Category: self introspection

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –

Oh, oh
Oh, oh
I should be living the dream
But I’m livin’ with a security team
And that ain’t gonna change, no
I got a paranoia in me
And you wouldn’t believe
Everything that I seen, no
Comin’ apart at the seams
And no one around me knows
Who I am, what I’m on
Who I’ve hurt and where they’ve gone
I know that I’ve done some wrong
But I’m tryna make it right
To the one I love, paint me wrong
Give me a light now (Oh-oh)
You know that I love you
But I’m still learnin’ to love myself
(To love my, to love my, to love my)
I’m still learnin’ to love myself
(To love my, to love my, to love my)
Yeah, yeahI should be livin’ the dream
But I go home and I got no self-esteem (No)
You think I’m swimmin’ in green
But it’s passed around my family tree
No man wants to really commit
Intimidated ’cause I get paid and shit
In the crowd, you’re readin’ my lips
But no one around me knows
Who I am, what I’m on
Who I’ve hurt and where they’ve gone
I know that I’ve done some wrong
But I’m tryna make it right
The same mistakes on and on
To all my friends, I’m sorry for
You know that I love you
But I’m still learnin’ (I’m still learnin’) to love myself
(To love my, to love my, to love my) Yeah, yeah
I’m still learnin’ (I’m still learnin’) to love myself (To love myself)
(To love my, to love my, to love my) Yeah, yeah (Oh, oh)
Oh, I try and I try to remember sometimes
If I breathe, it’s alright, but some things don’t change
I’m still learnin’ (I’m still learnin’) to love myself (To love myself)
(To love my, to love my, to love myself)
Who I am, what I’m on
Who I’ve hurt and where they’ve gone
I know that I’ve done some wrong
But I’m tryna make it right
To the one I love, paint me wrong
Give me a light now
(To the ones I love) To the ones I love
I’m still learnin’ to love myself
(To love my, to love my, to love my) Yeah, yeah
I’m still learnin’ (I’m still learnin’) to love myself (To love myself)
(To love my, to love my, to love my, ooh)
And I try and I try to remember sometimes
If I breathe, it’s alright, but some things don’t change
I’m still learnin’ (I’m still learnin’) to love myself (Love myself)
To love myself
I’m still learnin’ to love myself


My 2 Cents –
I find it so easy to love everyone else. I struggle to love myself. I see too easily the flaws. So forgive me if I take a few…I’m Still Learning to love myself…

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –
[Verse 1]
Thought I’d bite my tongue
Just this once, maybe twice, but the harder I bite
Now it’s drawing blood
There’s a trace on my lips, leaves a taste when we kiss
Try to cover up
All of the lies and all of the lines that I
Bottle up
To keep you safe and sound

[Pre-Chorus]
But echoes of warnings
Like whispers of morning, like
It creeping through cracks in my memory
It’d make me lose my mind

[Chorus]
But every time I close my eyes
It’s calling in like a siren
Threatening to comе alive
Unless I pay the pricе, yeah
But if my heart is right this time
And I can finally bear my secrets
Maybe you won’t run and hide
But love the monster inside me

[Verse 2]
Maybe all the love
Is a switch that we flip when we’re losing our grip
And it’s close enough
Taking good with the pain, go a little insane
All we really want
Is someone to hold until we grow old
And no matter what (No matter)
Can’t be scared away

[Pre-Chorus]
Echoes of warnings
Like whispers of morning, like
It creeping through cracks in my memory
It’d make me lose my mind

[Chorus]
But every time I close my eyes
It’s calling in like a siren
Threatening to come alive
Unless I pay the price, yeah
But if my heart is right this time
And I can finally bear my secrets
Maybe you won’t run and hide
But love the monster inside me
[Bridge]
Beauty in the chaos, all that’s left to save us
Now
Beauty in the chaos, all that’s left to save us
Now
Beauty in the chaos, all that’s left to save us
Now
Echoes of warnings like
Beauty in the chaos, all that’s left to save us now
Echoes of warnings like
Beauty in the chaos, all that’s left to save us now

[Chorus]
But every time I close my eyes
It’s calling in like a siren
Threatening to come alive
Unless I pay the price, yeah
But every time I close my eyes
It’s calling in like a siren
Threatening to come alive
Unless I pay the price, yeah
But if my heart is right this time
And I can finally bear my secrets
Maybe you won’t run and hide
But love the monster inside me

