Category: relationships

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –

I’ll follow you out of the dark
I tried it my way, but I keep falling apart
All that I see, is the wickedness around me
I refuse to believe, the apocalypse inside of me
I can’t even trust myself
I’m burning in my skin
Standing at the gates of hell, but nobody will let me in
I’ll follow you out of the dark
I tried it my way, but I keep falling apart
I’ll follow you, with all of my heart
I’m tired of my ways ’cause I keep falling, I’m falling apart
I stand here again
Forsaken in a place
That feels like I can never win
I’m reaching for a saving grace
I can’t even trust no one
I need to rise above
I don’t think I’m good enough
To feel your perfect love
I’ll follow you out of the dark
I tried it my way, but I keep falling apart
I’ll follow you, with all of my heart
I’m tired of my ways ’cause I keep falling, I’m falling apart
I’m falling, I’m falling apart
I’m falling, I’m falling apart
I’m falling apart
Your love’s a fire, it’s alive and I’m burning in it
I’m in the ashes of mercy; I’m covered in it
I fall hard and you carry me
I fall apart so you can set me free
Your love’s a fire, it’s alive and I’m burning in it
I’m in the ashes of mercy; I’m covered in it
I fall hard and you carry me
I fall apart so you can set me free
I’ll follow you out of the dark
I tried it my way, but I keep falling apart
I’ll follow you, with all of my heart
I’m tired of my ways ’cause I keep falling, I’m falling apart
I’m falling, I’m falling apart
Without you, I’m falling, I’m falling apart
I’m falling apart, I’m falling apart

My 2 cents –

My family is currently in the process of falling apart. I think it will be okay in the long term … but I’m here feeling torn. I want to follow my child and see what happens but I don’t want to move at the same time. I have some issues to deal with here once they have moved out…but I’m not going to be unable to be happy.

I don’t often share these…

Meme-emotional description

My kid and I are trying to get a safe place to live…. The place we have now is not safe anymore.

They started a gofund.me…

https://gofund.me/42494e75

Everything helps.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –

Walking on, walking on broken glass
Walking on, walking on broken glass
You were the sweetest thing that I ever knew
But I don’t care for sugar honey if I can’t have you
Since you’ve abandoned me
My whole life has crashed
Won’t you pick the pieces up
‘Cause it feels just like I’m walking on broken glass
Walking on, walking on broken glass
Walking on, walking on broken glass
The sun’s still shining in the big blue sky
But it don’t mean nothing to me
O-o-oh let the rain come down
Let the wind blow through me
I’m living in an empty room
With all the windows smashed
And I’ve got so little left to lose
That it feels just like I’m walking on broken glass
Walking on, walking on broken glass
And if you’re trying to cut me down
You know that I might bleed
‘Cause if you’re trying to cut me down
I know that you’ll succeed
And if you want to hurt me
There’s nothing left to fear
‘Cause if you want to hurt me
You do it really well my dear
Now everyone of us was made to suffer
Everyone of us is made to weep
We’ve been hurting one another
Now the pain has cut too deep
So take me from the wreckage
Save me from the blast
Lift me up and take me back
Don’t let me keep on walking (don’t let me keep on walking)
I kept on walking on
Keep on walking on broken glass
Walking on, walking on broken glass
Walking on, walking on broken glass
Walking on, walking on broken glass
Walking on, walking on broken glass
Walking on, walking on broken glass
Walking on, walking on broken glass

My 2 cents –

I feel like I’m terrible at communicating. Though I work with words and it should be simple…I don’t seem to be able to say anything right. This song hits too close to home with my ability to get my own thoughts to be understood.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –

Just let it go don’t wanna argue anymore
I can’t be sure I know just what are we fighting for
I know you’re scared and that you’re thinking I may go
I’m not leaving I’m not leaving
And if you’re thinking I might
Might be led astray
Just remember this one question
What if I was nothing?
What if this is true?
What if I was nothing, girl?
Nothing without you
So, what if I was angry?
What did you think I’d do?
I told you that I love you, girl
Nothing without you
I know it’s hard it seems we’ve worked at this so long
It’s often foolish pride that tells us we’re not wrong
I hear your voice you tell me that you’ll never go
And I believe it, I believe it
And if you’re thinking I might
Might be led astray
Just remember this one question
What if I was nothing?
What if this is true?
What if I was nothing, girl?
Nothing without you
So, what if I was angry?
What did you think I’d do?
I told you that I love you, girl
Nothing without you
We can keep this going on
We’ll make it work some way
And every step it makes us stronger every day (every day)
And if you’re thinking I might
Might be led astray (led astray)
Just remember this one question
What if I was nothing?
What if this is true?
What if I was nothing, girl?
Nothing without you
So, what if I was angry?
What did you think I’d do?
I told you that I love you, girl
Nothing without you
What if I was nothing?
What if this is true?
What if I was nothing, girl?
Nothing without you
So, what if I was angry?
What did you think I’d do?
I told you that I love you, girl
Nothing without you

My 2 cents –

I think that this is so often how love feels…. and exactly how hard it is to explain.

