Category: relationships

Music soothes the mad poet… 

*image found on Google and only used for inspiration. 

            Recently I read a blog done about music and the effect it had on the life of the blogs writer.  It got me thinking.  So often life for me has revolved around the music.  The sounds of life have always been a rich and full part of who I am. I remember my Dad’s deep baritone singing “Amazing Grace” to me as a child. I remember going to see my great grandfather at his radio station and being enamored by it all.  I loved the poetry in the songs,  how it felt like your soul was understood by the person singing. 

          Grandma Ethel,  my Mom’s mom,  used to sit and listen to stories from her youth and she would share those with me.  Radio shows from another era.  She taught me to enjoy classical music,  how to close my eyes and visualize the music. 

         Music for my mom was such a rigid thing.  If it was not country,  she would not listen to it. And as a child,  in her house I was not supposed to listen to anything else either.  But daddy had records of all manner of song.  Stray cats,  and soft rock like it.  She would eventually learn to bend,  she grew to enjoy some bubble gum rock along with the country.  

                      I still remember the first time I heard real rock. My soon to be step brother had a cassette tape of Dr Feelgood.  I was eleven.  It felt wild and I was hooked.  I still enjoy country,  but I am eclectic in my music tastes. 

                Mind you I am skipping over bits of music and memory. I am trying not to ramble here.  The next influence was my first day of high school.  I was six weeks late because I had a child at fourteen.  I was scared to death of what high school would be. My elder step brother was dating this chick,  and man I looked up to her.  She was confident and sexy and badass. All of the things I knew I would never be.  Well she met me at the cafeteria doors holding a boom box.  It was blasting so loudly that the windows in the building were rattling.  Pink Floyd;  Another Brick in the wall part 3…Aka We Don’t Need No Education.  I can’t tell you how much better I felt about high school.  It was not that school was actually any better.  In truth it was a nightmare.  I just suddenly felt braver,  more secure.  

       Looking back,  every person who was ever a intimate in my life has a song.  My playlist is often a minefield of memories.  Some of which I have not even explained to my boyfriend of over twenty one years. Not because of anything other than the fact that I am done with the one who was once attached to the memory. 

        I may have been a singer and put my love of music to use,  except for the fact that I am unfortunately tone deaf.  I was not gifted with the beautiful singing voice that I would have loved.  It has not stopped me, i sang to my daughter.  I refused to deny her that bond,  both with me and with music. She still will ask for her lullabies when she is feeling bad. 

I sang four main ones to her.  “Hush little baby “,”the greatest love of all “(slightly mangled as i forget one verse), “rockabye baby ” (altered so mama catches as the original bothered me)  and the last is called the puzzle song. 

Lyrics for the puzzle song: *note I learned this is a chorus class in school and have no freaking clue who wrote it. 

I gave my love a cherry that had no stone,  I gave my love a chicken that had no bone,   I gave my love a ring that had no end,   And I gave my love a baby with no cry-in. 

How can there be a cherry with no stone?  How can there be a chicken with no bone?   How can there be a ring with no end?  And how can there be a baby with no cry-in? 

A cherry when it is blooming,  it has no stone,  A chicken when it is peeping it has no bone,  a ring when it is rolling it has no end and a baby when it is sleeping has no cry-in. 

What songs have made a difference in your life?  I would love to hear about them. 

Struggles, Beginnings and the peace gained 

     
           This is the garage door that started the journey for me.  I took this picture yesterday.  Six days from now I will have been with my boyfriend for twenty one years.  Some days that feels like a century… But I digress.  When we first got together,  his “grandma” (who was actually his adopted mother)  let us live in her garage.  She had a bathroom put in on the back porch of her house (and had him pay her back for it to teach the twenty one year old us about bills) but she never charged us for the utilities. At the time I was to headstrong to see the gift that she was giving us… She was stern and slightly scary to me.  I have learned that she really was an amazing woman since. 

          I can say that it was a struggle to make the garage into a home.  We ran gas lines for a stove.  We acquired a refrigerator from a local mission.  He and I slept on a large sofa we were given. I failed to appreciate the struggle then,  because at twenty one I was ignorant of the way of the world.  I had seen the darkness in man,  but I had really never had to do the housing thing.  When my family didn’t have a home I lived with my grandma.  So I always had a roof over my head.  The garage wasn’t even the worst place I have ever lived. I have lived ten people in a two bedroom trailer with no running water.  That is another story though. 

