I gotta know that your heart beats fast and I gotta know I’m the only one for you What have I become? I’m a fucking monster When all I wanted was something beautiful My love too much Your love not enough My love too much Your love Oh, what it takes out of me to lay by your side Oh, well it aches and it aches You make me wanna die I gotta kill you my love I gotta kill you my love Oh, what it takes out of me to lay by your side You said forever, now you look right through me You said forever, did your words fall short like you? What have I done? I’m a fucking monster When all I wanted was something beautiful My love too much Your love not enough My love too much Your love Oh, what it takes out of me to lay by your side Oh, well it aches and it aches You make me wanna die I gotta kill you my love I gotta kill you my love Oh, what it takes out of me to lay by your side My love too much Your love not enough My love too much Your love
My 2 Cents- There is a lot of things that can make someone feel like they are to blame for relationship failings. This song makes me feel like I am not alone. I have been dealing with personality changes in the man I love due to brain abnormalities…and It makes me feel like a monster that sometimes I don’t love the person he has become. Sometimes when life changes those we love sitting there wondering if we can handle it is normal, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
Okay, I have been sharing my art on Wednesday and making it wordless… But Words are what I do best. It had been bothering me. I do art in so many different mediums. I actually enjoy talking about it. I don’t plan to share art every week. Some weeks I just want to discuss technique and such. Or share links to art that I found online and love. This gives me a platform that I am not wordless. I have lost my voice in the past and with it my power. I hate being powerless. Art is not about being powerless. Art is an expression of self. There is no greater power than being yourself. So, Let’s learn about art and share the journey of the artist together. Join me and share who you are as well.
First, you’re on top of the world (a-ah) And then that world just ended (a-ah) You think you’re driving down the highway (a-ah) But then you’re in the trenches (a-ah) Butterflies are kinda nice, I guess But my tummy hurts, I’m getting sick of it Been bruised over, over again So, you know what? Screw feelings, I don’t want ’em any more One second I’m on fire, then I’m bored When I try them on, I end up insecure Screw feelings, screw feelings (you know what?) Screw feelings, I don’t want ’em any more One second I’m on fire, then I’m bored I just took ’em off and throw ’em on the floor Screw feelings, screw feelings Scared of the day it hits me (a-ah) A baseball bat to my heart (a-ah) Butterflies are kinda nice, I guess But my tummy hurts, I’m getting sick of it Been bruised over, over again So, you know what? Screw feelings, I don’t want ’em any more (any more) One second I’m on fire, then I’m bored (then I’m bored) When I try them on, I end up insecure Screw feelings, screw feelings (you know what?) Screw feelings, I don’t want ’em any more One second I’m on fire, then I’m bored I just took ’em off and throw ’em on the floor Screw feelings, screw feelings Screw feelings (yeah) Screw feelings (yeah) Screw feelings (yeah) You know what? Screw feelings (yeah) Screw feelings (yeah) Screw feelings (yeah) You know what? A-ah, a-ah, a-ah (yeah, a-ah) A-ah, a-ah, a-ah (yeah, a-ah) You know what? I feel like this song A-ah, a-ah, a-ah (yeah, a-ah) A-ah, a-ah, a-ah (yeah, a-ah) Yeah!
My 2 Cents- The Last few months have just been hard. This song’s message is easily heard and it is a fun video. We have to feel things, it is in the human condition, but that does not mean we have to like what we are feeling. Today, Screw feelings.
