I am a poet first and a writer second. I just do better with poetry than I do with stories. I am not bad at stories, just better with poems. Now there is a reason I state that. My daughter came home and was asking about poetry. She has no patience with writing stories. So I was helping her with her poetry for English class. At this point I was tickled to find out that she enjoys writing poetry. Mind you I have had three children. My eldest has written one beautiful poem. Then he allowed his own self doubt to keep him from writing. My middle one (who due to situations I refuse to explain here was given up for adoption at birth ) writes wonderful poetry. I am so tickled that the three of them have shown such talent. It actually got me thinking. What do we pass on in our genetics? My children are all taller than I. None of them look exactly like me. My daughter looks the closest. There is personality traits that all of them possess that I have. So that leaves me curious. What do you think we pass on in our genetics?
Category: relationships
Personal faith in self
Each creative person goes through it. The crippling self doubt. One often expects encouragement from those in the life of said person. And it really doesn’t always happen. I’m not alone there. For me it’s just a baffling thing. I am seven time published. Four volumes of poetry, two children’s books and a novella. Still there are days when I wonder if my writing is any good. And since my family doesn’t seem to be proud of me and what I have done… it seems to wear on my confidence in what I do.
Then my bestie, my sister I chose, who is also a writer asked for my help. It doesn’t seem like much to a outsider I am sure… but for me this was huge. It felt like validation of my writing. My writing is such a big part of who I am… this felt like I was being accepted. So it got me thinking. Why does my family, my blood, not accept what I do? Really the only thing I can think of is that to them, since I have always been a writer, it is simply nothing new. So perhaps I am going to have to accept the idea that those who are not showing pride in me aren’t doing it in cruelty. Perhaps it is in ignorance.
So perhaps I should not expect the world to have faith in me, and be thankful when it does. Instead I should have faith in me.
Day 26
Things I would say to an ex. Honestly it depends upon the ex. There are always good reasons why they are ex’s. Still usually… it’s hello, how have you been? I see no reason not to be polite. The only reason not to would be if they hurt me…and since I have moved on…the hurt must not have been as bad as it felt then.
Day twenty four
Hmmm something I miss… cartoons. Saturday mornings with cereal and early morning cartoons. The cartoons of today really are subpar. I have tried to introduce my daughter to the cartoons of my childhood, but to be honest, it really saddens me that cartoons are no longer like that.
Late night ponderings.
So. I am awake. It happens. And oddly enough when it does I manage to do some of my best writings. It’s like this is when my mind is clearest. When I fight with the demon known as insomnia. I already added two poems to my poetry W.i.p. and now I am going to ramble here. My thoughts are this….
Is social media truly being social? We have been asking this question as a society for a while now. These sites allow us to lie. To become people we wish we were. There is a serious issue there. Still it also allows us to communicate with people who are so very far away. It makes the world seem so much less. It allows family and friends who are far away to connect it ways that would be impossible otherwise… but that’s not always a good thing. I personally use it to promote my books and sell my crafts. I use it to keep in touch with those who I have known and love. For me…the recluse writer…yes it is social activity. However I am strange… what? Did you really not know that? Lol. What about you? What do you think? Is social media truly being social? I wonder for the non introverted people out there, if social media is something else? Perhaps it is tedious. If so do you only do them for your family? What is your reasons for being on them? Which do you use? There are so many choices.
Posted earlier on my personal Facebook
It really is the little things that hurt…and heal. Seeing affection and pride felt by those whom you wish were proud of you. Or who paid enough attention to see who you really were. So I end up feeling the little green eyed monster creep in. And then I self recriminate because I see myself as better than that. I don’t do my writing or my crafts or my art for the recognition. I really don’t. I do all of it for me. However, the primal urge for recognition exists in everyone. Then along with the self doubt, a few someone’s stood up for me. It heals the little cracks in my soul.
Day twenty three
Oh well… this is a tough one. I am an oddball. I really don’t dislike people overall… not any more. For me it is a case by case – moment to moment thing. So saying I dislike someone… well for me that means they are not family. Blood doesn’t always mean family.
Day nineteen
1. Claustrophobia – I have been afraid of closed in spaces for a very long time.
2. Helplessness – I can not handle being helpless. I have been a survivor… so I don’t do being helpless well.
3. Heights – although I think it is more a fear of falling.
4. Being alone – the huge fear of loss.
5. Tbh — only thing four above.
Day fifteen
To be honest this took actual thought. Quite a bit of thought. Not much really irritates me…I am something of an easygoing person. I even asked those who know me best to get a feel for what I would be perceived as having as a pet peeve. My daughter figures my pet peeve (once I explained the term ) was her misbehaving and disrespecting me. I really don’t think of her random teenage moments (as she is actually a really good kid) as being worth counting as my pet peeve. I am just her mother. That means I hide the amusement when she is acting as stubborn as she does. My boyfriend of twenty years just I don’t knowed at me….so I must not really have one that stands out to him. My sister told me it was stupid people. Okay uhm…yeah. I really have issues with those who are purposely ignorant or hurtful. So my pet peeves list is a total of one… that’s not bad.
What’s yours? And why?
Day Eleven
I have been with my best friend for twenty years now. He is alot of what keeps me sane.
Pattimouse 