What makes a good title? and is it subjective? My daughter and friend both think I can do better for my coloring book than the title I had chosen. I am still struggling with the amount of work that goes into what will be listed as a low content item. I am struggling with the coloring book altogether if I am honest.
I love the cover I made for it. But I don’t like how the scanned art has a off shade to it that will print funny. Or just the way that putting the book together for this is. I suppose I am finding fault with the whole project. I am a perfectionist and there is nothing perfect about this project.
For the ones that follow me on Facebook, I just changed my profile picture back to this one. It is a good picture, in my opinion. But I had a good friend tell me I should smile more… I am far prettier when I smile…. well I am smiling in this picture. But it doesn’t reach my eyes. Because I was nervous when I took the picture, the smile is a plastic thing. Forced for the picture. My grandma Ethel used to tell me that she hated my pictures because the smile never reached my eyes. This picture fits that discription.
I don’t want to be pretty. I don’t care if anyone sees me as such. However it was bugging me that she said that I should smile, as I was smiling. That is when I remembered what Grandma said. I still think it’s a good picture. I feel like I am androgynous in it. Which I love. I don’t really understand a lot about gender and the binary of it. But I don’t have to. I can be comfortable with myself and not really understand what I am.
I have this year struggled to find a therapist. I wish I could say it is all my doing that is causing this disconnect. At least then I could point the finger and go…This is what I need to fix. I wish I could just heal my mind and never need therapy again. (I literally just had a therapist accuse me of wanting to be broken because it was all I have ever known. I can’t even explain to her what damage she added to me.)
Some days are better than others.
Some days I fight and find myself actually happy. I enjoy the moments that life gives me…I enjoy the people I love. I enjoy the moments where I do something and it feels like I am doing it right.
The problem is those moments are not as often as I need them to be.
The other problem is I don’t have the people I need to share those moments with.
I have friends. I have family. I just don’t want to bother them. So I am lonely. In the fishbowl of the internet.
Today…
Perhaps I am a little more willing to show the vulnerability, and say that having mental health issues sucks.
With each of the last few volumes I have been doing a theme… unintentionally but I have been doing it nonetheless. So, I have been struggling with this one and I think that I finally figured out why.
I have been trying to focus on the home aspect of the title… and the poetry is acceptable… but it has been harder to write because I don’t really know what home is. It changes as I do. And I can be mercurial in who I am on occasion.
I think that I need to instead look at the journey. And write about that. It might help me find the rest of the words to fill in the book. If I can get it done in time I will try for an August publishing date.
Ever think that you were caught up, and then realized that you had forgotten about something important? That was me this past week. I have done all the work for July and publishing… and I thought I had done June as well… only to find out that I had forgotten about June.
Though I was frustrated and feeling like I was a screw up… it was not the end of the world. It was not even a truly terrible thing. It was just a little bit of a frustration. I got it fixed (though my own poetry volume in June immortality is only in ebook form until the 20th.) A minor oops. Still at the time…it felt like I was just incapable of doing anything right.
And it is not an uncommon thing for such situations to cause a lot of people to feel like they can’t do anything right. The internal voice is often so mean.
Don’t let that voice make you feel like you are anything less than amazing. I’m fighting with my own.
Thanks to a wonderful gift my computer is getting a much needed upgrade.
So, it was decided that I would do a fresh install at the same time..
The only problem with that is NOW I am doing the back up of files that I have been avoiding for months…
UGH.
This is going to be a bit…
However, I will have more space as the upgrade includes another Terabyte Hard drive(SSD), and 16g Ram ( I currently have 8) and a pretty nice new CPU Cooler that will extend the life of my system. I am quite tickled by the gift.
So for two months I have managed Daily posts…I find myself presented with a problem. June and July are busy months…not the ability to sit in front of the computer kind of busy…but garden and being invited to cookout kind of busy. I have plans for the fall. Sketchtember. Inktober. This is probable. I am considering the Poetry Marathon in August. (that is 24 poems in 24 hours). But I don’t think I can do daily post in June. I will try to post some more art and poetry than I had been doing. And I will definitely do my weekly posts. I have so much more upcoming that I want to share. I just need to pull back slightly.
It shouldn’t be something I feel so virulent about. I am aware that AI has it’s uses. I just cannot accept that it is being pushed into the creative space.
Drawing, writing, and other creative endeavors are not something that should be easily reproduced…
I have since 2014 used Evernote for my writing. It allowed me to do a notebook for each volume. It allowed me to organize me…
Evernote decided to send out an Email. Not only were they raising the price…to almost double….which I really dislike but would be fine with paying because it feels like I had something that worked for me…
But they also announced that they were adding AI to “Clean up your notes after a meeting.”
Nope.
No way to opt out. Just here is AI. It will help you. Although I did reach out via email… and the response was that the AI was an optional thing…but when I said that they needed to say that because the original email said nothing about options… and I got a uhm response.
I dislike Microsoft products and avoid them like the plague. I only use windows because I cannot get a couple of my programs to function in Linux. However…Since I cannot find any other option that has all of the options I need other that Evernote…I switched to OneNote.
This is going to be a learning time for me.
I have no idea if I am going to be able to do the same amount of writing, or if it will help me write more…or what.
Pattimouse 