      Now Joe is working on getting the house.  He inherited a fourth of it and his adopted sister is giving him her share.  So we have only two halves to buy before it is ours.  This is a convoluted and stressful time for me.  I want to keep the memories of this house.  I want the stability for my family that the house will provide. But the house also has baggage.  Baggage in the form from of people who are currently in the house.  People who we are trying to get settled.  There is a lot involved with this. Add the fact that we are not able to settle in and you have the chaos of my life. 

      Then I looked at the garage door and felt like it had come full circle. Which is why I took the picture.  The feeling of peace came through in the picture. 

Stress and the results 

We all go through moments of stress. How we deal with said stress is how we are as a person. Now don’t get me wrong,  I am not judging anyone for the way that they deal with the stress in their life.  All that I am saying is that we as a society tend to see dealing with stress as a character definition. 

           However sometimes it is beyond our capacity to deal with.  Then stress becomes mental illness and nervous breakdowns. There becomes physical symptoms.  And it varies by the person. Stress is not something that is wanted by anyone.  It does however,  on occasion sharpen the mind and make clarity easier to achieve. 

            I,  myself,  have found that for example the stress of a deadline can get the creative juices flowing in some.  I have also seen others who freeze when placed under such stress. How do you handle stress?  And what are some relaxation techniques you have for dealing with stress when it shows up? 

Viewpoints 

Rain is the perfect weather to think in.  There is two sides to every story. That is something that we often forget,  especially when we are fighting.  When we are fighting,  all we want is to express our views.  We want to show that we hurt,  and that we believe strongly in what we are saying.  We forget that we love,  and that we may not be the only one who is right.  Two sides to each story does not always mean just right and wrong. 

          Sometimes,  an argument is about two people who have valid points and neither know how bend to see the other view. It really is normal.  However during the fight,  it is not something that anyone thinks of. I myself have been guilty of this.  We get so involved in ourselves that we find ourselves alone with hurt hearts and confused minds.  

          Still in the moment it is very hard to step back.  It is not a thing that comes naturally to most of us.  So we have to decide whether or not to back down or to feel like we are untrue to our own truths.  Standing our ground can cause friction between us and whomever we are arguing with. Sometimes backing down is allowing our truths to be ignored.  

            It is possible for both sides to be right.  So when you deal with the hurt from an argument,  keep that in mind. If you do not want to back down from your view,  it is fine.  Just consider that you are not the only one involved.  Consider if the other party could be right as well. 

Labels

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So I have my entire life been unable to fit exactly any label. I was sporty,  nerdy,  geeky,  a loner,  a bookworm,  social,  antisocial,  introvert,  extroverted,  a joiner…well you can see where I am going with this. It was not a true issue for me,  and was all in the same breath. I always felt like I was on the outside.  I laugh… I collect labels… But then I would hide the fact that it hurt.  Why should I be a label?  I have never been very good at limiting myself…

That being said…. My twelve year old is very much like me.  She is fluid in who she is and what she does. She asked me today…. Mama why do people have to label each other?  Why can’t they just accept that each person grows and change with each passing day? …….how is it that this child who has not yet reached even a decade and a half umderstands something that eludes over half the human race?

Perhaps we need to learn instead of separately labelling each other,  to instead celebrate the uniqueness that is the human race.

Next Time You See Me

The next time you see me
I will have changed,
Even if it is only a day
In between.

The next time you see me
My views of the world
Will have taken me
Down places that I may not
Even be able to explain.

The next time
you see me
Wish me well,
As I will you…
For you can never know
When the next time
You see me will
Be our last.

Favoritism

You claim love equality,

With words that

match nothing

Of reality.

You still fail to understand,

I want nothing given from

A hesitant hand.

Tis not material

Items I desire,

Nor any attachments

Grand of wealth.

Reach for me just once

And tell me honestly,

That you are interested

To learn who I am,

Truthfully.

 

Parenting isn’t about

wealth or greed,

Or the material

That you can give.

Knowing one well,

Ignoring the other is

Just seriously unkind.

Book Review: Dragon in the sock drawer by Kate Klimo

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Cousins Jesse and Daisy are not prepared when the “thunder egg” Jesse has found turns out to be a dragon egg that is about to hatch.