My 2 Cents –
I have always fought the stigma of my mental health. I am a survivor. That being said, sometimes the labels are easier to fight than others. Now I am trying to help my teenager fight them. She wants to write horror. She is into the creepy and dark. When she told her therapist that (New therapist) the therapist tried to claim that she was homicidal. She doesn’t want to hurt anyone. She is a gentle soul with a rich imagination. She wants to write dark stories so she is apparently Homicidal. I raised all kinds of hell with the office. The supervisor talked to my daughter and agreed that the therapist was way off base. So I am left with a wonderful beginning writer who is struggling because of labels. Seems to me that the world wants to label madness too easily and the monsters that truly exist are allowed too much leeway. so today at least I think I love the monster inside me and will revel in the beauty in chaos.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –
And I feel that time’s a-wasting, go
So where ya going to tomorrow?
And I see that these are lies to come
So would you even care?
And I feel it
And I feel it
Where ya going for tomorrow?
Where ya goin’ with the mask I found
And I feel, and I feel
When the dogs begin to smell her
Will she smell alone?
And I feel, so much depends on the weather
So is it raining in your bedroom?
And I see, that these are the eyes of disarray
Would you even care?
And I feel it
And she feels it
Where ya going for tomorrow?
Where ya goin’ with the mask I found?
And I feel, and I feel
When the dogs begin to smell her
Will she smell alone?
When the dogs do find her
Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow
To find it
To find it
To find it
When the dogs do find her
Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow
To find it
To find it
To find it
Where ya going for tomorrow?
Where ya goin’ with the mask I found?
And I feel, and I feel
When the dogs begin to smell her
Will she smell alone?
When the dogs do find her
Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow
To find it
To find it
To find it
When the dogs do find her
Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow
To find it
To find it
To find it
To find it
To find it
To find it

My 2 Cents –
This week has been crazy, on a personal level. I know that this song is about murder…but sometimes in order to become who we need to be, it feels like we kill parts of ourselves. I am struggling with decisions that may leave parts of me behind and I am not sure if it will allow me to continue my life as it is or if things will change. This song to me talks a lot of patience.

Quicksilver Poetry

Choice stolen,
It’s rarity increased.
Dreams broken,
So you hold tighter
To the ones that remain.

Virginity a concept
That your worth
Can be stolen away.
That you can be so much less
Because another touched you
Implies that you were less anyway.

Picking up the pieces,
Trying to heal,
Realizing that nothing
was removed,
That it is perhaps better
To put together me
My own way.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics

Will you make it sound so pretty even when it’s not?
Didn’t choose but it’s the only one we’ve got
And sometimes I get so tired
Of getting tied up in my thoughts
You’re the only one that often makes it stop
God, it hurts to be human
Without you I’d be losing
And someday we’ll face the music
God, it hurts to be human
But I’ve got you, you, you, you, you, you, hey
And you’ve got me, me, me, me, too
Like we’re buckled and preparing before the crash
Like we’re walking down a road of broken glass
Now if we defeat all odds
And it was us against the world
You can count on me
You know I’d have your back
God, it hurts to be human
Without you I’d be losing
And someday we’ll face the music
God, it hurts to be human
But I’ve got you, you, you, you, you, you (Hey)
And you’ve got me, me, me, me, too
But I’ve got you, you, you, you, you, you (Hey)
And you’ve got me, me, me, me, too
Hope flows away
If you could spend a day in my shoes
Your mind would change
If you’d known what I’ve gone through
We want the same (Yeah, we do)
Maybe then you’ll understand
How it hurts to be human
God, it hurts to be human
Without you (without you) I’d be losing (Yeah, yeah, yeah)
And someday we’ll face the music
God, it hurts to be human
But I’ve got you, you, you, you, you, you, hey
And you’ve got me, me, me, me, too
But I’ve got you, you, you, you, you, you, hey
And you’ve got me, me, me, me, too
Oh God, it hurts to be human

MY 2Cents
This song speaks to me right now. There is no reason why I have been dragging ass and miserable this week. The cold came back, the laptop died, I have responsibilities that I usually enjoy…But this week… I just couldn’t stand to be human. I was snapping at people over stupid shit. And I know it was stupid. I have no reason or explanation. Just cranky. And I can’t explain it better that this week felt that I was struggling in the fight to be happy…and I was loosing. So for those that have me, and wondered what the heck was my damage…I thank you. I love you all. Thank you for tolerating my bad week.

In the end I will stand alone

https://coffeehousewriters.com/worry/

I am taking a break from coffee house writers. This is my last post there for a while. Though there are some awesome writing on there, and I have quite a few friends on there… I felt like this last poem should stand alone. Please continue to read the work there. The writers are doing some amazing work.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lost Within by Fivefold

Lyrics

Crawl out of the hole you’re in
Who you are is not who you’ve been
Now’s the time to sink or swim
Will you fight the tide or get lost within
And I know you’re feeling low
Feel like you’ve lost control
But the darkness that you know
It’s not your home and you’re not alone
And all you’ve wanted was just so much more
This world has taken ahold
Don’t let ’em get your soul
The silence
You feel it cold as a winter storm
This world has taken ahold
Don’t let ’em get your soul
Iron bars are hell to break
Tell me now, do you know what’s at stake?
Your whole life in a blank stare haze
You walk around like the end of days
And I know you’re feeling low
Feel like you’ve lost control
But the darkness that you know
It’s not your home and you’re not alone
And all you’ve wanted was just so much more
This world has taken ahold
Don’t let ’em get your soul
The silence
You feel it cold as a winter storm
This world has taken ahold
Don’t let ’em get your soul
I’m callin’ out to you
Can you hear me?
They can’t break you down
Let you hit the ground
I promise you it won’t be long (Won’t be long)
You’re feeling overwhelmed here
Drowned by the pain and the fear
The sun will come with the dawn
All you’ve wanted was just so much more
This world has taken ahold
Don’t let ’em get your soul
The silence
You feel it cold as a winter storm
This world has taken ahold
Don’t let ’em get your soul…
Get your soul…

