Category: inspiration

Perspective unique

                                                         I have been learning a lot about who I am and who I have been simply by talking to my twelve year old daughter.  She sees things in a very straight forward way. She asks questions about life and especially about the parts of human nature that often confuses her. Her questions are occasionally embarrassing and often thought provoking. For years I fumbled through life because I was more worried about how people saw me or the way people would react to me to allow myself the freedom of being completely comfortable in my own skin. I kept my secrets; My religion,  my sexuality,  my survival to myself. 

                                                        Part of the reason was because I was afraid. I spoke of my abuse. I was called a liar. I was told I was crazy. A heart can only handle so many blows before it closes itself off. Then as I grew older,  I found that I cared less. I surrounded myself with supporters who didn’t care about those things which seemed so bad before. That helped.  

                                                                                           I lost the innocence my daughter has too soon. I grew cynical because I needed a defense. I still clung to my desires to be a dreamer, even as I lived in a world made of nightmares. I used the ability to read to bury myself in places where the pain was not mine. I used the ability to write to speak with impunity my fear and struggle.  After all, my poems didn’t have to be what I was.  At twelve,  I tried to run away from home for the second time.  For my daughter,  home is where she is certain of the fact that she is loved.  I am proud of that fact. She still has many of the issues I had in dealing with her peers. She is very mature for her age, so she doesn’t understand conversation topics that amuse them. Also she has the same lack of filter I do. If it is on her mind, she speaks it. Yet for all that we are alike,  her mind is far quicker than mine.  She has a  brilliant sense of humor and more self confidence than I ever did.

Art

What is art,
Smart and sublime.
Each eye views differently,
Both beauty and the divine.

An artist places in their work,
Heart,  soul and mind.
Only to hear an offhand remark,
Of how they should really try to find
Something to do with their life.
Some people are but so blind.

The poet pouring themself
Into the words on the page,
Knowing all along that not all
Will see the truth.

The painter who sees a darker view,
Is no less showing
Yet one more truth
That oft goes unseen.

My truth and thine,
Not always so mesh,
So when speaking of art,
No matter the kind,
Be aware always
The ego is but a fragile
Easily broken piece
Of the artistic soul.

Words are painful

So you say
Words can’t hurt you,
Such bravado to be shown.
Strength in mind,  and heart,
Forgotten dreams,
Into the fury thrown.
For though the mind is strong,
The tongue is sharp.
Cutting the soul,
Slicing deep.

The pen is mighty,
No sword so sharp.
Each slice exquisite,
Laying vein
outside the skin.
Making me wish
The words mute
Again.

Liebster award nomination

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Liebster Award

It is a blogger award where one blogger awards another blogger for their fantastic blogging skills.

Following the rules
Thanks to Jennifer Steiner for my nomination. This is fairly awesome.  Check out her blog,  she is a wonderful writer.  Her blog posts are often about gaming. She has a nicely upbeat attitude. 

Another wonderful blog is one my sister does The birchwood grove gazette. She is writing a young adult story focused on faeries. This blog is a really neat newspaper done by the characters in her story.

Let’s move on.

Now follows the section where I answer (or attempt to answer) the questions that the one who nominated me  came up with.

1. What is your favorite book? Well this is a really hard question. I have so many. Tamora Pierce’s books,  Nora Roberts’s books,  Jacqueline Carey’s books,  changeover by margheret mahy,  up a road slowly by irene hunt, the ghost belonged to me by richard peck, the earths children saga by Jean M Auel, outlander saga by Diana Gabadon, most of Anne Rice’s books, lost boys by orson scott card, several books by Barbara Michaels, a couple by John Saul, a few by Steven King… honestly I think of the books I have read it would be a shorter list to name those i have hated.

2. What did you want to be when you grew up? A teacher or a writer. There were a few others,  but those two more than any.

3. If your house catches fire, what do you grab on your way out? Other than family? I keep my important papers in a folder. That and my kindle.

