Serena’s poem this week came from a news story about a child being drowned by their own parent. it’s not an uncommon story…but I’m getting tired and old. I have never been able to understand what drives a parent to kill their kids. I don’t understand why parents abuse their own child either. I have had some issues where I have made mistakes but I am not talking about that. I am talking about the ones that purposely hurt the kids. I don’t understand why.
Innocence is not a reason to hurt. If you can’t handle kids don’t have any. Some people just should not be parents.
I really don’t want to have the discord in my soul that politics brings. However, I have found myself being drawn into the fray a lot more lately.
I purposely did Fighting Ignorance as a volume of political poetry because I found myself actually mad about the political issues that were coming out.
I remember thinking that everyone was pushing me to have opinions on politics when I was trying to survive being a young adult in a world that was trying to destroy me. So I refused to get involved. It did the opposite of what everyone was trying to do.
I wanted nothing to do with the news, because it would add more stress on an already tired me. Terrorism was not the people who came from a far to change my country…it was the nightly news telling me that humans were doing such awful things to each other.
I now see the political climate and wonder why we are going backwards. I read a new bill that will make voting harder for those who are like me. My birth certificate and my drivers license have two different names. My name was changed as a child. It was supposed to be changed on my birth certificate as well and due to a paperwork snafu it was not.
I keep seeing more political issues that make me feel like this country is not a safe place for me to live in, and I have no ability to do anything about it. This is why I hate politics. It engenders fear.
I am going to keep hoping for things to turn out well, I will be voting…even if my voice is probably not going to be heard.(1 live in a red state and with the electoral college in place only 51% of the vote is needed to make the choice. So my voice is likely to be unheard.)
I don’t like politics and I don’t like that I have no voice in the way my life is going to be run.
Terrorism is not always an external thing. Sometimes it’s the nightly news telling you world events.
When you feel that rage (When you feel that) When you feel that rage
We’re the underdogs roaming in the dark We’re the savages born from worlds apart Our past has shown just how we bleed A blind future in front of me Lost and fractured to the point of break
So come and play with that rage (that rage) Light a match and reignite the flames (the flames) This ain’t the end, we’re here to stay We rush into the unknown Fearless and brave So don’t throw it away (that rage) Won’t stop until sweet victory
We’ve been working towards the goal for most our lives Every challenge that we faced, we have survived Our confidence is growing everyday Finally it is our time to reign
Our past has shown just how we bleed A blind future in front of me Lost and fractured to the point of break
So come and play with that rage (that rage) Light a match and reignite the flames (the flames) This ain’t the end, we’re here to stay We rush into the unknown Fearless and brave So don’t throw it away (that rage) Won’t stop until sweet victory
We’re the underdogs roaming in the dark We’re the savages born from worlds apart And now I know that this is just the start We will fight for everything we are RAGE, that RAGE (when you feel that rage, when you feel that) RAGE, that RAGE (when you feel that rage, when you feel that) Rage (that rage) Light a match and reignite the flames (the flames) This ain’t the end, we’re here to stay We rush into the unknown Fearless and brave So don’t throw it away (that rage) Won’t stop until sweet victory We will go down in history So come and play with that rage (that rage)
My 2 Cents –
too many people consider Rage as a variety of anger. Rage is so much more. and at the same time is. Rage is unconscious, uncontrollable, the first instinct when we get backed into a corner…. and yes it is anger, but it is also so much more.
I was once told that I should not be angry about the abuse that I suffered… I was told that I should forgive.
Anger is a safety mechanism. forgiving allows you to forget about the pain caused. It means letting go of righteous pain. that righteous pain built me into the person that I am. it made me empathetic, it made me kind, and it made me aware of the people that exist in this world who are going to hurt others.
I wake up every morning with my head up in a daze I’m not sure if I should say this, fuck, I’ll say it anyway Everybody tries to tell me that I’m going through a phase I don’t know if it’s a phase, I just wanna feel okay, yeah
I battle with depression, but the question still remains Is this post-traumatic stressing or am I suppressing rage? And my doctor tries to tell me that I’m going through a phase Yeah, it’s not a fucking phase, I just wanna feel okay, okay?
Yeah, I struggle with this bullshit every day And it’s probably ’cause my demons simultaneously rage It obliterates me, disintegrates me, annihilates me
‘Cause I’m about to break down, I’m searching for a way out I’m a liar, I’m a cheater, I’m a non-believer I’m a popular, popular monster I break down, falling into love now with falling apart I’m a popular, popular monster
I think I’m going nowhere like a rat trapped in a maze Every wall that I knock down is just a wall that I replace I’m in a race against myself, I try to keep a steady pace How the fuck will I escape if I never close my case?
