Category: Self esteem

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –

Who will save you?
The voices want to end me
With words just like a blade
Cutting pieces from me
‘Til nothing remains, ’til I go insane
Eyes in the mirror that cannot be mine
Beggin’ this stranger, “Get out of my mind”
Fear overcomes me when I realize
It’s only me
I keep on screamin’, “Help!”
I cannot breathe, someone save me from this hell
Trapped in this fight, all I can find is myself
Alone in my mind, demons come to life (who will save you?)
And over time, demons come to life
Masters of seduction
And I like how they dance
Feeding my addiction
I play their game, another hit of pain
Eyes in the mirror that cannot be mine
Beggin’ this stranger, “Get out of my mind”
Fear overcomes me when I realize
It’s only me
I keep on screaming, “Help!”
I cannot breathe, someone save me from this hell
Trapped in this fight, all I can find is myself
Alone in my mind, demons come to life (who will save you?)
And over time, demons come
I’m not well, I wish I was happy
The world can’t help, ’cause this storm’s inside me
Still, I try, I’m tryin’ to change
But there’s something broken, fucked up in my brain
Partum my demons, there’s no reason
Part of me wants to be stuck in this dream, and
I can’t save me
I can’t save me
(Who will save you?) I can’t save me
(Who will save you?) I can’t
I keep on screaming, “Help!” (Who will save you?)
I cannot breathe, someone save me from this hell (who will save you?)
Trapped in this fight, all I can find is myself (who will save you?)
Alone in my mind (in my mind), demons come to life (who will save you?)
And over time, demons come to life
Who will save me when demons come to life? (Who will save you?)
Who will save me when demons come to life? (Who will save you?)
Who will save me? (When demons come to life)
When demons come to life
I’m not well, I wish I was happy (wish I was happy)
Demons come to life


My 2 Cents –

this is a hard time of year for my mental health. my birthday is the 13th and I am still trying to figure out how I managed to live this long.

Ideas for future projects

        Okay I have been trying to figure out what to do with my stuff that gets accepted to anthologies and the like. Serena has a volume she was putting things in… but I was not sure if it was even a thing I needed.

      You see I rarely send my stuff out. If I do submit, it is usually to my own publishing company. Not as a guarantee of publishing but instead as a decorative element for the Anthologies I am putting together. I don’t think that I have the energy to send my work to be judged.

    I may feel inclined to send in to one or two projects… but I don’t see it being a big deal. So I think that I want to keep a open volume… much like Anthology Alumni and then release it when I feel like it is ready.

The next volume like that is going to be Jotted Memories.

Wild Wednesday

The Concert.

Okay. I have had time to calm down. We got dressed up. We looked amazing. We were so excited. We get there and find out that Falling in Reverse would not be there. Okay, That is only one of the TWO bands we were excited about. TBH we had not really heard Plush so we were ambivalent about them.

The Concert was half an hour after we were told to be there. We understood that was probably to give people time to find their seats. But People were arriving already drunk and loud. The idiot on the other side of Joe was screaming and smelled of beer. The smell of Pot permeated the whole damn stadium. (Not that I mind a good doobie but it was overwhelming.) When the concert did start it was not the order we were told. Plush came out first.

They were amazeballs.

I need to stress that because of how bad the rest was. The woman in the seats in front of us kept standing up to record with her cellphone. The screaming idiot did not stop for the music. All of the extra noise and smells sent Angel into a meltdown. So we decided to leave….And that is when I realized the woman on the other side of me was sitting on my dress. I tried to pull it loose and she just looked at me like I was an idiot. I literally had to ask her to please fucking get off my dress before she let me move.

We finally had to leave – we had only managed to handle three and a half of the songs. The rudeness of people ruined what could have been an amazing experience.

I don’t understand why people cannot just sit and enjoy the show. I only wish we could have stayed. Plush was amazing what we saw, and I imagine Disturbed were probably Better.

Wild Wednesday

So…WordPress is complaining about space. I need to find a way to deal with Monday poetry without uploading more in the already full space…or I will have to change Monday a wee bit.

I want to do this without having to remove the previous uploaded posts. I will have to see what I have to do.

Wild Wednesday

Poets are expected to write love poetry.

Today of all days I feel like I am out of place.

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly all our adult lives…but we are not the romantic sort. He is my best friend.

His sister writes such lovely romantic poems.

I am trying to talk her into publishing them.

But for the poet who writes gothic poems or poems about nature more than love poems…today is an extra stress.

For poets write about love and romance, right?

I just want to say it is okay to be alone. I am nonbinary with Acesexual tendencies. Romance is not something that interests me…so why would I write about it?

Just because today is a commercialized romantic hell…You are okay even if you have not found that person yet. You are okay even if you never do.

Poetry and Interpretations

As many of you know I try to use Serena for my more gothic pieces. I posted the above in a poetry group on Facebook. A private one as I was not ready to share it. In my mind it spoke of finding reasons to live…Facebook flagged it as speaking about suicide or self harm.

I have had my poetry with Serena misunderstood before.

This one I wrote about the Dahlia Murders…and I was promptly told I was writing about the female anatomy.

I am saddened by the removal because I would have loved to have the other poets feedback…but I guess that was Facebook telling me I wrote something worth censoring.

Maybe Politics?

I posted yesterday on Facebook how blessed I felt. I had been invited to join a collective group of poet’s and artists. I said that I felt like an ant in a group of giants.

A good friend pointed out that without Imposter syndrome where would we be… Politics?

That made me laugh .

I am ill suited for politics, because the only person I can lie successfully to is me.

Still I shall enjoy the time spent amongst others who bend words so pleasantly.

(btw the art is mine)

Cyberspace Introspection

So, in today’s society the idea of being “live” carries a new meaning. I came here to tell y’all that I am posting myself reading my poems on my TikTok again and then I wanted to try to make it sound good… so I was thinking about the buzz words… and live poetry reading came up… but it is not live. It’s recorded. I guess I just don’t know what the words to use here are.

I always do subtitles on my readings to be sure my own accent doesn’t make me hard to understand. So I am Pattimouse on TikTok if you want to hear me read my own poetry. I occasionally post other things – mostly the fun little memes that TikTok engenders but not very often. I’m not fond of recording videos. So I try to make sure that when I do record it is for a good reason.

Pad challenge Day 21

Prompt: Two for Tuesday (Introvert/Extrovert)

I chose to combine the two prompts. I’m so awkward with social situations that I am often seen as an introvert but you get me comfortable and I am extremely extroverted. It really does depend on the situation for me.

Pad challenge Day 11

Prompt: Odd