Thursday tales

So I didn’t know what to post about today. I was just struggling with the reality of this month…

We had one of our chicken, who are pets go missing. Stray dogs scared her out of the yard. She was seen a block away, injured. She was the second one we have lost this month.

The first one was a baby silkie who got into the duck pool and drowned.

This is after our cat died.

So, this was a really rough month for me and my family.

I had posted in the local Facebook group that we were looking for her(the chicken). She has been missing five days today. We are facing the idea that she’s gone.  Well Tuesday I got a message saying that a black chicken was wandering loose two blocks in the other direction.

My child is heartbroken at the loss of their baby. So dad and I went to check it out. We found a pair of loose chickens. They were not willing to be in the coop. Their owners were willing to give them to us if we could catch them.

Of the two we brought one home and the other one is supposed to be caught and given to us today.

Now the new one is peanut and is setting in well. I swear she purred the whole way home.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –

If I can’t let you go, will darkness divide?
For the fiction of love is the truth of our lies
We were playing for keeps but we both knew the cost
Now the only way out’s in your heart shaped box
But I hate that it seems you were never enough
We were broken and bleeding but never gave up
And I hate that I made you the enemy
And I hate that your heart was the casualty
Now, I hate that I need you
As we rest here alone like notes on a page
The finest to compose could not play our pain
With a candle through time I could still see your ghost
But I can’t close my eyes, for it
For it is there where you haunt me most
Where you haunt me most
I hate that it seems you were never enough
We were broken and bleeding, but never gave up
And I hope that I stain through your memory
As we echo through time in the melody
Now I hate that I need you
And I hear you now when you said it hurt
But it had to fall, fall apart to work
As I see you now in what’s left of me
Is it too late to plead insanity?
‘Cause I hate that it seems you were never enough
Yeah, we’re broken and bleeding in the name of love
And I hope that we meet in another life
I hope that we meet in another life
I don’t hate that I need you
(I don’t hate that I need you)
I don’t hate that I need you
(I don’t hate that I need you)
I don’t hate that I need you

My 2 cents –

Ever feel like you are watching something die, and you are helpless to stop it? Like you want to run but if you do you know that regret will drown you?… Yeah that’s what I hear and I fear drowning.

Book I Have Read

The Fae Corps Blog Does a Saturday TBR and they are not always books that we have read, but ones that look good amongst the recommendations we get. These are all going to be ones I have read, and This will be my clear thoughts on them. Now as I sometimes sign up to be an ARC reader, I will not always have the link for you to buy the book…but I will try to post when any I do miss the link on are live.

I have always been a voracious reader. I go through a trade paperback in about 4 hours. Since I have started publishing, finding time to read seems like a bit of a luxury. Not because I don’t read now…on the contrary. I am always reading things that people send me to publish, to edit, just to get opinions on. So reading for fun just seems like something I really don’t get to do as often as I would like. I have thousands of books on my kindle. And enough paperback and hardback books that it often causes fights. (My boyfriend’s of the opinion that if I am not reading them I should donate them). I keep the ones that I am willing to re-read. That means that eventually I will pick them back up.
But the last few books I have indulged in…Ones I sought out for personal pleasure that had nothing to do with publishing…I found myself taking a couple of days to read. Simply because I was enjoying them, so I would put them down and stop for a couple of hours to do other things before coming back to them. So I realized that maybe beyond the Goodreads/amazon/and the like reviews…maybe I should take the time to tell you guys about these books.

I love random book recommendations. I will always go look up the book for to make up my mind whether I want to read it or not. Death Whispers by Tamara Rose Blodgett was one of those. I am now 7 books into the series.

It’s a young adult series set in a futuristic world. The human genome has been mapped and they figured out how to give us paranormal abilities… Like the ability to raise the dead. The problem is that the abilities appear to pubescent children. The main character is a teen boy – Caleb. And he is the strongest corpse raising type.  The government has a habit of making those disappear. He is also the son of the scientist who mapped the genome. Him, his family, and his amazing friends, all try to survive the adventure of life and still keep Caleb out of the government’s clutches.