[Verse 1] I must be the kings of gambling ‘Cause I’m no ace of hearts babe, as you know, mmm People say pick yourself up from the ground But I just keep on sinking, like a stone, mmm
[Post-Verse] When I drift closer you float further, out And I hate, yeah I hate it It’s like I’m the story’s villain And you are the heroine And I can’t win
[Pre-Chorus] I tried to say I’m sorry but it sounds like it’s your fault And every compliment just sounds like you’re no good at all Yeah I hate to be the reason for you walking out that door But right before I fix it, I fuck it up
[Chorus] Fuck it up some more I fuck it up, fuck it up Fuck it up some more I fuck it up, fuck it up Fuck it up some more I fuck it up, fuck it up Fuck it up some more I fuck it up, fuck it up Fuck it up some more
[Verse 2] You’re the best I’ve ever had Hope I’m not your worst, but I don’t know, mmm Sorry I’ve dragged you down through every circle Down through my inferno Should’ve cleaned first, mmm, mmm
[Post-Verse] When I drift closer you float further, out And I hate, yeah I hate it It’s like I’m the story’s villain And you are the heroine And I can’t win
[Pre-Chorus] I tried to say I’m sorry but it sounds like it’s your fault And every compliment just sounds like you’re no good at all Yeah I hate to be the reason for you walking out that door But right before I fix it, I fuck it up
[Chorus] Fuck it up some more I fuck it up, fuck it up Fuck it up some more I fuck it up, fuck it up Fuck it up some more I fuck it up, fuck it up Fuck it up some more I fuck it up, fuck it up Fuck it up some more I fuck it up, fuck it up Fuck it up some more I fuck it up, fuck it up Fuck it up some more
My 2 cents –
I can’t help feeling like this song is reading my mind. I often feel like a screw up. Whether I am or not. This one has been stuck in my head lately.
Lost in a dream I had when I was young No I never woke up From itI broke a chain I turned and ran No I never looked back AgainIs there anybody out there? Hello can you hear me? Or am I just screaming to the void? I’m not looking for a savior I just need somebody Telling me I’m not in this alone Cause I’m feeling like a creep here Standing on the outside Tunnel vision stares cut to the bone I’m not looking for a savior I just need somebody Telling me I’m not in this alone Is there anybody out there? Are you a freak like me? Getting kicked out somewhere Are you a freak like me? Tell me where you wanna go And baby we’ll go You don’t gotta walk that way alone Fuck this place We don’t gotta go back there Is there anybody?It’s all on me Yeah everything’s my fault Locked in a bathroom stall right now Death of a dream It’s running down my cheeks Won’t let ’em see me weak Like thisIs there anybody out there? Hello can you hear me? Or am I just screaming to the void? I’m not looking for a savior I just need somebody Telling me I’m not in this alone Cause I’m feeling like a creep here Standing on the outside Tunnel vision stares cut to the bone I’m not looking for a savior I just need somebody Telling me I’m not in this alone Is there anybody out there Are you a freak like me? Getting kicked out somewhere Are you a freak like me? Tell me where you wanna go And baby we’ll go You don’t gotta walk that way alone Fuck this place We don’t gotta go back there Is there anybody out there? Is there anybody out there? Is there anybody out there? Hello can you hear me? Or am I just screaming to the void? I’m not looking for a savior I just need somebody Telling me I’m not in this alone Is there anybody out there? Are you a freak like me? Getting kicked out somewhere Are you a freak like me? Tell me where you wanna go And baby we’ll go You don’t gotta walk that way alone Fuck this place We don’t gotta go back there Is there anybody out there? Is there anybody out there?
My 2 Cents – Don’t we all feel alone sometimes? This song speaks to that lonely feeling. I often feel like this. I sit alone typing into a void…Is there anybody out there?
