Category: Self esteem

Various views

   I was saddened to awaken and find another idol gone. Each little light going from the world makes it such a darker place.  After a time each loss stacks on the heart,  weighing it down.  So I set about grieving on social media,  I set myself down and reliving the Joy I have felt in his music.  Rewatched my favorite movie that he was in. I felt sad, until I read a blog post by one of my favorite webcomics ( http://www.dominic-deegan.com) . He was far more elegant than I at how he expressed the combination of sadness and shock that this light going out caused.

Michael Terracciano
Don’t be sad that David Bowie died. The man lived a fiercely unique, artistic life. He was a relevant cultural icon for decades. He was Ziggy Stardust, Jareth the Goblin King, and just David fucking Bowie. His music is immortal. His last work is (from what I’ve heard) a masterpiece of a finale. He left us as ashes, not dust. This is probably the best ending to an artist’s story that any of us creative types could hope for. Hell, if I accomplish even half of a fraction of what David Bowie achieved, I will have surpassed my wildest dreams. Today I celebrate, not mourn.

        This got me thinking.  So i started looking at my behavior when each of these lights went out. Each time we lost a bright light who brightened my life in some way, I reacted the same way. I went back to what I loved.  Their light.  I really believe many do this.  It helps us make sense of death,  of disease,  and of violence.  So tonight i rejoice for the light I found in a creative soul. I also hope someday far into the future,  someone does the same when I pass.

R.I.P. to all those lights that have gone out in the last few years,  even those who only lit up one small world.

Tools, text and context.

    A lot of what I read about writing claims I should structure my writing time.  Plan a place,  make a dater and set a goal.  The problem I have with that is I don’t write well when I structure it. It starts to feel forced.  So I have started instead to attempt at least do something writing related for 25 minutes every day. Now that really doesn’t always have a word count attached.  It can be editing,  or outlining,  brainstorming,  or organization of files.  It can even be research or reading a article about writing. 
       Even searching for inspiration on the net. I realize many of those don’t sound like writing.  In many ways that’s why writing isn’t seen as work.  Because of course all we as writers do is tell a story.  However,  it’s not always that cut and dried. For a writer, one of our biggest tools is our mind.  Imagination and creativity are a part, yet without the ability to direct it, writing lacks a fire that is difficult to explain. To hone that ability,  we need to do what encourages our minds to grow. Which is something I believe everyone should do.

Self absorption

I have suddenly realized that all of my best “stories ” from my life center on me. I was the hero of my own tale. While that’s not really unusual, I never saw myself as that self absorbed. I have always put others first. Been sympathetic and empathetic.Yet, today I realized, I see things only from one point of view. As a writer I have tried to at least imagine things from opposing views from my own. I think of it as an exercise. Social media helps. Although I am often disappointed in things I see in others. Don’t get me wrong, I am far from perfect. However I hope to always see kindness and charity…. and I rarely do. Yet this morning I talked online with someone. She was a good friend in high school( admittedly almost thirty years ago now) …And although I remember her vividly, she doesn’t really remember me. Part of my ego was bruised at that.  It got me thinking. Wondering at the variations of all my life stories…. when seen from another set of eyes. Would the things that seemed so darn important to me even have made it to the footnote? Point of view makes all the difference in what direction the stories take. Does it make a difference in who I am? Not sure. Perhaps that still requires thought.

Titles

I started something tonight when i decided to post a blog post. Another step in life to make a mark on the world around me. Still not sure what my mark will be. I struggle constantly with self worth. I am forty… and although Ihave done a lot, I really do not have anything to show for it. I can write code in c#…but I taught myself to do. I craft, making jewelry, crocheting, sewing( although badly). Yet, in the long run, this too is not something where I took classes and have a certificate. I write, both poetry and stories. Yet, though I have four volumes of poetry, a novella and a children’s book published in various formats( still working on releasing them for Nook.) None have sold. Now I add blogger to my titles. Writing isn’t something I could even give up. Nor is drawing. (Even if it feels like I do both badly). Truthfully, in the end I doubt I could really give up doing anything that I do. So my titles grow, and I am still just a high school graduate…
Just for the curious…. my titles include…. Geek, Programmer, Jewelry Artist, Author, Poet, Mom, Crafter, Pansexual, Survivor, Blogger, Artist, Gamer, Pagan and who knows what I’ll add.