Oh my God, I keep on stressing, every second that I waste Is another second sooner to a blessing I won’t take But my therapist will tell me that I’m going through a stage Yeah, it’s not a fucking stage, I just wanna feel okay, okay
Motherfucker, now you got my attention I need to change a couple things ’cause something is missing And what if I were to lie? Tell you everything is fine Every single fucking day I get closer to the grave, I am terrified
I fell asleep at the wheel again Crashed my car just to feel again It obliterates me, disintegrates me, annihilates me
‘Cause I’m about to break down, I’m searching for a way out I’m a liar, I’m a cheater, I’m a non-believer I’m a popular, popular monster I break down, falling into love now with falling apart I’m a popular, popular fucking monster
Yeah, here we go again, motherfucker, oh We’re sick and tired of wondering Praying to a god that you don’t believe We’re searching for the truth in the lost and found So the question I ask is Oh, where the fuck is your god now?
‘Cause I’m about to break down, I’m searching for a way out I’m a liar, I’m a cheater, I’m a non-believer I’m a popular, popular monster I break down, falling into love now with falling apart I’m not a popular, popular monster
I’m a liar, I’m a cheater, I’m a non-believer I’m a popular, popular monster
My 2 Cents –
There is something awful about this process. That loss of faith. In God, In community, In Self. And it is worse when you are being told that there is something wrong with you at the same time. There is not a damn thing wrong with being a monster. Be a monster, be yourself, Be Unique (10 points if you know where that is from)
My daughter is actually too smart for my own good.
We were having a conversation and she got slightly aggravated with me. I know she probably phrased it slightly differently but the gist of what she said was that she had heard me tell her father that I don’t see him as the villain, and I don’t want him to be my hero. Her question was “well why the hell not? who rescues you?”
I don’t know how to explain to her that I don’t want to be rescued. I am my own hero…. and I tried to tell her that. She said that she had never seen me choose myself over them. I have always chosen the best for her and him. She said she didn’t understand. I chose the best for the best part of my life. How do I even begin to explain it?
She is my whole world. Don’t get me wrong, I love my other two children but I didn’t get to raise either of them… and then add in the two miscarriages I had before her. I can’t have any more children. I wanted a house full when I was younger. I found having her was enough.
She always seems to know what to say and when I just need her to be around. She has such a delightful eclectic taste in music and an artistic bent. She is so empathetic and she has a definite view of the world.
So, she is my whole reason to want to be a better person. And she gets mad at me for not being selfish.
Who will save you? The voices want to end me With words just like a blade Cutting pieces from me ‘Til nothing remains, ’til I go insane Eyes in the mirror that cannot be mine Beggin’ this stranger, “Get out of my mind” Fear overcomes me when I realize It’s only me I keep on screamin’, “Help!” I cannot breathe, someone save me from this hell Trapped in this fight, all I can find is myself Alone in my mind, demons come to life (who will save you?) And over time, demons come to life Masters of seduction And I like how they dance Feeding my addiction I play their game, another hit of pain Eyes in the mirror that cannot be mine Beggin’ this stranger, “Get out of my mind” Fear overcomes me when I realize It’s only me I keep on screaming, “Help!” I cannot breathe, someone save me from this hell Trapped in this fight, all I can find is myself Alone in my mind, demons come to life (who will save you?) And over time, demons come I’m not well, I wish I was happy The world can’t help, ’cause this storm’s inside me Still, I try, I’m tryin’ to change But there’s something broken, fucked up in my brain Partum my demons, there’s no reason Part of me wants to be stuck in this dream, and I can’t save me I can’t save me (Who will save you?) I can’t save me (Who will save you?) I can’t I keep on screaming, “Help!” (Who will save you?) I cannot breathe, someone save me from this hell (who will save you?) Trapped in this fight, all I can find is myself (who will save you?) Alone in my mind (in my mind), demons come to life (who will save you?) And over time, demons come to life Who will save me when demons come to life? (Who will save you?) Who will save me when demons come to life? (Who will save you?) Who will save me? (When demons come to life) When demons come to life I’m not well, I wish I was happy (wish I was happy) Demons come to life
My 2 Cents –
this is a hard time of year for my mental health. my birthday is the 13th and I am still trying to figure out how I managed to live this long.
Okay I have been trying to figure out what to do with my stuff that gets accepted to anthologies and the like. Serena has a volume she was putting things in… but I was not sure if it was even a thing I needed.
You see I rarely send my stuff out. If I do submit, it is usually to my own publishing company. Not as a guarantee of publishing but instead as a decorative element for the Anthologies I am putting together. I don’t think that I have the energy to send my work to be judged.
I may feel inclined to send in to one or two projects… but I don’t see it being a big deal. So I think that I want to keep a open volume… much like Anthology Alumni and then release it when I feel like it is ready.
The next volume like that is going to be Jotted Memories.