I like the series so far, but it has some minor problems. I feel like some things are not explained. By book 7 the author seems to decide to tired of the characters and skips to the next generation. The first books are all in Caleb’s pov so the unexplained stuff can be written off as his not seeing it… But when you get up where I am… The author starts perspective hopping. And I am so confused. The characters are really good. You want to know what happens. And the story is good enough to keep you reading. But I don’t know if I recommend going past the 6th book. I will have to get back to you later about it.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –

All I really want is something beautiful to say
Keep me locked up in your broken mind
I keep searchin’, never been able to find a
Light behind your dead eyes
Not anything at all
You keep living in your own lie, ever-deceitful and ever-unfaithful
Keep me guessin’, keep me terrified
Take everything from my world
Say can you help me right before the fall
Take what you can and leave me to the wolves
Keep me dumb, keep me paralyzed
Why try swimming? I’m drowning in fables
You’re not that saint that you externalize
You’re not anything at all
It’s oh-so playful when you demonize
To spit out the hateful, you’re willing and able
Words are weapons I’d be terrified
You’re nothing in my world
Say can you help me right before the fall
Take what you can and leave me to the wolves
All I really want is something beautiful to say
Keep me guessin’, keep me terrified
All I really want is something beautiful to say
You keep livin’ in your own lie
All I really want is something beautiful to say
To never fade away, I wanna live forever
All I really want is something beautiful to say
To never fade away, I wanna live forever
You keep living in your own lie
Keep me guessin’, keep me terrified
All I really want is something beautiful to say
Say can you help me right before the fall
Take what you can and leave me to the wolves
All I really want is something beautiful to say
Words are weapons I’d be terrified
All I really want is something beautiful to say
Keep me guessin’, keep me terrified
All I really want is something beautiful to say
To never fade away, I wanna live forever
All I really want is something beautiful to say
To never fade away, I wanna live forever

My 2 cents –

As a poet, I feel like this is my theme song. I am aware of the power of words… Are you?

Book I Have Read

The Fae Corps Blog Does a Saturday TBR and they are not always books that we have read, but ones that look good amongst the recommendations we get. These are all going to be ones I have read, and This will be my clear thoughts on them. Now as I sometimes sign up to be an ARC reader, I will not always have the link for you to buy the book…but I will try to post when any I do miss the link on are live.

I have always been a voracious reader. I go through a trade paperback in about 4 hours. Since I have started publishing, finding time to read seems like a bit of a luxury. Not because I don’t read now…on the contrary. I am always reading things that people send me to publish, to edit, just to get opinions on. So reading for fun just seems like something I really don’t get to do as often as I would like. I have thousands of books on my kindle. And enough paperback and hardback books that it often causes fights. (My boyfriend’s of the opinion that if I am not reading them I should donate them). I keep the ones that I am willing to re-read. That means that eventually I will pick them back up.
But the last few books I have indulged in…Ones I sought out for personal pleasure that had nothing to do with publishing…I found myself taking a couple of days to read. Simply because I was enjoying them, so I would put them down and stop for a couple of hours to do other things before coming back to them. So I realized that maybe beyond the Goodreads/amazon/and the like reviews…maybe I should take the time to tell you guys about these books.

This one is about a book that I have gone back to multiple times. This book is a coming of age story that I found when I was nearly the same age as the main character. Up a Road Slowly by Irene Hunt is a story of a young woman coming to womanhood… It’s set in an earlier era. I got the impression that it was the fifties or something similar. The book has several different poems woven in the story and it blends into the narrative really well.

The story deals with grief and growing up realizing that your actions affect others. I have reread this one so many times that it feels like going home.

Who I am,  realized

Meme - I am Done

I posted a week ago that I was dealing with the death of the family pet. My kid is still in grief mode… And I don’t blame them. I miss my favorite siren. But I don’t handle death well.

I have been upsetting my kid because I have accidentally started to use the cat to refer to Luna. I find myself trying to separate myself from the pain that she is gone.

We had her for five years. I am still struggling to process that she is gone.

Everyone has been offering condolences and I appreciate the thoughts….

But it feels so hollow because it doesn’t bring the pain to an end. That is why I struggle with what I should say when someone else is grieving. I hate that hollow feeling so I don’t want to give it to anyone.

So, Thank you for the well wishes… But I just don’t know what to do with them.