Oh, oh Oh, oh I should be living the dream But I’m livin’ with a security team And that ain’t gonna change, no I got a paranoia in me And you wouldn’t believe Everything that I seen, no Comin’ apart at the seams And no one around me knows Who I am, what I’m on Who I’ve hurt and where they’ve gone I know that I’ve done some wrong But I’m tryna make it right To the one I love, paint me wrong Give me a light now (Oh-oh) You know that I love you But I’m still learnin’ to love myself (To love my, to love my, to love my) I’m still learnin’ to love myself (To love my, to love my, to love my) Yeah, yeahI should be livin’ the dream But I go home and I got no self-esteem (No) You think I’m swimmin’ in green But it’s passed around my family tree No man wants to really commit Intimidated ’cause I get paid and shit In the crowd, you’re readin’ my lips But no one around me knows Who I am, what I’m on Who I’ve hurt and where they’ve gone I know that I’ve done some wrong But I’m tryna make it right The same mistakes on and on To all my friends, I’m sorry for You know that I love you But I’m still learnin’ (I’m still learnin’) to love myself (To love my, to love my, to love my) Yeah, yeah I’m still learnin’ (I’m still learnin’) to love myself (To love myself) (To love my, to love my, to love my) Yeah, yeah (Oh, oh) Oh, I try and I try to remember sometimes If I breathe, it’s alright, but some things don’t change I’m still learnin’ (I’m still learnin’) to love myself (To love myself) (To love my, to love my, to love myself) Who I am, what I’m on Who I’ve hurt and where they’ve gone I know that I’ve done some wrong But I’m tryna make it right To the one I love, paint me wrong Give me a light now (To the ones I love) To the ones I love I’m still learnin’ to love myself (To love my, to love my, to love my) Yeah, yeah I’m still learnin’ (I’m still learnin’) to love myself (To love myself) (To love my, to love my, to love my, ooh) And I try and I try to remember sometimes If I breathe, it’s alright, but some things don’t change I’m still learnin’ (I’m still learnin’) to love myself (Love myself) To love myself I’m still learnin’ to love myself
My 2 Cents – I find it so easy to love everyone else. I struggle to love myself. I see too easily the flaws. So forgive me if I take a few…I’m Still Learning to love myself…
Lyrics – [Verse 1] Thought I’d bite my tongue Just this once, maybe twice, but the harder I bite Now it’s drawing blood There’s a trace on my lips, leaves a taste when we kiss Try to cover up All of the lies and all of the lines that I Bottle up To keep you safe and sound
[Pre-Chorus] But echoes of warnings Like whispers of morning, like It creeping through cracks in my memory It’d make me lose my mind
[Chorus] But every time I close my eyes It’s calling in like a siren Threatening to comе alive Unless I pay the pricе, yeah But if my heart is right this time And I can finally bear my secrets Maybe you won’t run and hide But love the monster inside me
[Verse 2] Maybe all the love Is a switch that we flip when we’re losing our grip And it’s close enough Taking good with the pain, go a little insane All we really want Is someone to hold until we grow old And no matter what (No matter) Can’t be scared away
[Pre-Chorus] Echoes of warnings Like whispers of morning, like It creeping through cracks in my memory It’d make me lose my mind
[Chorus] But every time I close my eyes It’s calling in like a siren Threatening to come alive Unless I pay the price, yeah But if my heart is right this time And I can finally bear my secrets Maybe you won’t run and hide But love the monster inside me [Bridge] Beauty in the chaos, all that’s left to save us Now Beauty in the chaos, all that’s left to save us Now Beauty in the chaos, all that’s left to save us Now Echoes of warnings like Beauty in the chaos, all that’s left to save us now Echoes of warnings like Beauty in the chaos, all that’s left to save us now
[Chorus] But every time I close my eyes It’s calling in like a siren Threatening to come alive Unless I pay the price, yeah But every time I close my eyes It’s calling in like a siren Threatening to come alive Unless I pay the price, yeah But if my heart is right this time And I can finally bear my secrets Maybe you won’t run and hide But love the monster inside me
My 2 Cents – I have always fought the stigma of my mental health. I am a survivor. That being said, sometimes the labels are easier to fight than others. Now I am trying to help my teenager fight them. She wants to write horror. She is into the creepy and dark. When she told her therapist that (New therapist) the therapist tried to claim that she was homicidal. She doesn’t want to hurt anyone. She is a gentle soul with a rich imagination. She wants to write dark stories so she is apparently Homicidal. I raised all kinds of hell with the office. The supervisor talked to my daughter and agreed that the therapist was way off base. So I am left with a wonderful beginning writer who is struggling because of labels. Seems to me that the world wants to label madness too easily and the monsters that truly exist are allowed too much leeway. so today at least I think I love the monster inside me and will revel in the beauty in chaos.
I’ve seen people go under I’ve seen people move on But the voices getting louder Until there is none
They said I was special They said I could fight it I said it was painful I told them I’ll lose it
I wanna be special I wanna be you But I don’t belong here I see it in you
They said I was special They said I could fight it I said it was painful I told them I’ll lose it
They said I was special Yeah!
