Category: fun

Pad Day 4 and rambles

Today’s Prompt was a fill in the blank. “In the (Blank)”. Those that are my facebook friends have seen me trying to do to-do lists the last few days. They are never long…usually four or five items…but it wears me out. So I am fighting exhaustion and trying to celebrate my wins.

The laundry is caught up.

Dishes are nearly there.

Bathrooms are clean. (Well the two that I can get to)

The laundry room is clean.

All the clothes are folded…not put away yet, but folded.

My bedroom is halfway there.

Joe’s room is clean.

I have finished Layout on all but one of the Kid’s books for kid’s week(The final one is waiting on the illustrator. He had a cord malfunction and couldn’t send in the art yet. Poor guy)

I have started getting preorders set up for the kid’s week books. *Links will be in a post on the Fae Corps blog when I finish the getting of the preorder links….

I have written a poem a day for everyday in November so far and got a little bit of a word count in Sea Wytch.

I did my grocery shopping for November. And came in under budget.

I have started my christmas shopping.

I made it to therapy.

I have remembered my medicine over half of the time…(I set another set of reminders on my phone…seriously the only reason I remember to eat half of the time is the dizzy feeling I get when I forget.)

I have stayed Hydrated…

See I am killing this…even if there are days when my body says I am killing me. I created a to-do list for self care. So far it has morning and night meds, and art…(Therapist said art was self care!)

What did you do today? Let us celebrate the win together.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics –

[Verse 1]
There is no knowing, no showing
Your fragile side
Want to be perfect, untouchable
Like the sky
It’s so misleading, believing
That fear inside
Don’t let the light in, they’ll see it
Behind your eyes

[Chorus]
Way down we go
To the dark room
Where your pain’s the only one to greet you
Down we go
To the mind that
Will deceive you, only out to get you
Down we go
To the bottom
Now there’s only yourself to count on
Down we go
To the dark room
Can you get through all the pain insidе you?
Down we

[Verse 2]
You’re stuck with playing and gaining
Traumatic times
Want to bе stronger, the story
Of your whole life
This kind of reckless seems endless
It comes to fight
So you’re not breathing, just bleeding
Oh, what a sight

[Chorus]
Way down we go
To the dark room
Where your pain’s the only one to greet you
Down we go
To the mind that
Will deceive you, only out to get you
Down we go
To the bottom
Now there’s only yourself to count on
Down we go
To the dark room
Can you get through all the pain inside you?
Down we

[Bridge]
Down we go
To the dark room
Where your pain’s the only one to greet you
Down we go
To the mind that
Will deceive you, only out to get you
Down we

[Chorus]
Way down we go
To the dark room
Where your pain’s the only one to greet you
Down we go
To the mind that
Will deceive you, only out to get you
Down we go
To the bottom
Now there’s only yourself to count on
Down we go
To the dark room
Can you get through all the pain inside you?
Down we

My 2 Cents –
My daughter often introduces me to new music…and it gets stuck in my head. The lyrics on this one really kind of hit for me. What song is stuck in your head and why?

Art Tablet thoughts

Ok…I finally got around to attempting it with my Laptop. I have worked on it with my desktop and I love it. It plug and played perfectly with my windows pc. It didn’t really need the driver to be downloaded, but I did just to be sure there would be no hiccups. My laptop is running Linux. I actually prefer Linux but there is so much I cannot do without windows due to compatibility of my favorite programs. I have found freeware that covers much of what I do, but there are a couple of programs (Master PDF Editor being the most important) that I cannot do without. (Master PDF Editor is available on Linux but I bought the license for windows when I was unable to run Linux for a time and don’t have the ability to buy it again right now.) My poor laptop is not a high end thing. I mostly use it when I have to travel and cannot bear to be away from accessing my files. The tablet’s driver is available for MAC or Windows only. So it does not have available drivers for my Laptop. It still plug and played. It did however freeze up while I was working about 8 times. That was slightly annoying. I believe that I will keep using the windows pc for it.

I really do enjoy the lovely nature of this tablet. I do better art with the fine control of a pen. I hope to post more soon.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Okay, I admit today is slightly different than my usual Tuesday fare. The above is a playlist I created on YouTube. It is based on a question one of my Facebook friends asked…

Quick! What is your favorite cover song that you think is better than the original?

