That would be back aches and spasms. I have a crapton of house work to do and am in too much pain to do anything. Even writing hurts. So….hopefully tomorrow i will be able to squeeze in some writing time. Its my girls birthday so i will be spending as much time with her(and making cake pops for her birthday) as possible. Add in the back issues and i may be crying before the end of tomorrow.
Category: Life
Birthdays
Isn’t life funny? As a child, a birthday is very magical day. It’s always a milestone. However, with age, we stop seeing birthdays with as much glee. I think it’s tied to gifts and responsibilities.
Growing old should be more about becoming wise. Still as an adult it’s often a lonely day where we wonder where happened to us. Another day around the sun. We look at what we have accomplished, and many of us feel bad. I want the wonder back.
I really couldn’t care about the gifts, or lack of. But i would like a day where i don’t look in the mirror and see a failure, for my lack of meeting some grand accomplishment goal. A day where growing older just feels like i am growing wiser. I am glad my daughter is still young enough to relish her birthday. I hope she never loses the magic of it.
Disorganized, headache.
Today has been a busy day. I have been doing chores.( still have many to do tomorrow.) And all i have wanted was to make jewelry. Problem is i have had a sleepover with three twelve year old girls. Recently. And haven’t had a chance to reorganize my craft supplies since. I am quite fond of crafting. I really love making jewelry. To me it’s another art form. So the chores cut into it, and being disorganized really didn’t help. So tomorrow among the chores, is a craft organization. So, though i know i have a new list of topics, i may be Wednesday before i update. And as Thursday is the birthday of a very important twelve year old…. i will be overly busy until next week. I am not saying this to make excuses. I am only explaining, so that the blogs i squeeze in will actually be seen as what they are. Me going above and beyond what i see as my possibilities, to write.
Allowance
How does one teach a child how to use money? By giving them an allowance, of course. It has always been curious to me as to how to decide how much to pay your kids. I chose $1 a day for my daughter. And if she misbehaves then in can cost between a quarter to a full day worth. Yet, I find myself wondering if it actually prepares her for deal with money. After all she doesn’t have bills.
I have seen parenting pages that speak of working it more like a job. Assigning a cost for their chores. This is an option but I feel like that makes chores less responsibility and more a job. So then you need another method of teaching responsibility.
So I am always looking for the best when it comes to raising my girl. And so far, I haven’t found a better way of dealing with allowance. For now, it’s money so she can have a measure of independent thought and learn at least a little lesson on handling money.
Experiments in social media
I am attached to my phone. I use it for everything, from games to writing. So Facebook tends to be something i look to for promotion of my publication and for social interaction. (Not that I am a weird shut in, or something…. lol).
So in order to spark the muse, occasionally, I post things to Facebook. The latest was a challenge to my friends. I explained that I might use the answers for fodder for blogging. If cost wasn’t a factor, what would they want to gift me for my birthday. Would it be serious or a gag? I am not sure what i expected.
I got touching responses. Many were the same. Mostly everyone would give me improved health and happiness, unlimited books and art supplies, and peace for my daughter and I. When I made the post, I think I had a perception of more materialistic answers. Which would not have fit me. I don’t know why I expected it. I am surprised however that there were no gag suggestions. Hmmm perhaps it says something about me that my friends are all wanting peace of mind and happiness for me. I am sure however that I have been blessed in the friends I have.
My thoughts
So much a year can change . Life kicked me hard in the head exactly a year ago today. I am a survivor, so i did what i do. I survived. I struggled and learned. The stability i desired so badly, i have obtained. And what matters most is what i held onto. So for those who are struggling and feel that their world has fallen apart, i say hold on…things do get better.
Abundance
Well this is a blow up topic. One that if handled improperly, could cause a flame war. America has never known a lack of abundance. We have within our grasp everything we could possibly desire. And this rarely is appreciated. Don’t believe me? Try being homeless here versus in other parts of the world. I have lived out of my car. There were plenty of places I could go to get assistance. At least one shelter I left because it felt too much like they wanted to keep me. Poverty is horrible, but often in the USA, it means not having enough to do things on your own. In other places, it may mean worse. The things so often taken for granted are just not there. Food, water, basic shelter, a land not at war.
