Category: music

Tuesday Tunes

Tuesday Tunes
A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –

Hey, your glass is empty
It’s a hell of a long way home
Why don’t you let me take you?
It’s no good to go alone
I never would have opened up
But you seemed so real to me
And after all the bullshit I’ve heard
Refreshing not to see
That I don’t have to pretend
She doesn’t expect it from me
So, don’t tell me I
Haven’t been good to you
Don’t tell me I
Have never been there for you
Just tell me why
Nothing is good enough
Hey little girl, would you like some candy?
Your Momma said it’s okay
The door is open, come on outside
No, I can’t come out today
It’s not the wind that cracked your shoulder
And threw you to the ground
Who’s there that makes you so afraid?
You’re shaken to the bone
And no, I don’t understand
You deserve so much more than this
So, don’t tell me why
He’s never been good to you
Don’t tell me why
He’s never been there for you
Don’t you know that why
It’s simply not good enough
Oh, so just let me try
I will be good to you
Just let me try
And I will be there for you
I’ll show you why
You’re so much more than
Good enough
So, don’t tell me why
He’s never been good to you
Don’t tell me why
He’s never been there for you
Don’t you know that why
It’s simply not good enough
Oh, so just let me try
I will be good to you
Just let me try
And I will be there for you
I’ll show you why
You’re so much more than
Good enough

My 2 cents –

This was the first song that I ever heard that had defined Queer undertones. I had always had the abusive relationship, so this song hit so hard the first time I heard it. The idea that music could talk openly about all of it. (I had been sheltered music wise before I heard this one…A Lot of Country and Hard Rock. Neither really tackle queer topics or rather did back then.) Nowadays queer representation in music is everywhere…but back when I first heard this song it was such a new thing.

Tuesday Tunes

Tuesday Tunes
A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –

[Verse 1]
My entire childhood
I thought I had to hide who I was
I never let anybody see
I finally accept now
That some things never change
How your image will always matter more than me
I never really seem to measure up
I gave my all, but it’s just never good enough[Chorus]
But I’m your daughter, ain’t that enough
To be someone you’re proud of?
I tried my best
And yet you wish that I was different
And the reason why I always shut you out
Was because I felt like I let you down
If I continue this way I’m gonna break
I’m not the one who needs to change

[Verse 2]
I always used to hold back
Afraid that I’d be too much
‘Cause my whole life you taught me that I was
Afraid I was too wild
When in fact I was just a child
Who desperately wanted to be loved
So I chased the love from others
You never understood
But did it ever cross your mind that maybe they gave me what you never could?
[Chorus]
‘Cause being your daughter is not enough
To be someone you’re proud of
I tried my best
And yet you wish that I was different
And the reason why I always shut you out
Was because I felt like I let you down
If I continue this way I’m gonna break
I’m not the one who needs to change

[Bridge]
And I know my sexuality
Doesn’t go well with what you believe
And when I started in recovery
You became my worst enemy
It’s like I’m always almost good enough
It’s like I always almost measure up
But if I could then I would be the one that you want me to be
I just don’t see why

[Chorus]
Being your daughter is not enough
To be someone you’re proud of
I try my best
And yet you wish that I was different
And the reason why I always shut you out
Is because I know that I’ve let you down
If I continue this way I’m gonna break
I’m not the one who needs to change

My 2 cents –

This is Pride month. And though my own mother barely reacted when I came out of the closet, there was so many other reasons why I felt like I had disappointed her. And this song felt so much like someone understood. This month I plan on mostly hitting on the songs that fit the queer tags, but Like usual I try to also pop the ones in that feel like they give me something to say.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –

