I decided to change my post for today for a few reasons.
1 due to a scheduling snafu I lost my record of daily postings.
2 I want to say a few things about politics/ life/death/ shoes/ ships/sealing wax/cabbages/kings
3 I had a scheduling snafu for Friday through Sunday and am at 423 am trying to fix my blog.
4 I last slept Wednesday
There were two tragedies in public display in America this week. The death of Charlie Kirk and a school shooting in Denver.
I found out when I said I felt….. And followed with my opinion I was automatically wrong according to everyone. My main opinion was that killing people is wrong. Even if the person who was killed was a garbage human.
I am not a fan of politics. I fully have a live and let live attitude. I believe communism is a great idea but human nature prevents it from working. I believe in individual freedom and Equality. I would love to see true world peace and weep at the impossible nature of it.
I am also a dreamer and creative soul.
I spend most days in pain because I worry about the ones I love so much I give myself headaches unintentionally.
I want to take care of everyone. Which is patiently impossible because not everyone has my heart and will take advantage of my kindness.
so, I am stopping and taking a breath.
Charlie Kirk was a human. He was killed for having an opinion.
Martin Luther King Jr was a human. He was killed for having an opinion.
Malcolm X was a human. He was killed for having an opinion.
I can continue this list but I don’t want to ruin my point.
..……….…
Regardless of what you thought about either tragedy both left families with someone to bury.
be considerate when you go online and cheer about another human dying. Live a life. Have opinions. But remember there but for the grace of God….
(And no that is not a religious statement. it is a thought process.)
My grandma phrased it better in my opinion. She would often say “I cried for my lack of shoes until I met a man with no feet.”
So I have not touched on this before…And it comes up every so often. I have an aunt who did my maternal family tree all the way back to 500 AD. She did it before the internet was a place.
So I have a fascination with my ancestors.
I only have vague information about both sides (as I was not allowed to see the huge tree. )
I found myself contacted on ancestry by a cousin on my father’s side. She invited me to a Facebook group for a common ancestor who came over to the Americas in 1647. I also have been told that I am an eighth Cherokee on my father’s side.
I know I am a mixing pot of cultures. The families come from all over the place. (well mostly European, lol) But I know that there’s English, German, indigenous, Norse, French, Irish, and a few more I am not sure about.
I have been thinking about doing one of the various DNA tests but I am not sure if it is safe to do it.
I find myself introspective a lot more lately. I am going through my computer files and transferring stuff from my phone. I have been trying to clean up the duplicates and sort and organize it.
I am finding myself amazed by the sheer volume of files. They are pictures of my poetry and art I have made. I wish I could say that I see the progress in my art. It seems like I either draw or create art beautifully or like a brain dead kindergartener. There’s no middle line apparently.
I have been fighting a wound on my foot since October and now that it is healed I am allowed to do stuff. So I looked at the mess that my personal space has become because I was not allowed to be on my feet and I was so overwhelmed I didn’t know where to start.
I just sat down and went to pieces because I was too uncomfortable and overwhelmed to get anything done. I told my kid that. He kinda seems to be smarter than I am most of the time anymore, I swear. He just looks at me and says he is planning a yard sale. why not sort through the boxes beside the desk for stuff to toss to the sale? He literally just gave me a starting point. I did the boxes and I stopped there for the night. The next day I went through a corner that had been catching my craft supplies thinking it would be a small step forward and I have apparently done too much. My body doesn’t bother to tell me that I should slow down anymore …it just quits and I hurt for the next few days.
So I have been forced to go back to doing nothing. I hate that. So I am cleaning up my files and quietly trying to feel better about what I did get done instead of feeling like I failed because I pushed my self too much.
I need to find a way to stay out of my own head. it’s dark in there and sometimes it is terrifying to lose the light.
I have never had great self esteem. I honestly do not see myself with the eyes others have. And you know what? That is perfectly fine. I struggle with where I fit in society. Perfectionism and imposter syndrome war for control of my life. But then there is all I am capable of.
I can make candles. I can make lovely jewelry. I make resin art. I paint. I sketch. I do digital art. I do watercolor art and other multimedia art. I code in c++. I sew. I crotchet. I garden. I bake. I cook. I edit. I write poetry. I write stories. I do amateur photography. I have random bits of useless knowledge in my head. I help people. I do cover design. and sometimes I am even a decent person.
in the social life I struggle with interacting and being friends. I don’t see the beauty of my own body but I am able to see the intelligence and kindness within.
so maybe it’s just me over thinking what self esteem really means.
so I announced that she will be releasing a kids book for kids week…because Dante Elliott requested it…guess what…he asked her to do another. so she did. It still has to be illustrated and put together but she wrote it for Dante.
Serena Mossgraves was not supposed to be writing kids books but she has a real soft spot where Dante is concerned. She doesn’t want anyone to know that she is a softie but I personally don’t know how she’s going to hide it with her second kids book being announced..,lol
When you feel that rage (When you feel that) When you feel that rage We’re the underdogs roaming in the dark We’re the savages born from worlds apart Our past has shown just how we bleed A blind future in front of me Lost and fractured to the point of break So come and play with that rage (That rage) Light a match and reignite the flames (The flames) This ain’t the end, we’re here to stay We rush into the unknown Fearless and brave So don’t throw it away (That rage) Won’t stop until sweet victory We’ve been working towards the goal for most our lives Every challenge that we faced, we have survived Our confidence is growing everyday Finally it is our time to reign Our past has shown just how we bleed A blind future in front of me Lost and fractured to the point of break So come and play with that rage (That rage) Light a match and reignite the flames (The flames) This ain’t the end, we’re here to stay We rush into the unknown Fearless and brave So don’t throw it away (That rage) Won’t stop until sweet victory We’re the underdogs roaming in the dark We’re the savages born from worlds apart And now I know that this is just the start We will fight for everything we are RAGE, that RAGE (When you feel that rage, when you feel that) RAGE, that RAGE (When you feel that rage, when you feel that) Rage (That rage) Light a match and reignite the flames (The flames) This ain’t the end, we’re here to stay We rush into the unknown Fearless and brave So don’t throw it away (That rage) Won’t stop until sweet victory We will go down in history So come and play with that rage (That rage)
My 2 cents –
I find myself avoiding social media and news…I am enraged at the politics and shenanigans that the government is getting up to. I am scared for those who are endangered by the stupidity that is going on and I feel helpless.
Pattimouse 