksgiving in the US. (Happy Holidays if you celebrate…)
And that last bit is part of the issue. Everyone is expecting HAPPY. Holidays are sometimes a time of grief. Or a time of extra stress. This is true no matter which holiday it is. So I ask if you are struggling…reach out. There is always someone willing to listen. You Matter!!!
For me, this is a hard one. So I am hiding in the writing and video games…and other work to avoid the emotional damage that today will bring. I hope that each of you are having a day where you are able to give yourself the space and the grace that you need.
I am aware that I have missed the majority of the last week. November is always a hard time for me. I end up sick more often than not. Chronic Bronchitis doesn’t seem to let me do everything that I want to do. Between that and the stress of moving my youngest child into their own house… and then the election…I just went out of commission. I am behind on my work, have not written anything in a week and am barely back to being alive. I am trying to get my work caught up – because I have authors depending on me. I’m sorry for the delay in my own writing. I plan on going back and trying to do the poetry for the missed days, whether I end up getting them up here or not. I am going to try to start posting again. This will be a little bit of effort on my part as my desk is still covered by things that I have been neglecting.
The last couple of days I have actually noticed that I made mistakes in the titles of the posts. I fixed it as I saw it, but I don’t want to not acknowledge that I have done it. I am struggling with the reality of my child moving, the election, wounds on my feet, and general stuff that has been going on. I will try to look at the top before I publish the post for the remainder of the month but I don’t promise that the typos will not be there.
Serena’s poem this week came from a news story about a child being drowned by their own parent. it’s not an uncommon story…but I’m getting tired and old. I have never been able to understand what drives a parent to kill their kids. I don’t understand why parents abuse their own child either. I have had some issues where I have made mistakes but I am not talking about that. I am talking about the ones that purposely hurt the kids. I don’t understand why.
Innocence is not a reason to hurt. If you can’t handle kids don’t have any. Some people just should not be parents.
I really don’t want to have the discord in my soul that politics brings. However, I have found myself being drawn into the fray a lot more lately.
I purposely did Fighting Ignorance as a volume of political poetry because I found myself actually mad about the political issues that were coming out.
I remember thinking that everyone was pushing me to have opinions on politics when I was trying to survive being a young adult in a world that was trying to destroy me. So I refused to get involved. It did the opposite of what everyone was trying to do.
I wanted nothing to do with the news, because it would add more stress on an already tired me. Terrorism was not the people who came from a far to change my country…it was the nightly news telling me that humans were doing such awful things to each other.
I now see the political climate and wonder why we are going backwards. I read a new bill that will make voting harder for those who are like me. My birth certificate and my drivers license have two different names. My name was changed as a child. It was supposed to be changed on my birth certificate as well and due to a paperwork snafu it was not.
I keep seeing more political issues that make me feel like this country is not a safe place for me to live in, and I have no ability to do anything about it. This is why I hate politics. It engenders fear.
I am going to keep hoping for things to turn out well, I will be voting…even if my voice is probably not going to be heard.(1 live in a red state and with the electoral college in place only 51% of the vote is needed to make the choice. So my voice is likely to be unheard.)
I don’t like politics and I don’t like that I have no voice in the way my life is going to be run.
Terrorism is not always an external thing. Sometimes it’s the nightly news telling you world events.
I think I am misunderstood. Several times lately I have had to explain my desires for Fae Corps.
We don’t generally take erotica…but it is mostly because we do a lot of children’s books and marketing both of them for a small publishing firm is nearly impossible.
The whole reason for Fae corps is because I love books and it is so hard to get your foot in the door as an indie author. The only thing that I limit is the erotica and gore for the sake of gore. I really just try to publish good stories by good people.
I like the idea of seeing unique representation of marginalized or obscure groups. I love publishing poetry that makes people feel or think. I am a sucker for a good kids book, and I would love to publish litrpg stories and or guides. I have a weakness for horror and mystery, sci fi and romance…pretty much anything that is an enjoyable read.
I can’t say that I have some kind of specific thing Fae Corps Publishing is specifically known for. I don’t know if I would want it to be. I feel like there is a lot of Indie firms that are particular. I just want to see good books out im the world.
I am not quiet about my mental illness. I sit and listen to others who need me as often as I can. Mostly because I feel like I am often not heard myself. I scramble to speak, and I am as precise in my language as I can be…because words are important…But there are days when the words leave me.
Sometimes It is easier to advise others than to listen to what you yourself need to hear.
And lately I am finding the words harder than I would like to admit. I have had to make choices for my own mental wellbeing that have left me drained.
So, Like so many others I seek the happy chemicals on the internet. Scrolling, and wishing it was a easy thing to just choose to be happy.
I have work to do.
I refuse to let those who depend on me down. So, I have had my moping period…And now I am done. I have my own plans for what life should be. I have happiness that I will seek out.
So…If you catch me moping again, know it will pass.
I am not here to sit upon a dead ass and be miserable.
So I shared a gofundme…and I still recommend it. My youngest will use whatever donations to find themselves a home. My own safety is no longer an issue here. Theirs is not either, but They are no longer happy here. Which is fine.
Mental health issues erupted in my home, and when I pushed back they nearly blew the whole thing to Hell. That has been addressed. Appologies made and conversations had that needed to be. However, I am going to be making changes for my own happiness here. There will be a new studio for my crafts, and an office for my book work. This will take time. But I am willing to work towards it.
Pattimouse 