4. Who is the person most responsible for not only the person you are today, but who has pushed you to be you? 
My boyfriend of twenty years and myself.  He was support and sounding board but I am who pushed.

5. List five things that inspire you (person, place, book, movie, show, etc.).My maternal grandmother,  life, nature,  all books,  dreams

6. What is your favorite dessert and why? 
tiramisu….it’s just wonderful

7. Why are you here today? Because I have never given up.

8. What makes you get up in the morning? my children and my boyfriend

9. If you could raise ONE person from the dead to tell them ONE thing, who and what would it be? my grandma to tell her i love her.

10. If you could buy something you greatly desire or create peace between people, which would you choose? peace.  I am always going to choose peace.

Random Facts about me
1. I am often known for having trouble verbally.  Those who know me call the moments of verbal duhs “Pattispeak”.

2. I am geeky. I taught myself c++ because I wanted to play with world design for ultima online.

3. I have no patience with blatant cruelty or stupidity.

4. I am a survivor.  I make do with every situation life throws at me. And I don’t let it stop me.

5. I am still working on a novel from over twenty years ago.

6. I am an insomniac.

7. I am pansexual.

8. I love to read. I have always got a book with me.

9. I love to stay busy.  And though I have many shows that I enjoy,  i really don’t like video.  (I am usually doing something with my hands while I watch television.

10. I am a textbook Pisces.  Highly emotional and extremely creative.

The Rules-

Thank the person who nominated you, and post a link to their blog on your blog. Try to include a little promotion for the person who nominated you. Display the award on your blog. Write a post about your favorite blog that is not your own. Explain why you like the blog, provide links. Provide 10 random facts about yourself. Nominate 5 – 11 blogs that you fee
l deserve the award. List these rules in your post. Once you have written and published it, you then have to: Inform the people/blogs that you nominated that they have been nominated for the Liebster award and provide a link for them to your post or mine if you don’t have all the information so that they can learn about it.

My nominations

Kim Bailey Deal

Cynthia Pilcher

Robin Koontz

A Not So Jaded Life

Sharon King

My questions for the nominees
1.Why do you blog?
2. What is your favorite music,  and why?
3. What is your favorite medium (ie pen, digital,  crayon,  gel pens,  pencil ) to write with and why?
4. Which cause is closest to your heart? And why?
5. How do you read most?  Ereader, audio or actual book?
6. Who is the biggest influence in your life?
7. If you had the power to change one thing in this world and have it work,  what would you change?
8. What is your writing routine?
9. If you could visit with one historical figure for a full day,  who would you visit?
10. Other than blogging,  what else do you do as a hobby?

Practical versus sensual

                  Over the years,  I have become very practical about how I write. Due to low money, I started writing more digitally.  I convinced myself that I enjoyed it just as much, if not more because of the fact that editing was easier in digital. I forced myself to forget the lovely sensual pleasures of a pencil in hand. Or the smell of lead as one writes. The joy of seeing your own handwriting on paper. Still digital allows easier editing,  and I  do loose things written on paper far easier.  However I think it is something as the digital age progresses that we are loosing.  As we stretch for practicalities,  we too often pass on just the sensual aspects of what we do.
                       I enjoyed my tenth & eleventh  grade years in high school,  mostly for the teachers who encouraged unique minds to be themselves. One class in particular, creative writing. The class was an English /language arts option.  The teacher was laid back and easy going.  The first two days of the week were reading. Her rules those days were only that you read, she didn’t care if it were comic book or novel.  We had four books assigned (one per quarter ) but otherwise we had freedom of choice.  We did have to do a report on what we read,  basically review it for the teacher. Then the last three days were writing.  Those days she wheeled in a huge A/V cart. There was various types of paper (construction,  college ruled, kindergarten lined, tissue,  etc) and various writing implements (pens, pencils,  crayons,  colored pencils,  etc) on the cart for us to use.  Rules for the writing days were simple.  Each quarter we had to finish one project.  That meant a rough draft, a edited and proofread draft (by a classmate ), a draft proofread by the teacher, and a final draft.  That opened up the whole class for creative learning.  I truly believe the ability to use so many different mediums helped. Which mediums catch your fancy?  Do you create best when you use just one type? 