A cute Tween book. It has adventure and a villain who is scary enough that even the adult readers will no be disappointed. The characters are rich and the descriptions are decent. This is the first book in the series and it allows you to grow with Emerald the dragon and her two preteen keepers. Very magical and a lot of fun to read. I highly recommend.

Marriage

Now some would say that I don’t have room to discuss this topic. I am 41, nearly 42 and I have never been married. I will very likely never marry. I have been seeing the same man for twenty, Nearly twenty one years. We started off with an open relationship…not because I was unwilling to commit, but because I was willing to allow him time to decide if I was what he wanted.Don’t think that it was all one sided. I just was willing to wait for the commitment of my dreams. See I was very young and open minded. I wanted one marriage and all the trimmings. I was desperately in love with him and decided that I could be flexible to get my dreams. I learned the hard way that dreams rarely come in the form we think that they will. Does that mean I am unhappy? No. I have someone I love, who has loved me for over 20 years. I decided I was not going to ever divorce, so that meant being sure when I did marry, If I ever did, that it was something that I was sure of.

That being said, I find that too many people end up rushing to get married. Trying to get that paper declaring their relationship before they are even sure if the relationship will last. So they find that they are often unaware of what their partner is even like. Those flaws that people hide while dating. I firmly believe that a couple should live together for at least a year. The blinds come down when in such close confines. The pagan hand-fasting is for a year and a day. If at the end of that year and a day you are still interested in the marriage it is redone. For the death do us part kinda thing.This makes sense. Marriage is more about compromise than anything, and unfortunately most people don’t do this. It ends up being one person dominating and one  submitting. While that can be kinky and fun, a real world relationship cannot survive if there is no give and take. Support must happen from both partners. {Note this is coming from someone with 20+ years of seeing what makes it work} If only one is supporting then the foundation of the relationship erodes. Both need to know the other cares and is still interested.

Love and sex are two different areas…I know a lot of people fail to realize this. Sex can happen without love, and Love without sex…but a marriage (or a relationship that is like marriage) will not last long if either is missing. If he/she does not excite your passion, then why would you hang around, same can be said if the love is no longer a part of the equation. All of these require one thing…communication. Talk to your partner, about everything…Honestly. If you hate something that they do and you don’t say anything then it will be impossible for them to compromise. Same thing if they come to you and are telling you that they feel like something you do is bad. In example…I am a writer. so if my Joe didn’t like my writing,(actually he loves it, but using an easy example here) then I could as a compromise offer to do this during a time when he was not around. Or to go to another room. Simple compromises help to keep things together.

Still sometimes compromise is impossible and relationships fail. And in that case, It merely means you were not suited to each other. It means it is time to dust yourself off and try again. Love exists to brighten our lives, not to trouble it. ❤

Writing, and being a writer

So….writing is at least for me the easy part. It is the part I enjoy. I have so many stories,  poems and ideas floating around my head.  Problem is the business aspects.  Oh,  editing?  Yeah I can do that. I am even able to do the publishing,  thanks to Amazon. I am not good at promoting what I have written.

I have been wary of submitting what I write.  Part of the reason is because I am not inclined toward the rejection letters.  While I know that the rejection letters are a part of writing,  my poetry has always been a opening to my heart. My soul laid bare… So I was not willing to face the unending rejection. Which now seems like ego to me. My writing is good,  but all writing can improve. Is having pride in one’s own words not a good thing?  The other reason for my hesitant nature towards submitting is simple.  I really hate the idea of someone else having the rights to my work.  However I have seen some that claim rights to the work they publish. Not many,  and I refuse to submit to any who do.

Well I have noticed that writer’s are often a solitary lot,  I joined a few groups on social media.  I was hoping to interact and gain tips on how to promote what I write.  Maybe a few to make the words better. You know,  be social with others who are into the same thing… And I found the darndest thing.  Most of the social media groups for writers?  Well it is everyone promoting their own books.  No sharing,  no discussion. So I have been going on,  because the writing itself is really not a choice.  I will be writing until I am no longer able…. Still the publishing thing… Well I do that so I can share with others a glimpse into my soul.

So I was in a bad place tonight because of yet another rejection. I posted it on social media.  I really was hearing the same thing I always hear when I fail to accomplish something.  My mother. So I  posted for a change. I had a friend,  also a writer(Kim Bailey Deal) suggest that I needed beta readers… Ok that was a new concept.  She also introduced me to a group of writers who actually discuss writing. I hope that this will lead me to improving my craft,  and maybe to some good new friends.