Anxiety
Okay, now for a overdone topic. There are so many blogs out there talking about anxiety… perhaps because as a culture we have over the last century become more and more anxious. Admittedly, I am not immune. It keeps me up thinking. However, I try not to feed it. I imagine anxiety as a terrible beast with sharp claws and way too many teeth. It follows me, waiting for the weakness to take hold. Waiting till I am so weary, that I rest. We all must rest occasionally. Then the beast tears into me, stealing my breath. Causing my mind to immerse in paranoid wanderings. Causing fear to take hold. Most of the time the fear is manageable, as is the self doubt. It’s always there, but perhaps I am better at pushing it down. For me, the beast called anxiety takes my power to push away.
Abuelas
I’m going to start with a topic that is fairly easy, and close to my heart. Abuelas…aka grandmother’s. I have been blessed in mine. One could say i had four. My mom’ s mother, my daddy’s mother, my stepdad’s mom, and the kind lady who refused to be anything but grandma brown.
To be Frank, I only remember her kindness and her kitchen. She was there for my mom and I when i was extremely young. Three years old to six. So some of my first memories were of her. She taught my mom how to cook. I know she died, but I remember her telling us not to visit her grave. She used to say if we couldn’t visit her in life, then we weren’t welcome in death.
Grandma Ethel, my mom’s mother, was a very complex woman. One of the strongest I have ever known. It’s from her I have my love of reading. She loved me unconditionally. She was a natural born story teller. I still repeat some of her stories… she used to work in hospitals as an admission clerk. Well the ambulance brought in a drunk recovered from an accident. The staff got him awake, and he started looking around. “Where is Bob? ” He asked getting more and more agitated. The ambulance went back and found Bob. They get them together, only to have both men start asking for Steve. So this time before the return to the scene, the emt’s asked how many there were. Five total men. None were really harmed by the crash, which wrapped the car around a tree. All were drunk. Turns out the reason for the crash? All five were asleep in the back seat at the time.
However, for all that I loved her, she was a stubborn person. She literally could burn water. She had broken her back three times, had to have it fused five. So she was often cranky because she was in so much pain. She crotcheted, knitted, sewed, did cross stitch and plastic canvas. She loved old movies and British comedies. She was everything to me. I know i was a disappointment to her, but I never doubted her love for me.
Grandma Harris, my daddy’s mom, was old fashioned and strict. She and I really didn’t get along as well. She adored my brother and felt I was too misbehaving. Maybe I was. She was also a strong woman, raised five kids by herself back when that just wasn’t done. She made doll furniture, did ceramics, and made candy. She always kept busy. There was a piano in her house, and music was a big thing around her.
Last but nowhere near least, “Grandma Sis”, my Stepdad’s mom. She was tough, and I really didn’t get to know her well. She when I met her was already unwell. Yet she took the time to welcome me into her family, and gave me a box of books. She took the time to find out what i was into, so she could welcome me. She really was an amazing woman.
Of course not everyone has such abundance. I also had my great grandma and my momo. I think being surrounded by such wonderfully strong female role-models has helped me to really reach to be strong like them.
Rudeness
I live in a three story apartment complex. There is four apartments per floor. Mostly i can handle the noises around me…except for yesterday. Yesterday the neighbor in the apartment directly beside me was banging and clanging at the loudest possible way she could till four am.
While I normally would have assumed it was just a bad night for them, now i wonder. Everyday it sounds like her kids are running around drawing on the walls. And I had a visitor today who told me she knocked on my door when I was not home. She said that the kids in the other apartment screamed for her to go away.
I try to be polite, as much as I can. I have taught my daughter to do the same. However this doesn’t seem to be something people do anymore. I remember my daughter bumping into someone in a grocery store when she was about six. The woman looked so shocked because I forced my daughter to apologize.
It’s understandable for the kids to be playing. However letting your kids run ruckus till four in the morning? Letting them yell at people not even knocking at your door? I believe that manners are dying a slow death. I mourn the fact that rude has become the new normal.