so I have been making future poetry volume covers… whether I ever get to write them… I enjoy creating them. WordPress doesn’t yet have the space for me to share my pictures…. so I have been putting them on Facebook in a public album. so I wanted to share my joy on my birthday. I am hoping that the link works. if not… look up my fb page (pattimouseauthor) and it is one of my public albums.
My daughter got me a new stylus for my tablet… that allowed me to do something with details….
My daughter is actually too smart for my own good.
We were having a conversation and she got slightly aggravated with me. I know she probably phrased it slightly differently but the gist of what she said was that she had heard me tell her father that I don’t see him as the villain, and I don’t want him to be my hero. Her question was “well why the hell not? who rescues you?”
I don’t know how to explain to her that I don’t want to be rescued. I am my own hero…. and I tried to tell her that. She said that she had never seen me choose myself over them. I have always chosen the best for her and him. She said she didn’t understand. I chose the best for the best part of my life. How do I even begin to explain it?
She is my whole world. Don’t get me wrong, I love my other two children but I didn’t get to raise either of them… and then add in the two miscarriages I had before her. I can’t have any more children. I wanted a house full when I was younger. I found having her was enough.
She always seems to know what to say and when I just need her to be around. She has such a delightful eclectic taste in music and an artistic bent. She is so empathetic and she has a definite view of the world.
So, she is my whole reason to want to be a better person. And she gets mad at me for not being selfish.
How does it work?
I am now a week away from turning 49.
I never expected to see 30. I kept hearing as a teenager that I was going to have a heart attack before then….
So each year I am still in shock that I am still alive.
next week I think I will be taking a break. my blog will return the following week on Monday.
Lyrics –
Who will save you?
The voices want to end me
With words just like a blade
Cutting pieces from me
‘Til nothing remains, ’til I go insane
Eyes in the mirror that cannot be mine
Beggin’ this stranger, “Get out of my mind”
Fear overcomes me when I realize
It’s only me
I keep on screamin’, “Help!”
I cannot breathe, someone save me from this hell
Trapped in this fight, all I can find is myself
Alone in my mind, demons come to life (who will save you?)
And over time, demons come to life
Masters of seduction
And I like how they dance
Feeding my addiction
I play their game, another hit of pain
Eyes in the mirror that cannot be mine
Beggin’ this stranger, “Get out of my mind”
Fear overcomes me when I realize
It’s only me
I keep on screaming, “Help!”
I cannot breathe, someone save me from this hell
Trapped in this fight, all I can find is myself
Alone in my mind, demons come to life (who will save you?)
And over time, demons come
I’m not well, I wish I was happy
The world can’t help, ’cause this storm’s inside me
Still, I try, I’m tryin’ to change
But there’s something broken, fucked up in my brain
Partum my demons, there’s no reason
Part of me wants to be stuck in this dream, and
I can’t save me
I can’t save me
(Who will save you?) I can’t save me
(Who will save you?) I can’t
I keep on screaming, “Help!” (Who will save you?)
I cannot breathe, someone save me from this hell (who will save you?)
Trapped in this fight, all I can find is myself (who will save you?)
Alone in my mind (in my mind), demons come to life (who will save you?)
And over time, demons come to life
Who will save me when demons come to life? (Who will save you?)
Who will save me when demons come to life? (Who will save you?)
Who will save me? (When demons come to life)
When demons come to life
I’m not well, I wish I was happy (wish I was happy)
Demons come to life
My 2 Cents –
this is a hard time of year for my mental health. my birthday is the 13th and I am still trying to figure out how I managed to live this long.
Two from Serena Mossgraves for a change.
Okay I have been trying to figure out what to do with my stuff that gets accepted to anthologies and the like. Serena has a volume she was putting things in… but I was not sure if it was even a thing I needed.
You see I rarely send my stuff out. If I do submit, it is usually to my own publishing company. Not as a guarantee of publishing but instead as a decorative element for the Anthologies I am putting together. I don’t think that I have the energy to send my work to be judged.
I may feel inclined to send in to one or two projects… but I don’t see it being a big deal. So I think that I want to keep a open volume… much like Anthology Alumni and then release it when I feel like it is ready.
The next volume like that is going to be Jotted Memories.
Art for me is such a multi formatted thing. Right now it is too damn cold…but I want to go play with my resin again. This is a picture of a piece I did a few years ago.
The Concert.
Okay. I have had time to calm down. We got dressed up. We looked amazing. We were so excited. We get there and find out that Falling in Reverse would not be there. Okay, That is only one of the TWO bands we were excited about. TBH we had not really heard Plush so we were ambivalent about them.
The Concert was half an hour after we were told to be there. We understood that was probably to give people time to find their seats. But People were arriving already drunk and loud. The idiot on the other side of Joe was screaming and smelled of beer. The smell of Pot permeated the whole damn stadium. (Not that I mind a good doobie but it was overwhelming.) When the concert did start it was not the order we were told. Plush came out first.
They were amazeballs.
I need to stress that because of how bad the rest was. The woman in the seats in front of us kept standing up to record with her cellphone. The screaming idiot did not stop for the music. All of the extra noise and smells sent Angel into a meltdown. So we decided to leave….And that is when I realized the woman on the other side of me was sitting on my dress. I tried to pull it loose and she just looked at me like I was an idiot. I literally had to ask her to please fucking get off my dress before she let me move.
We finally had to leave – we had only managed to handle three and a half of the songs. The rudeness of people ruined what could have been an amazing experience.
I don’t understand why people cannot just sit and enjoy the show. I only wish we could have stayed. Plush was amazing what we saw, and I imagine Disturbed were probably Better.
Lyrics –
I’m Miss American Dream since I was seventeen
Don’t matter if I step on the scene
Or sneak away to the Philippines
They still gon’ put pictures of my derriere in the magazine
You want a piece of me?
You want a piece of me
I’m Miss bad media karma
Another day another drama
Guess I can’t see no harm
In working and being a mama
And with a kid on my arm
I’m still an exception
And you want a piece of me
I’m Mrs. Lifestyles of the rich and famous
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. Oh my God that Britney’s shameless!
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. Extra! Extra! This just in
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. she’s too big now she’s too thin
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. ‘You want a piece of me?’
Tryin’ and pissin’ me off
Well get in line with the paparazzi
Who’s flippin’ me off
Hopin’ I’ll resort to startin’ havoc
And end up settlin’ in court
Now are you sure you want a piece of me?
I’m Mrs. ‘Most likely to get on TV for strippin’ on the streets’
When getting the groceries, no, for real
Are you kidding me?
No wonder there’s panic in the industry
I mean please
I’m Mrs. Lifestyles of the rich and famous
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. Oh my God that Britney’s Shameless
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. Exta! Extra! this just in
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. she’s too big now she’s too thin
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Miss American Dream since I was 17
Don’t matter if I step on the scene
Or sneak away to the Philippines
They still gon’ put pictures of my derriere in the magazine
You want a piece of me?
You want a piece of me
You want a piece of me?
I’m Mrs. Lifestyles of the rich and famous
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. Oh my God that Britney’s shameless!
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. Extra! Extra! this just in
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. she’s too big now she’s too thin
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. Lifestyles of the rich and famous
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. Oh my God that Britney’s shameless!
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. Extra! Extra! this just in
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. she’s too big now she’s too thin
(You want a piece of me)
Oh yeah
You want a piece of me
My 2 Cents –
Today (Sunday) I am running around trying to get everything done. I feel like I am being pulled in a million directions…and this song just feels right. Everybody wants a piece of me today. I will get it all but I may miss out on a detail or 5.
Pattimouse 