Untitled from Life drops

The broken heart
Drips the ink,
That from the
Poet’s pen will leak.

Verses torn from
Pain so barely borne,
Written with a soul
Determined to grow.

Reaching out in word
To staunch the flow
Of ink from the ever
Sharper pen.

I am writing!

              Vacation seems like it should be a bad time to write.  It’s work, right? Still for me, at home I find it harder to actually set the time aside for writing.  Too much else to do. So much household chores that never seem to be done.  Too many distractions,  social media and other entertainment options. I realize I should be more disciplined about my writing,  but if I structure too much,  my muse will abandon me. I have spent two hours today writing.  Cleaning up my projects helped.  I backed up a couple of projects that really aren’t working,  and cleared them from my writing app. I rewrote two pages that were lost in a save mishap.  I wrote more on a couple of my works in progress. I wrote another poem for Life Drops. I am also of course writing this blog post.  Still.  I am doing so much better on my vacation with my writing than I do normally.  I have no internet to distract.  No housework to distract.  I only have my kindle and my family.  I am hoping that I can publish the second book in the Bedtime tales series before summer ends. I am aiming to finish one of the other books (full novels)  before my 45th birthday. That gives me a little over three and a half years.  🙂

Poetry normality

                  I am a poet. My children to my pride have shown themselves capable of great pieces. Now I should mention that I have not always felt good about my poetry. I have so often been told how depressing it was that I took it to heart. However,  I wrote because it was how I healed. As an abuse survivor,  I learned that I needed an outlet for the poison that was forced into my soul. Or I would not ever be whole. So I wrote to heal.  I wrote for the love of poetry. So I would never be as good as Emily Dickinson or Edgar Allen Poe. I wrote because it was part of me. I did not force anyone to read what I had written. So if it was depressing…. that was fine.  I could accept that. Then I was talking to a social worker.  I mentioned that my poetry was considered depressing. Though I think she was being sarcastic,  she said something that got me thinking.  She asked “Isn’t all poetry?” There are various types of poetry that express different emotions. Discounting sad poetry is basically like saying that feeling sad is unacceptable.  Poetry should be able to have a nice range of emotions.  It is after all an expression of the poets heart in word form. Then someone else I care about said that his beautiful poetry was so sad. My response “Poetry is often sad. I’m told mine are depressing. Just because they are sad doesn’t have to deny their beauty.” Not every poet can write greeting card poetry or love poems. And abusing the poets whose writing causes other emotions is not acceptable either. 

Quote me knot

               Tonight I was watching Gotham…when I got such a thrill.  Dr. Hugo Strange quoted Alice in Wonderland.  Which led me to offer it as a summer reading choice. I am planning a very busy summer with a couple of amusement parks and a long road trip. Still for me,  Reading is a huge part of life. I am always carrying some book or another. So many of the best quotes are lines from this book or that. Inspirational words written in the stories many of us found comfort in.  Each life finds a different quote to inspire, to encourage and to grow. The quotes that help me through darkness really depends on my life at the time.  I often wonder why some quotes are considered to be inspirational.  What quotes make you smile?  Inspire you to be better?

Originally written to respond to status on Facebook.

Since you see the darkness
that surrounds,
Your eyes are wide.
But in your disdain
You judge…
Not that I think you wrong,
Yet still it seems that
Judgment taints you.

Paints you,
With a brush of hatred formed.
See their actions
And look away,
For sadly you may
Never understand
That which drives them
To hate.

Hide disdain and sneering glares,
For tis themselves
Their hate brings down.
You are better
For not being involved,
For not allowing yourself
To them to devolve.