I’ve seen people in battle I’ve seen people give up But they’re all just like cattle They don’t know when to stop
I thought they were special I thought they all knew But they are just assholes They’re all just like you
I said it was painful I told them I’ll lose it
If you’re coming back home tonight I’ll be all long gone I’ll be all long gone [x2]
I thought it was easy I’ll be all long gone I’ll be all long gone [x2]
My 2 Cents- We all have those moments. where we feel left alone, like we are not as special. Each of us are individuals. It doesn’t always feel like it though. And to me this song speaks to that depression that gives us the mental gremlins telling us that we are not anything worth having. The gremlins lie.
Ok, I am sure in this day and age, you have seen on social media and other sites about self care. Whether you think that it affects you, or not, it really does. Not just those who are affected by illness have issues with self care, and the importance it has on life.
We can get busy in life, and there are factors that assist in making this worse. The four listed on the picture are the ones that should happen every day. Add in exercise for a good self care, but if you miss that occasionally, you will not die. These four on the picture are life threatening if you miss them…
Now I can see the look as you glance over the list. Missing a shower doesn’t seem life threatening, heck people do all of the time and survive. But I am talking about quality of life too. Let’s look at each point individually.
Eating – well the human body is designed to do amazing things, but it needs fuel. If you don’t eat then you will find the muscles and your brain start to malfunction. You will not be able to move or think as well as before. We are only able to live for one week without eating… And the body and mind both start to suffer after one day without food.
Hydration – we are mostly water. And as we move we use a portion of said fluid up. The human body can only go three days without drinking water… Mind you I said water. Sugary drinks such as cola will only add to dehydration, though they do taste good. As we dehydrate, our muscles cramp. Our mind clouds, making concentration harder. We get dizzy spells and start feeling light headed. (Though the last symptom is also true of lack of food.)
Sleep – in today’s fast paced environment, we tend to tell ourselves that sleep is not necessary. The problem is that the brain is an organic computer. If you fail to allow your computer to have a break, well it will end up crashing because the memory does not clear of what has been done. The brain is much the same. Sleep deprivation can cause so many side effects. Google it, it is an interesting read.
Showering – ok this one is not immediately lethal. There are diseases that are made worse by being unclean. This one is a lot more about making yourself feel better. A shower makes the body clean and often makes us feel a little bit more alive.
I would recommend that you also, preferably before the shower, at least go for a small walk. It helps to get the body working properly to do at least some exercise daily.
This is good for everyone, but those of us with illness (chronic or mental) sometimes find just doing the self care checklist hard. And that is OK, as long as you do what you can. Keep in mind that this isn’t just a thing so that we are able to be socially acceptable… It is something that can be life threatening. Please do take care of you.
*I wrote this a while back. I am not sure if I ever posted it here. This was a busy weekend and I felt the need to do some self care myself, so I decided to use it for my Monday post. I am hoping to post poetry later this week.
Lyrics – And I feel that time’s a-wasting, go So where ya going to tomorrow? And I see that these are lies to come So would you even care? And I feel it And I feel it Where ya going for tomorrow? Where ya goin’ with the mask I found And I feel, and I feel When the dogs begin to smell her Will she smell alone? And I feel, so much depends on the weather So is it raining in your bedroom? And I see, that these are the eyes of disarray Would you even care? And I feel it And she feels it Where ya going for tomorrow? Where ya goin’ with the mask I found? And I feel, and I feel When the dogs begin to smell her Will she smell alone? When the dogs do find her Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow To find it To find it To find it When the dogs do find her Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow To find it To find it To find it Where ya going for tomorrow? Where ya goin’ with the mask I found? And I feel, and I feel When the dogs begin to smell her Will she smell alone? When the dogs do find her Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow To find it To find it To find it When the dogs do find her Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow To find it To find it To find it To find it To find it To find it
My 2 Cents – This week has been crazy, on a personal level. I know that this song is about murder…but sometimes in order to become who we need to be, it feels like we kill parts of ourselves. I am struggling with decisions that may leave parts of me behind and I am not sure if it will allow me to continue my life as it is or if things will change. This song to me talks a lot of patience.
Pattimouse 