Category: Mental Health

politics, and sleep deprivation demons

Poetry woke me. it is not the first time, likely will not be the last. I have been working on two different projects as my poetry goes…I have been finding that I am writing a lot of political poetry…where I had not been before. I guess as I have aged my heart is just not in swallowing the rage I have been feeling for the way the world around me is. I don’t like saying nothing when I see a wrong being done. I have fought for my voice, so I guess I will have to use it. well not all of the poetry I have been writing is appropriate for this volume.

so I am writing two. I think the first one is either going to be smaller than my usual or take longer, I am not sure. it currently has twelve poems compared to the twenty nine in Handprints. Gathering Teardrops will be released in May and I am not sure if either of these will be available this year. I have a bit of a full schedule for publishing this year.

I will announce when each are done writing. I have another poem that is bouncing around my head wanting to be written, so I am writing instead of sleeping….sigh

oh…btw…I have an interview on Facebook on Friday…will post the link as soon as I get it.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics:

Well I’m an axegrinder piledriver
Mother says that I never never mind her
Got no brains I’m insane
Teacher says that I’m one big pain
I’m like a laser 6-streamin’ razor
I got a mouth like an alligator
I want it louder
More power
I’m gonna rock ya till it strikes the hour

Bang your head! metal health’ll drive you mad
Band your head! metal health’ll drive you mad

Well I’m frustrated
Outdated I really want to be over-rated
I’m a finder and I’m a keeper
I’m not a loser and I ain’t no weeper
I got the boys to make the noise
Won’t ever let up
Hope it annoys you
Join the pack
Fill the crack
Well now you’re here
There’s no way back

My Two Cents- Today is a bad communication day for me. I was trying to figure out a good song for the post. I told Joe that I felt like I needed to bang my head against the desk because of how hard it was to communicate. He said that I had my song…yeah I guess I did. So join me in Banging my head with happy instead of frustration,

Excuses, and the stress Monster

I normally schedule my blog posts on Sunday for the week…and when I don’t I end up with the posts for the week not going up. I don’t intend it, it just happens that way. Well, the next two weeks are wrought with Stress due to an upcoming court situation. (My boyfriend has been trying to get his disability, and I am worried for him. It is not my court day but that often does not excuse the stress we feel when someone we care about is facing a major event.) So I cannot promise how well I will be doing until after the 30th. I am going to schedule this week today…or try to. I am having trouble with a stress headache today. So I thank you for your patience if I am less posty for the next two weeks. It is been much of the reason why March has been spotty. I have been writing and doing the work for Fae Corps to get the books out…but my poor blog has been too much to deal with sometimes. That is something I am trying to work on. I may end up just posting poetry and art this week instead of trying to keep my daily themes going.

The Holidays are in, and it has kicked me in the butt

So I haven’t been around. Not surprised if you noticed. There has been a lot of activity in my life. Changes that have caught me by the throat. I don’t plan on bleeding those changes all over my blog, it would just open wounds that are starting to close. However, I am going to still be on hiatus a short while longer. It started with a nasty bout of bronchitis and then some nasty emotional baggage. I am slowly unpacking the baggage and starting to put things away. I think I will give myself grace through the month of December and start 2022 fresh. I need this time to deal with the mess that I got myself into. This time of year often ends me up with an emotional downside that I have been at a loss to prevent.

For me that means I will continue to work on myself and the issues that have arisen in my life. For you it merely means I am asking for patience. January will see more poetry, art, and discussion of the foibles of life that my blog has come to present on a regular basis. I thank you for the patience and I wish you all the best of holidays.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –

I’m sorry but your story isn’t adding up
Think your religion is a lie to keep my mouth shut
So I won’t testify the crimes you’re keeping score of
Why don’t you throw me to the wolves? I thought you were one
You were standing there like an angry god
Counting out my sins just to cross them off
Saying that my tongue was too loud to trust
And that my blood couldn’t keep you
My dear, you’re not so innocent
You’re fooling Heaven’s gates
So you won’t have to change
You’re no saint, you’re no savior
Your revelations don’t look nothing like the pictures
You read between the lines and don’t stick to the scriptures
You only follow rules if others follow with you
That doesn’t sound so holy only playing victim
You were standing there like an angry god
Counting out my sins just to cross them off
Saying that my tongue was too loud to trust
And that my blood couldn’t keep you
My dear, you’re not so innocent
You’re fooling Heaven’s gates
So you won’t have to change
You’re no saint, you’re no savior
So keep your judgment for someone else, I’ve had enough
And keep your judgment for someone else, I’ve had enough
So keep your judgment for someone else, I’ve had enough
And keep your judgment for someone else, I’ve had enough
My dear, you’re not so innocent
You’re fooling Heaven’s gates
So you won’t have to change
You’re no saint, you’re no savior

My 2 Cents –
I get so aggravated at judgmental people. You can only judge yourself for your own actions. You cannot judge another for you are not in their shoes.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –

Oh, oh
Oh, oh
I should be living the dream
But I’m livin’ with a security team
And that ain’t gonna change, no
I got a paranoia in me
And you wouldn’t believe
Everything that I seen, no
Comin’ apart at the seams
And no one around me knows
Who I am, what I’m on
Who I’ve hurt and where they’ve gone
I know that I’ve done some wrong
But I’m tryna make it right
To the one I love, paint me wrong
Give me a light now (Oh-oh)
You know that I love you
But I’m still learnin’ to love myself
(To love my, to love my, to love my)
I’m still learnin’ to love myself
(To love my, to love my, to love my)
Yeah, yeahI should be livin’ the dream
But I go home and I got no self-esteem (No)
You think I’m swimmin’ in green
But it’s passed around my family tree
No man wants to really commit
Intimidated ’cause I get paid and shit
In the crowd, you’re readin’ my lips
But no one around me knows
Who I am, what I’m on
Who I’ve hurt and where they’ve gone
I know that I’ve done some wrong
But I’m tryna make it right
The same mistakes on and on
To all my friends, I’m sorry for
You know that I love you
But I’m still learnin’ (I’m still learnin’) to love myself
(To love my, to love my, to love my) Yeah, yeah
I’m still learnin’ (I’m still learnin’) to love myself (To love myself)
(To love my, to love my, to love my) Yeah, yeah (Oh, oh)
Oh, I try and I try to remember sometimes
If I breathe, it’s alright, but some things don’t change
I’m still learnin’ (I’m still learnin’) to love myself (To love myself)
(To love my, to love my, to love myself)
Who I am, what I’m on
Who I’ve hurt and where they’ve gone
I know that I’ve done some wrong
But I’m tryna make it right
To the one I love, paint me wrong
Give me a light now
(To the ones I love) To the ones I love
I’m still learnin’ to love myself
(To love my, to love my, to love my) Yeah, yeah
I’m still learnin’ (I’m still learnin’) to love myself (To love myself)
(To love my, to love my, to love my, ooh)
And I try and I try to remember sometimes
If I breathe, it’s alright, but some things don’t change
I’m still learnin’ (I’m still learnin’) to love myself (Love myself)
To love myself
I’m still learnin’ to love myself


My 2 Cents –
I find it so easy to love everyone else. I struggle to love myself. I see too easily the flaws. So forgive me if I take a few…I’m Still Learning to love myself…

Broken heart

I lost a friend today. He actually passed away on the 7th… But I found out today. He was so bright and compassionate. He would at least once a month send me a digital hug. He was a veteran and a good man. I will miss him.

I normally put poetry on pictures with a copyright notice… This one hurts too much.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics-

I’ve seen people go under
I’ve seen people move on
But the voices getting louder
Until there is none

They said I was special
They said I could fight it
I said it was painful
I told them I’ll lose it

I wanna be special
I wanna be you
But I don’t belong here
I see it in you

They said I was special
They said I could fight it
I said it was painful
I told them I’ll lose it

They said I was special
Yeah!

I’ve seen people in battle
I’ve seen people give up
But they’re all just like cattle
They don’t know when to stop

I thought they were special
I thought they all knew
But they are just assholes
They’re all just like you

I said it was painful
I told them I’ll lose it

If you’re coming back home tonight
I’ll be all long gone
I’ll be all long gone
[x2]

I thought it was easy
I’ll be all long gone
I’ll be all long gone
[x2]

My 2 Cents-
We all have those moments. where we feel left alone, like we are not as special. Each of us are individuals. It doesn’t always feel like it though. And to me this song speaks to that depression that gives us the mental gremlins telling us that we are not anything worth having. The gremlins lie.

Self Care and the Importance of it

Ok, I am sure in this day and age, you have seen on social media and other sites about self care. Whether you think that it affects you, or not, it really does. Not just those who are affected by illness have issues with self care, and the importance it has on life.

We can get busy in life, and there are factors that assist in making this worse. The four listed on the picture are the ones that should happen every day. Add in exercise for a good self care, but if you miss that occasionally, you will not die. These four on the picture are life threatening if you miss them…

Now I can see the look as you glance over the list. Missing a shower doesn’t seem life threatening, heck people do all of the time and survive. But I am talking about quality of life too. Let’s look at each point individually.

  1. Eating – well the human body is designed to do amazing things, but it needs fuel. If you don’t eat then you will find the muscles and your brain start to malfunction. You will not be able to move or think as well as before. We are only able to live for one week without eating… And the body and mind both start to suffer after one day without food.
  2. Hydration – we are mostly water. And as we move we use a portion of said fluid up. The human body can only go three days without drinking water… Mind you I said water. Sugary drinks such as cola will only add to dehydration, though they do taste good. As we dehydrate, our muscles cramp. Our mind clouds, making concentration harder. We get dizzy spells and start feeling light headed. (Though the last symptom is also true of lack of food.)
  3. Sleep – in today’s fast paced environment, we tend to tell ourselves that sleep is not necessary. The problem is that the brain is an organic computer. If you fail to allow your computer to have a break, well it will end up crashing because the memory does not clear of what has been done. The brain is much the same. Sleep deprivation can cause so many side effects. Google it, it is an interesting read.
  4. Showering – ok this one is not immediately lethal. There are diseases that are made worse by being unclean. This one is a lot more about making yourself feel better. A shower makes the body clean and often makes us feel a little bit more alive.

I would recommend that you also, preferably before the shower, at least go for a small walk. It helps to get the body working properly to do at least some exercise daily.

This is good for everyone, but those of us with illness (chronic or mental) sometimes find just doing the self care checklist hard. And that is OK, as long as you do what you can. Keep in mind that this isn’t just a thing so that we are able to be socially acceptable… It is something that can be life threatening. Please do take care of you.

*I wrote this a while back. I am not sure if I ever posted it here. This was a busy weekend and I felt the need to do some self care myself, so I decided to use it for my Monday post. I am hoping to post poetry later this week.