Save me a place In the heart of your hearts When you think of love Never forsake me
Wanting and dreaming you Each time I think of you Lying naked beside me
Only a Lady of Dreams She will bring magic To sing to your heartstrings
Only a Lady of Dreams Come alive, you are all That I desire
Save me a place In the heart of your hearts When you think of dreams Never forsake me
Wanting and holding you Each time I come to you Lying naked beside you
Only a Lady of Dreams Could there be magic To sing to your heartstrings
Only a Lady of Dreams Come alive, you are all That I desire
Something tells me This is love that surrounds Only a fool Without wisdom can see Blind as I am In your eyes My Lady of Dreams
Blind as I am In your eyes My Lady of Dreams
Save me, save me A place in your heart Tears escape from me When we’re apart Please dream of me now My Lady of Dreams
My thoughts and wishes Are all the surrounds Mysteries hold you Then fly you away You know you are my life My Lady of Dreams
You know you are my life My Lady of Dreams
Save me a place In the heart of your heart When you think of love Never forsake me
Wanting and dreaming you Each time I think of you Lying so naked beside me
Only a Lady of Dreams Could there be magic To sing to your heartstrings
Only a Lady of Dreams Come alive, you are all That I desire
Something tells me This is love that surrounds Only a fool Without wisdom can see Blind as I am In your eyes My Lady of Dreams
Blind as I am In your eyes My Lady of Dreams
My 2 Cents –
My cousin asked for suggestions on how to get a child to sleep through the night. One of her friends is struggling with it, and I recommended the music of Kitaro. Most of their music is instrumental. My daughter loved it when she was little. The recommendation caused me to want to hear old favorites again. This particular song is sung by Jon Anderson from Yes. It is the only non Instrumental in their discography. They are a Japanese band. The music is quite soothing.
Down down down down down down down Down down down down down down down I’m gonna burn it down Down down down down down down down Down down down down down down down I’m gonna burn it down Down down down down down down down
9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, fun I’m crawling through the doggy door My key don’t fit my lock no more I’ll change the drapes I’ll break the plates I’ll find a new place Burn this fucker down Down down down down down down down
I’m crawling through the doggy door My key don’t fit my lock no more I’ll change the drapes I’ll break the plates I’ll find a new place Burn this fucker down Down down down down down down down
Funhouse But now it’s full of evil clowns It’s time to start the countdown I’m gonna burn it down down down I’m gonna burn it down Down down down down down down down 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
I’m gonna burn it down Down down down down down down down Down down down down down down down I’m gonna burn it down Down down down down down down down I’m gonna burn it down Down down down down down down down
My 2 Cents –
There have been a couple of occasions that I have felt like this. One of my writing groups imploded, a friend group fell apart. I think it is a common feeling. Where you just wanna go yeah I am out. it’s been fun, but I can’t no more. And Pink says it with a catchy beat.
And yeah I know I should do one more Halloween tune for this is HALLOWEEN! Meh….
I was working in the lab, late one night When my eyes beheld an eerie sight For my monster from his slab, began to rise And suddenly to my surprise
He did the mash, he did the monster mash The monster mash, it was a graveyard smash He did the mash, it caught on in a flash He did the mash, he did the monster mash
From my laboratory in the castle east (Wa-ooh) To the master bedroom where the vampires feast (Wa-wa-ooh) The ghouls all came from their humble abodes (Wa-ooh) To get a jolt from my electrodes
They did the mash, they did the monster mash The monster mash, it was a graveyard smash They did the mash, it caught on in a flash They did the mash, they did the monster mash
The zombies were having fun (Tennis shoe wa-ooh) The party had just begun (Tennis shoe wa-ooh) The guests included Wolfman (Tennis shoe wa-ooh) Dracula, and his son
The scene was rockin’, all were digging the sounds (Wa-ooh) Igor on chains, backed by his baying hounds (Wa-wa-ooh) The coffin-bangers were about to arrive (Wa-ooh) With their vocal group, The Crypt-Kicker Five
They played the mash, they played the monster mash The monster mash, it was a graveyard smash They played the mash, it caught on in a flash They played the mash, they played the monster mash
Out from his coffin’, Drac’s voice did ring (Wa-ooh) Seems he was troubled by just one thing (Wa-wa-ooh) He opened the lid and shook his fist and said (Wa-ooh) “Whatever happened to my Transylvania Twist?
It’s now the mash, it’s now the monster mash The monster mash, and it’s a graveyard smash It’s now the mash, it caught on in a flash It’s now the mash, it’s now the monster mash
Now everything’s cool, Drac’s a part of the band (Wa-ooh) And my Monster Mash is the hit of the land (Wa-wa-ooh) For you, the living this mash was meant too (Wa-ooh) When you get to my door, tell them Boris sent you
Then you can mash, then you can monster mash The monster mash and do my graveyard smash Then you can mash, you’ll catch on in a flash Then you can mash, then you can monster mash
Mash good Easy, Igor, you impetuous young boy Mash good, grr
My 2 Cents –
Continuing the theme from last week…It’s Halloween Time Y’all. Celebrate the dark and spooky with me.
Pattimouse 