My 2Cents –
Though this song sounds like it is about being depressed, And it most certainly is, I feel like it is about picking yourself back up when you are depressed. I have been here, and it feels impossible. then it doesn’t. Somehow you just survive, and you don’t know how you did it. but you did.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics-
Smoke a little weed, smoke a little weed
I’ve been feelin’ low
Pressure in my head, lay awake in bed
I’m against the rose
Been tryin’ to recover but nothin’ i do works
‘Cause hidin’ under the covers is only makin’ it worse
I’m stuck
Think this is growin’ up
Too much is on my mind, always on my mind
Need a little space
Spend my days alone, can’t get off my phone
Nothing goes my way
Miss all of my friends and barely can file my taxes
I’m halfway through my twenties
Like, how the hell did this happen?
I’m stuck
My life is in a rut
And i’ve been hopin’ these doors might open
And i’ll be running from this place, free
Constant pacing; this time, i’m wasting
I can’t control these emotions in me
Growin’ up
I think i’ve seen better days, it’s gettin’ tough
Always tryna seem like i’m okay
I’m growin’ up
Whatever that means, anyway
I don’t know enough
I’m just growin’ up
Girlfriend wanna chill, girlfriend wanna chill
I’ve been workin’ late
I don’t got no time, workin’ all the time
Too much on my plate
And i don’t wanna fail, i’m bringin’ myself stress
I can’t sit on my sofa, i’m lost and depressed
And stuck
I can’t say that enough
Anxiety is high, i can’t even lie
I’m not doin’ great
Dishes in the sink, think i need a drink
They gon’ have to wait
Stay inside my room that now’s become a prison
I hate these four walls, but only feel safe in ’em
I’m stuck
But no one gives a fuck
And i’ve been hopin’ these doors might open
And i’ll be running from this place, free
Constant pacing; this time, i’m wasting
I can’t control these emotions in me
Growin’ up
I think i’ve seen better days, it’s gettin’ tough
Always tryna seem like i’m okay
I’m growin’ up
Whatever that means, anyway
I don’t know enough
I’m just growin’ up
Growin’ up
I think i’ve seen better days, it’s gettin’ tough
Always tryna seem like i’m okay
I’m growin’ up
Whatever that means, anyway
I don’t know enough
I’m just growin’ up
Growin’ up

My 2 Cents –
Well here lately I have been wondering who made me a grown up? I am struggling with responsibility and the urge to just have fun…so I really related to this one. I can’t imagine with the last year being the way it has that I am alone. so my song choice reflects it. It is ok to feel like you want to have fun, just don’t let it make you do something stupid.

It is the little things

This year the holidays stunk. Yeah I said it. It is so taboo to be miserable during December, because you feel like you are weighing everyone else down. Or you feel just freaking ungrateful.

I know that I am not alone in this. This year has weighed hard on so many. No ability to do big gatherings, or family meals, or the other traditional trappings of the holidays. So much of this year has been death and illness. And for me family distancing.

The holiday was just lacking. So I was playing video games with my youngest, and scrolling down Facebook occasionally when something caught my eye. Serena has her own Facebook. Well someone, another author, had told me that Serena’s Rust, Gore, and the Junkyard Zombie was on his Christmas wishlist. He tagged Serena in the comments of his gifts… He got it.

Seeing that tag just made me smile. It made my whole holiday better. Just knowing that book was wanted.

So till this year is gone, enjoy the little things. Don’t let it fall apart because the big things are missing. Enjoy what you can. I hope that each of you find a little thing that brings joy this season.

The art of blogging

Photo by Peter Olexa on Pexels.com

Blogging is harder than it looks. There’s timing, hashtags, content, and readers to consider. When you first start, if you are anything like I was, you think that you really are less than interested in sticking to a schedule… more that you just want to get what you have to say heard.

Then you start seeing that you are being seen more… Hence people are seeing what you have to say… And it becomes the thing to stick with a schedule (something I am still struggling with)…

So you find yourself searching through the daily Hashtags to find something that both fits your blog and is easy to do content for. You realize that the blog is in control.

I think that I am just not going to plan for Friday. If I feel like posting I will. Thursday is going to stay chaotic as a true mad tea party should be chaotic. (Even if the poet hosting the party is only half mad…). So I think that the blog posts that I share regularly will be Monday poetry, Tuesday Tunes, and Wordless Wednesday. Even the weeks where I am struggling I can usually do those 3.

It was suggested that I do a Follow Friday… Problem is it does not fit my blog. It’s too calm for my crazy