Category: Children

Feeling like I did Something

Well…I finished writing Queer Verbage which will not release until April…it seems so far away…but it is one less thing I have hanging over me. I can do the formatting and get the stuff done for publishing.
I cannot explain why the need to finish it was so strong, but having it done is a weight off. Now I have Tears of the Broken, Dream Drops, Fighting Ignorance, Ocular Dystopia, Occult Madness in progress for me and Chasing Ghosts for Serena.
When I mentioned to my Daughter how I felt like I was struggling with it, she said I was pushing too hard. She said that if I worked any harder she would never get to see me. Sorry, she comes first there. But it did make me wonder…what is the right amount? I try to write as I feel the urge, but I also try to set a daily goal so I actually get forward progress on more than just the poetry volumes…because I tend to get easily distracted from my stories. I am aware there is a discipline to this…and I am a child of chaos.
So where is the happy medium for me? That is something I am going to be working with over the next few weeks. I need to set me a workable time schedule for writing and work that I can stick to…or at least attempt to. Let’s see how that goes?

Wild Wednesday

I was searching for the theme…

I wanted Halloween Music. I came across this List.

I love it. When I had searched for the same sort of thing on Movies…Well I found I was disappointed in the list. Scary movies most of these are not…at least not to me.
Boyfriend says I am desensitized.

He might be right. I was reading horror books back in elementary school – like real ones. Steven King and the like. My parents did not limit what I read. (I was reading College level by time I hit 4th grade.)

I remember being scared by some really well written stories.

And My imagination is far richer than most movies.

So, I end up being disappointed by the movies because they can not live up to the full richness of the stories in my head. I get people who get mad at me when I say that I am not a video person…because the shows rarely are worth the time I have to spend away from my books.

And I have no way to explain that without sounding strange. I love music. I love books. Movies and television however often disappoints.

Old radio programs and Theater shows are amazing however…

Drawtober

Day 12 prompt (my daughter asked me to draw a chibi her) I am terrible at chibi. The bottom is the first one I drew. The second one is more “chibi” and honestly looks more like her.

Drawtober

Day 11 I revisited the moth prompt at my daughter’s request for the fuzzy moth

Wild Wednesday

I am a certifiable board game geek.

I love all sorts. Today I am going to introduce you to one of my favorites.

Give me the Brain. You pay $4 get a pdf and print some cards. it’s neat as all get out. this is how I did it. The game is so fun. the concept is you are zombies running a restaurant. There is one brain between you. Some tasks require the brain to do. some don’t. The winner is the one who ends up with no cards.

There is a version of cards already made on Amazon…But I like my printed cards best. We went and had them laminated. Found a fake brain at the dollar tree that we keep with it and a six sided dice. (You need the dice) It has been hours of fun for us.

A single game usually takes around 15-20 minutes to play and can be anywhere from 2-10 players with no problems. The flavor text on the cards are a source of humor…and it really is good clean family friendly fun. (we got the deck when my daughter was around six. She loves it.)

Artsy Fartsy Thursday

I drew a ghosty. My daughter said the ghost needed a teddy. so…updated.

This week is an odd one

It’s Sunday. I usually do my publishing/blog/writing based responsibilities on Sunday… but it is also Joe’s birthday. So, I am squeezing in what I can before I go to bed. Then I will be spending the day with him and trying to get the rest of the week playing catch up. Next week I will be AWOL as the 13th is my day.

I actually have ideas for this week, mostly. Wednesday is the iffy…but I may come up with something by the time I get there.

If I find that I am feeling froggy I might try to do something after the 13th as far as posts but regardless I will return to work on the following week.

Also…in addition to my own release of Internal Battlefields, my middle child, NK Xero, is looking at releasing a poetry book in April. (With Fae Corps Publishing of course). Also I am hoping to do the same thing I usually do and post a daily poem. I’m hoping to try to do some new ones ☺️

Artsy Fartsy Thursday

Okay… the above art is not mine but the canvas is…lol that is my soon to be 19 year old about 5 years ago. The question is do you consider face painting an art? In the same vein as tattoo work?

Creative Intelligence and Generational Curses

So my daughter and I were talking. I told her I was happy that she was comfortable enough when the kitchen flooded to cuss at me. To me that feels like she was able to express herself without worrying that I would be angry about it. I am big on self expression, which should surprise no one. She said that her therapist encouraged her to use whatever language she felt the need to express the thoughts in her head. *This is where I should note that we really don’t know any other language except American English. We know a few smattering of words in other languages, but not enough to be a fluency of it’s own…but swearing…well…yeah We swear like sailors around here. She mentioned that my mom had said that swearing shows a lack of intelligence. I so completely disagree. I think that it often is looked down upon, but there are times when a good creative swear (note I said creative) shows more intelligence than not. And not always does the swear have to be dirty. One of my favorites is a foreign (for me) word that means shame on you.

I have tried to make my home a place that my kids can call to express anything. I don’t judge them for speaking their minds. They can literally tell me anything. I am their safe space. For me that is what home should be. It is not what all of us had.

Middle of the night floods, epiphanies, and dinosaurs

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

I was going to do the usual poetry update today…but my kitchen sink busted last night…well a piece of it did. We have a hose attachment that allows us directly to use water (my dishwasher is a portable) and the hose busted. It is not going to be an expensive fix. Just was a panic at 2 in the morning because of the flooded kitchen. It got me thinking, much as most incidents like that do.

My daughter was the one who had found the flooded kitchen, and bless her she immediately went to work cleaning up the mess. She sent me messages to wake me up. She was comfortable enough to curse at me for not answering the phone (I was actually in a deep sleep for a change). I wonder if I would have ever been so with my mom.

We had a conversation while we were stuck at Walmart about what our favorite dinosaur was (hers is a Saurolophus, mine has always been a triceratops) and I adore the little things that I can get to share with her. (The dinosaur conversation was initiated due to a figit toy she had in her purse. A club tailed dino filled with sand that can be manipulated various ways.)

I don’t remember ever being comfortable enough talking to my mom about anything. My doctor finds my mom and I to be a funny topic. I told her (doctor) that My mom still is blaming me for a virus I had as a teenager. I had infantigo when I was around 11 or 12. Mom is still convinced that I caused it by picking at it. And even though I am in my late 40’s brought it up as I was going to cause myself to get it again. The doctor thinks it’s funny. It is a bit of the epiphany for me.

I always expect my daughter to be amazing. Even if she has a bad day, she is going to be amazing. Nothing can change my mind on that. My mom expects the worst about me. She always has, always will… and I have to stop letting her voice color my self view I have spent 47 years trying to be good enough for a woman who is never going to see me as adequate. Time to change my aim.