Now that has some controversy… after all it depends on the eye of the beholder mechanic. What is good for me may not be to you.

Still, I enjoy the covers on this playlist and I thought I would share it with you. What is your favorite cover song?

I oopsed

So…when I am scheduling the blog for the week I often use the duplicate blog option to get the right settings for each. I ended up deleting last week’s Thursday post. It was the one about my new drawing tablet. I didn’t delete it on purpose. Technical difficulties y’all.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics:

[Verse 1]
Woke up late, car’s a mess
Spilled some coffee on my dress
Trying to pick out a song
Drove too fast, missed a stop
Somehow a Policeman saw
How am I gonna pay for that?

[Pre-Chorus]
I stayed up ’til 3 a.m last night
Watching Netflix on my phone ’cause
They cut off the power line
Drank up the rest of the box wine
Oh, I know it wasn’t smart
And I say this every time
[Chorus]
I can’t adult today at all
I wanna go right back to bed
And pretend I’m not feeling well
There’s nothing that I wanna say
But ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
I can’t adult today
I can’t adult today

[Verse 2]
Got to work, powered through
Headache started around 2
‘Cause I had to work through lunch
Finally, I finished up
Made it home and had enough
But I found a dog chewed couch

[Pre-Chorus]
I stayed up ’til 3 a.m last night
Watching Netflix on my phone ’cause
They cut off the power line
Drank up the rest of the box wine
Oh, I know it wasn’t smart
And I say this every time

[Chorus]
I can’t adult today at all
I wanna go right back to bed
And pretend I’m not feeling well
There’s nothing that I wanna say
But ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
I can’t adult today
[Bridge]
Just another cup of coffee
I can’t adult today
Just a little bit more money
I can’t adult today
10 alarms just to remind me
I can’t adult today
Tomorrow I will try again

[Chorus]
I can’t adult today at all
I wanna go right back to bed
And pretend I’m not feeling well
There’s nothing that I wanna say
But ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
I can’t adult today
I can’t adult today
I can’t adult today

My Two Cents- being sick sucks. Catching up on the work I should have done whilst sick sucks. I wanna go right back to bed…

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics:

I break the ice
So they don’t see my size
And I have to be nice
Or I’ll be the next punchline

I’m just the best friend in Hollywood movies
Who only exist to continue the story
The girl gets the guy while I’m standing off-screen
So I’ll wait for my cue to be comedic relief

Can’t be too loud
Can’t be too busy
If I don’t answer now, are they still gonna need me?
Can’t be too proud
Can’t think I’m pretty
Do they keep me around, so their flaws just seem silly?

I say I’m okay
‘Cause they wouldn’t care anyway
And I could try to explain
But my efforts in vain
They can’t relate to how I’ve

Drawn out in Sharpie where I take the scissors
If that’s what it took for me to look in the mirror
I’ve done every diet to make me look thinner
So why do I still feel so goddamn inferior?

Can’t be too loud
And can’t be too busy
If I don’t answer now, are they still gonna need me?
Can’t be too proud and
Can’t think I’m pretty
Do they keep me around, so their flaws just seem silly?

Life of the fat, funny friend
Life of the fat, funny friend

It’s funny when I think a guy likes me
And it’s funny when I’m the one who says, “Let’s go to eat”
It’s funny when I’m asked to go out on Halloween
Dresses and thigh highs, while I hide my body

Can’t be too loud
And can’t be too busy
If I don’t answer now, are they still gonna miss me?

Can’t be too loud
And can’t be too busy
If I don’t answer now, are they still gonna need me?
Can’t be too proud and
Can’t think I’m pretty
Do they keep me around, so their flaws just seem silly?

Life of the fat, funny friend
Life of the fat, funny friend
Life of the fat, funny friend
Life of the fat, funny friend

I’ve drawn out in Sharpie where I take the scissors

My Two Cents- I have been fat almost all my life. I was tiny before I hit puberty…but I hit puberty…I got fat. or so I was told.

I was two in the picture above.