Now he’s thinkin’ ’bout me every night, oh
Is it that sweet? I guess so
Say you can’t sleep, baby, I know
That’s that me, espresso
Move it up, down, left, right, oh
Switch it up like Nintendo
Say you can’t sleep, baby, I know
That’s that me, espresso
I can’t relate to desperation
My ‘give a fucks’ are on vacation
And I got this one boy
And he won’t stop calling
When they act this way
I know I got ’em
Too bad your ex don’t do it for ya
Walked in and dream came trued it for ya
Soft skin and I perfumed it for ya
I know I Mountain Dew it for ya
That morning coffee, brewed it for ya
One touch and I brand newed it for ya
Now he’s thinkin’ ’bout me every night, oh
Is it that sweet? I guess so
Say you can’t sleep, baby, I know
That’s that me, espresso
Move it up, down, left, right, oh
Switch it up like Nintendo
Say you can’t sleep, baby, I know
That’s that me, espresso
Is it that sweet? I guess so
I’m working late ’cause I’m a singer
Oh, he looks so cute wrapped around my finger
My twisted humor, make him laugh so often
My honey bee, come and get this pollen
Too bad your ex don’t do it for ya
Walked in and dream came trued it for ya
Soft skin and I perfumed it for ya
I know I Mountain Dew it for ya
That morning coffee, brewed it for ya
One touch and I brand newed it for ya
Now he’s thinkin’ ’bout me every night, oh
Is it that sweet? I guess so
Say you can’t sleep, baby, I know
That’s that me, espresso
Move it up, down, left, right, oh
Switch it up like Nintendo
Say you can’t sleep, baby, I know
That’s that me, espresso
He’s thinkin’ ’bout me every night, oh
Is it that sweet? I guess so
Say you can’t sleep, baby, I know
That’s that me, espresso
Move it up, down, left, right, oh
Switch it up like Nintendo
Say you can’t sleep, baby, I know
That’s that me, espresso
Is it that sweet? I guess so
That’s that me, espresso

My 2 cents –

The beat of this is contagious. I have been an insomniac for so long that I tend to be drawn to songs and art that feels like I am being seen.

Musical ah ha moment

Meme - Overthinking

So my boyfriend and I have different views on the song popular monster. I prefer the one by Falling in Reverse  and he prefers Halocene’s version. This is really not a big thing. We have different views on songs that we both like and we just deal with the other persons view.

We were going to a appointment today and his vehicle so he gets to choose the music. He played popular monster and it was an ah ha moment for me. Halocene’s voice is the same register as I sing in my head… So I like the other one because I can enjoy the song. Halocenes version ends up being my inner voice.

And that song is a little bit too close to home.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –

There’s blood in the water
And they’re coming to bring me down
What’s hope with no savior
Yeah, there’s no one in this ghost town
She looked right through me
And I turned to stone
Medusa, Medusa, I’ve been here alone
And I crumbled to pieces
My body, my weakness is on the floor
And the wind will blow and blow
And I won’t be here no more
My wishing well has run dry
Stars are dying in the sky
So I’ll shed my blood and tears
I’ll show no fear just to survive
She looked right through me
And I turned to stone
Oh Medusa, Medusa, I’ve been here alone
Ahh, ahh
Ahhhh
She says, mortal one you’ve been chosen
You’re beautiful, but you’re broken
So hold on to this moment
And fight until you’re hopeless
There’s secrets and riddles
That live in these walls
There’s ghosts of past heroes
And I hear them call my name
We won’t be tamed
Oh, she looked right through me
And I turned to stone
Medusa, Medusa, I’ve been here alone
She looked right through me
And I turned to stone
Oh Medusa, Medusa, I’ve been here alone
Ahh, ahh
Ahhhh
Ahh, ahh
Ahhhh

My 2 cents –

I have always loved the myth of Medusa. I see the curse she was given as Athena’s way of giving her a way to defend herself. I read a poem recently and I loved it so much… But I didn’t save it so I am not sure who penned it. Or even if I am remembering it right.  But it was about Medusa. It basically said that the reason why she was hated was because she made her trauma so loud that they made her body a battlefield. Gah I wish I had saved it now. It really was so lovely.

Edit :  not sure if it is going to share properly but I found a reel of it. It is titled Aphroditie made me do it by Trista Mateer.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –

Hail, hail the black sheep
We are blood, we are family

Call me an outcast, call me a freak
Watch those bullets ricochet straight off of me
‘Cause I belong where right is wrong

No lost cause like the good books say
Don’t give a damn what people think
I march along to a different song

Oh, I feel it deep in my bones
I was born to break every curse, every chain
So I’m singing

Hail, hail the black sheep
We are blood, we are family

Pray the lord my soul to keep
Hail, hail, the black sheep

Thinkin’ like water, think it speaks
Oh, how the river runs deep

We are blood, we are family
Hail, hail the black sheep

Can’t shut me up, won’t bite my tongue
Speak my truth till the day is done
I’m not a saint, I own my pain

Never was lost, but I found my way
Always knew I’d show my scars one day
For the rules I broke, helped me build my throne

