Today I am struggling.
I have no idea what to say, my jeep is down, has been all month just about.
I love being home, but I don’t usually have to be here if I don’t want to be.
I can’t even walk out to the store because I have an injury on my foot.
So I am feeling a little bit of cabin fever.
I will get past it.
But I don’t know what to post on the blog today because of it.
Lyrics-
Captain Planet, Arab Spring, L.A. riots, Rodney King
Deep fakes, earthquakes, Iceland volcano
Oklahoma City bomb, Kurt Cobain, Pokémon
Tiger Woods, MySpace, Monsanto, GMOs
Harry Potter, Twilight, Michael Jackson dies
Nuclear accident, Fukushima, Japan
Crimean Peninsula, Cambridge Analytica
Kim Jong Un, Robert Downey Jr., Iron Man
We didn’t start the fire
It was always burning since the world’s been turning
We didn’t start the fire
No, we didn’t light it, but we’re trying to fight it
More war in Afghanistan, Cubs go all the way again
Obama, Spielberg, explosion, Lebanon
Unabomber, Bobbitt, John, bombing Boston Marathon
Balloon Boy, War on Terror, QAnon
Trump gets impeached twice, Polar bears got no ice
Fyre Fest, Black Parade, Michael Phelps, Y2K
Boris Johnson, Brexit, Kanye West and Taylor Swift
Stranger Things, Tiger King, Ever Given, Suez
We didn’t start the fire
It was always burning since the world’s been turning
We didn’t start the fire
No, we didn’t light it, but we’re trying to fight it
Sandy Hook, Columbine, Sandra Bland and Tamir Rice
ISIS, LeBron James, Shinzo Abe blown away
Meghan Markle, George Floyd, Burj Khalifa, Metroid
Fermi paradox, Venus and Serena
Oh-oh-oh, Michael Jordan, 23, YouTube killed MTV
SpongeBob, Golden State Killer got caught
Michael Jordan, 45, Woodstock ’99
Keaton, Batman, Bush v. Gore, I can’t take it anymore
We didn’t start the fire
It was always burning since the world’s been turning
We didn’t start the fire
No, we didn’t light it, but we’re trying to fight it
Elon Musk, Kaepernick, Texas failed electric grid
Jeff Bezos, climate change, white rhino goes extinct
Great Pacific Garbage Patch, Tom DeLonge and aliens
Mars rover, Avatar, self-driving electric cars
SSRI’s, Prince and The Queen die
World trade, second plane, what else do I have to say?
We didn’t start the fire (we didn’t start it)
It was always burning since the world’s been turning (oh)
We didn’t start the fire (we didn’t start it)
But when we are gone, it will still go on (oh-yeah)
And on, and on, and on, an on
And on, and on, and on
We didn’t start the fire (fire)
It was always burning since the world’s been turning
My 2 Cents –
I’m Gen X. That damn song is practically the anthem of my generation. And it’s been updated with this cover. It breaks my heart. But it is so freaking right.
This has been a busy year for me writing wise.
I looked at the publication list and I realized that as of August I have 9 separate books personally (with One of them being Serena’s) published this year. And I know that I will be doing at least one children’s book in December.
Some years I barely manage to get 3 books ready for publishing.
I am not sure what the productivity streak has been caused by, but I am so very happy about it.
Buy your copy here…
I believe it is time to order a new keyboard. I am hard on mine. Mostly due to gaming, but I do a lot of typing as well.
The only requirement I have for my keyboard is it has to be backlit…and it has to have the number pad.
This is the one I settled on. I hope it is more sturdy.
What is in a title?
What makes a good title? and is it subjective? My daughter and friend both think I can do better for my coloring book than the title I had chosen. I am still struggling with the amount of work that goes into what will be listed as a low content item. I am struggling with the coloring book altogether if I am honest.
I love the cover I made for it. But I don’t like how the scanned art has a off shade to it that will print funny. Or just the way that putting the book together for this is. I suppose I am finding fault with the whole project. I am a perfectionist and there is nothing perfect about this project.
An extra due to the post from earlier…
For the ones that follow me on Facebook, I just changed my profile picture back to this one. It is a good picture, in my opinion. But I had a good friend tell me I should smile more… I am far prettier when I smile…. well I am smiling in this picture. But it doesn’t reach my eyes. Because I was nervous when I took the picture, the smile is a plastic thing. Forced for the picture. My grandma Ethel used to tell me that she hated my pictures because the smile never reached my eyes. This picture fits that discription.
I don’t want to be pretty. I don’t care if anyone sees me as such. However it was bugging me that she said that I should smile, as I was smiling. That is when I remembered what Grandma said. I still think it’s a good picture. I feel like I am androgynous in it. Which I love. I don’t really understand a lot about gender and the binary of it. But I don’t have to. I can be comfortable with myself and not really understand what I am.
Mental Health is a tricky thing.
I have this year struggled to find a therapist. I wish I could say it is all my doing that is causing this disconnect. At least then I could point the finger and go…This is what I need to fix. I wish I could just heal my mind and never need therapy again. (I literally just had a therapist accuse me of wanting to be broken because it was all I have ever known. I can’t even explain to her what damage she added to me.)
Some days are better than others.
Some days I fight and find myself actually happy. I enjoy the moments that life gives me…I enjoy the people I love. I enjoy the moments where I do something and it feels like I am doing it right.
The problem is those moments are not as often as I need them to be.
The other problem is I don’t have the people I need to share those moments with.
I have friends. I have family. I just don’t want to bother them. So I am lonely. In the fishbowl of the internet.
Today…
Perhaps I am a little more willing to show the vulnerability, and say that having mental health issues sucks.
With each of the last few volumes I have been doing a theme… unintentionally but I have been doing it nonetheless. So, I have been struggling with this one and I think that I finally figured out why.
I have been trying to focus on the home aspect of the title… and the poetry is acceptable… but it has been harder to write because I don’t really know what home is. It changes as I do. And I can be mercurial in who I am on occasion.
I think that I need to instead look at the journey. And write about that. It might help me find the rest of the words to fill in the book. If I can get it done in time I will try for an August publishing date.