And here I was ten. Through most of my teen years my mother had me on every fad diet there was. She was certain I would die before I was 30 by heart attack. So certain that she had me convinced.

My senior year of high school…I was 200 lbs….

I ended up 450 lbs and unable to move…but hey…I survived 30…

I am down to 270. I am still the same girl. the teen that didn’t understand what was wrong with me. The person who never felt like she looked good enough to be counted as cute, much less pretty.

Drawtober begins

Prompt: Gargoyle
Prompt: Scurry
Prompt: Bat

I know I only end up doing like 8-10 days….every year…but its fun to try. I can’t find the proper Drawtober prompts so I am using Inktober’s prompts – but I won’t use that hashtag due to issues on it. And next month it will be the PAD Challenge…

My voice

Photo by Pavel Danilyuk on Pexels.com

Recently, I had someone give me unsolicited feedback. Now I am over that…but the reaction to my emotions afterwards…I have spent some time on. I was HURT…Like ready to delete the art program off of my computer hurt. I worked through that, because you know that is my responsibility – to deal with the emotions and the reasons why I feel them. I did not take it out on the person other than to tell them that they hurt me and that I did not appreciate the unsolicited feedback. That night I recorded a video rant on tiktok, Not naming or pointing any fingers to anyone. Not even being angry. I left it in my drafts folder overnight. Unsure if I would post it. Because the initial reaction to my hurt was her doing the OK like I had no business being hurt. She had immediately said sorry in a hey now I need to make you shut up kind of way. and then when I tried to explain my hurt she kept saying Ok…

Now I realize that I am nowhere near perfect. My voice has been stolen too often, So I guard it, I guard my ability to control my ability to express my self. No one can take those things from me. I have very distinct boundaries because of this. Well the next day I had worked through most of the hurt. I was able to see it for what it was and not do something that I felt would be foolish. I watched the video I had made and decided it was not me doing nothing but lashing out in hurt. I decided that it was a fair video and good content. Something that I often have issues posting, everywhere. So I posted it. The person decides that means I am still mad and starts sending me WTF messages. I told her I was never mad, only hurt. She blows that off as it is the same thing for me.

I am now questioning myself and everyone I know and love to be sure that my anger and my hurt are not manifesting the same way. They are not, but as this person mostly deals with me via social media she would not know the difference. I consider this person my best friend…some days my only friend. So I am devastated that she really doesn’t know me. I end up with the last things she says in the conversation bouncing around in my head all damn night. I am not going to put the exact things in here…but it is the same thing that always comes up when I enforce a boundary. ‘Well I did not realize that you expected that of me!’ Why would a boundary not apply to you? Because you are my closest friend? It seems that would mean I would not have to enforce the boundary because as my closest friend you would understand the damn reason for it.

I recently heard that the boundaries someone has a problem with are the limits to their respects for you. Now I wonder if I am mourning a friendship. I am wondering if I even had a friend, or was there only to make her feel better. I hate that. I love her. Still. That is the worst of this. I don’t halfway give my heart to anyone. I still love everyone I ever have…even if I can’t stand who they have become.

*Edit to note I don’t yet know if I am mourning our friendship. Time is the only answer for that. I sent my thoughts via email and am awaiting a reply.

Creative Intelligence and Generational Curses

So my daughter and I were talking. I told her I was happy that she was comfortable enough when the kitchen flooded to cuss at me. To me that feels like she was able to express herself without worrying that I would be angry about it. I am big on self expression, which should surprise no one. She said that her therapist encouraged her to use whatever language she felt the need to express the thoughts in her head. *This is where I should note that we really don’t know any other language except American English. We know a few smattering of words in other languages, but not enough to be a fluency of it’s own…but swearing…well…yeah We swear like sailors around here. She mentioned that my mom had said that swearing shows a lack of intelligence. I so completely disagree. I think that it often is looked down upon, but there are times when a good creative swear (note I said creative) shows more intelligence than not. And not always does the swear have to be dirty. One of my favorites is a foreign (for me) word that means shame on you.

I have tried to make my home a place that my kids can call to express anything. I don’t judge them for speaking their minds. They can literally tell me anything. I am their safe space. For me that is what home should be. It is not what all of us had.