Oh, I’m right where I belong
Now I’m singing

Hail, hail the black sheep
We are blood, we are family

Pray the lord my soul to keep
Hail, hail, the black sheep

Thinkin’ like water, think it speaks
Oh, how the river runs deep

We are blood, we are family
Hail, hail the black sheep

Hail the black sheep, yeah
Hail the black sheep, oh yeah

From the streets, to the gutters
We’re sisters and brothers

One nation under one love, one color
Born to be
Black sheep

Hail, hail the black sheep
We are blood, we are family

Pray the lord my soul to keep
Hail, hail, the black sheep

Thinkin’ like water, think it speaks
Oh, how the river runs deep

We are blood, we are family
Hail, hail the black sheep

From the streets, to the gutters
We’re sisters and brothers

We are blood, we are family
Hail, hail the black sheep

My 2 cents –

Family is such a huge thing. For some of us it is a good thing, and for others… well…we spend the whole of our lives wondering what is wrong with us.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –

I am so broken, my wounds are open
For the world to see
That I am unclean
I’m dirty
I’m unworthy
Turning, fire’s burning
I hate that you hurt me
I’ll take what you’ve done
I hate that you’re happy
I thought you were the one
I hate that I still want you
And miss your smile
I hate everything about you
I hate myself for hanging on
My eyes are distorted
From the lies that you’ve spoken
I scream
But I feel nothing
It’s unreal
Dirty, I’m unworthy
Turning, fire’s burning
I hate that you hurt me
I’ll take what you’ve done
I hate that you’re happy
I thought you were the one
I hate that I still want you
And miss your smile
I hate everything about you
I hate myself for hanging on
Breathing’s not a part of healing
It doesn’t mean I’m alive inside
Just because my heart’s still beating
It doesn’t mean I don’t wanna die slow
I hate that you hurt me
I’ll take what you’ve done
I hate that you’re happy
I thought you were the one
I hate that I still want you
And miss your smile
I hate everything about you
I hate myself for hanging on
I hate that you hurt me
I’ll take what you’ve done
But I hate everything about you
I hate myself for hanging on
Hate myself for hanging on

My 2 cents –

I feel like this one is so freaking relatable. Moving through life, and love, is hard. And though the song is obviously about a romantic type of relationship, I think that it could easily be applied to other types as well. That feeling like you wonder why you were never good enough and how much it hurts… yeah. Relatable. Sorry for the sad on main, but it came up first as I went looking for music to talk about.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –

When you feel that rage (When you feel that)
When you feel that rage

We’re the underdogs roaming in the dark
We’re the savages born from worlds apart
Our past has shown just how we bleed
A blind future in front of me
Lost and fractured to the point of break

So come and play with that rage (that rage)
Light a match and reignite the flames (the flames)
This ain’t the end, we’re here to stay
We rush into the unknown
Fearless and brave
So don’t throw it away (that rage)
Won’t stop until sweet victory

We’ve been working towards the goal for most our lives
Every challenge that we faced, we have survived
Our confidence is growing everyday
Finally it is our time to reign

Our past has shown just how we bleed
A blind future in front of me
Lost and fractured to the point of break

So come and play with that rage (that rage)
Light a match and reignite the flames (the flames)
This ain’t the end, we’re here to stay
We rush into the unknown
Fearless and brave
So don’t throw it away (that rage)
Won’t stop until sweet victory

We’re the underdogs roaming in the dark
We’re the savages born from worlds apart
And now I know that this is just the start
We will fight for everything we are
RAGE, that RAGE (when you feel that rage, when you feel that)
RAGE, that RAGE (when you feel that rage, when you feel that)
Rage (that rage)
Light a match and reignite the flames (the flames)
This ain’t the end, we’re here to stay
We rush into the unknown
Fearless and brave
So don’t throw it away (that rage)
Won’t stop until sweet victory
We will go down in history
So come and play with that rage (that rage)


My 2 Cents –

too many people consider Rage as a variety of anger. Rage is so much more. and at the same time is. Rage is unconscious, uncontrollable, the first instinct when we get backed into a corner…. and yes it is anger, but it is also so much more.

I was once told that I should not be angry about the abuse that I suffered… I was told that I should forgive.

Anger is a safety mechanism. forgiving allows you to forget about the pain caused. It means letting go of righteous pain. that righteous pain built me into the person that I am. it made me empathetic, it made me kind, and it made me aware of the people that exist in this world who are going to hurt others.

