I have this year struggled to find a therapist. I wish I could say it is all my doing that is causing this disconnect. At least then I could point the finger and go…This is what I need to fix. I wish I could just heal my mind and never need therapy again. (I literally just had a therapist accuse me of wanting to be broken because it was all I have ever known. I can’t even explain to her what damage she added to me.)
Some days are better than others.
Some days I fight and find myself actually happy. I enjoy the moments that life gives me…I enjoy the people I love. I enjoy the moments where I do something and it feels like I am doing it right.
The problem is those moments are not as often as I need them to be.
The other problem is I don’t have the people I need to share those moments with.
I have friends. I have family. I just don’t want to bother them. So I am lonely. In the fishbowl of the internet.
Today…
Perhaps I am a little more willing to show the vulnerability, and say that having mental health issues sucks.
With each of the last few volumes I have been doing a theme… unintentionally but I have been doing it nonetheless. So, I have been struggling with this one and I think that I finally figured out why.
I have been trying to focus on the home aspect of the title… and the poetry is acceptable… but it has been harder to write because I don’t really know what home is. It changes as I do. And I can be mercurial in who I am on occasion.
I think that I need to instead look at the journey. And write about that. It might help me find the rest of the words to fill in the book. If I can get it done in time I will try for an August publishing date.
Ever think that you were caught up, and then realized that you had forgotten about something important? That was me this past week. I have done all the work for July and publishing… and I thought I had done June as well… only to find out that I had forgotten about June.
Though I was frustrated and feeling like I was a screw up… it was not the end of the world. It was not even a truly terrible thing. It was just a little bit of a frustration. I got it fixed (though my own poetry volume in June immortality is only in ebook form until the 20th.) A minor oops. Still at the time…it felt like I was just incapable of doing anything right.
And it is not an uncommon thing for such situations to cause a lot of people to feel like they can’t do anything right. The internal voice is often so mean.
Don’t let that voice make you feel like you are anything less than amazing. I’m fighting with my own.
Okay, I have been working with OneNote since the email from Evernote… and I have some thoughts.
Overall, I am not unhappy with OneNote…
It is not perfect. I have some issues. But it is good enough for my needs.
I can do separate notebooks – which is the only true requirement I had in my writing program.
I can move the notebooks around and I can make separate pages for each poem- which I could not do that in Evernote.
The notebooks have the ability for sections – again not something I could do in Evernote.
It does not have a word counter option 😔. Evernote had that and I am severely missing it.
The option to print is far nicer than that of Evernote, but it is still not allowing me to set it up for the whole thing to be a single document for the pdf. I wish I could have some options for setting up the print to pdf a little bit better.
I can use it offline as long as the notebook is open. However I am limited on how many I can have open.
The best functionality is on my desktop computer on Windows. It is not compatible with my android tablet – though my phone (android) is compatible. I have no options for the Linux laptop except for the web browser version.
The app doesn’t cost me anything but it does require storage space on my OneDrive… which means I have to subscribe to it…It is cheaper than Evernote was monthly by about 60 cents…($8 vs $7.45) so I am not going to complain.
All that is to say that I am not upset about the situation. I’m sorry Evernote chose to lose my business. But I think that I found a substitute that works for me. Would I recommend it? Yeah. It has the functionality I was looking for. The lack of a word counter is the biggest complaint that I have… but I can make do with online word count tally sites. Not a big deal. Annoying, but only minorly so.
Thanks to a wonderful gift my computer is getting a much needed upgrade.
So, it was decided that I would do a fresh install at the same time..
The only problem with that is NOW I am doing the back up of files that I have been avoiding for months…
UGH.
This is going to be a bit…
However, I will have more space as the upgrade includes another Terabyte Hard drive(SSD), and 16g Ram ( I currently have 8) and a pretty nice new CPU Cooler that will extend the life of my system. I am quite tickled by the gift.
So for two months I have managed Daily posts…I find myself presented with a problem. June and July are busy months…not the ability to sit in front of the computer kind of busy…but garden and being invited to cookout kind of busy. I have plans for the fall. Sketchtember. Inktober. This is probable. I am considering the Poetry Marathon in August. (that is 24 poems in 24 hours). But I don’t think I can do daily post in June. I will try to post some more art and poetry than I had been doing. And I will definitely do my weekly posts. I have so much more upcoming that I want to share. I just need to pull back slightly.