Rage is not always a bad thing.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –

Yeah

I wake up every morning with my head up in a daze
I’m not sure if I should say this, fuck, I’ll say it anyway
Everybody tries to tell me that I’m going through a phase
I don’t know if it’s a phase, I just wanna feel okay, yeah

I battle with depression, but the question still remains
Is this post-traumatic stressing or am I suppressing rage?
And my doctor tries to tell me that I’m going through a phase
Yeah, it’s not a fucking phase, I just wanna feel okay, okay?

Yeah, I struggle with this bullshit every day
And it’s probably ’cause my demons simultaneously rage
It obliterates me, disintegrates me, annihilates me

‘Cause I’m about to break down, I’m searching for a way out
I’m a liar, I’m a cheater, I’m a non-believer
I’m a popular, popular monster
I break down, falling into love now with falling apart
I’m a popular, popular monster

I think I’m going nowhere like a rat trapped in a maze
Every wall that I knock down is just a wall that I replace
I’m in a race against myself, I try to keep a steady pace
How the fuck will I escape if I never close my case?

Oh my God, I keep on stressing, every second that I waste
Is another second sooner to a blessing I won’t take
But my therapist will tell me that I’m going through a stage
Yeah, it’s not a fucking stage, I just wanna feel okay, okay

Motherfucker, now you got my attention
I need to change a couple things ’cause something is missing
And what if I were to lie? Tell you everything is fine
Every single fucking day I get closer to the grave, I am terrified

I fell asleep at the wheel again
Crashed my car just to feel again
It obliterates me, disintegrates me, annihilates me

‘Cause I’m about to break down, I’m searching for a way out
I’m a liar, I’m a cheater, I’m a non-believer
I’m a popular, popular monster
I break down, falling into love now with falling apart
I’m a popular, popular fucking monster

Yeah, here we go again, motherfucker, oh
We’re sick and tired of wondering
Praying to a god that you don’t believe
We’re searching for the truth in the lost and found
So the question I ask is
Oh, where the fuck is your god now?

‘Cause I’m about to break down, I’m searching for a way out
I’m a liar, I’m a cheater, I’m a non-believer
I’m a popular, popular monster
I break down, falling into love now with falling apart
I’m not a popular, popular monster

I’m a liar, I’m a cheater, I’m a non-believer
I’m a popular, popular monster


My 2 Cents –

There is something awful about this process. That loss of faith. In God, In community, In Self. And it is worse when you are being told that there is something wrong with you at the same time. There is not a damn thing wrong with being a monster. Be a monster, be yourself, Be Unique (10 points if you know where that is from)

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –

Who will save you?
The voices want to end me
With words just like a blade
Cutting pieces from me
‘Til nothing remains, ’til I go insane
Eyes in the mirror that cannot be mine
Beggin’ this stranger, “Get out of my mind”
Fear overcomes me when I realize
It’s only me
I keep on screamin’, “Help!”
I cannot breathe, someone save me from this hell
Trapped in this fight, all I can find is myself
Alone in my mind, demons come to life (who will save you?)
And over time, demons come to life
Masters of seduction
And I like how they dance
Feeding my addiction
I play their game, another hit of pain
Eyes in the mirror that cannot be mine
Beggin’ this stranger, “Get out of my mind”
Fear overcomes me when I realize
It’s only me
I keep on screaming, “Help!”
I cannot breathe, someone save me from this hell
Trapped in this fight, all I can find is myself
Alone in my mind, demons come to life (who will save you?)
And over time, demons come
I’m not well, I wish I was happy
The world can’t help, ’cause this storm’s inside me
Still, I try, I’m tryin’ to change
But there’s something broken, fucked up in my brain
Partum my demons, there’s no reason
Part of me wants to be stuck in this dream, and
I can’t save me
I can’t save me
(Who will save you?) I can’t save me
(Who will save you?) I can’t
I keep on screaming, “Help!” (Who will save you?)
I cannot breathe, someone save me from this hell (who will save you?)
Trapped in this fight, all I can find is myself (who will save you?)
Alone in my mind (in my mind), demons come to life (who will save you?)
And over time, demons come to life
Who will save me when demons come to life? (Who will save you?)
Who will save me when demons come to life? (Who will save you?)
Who will save me? (When demons come to life)
When demons come to life
I’m not well, I wish I was happy (wish I was happy)
Demons come to life


My 2 Cents –

this is a hard time of year for my mental health. my birthday is the 13th and I am still trying to figure out how I managed to live this long.