I wrote it all down,
All the hate, anger,
All the pain, emotional drain.
I wrote in ink on paper,
As if that made it less real.
I included the ecstasy,
And all the joy.
Then I folded it as small
As I possibly could,
So it would take less space.
I hid it in a box,
Away in some forgotten place.
The paper keeps the memory
That I was unable to truly bear,
Stored away from having to care.
You claim love equality,
With words that
match nothing
Of reality.
You still fail to understand,
I want nothing given from
A hesitant hand.
Tis not material
Items I desire,
Nor any attachments
Grand of wealth.
Reach for me just once
And tell me honestly,
That you are interested
To learn who I am,
Truthfully.
Parenting isn’t about
wealth or greed,
Or the material
That you can give.
Knowing one well,
Ignoring the other is
Just seriously unkind.
Ok remember I said I was half mad….here is another slice of my mental world.
Now some would say that I don’t have room to discuss this topic. I am 41, nearly 42 and I have never been married. I will very likely never marry. I have been seeing the same man for twenty, Nearly twenty one years. We started off with an open relationship…not because I was unwilling to commit, but because I was willing to allow him time to decide if I was what he wanted.Don’t think that it was all one sided. I just was willing to wait for the commitment of my dreams. See I was very young and open minded. I wanted one marriage and all the trimmings. I was desperately in love with him and decided that I could be flexible to get my dreams. I learned the hard way that dreams rarely come in the form we think that they will. Does that mean I am unhappy? No. I have someone I love, who has loved me for over 20 years. I decided I was not going to ever divorce, so that meant being sure when I did marry, If I ever did, that it was something that I was sure of.
That being said, I find that too many people end up rushing to get married. Trying to get that paper declaring their relationship before they are even sure if the relationship will last. So they find that they are often unaware of what their partner is even like. Those flaws that people hide while dating. I firmly believe that a couple should live together for at least a year. The blinds come down when in such close confines. The pagan hand-fasting is for a year and a day. If at the end of that year and a day you are still interested in the marriage it is redone. For the death do us part kinda thing.This makes sense. Marriage is more about compromise than anything, and unfortunately most people don’t do this. It ends up being one person dominating and one submitting. While that can be kinky and fun, a real world relationship cannot survive if there is no give and take. Support must happen from both partners. {Note this is coming from someone with 20+ years of seeing what makes it work} If only one is supporting then the foundation of the relationship erodes. Both need to know the other cares and is still interested.
Love and sex are two different areas…I know a lot of people fail to realize this. Sex can happen without love, and Love without sex…but a marriage (or a relationship that is like marriage) will not last long if either is missing. If he/she does not excite your passion, then why would you hang around, same can be said if the love is no longer a part of the equation. All of these require one thing…communication. Talk to your partner, about everything…Honestly. If you hate something that they do and you don’t say anything then it will be impossible for them to compromise. Same thing if they come to you and are telling you that they feel like something you do is bad. In example…I am a writer. so if my Joe didn’t like my writing,(actually he loves it, but using an easy example here) then I could as a compromise offer to do this during a time when he was not around. Or to go to another room. Simple compromises help to keep things together.
Still sometimes compromise is impossible and relationships fail. And in that case, It merely means you were not suited to each other. It means it is time to dust yourself off and try again. Love exists to brighten our lives, not to trouble it. ❤
Those who don’t know me may not understand this. I am a pacifist. I really and honestly believe that violence does not solve anything. To my mind, violence only exacerbates any situation and makes it worse. That being said, I am deeply worried about the state of affairs in the United States. I feel like we went from the melting pot to the boiling pot overnight. I worry that the suicide rates will go up with this revelation of the new president and of the hardships we as a nation will be facing for the next four years. Don’t get me wrong. I am scared. But allowing fear to overtake me solves nothing.
We have to recover from the shock, and start to put our brains to use. This country is still the same, even if it feels different. There is laws to prevent the abuse I am seeing reports of on social media. There are places still to assist you if you are in danger. No one has the right to harm another person, no matter what the people who follow the hate believe. Practice Kindness. It is needed now more than ever. Do art! Please put more beauty into this ugly world. Speak and write truth, even if it is disguised as fiction. We have so much ugly in the world, that many believe that is how things have to be…show them that it is only one way. Violence is NEVER the answer, and we as a species need to find out what is. Please be good to each other. ❤
Ok… Let’s stop right now. The use of the word bored. I had someone who I dearly love use this word recently and it stuck in my craw. Boredom is a flawed concept. There is always something that you can do to engage the mind. As the parent of a very active pre-teen, this is a lesson I have tried repeatedly to ingraine. Money doesn’t have to be a block either. Oh you are broke? Is there a library or a park near you? Well those are usually free. Nature walks allow time for contemplation. Also one could gather supplies to do simple crafts (easily found via the Internet…) I am not saying crafting is for everyone. I did a I’m bored jar for my girl… Slips of paper to give her ideas. If she said that she was bored then we would draw out a slip and do what was on it. Not all were fun…
Here is some examples..
1. Sweep all of the floors in one room.
2. Play half an hour of a video game.
3. Read for thirty minutes.
4. Color one page in a coloring book.
5. Draw a picture…
6. Write a story /poem
7. Walk at least fifteen minutes, take notice of all of your surroundings.
8. Do a craft… Any craft.
9. Listen to music and dance…
10. Write a letter to someone.
These are merely some possible ideas. We play d&d, so another option is to find a group of players and start an adventure. Most libraries offer free Wi-Fi for card holders. There is many places to get free books for the Kindle app(which is available from the play store for Android, not sure on Apple)…. Bookbub, bookgorilla, and a few others. So even if you can’t do borrowing from the library there is a way for free books. If you message a writer on Twitter or Facebook, and offer to review for the chance to read it… Well some will be willing to do it. Check your community for free events. Home depot and lowes both have a craft each month that is free for kids. I think that they also have ones for adults. Saying that you are bored is in my opinion denoting a bit of a lack of imagination. Let’s not have that!
So my sister pointed out some nanowrimo sprints on Twitter. And I was tickled and inspired by one of the prompts.. It was three words to work in the current section of your writing. GREATEST, BRAINWASH, HAMPSTER.
I found them delightful. So I wrote this poem…
The greatest thing
To clear the mind,
Leave all worry,
Work and woe behind.
Brainwash yourself
To enjoy all the simple things.
Sitting in a swing,
Enjoying the night air.
Forgetting for a while
That you even care.
Stop acting the hamster,
Running the wheel.
Expending all your energy,
Getting no where real.
So I am a published writer. I have just recently published my third children’s book. I have published several volumes of poetry, and a novella. I write this blog and contribute regularly to another. After all of that, sometimes I feel doubtful that I should claim that I am a writer. I do not have a novel, and the current story that I am working on… Well I am likely doing a novella again. I am at five thousand words… And I realized that I am about half done. So should I stop calling myself a writer? NO, because I am still writing. I will likely have a new volume of poetry to release early in 2017. I will still finish the death of neverland. I may never write a “Full” novel, but I wonder if that really is that big of a deal.
So what is writing? Writing is taking one’s heart and pulling it out through the fingertips. Writing is creating a tender spot on your own soul, and exposing it to the world. Writing is late nights, sore fingers and crying yourself dry. Writing is the feeling of accomplishment of a job well done. Writing is all the tortures of Hell and all the pleasures of heaven. And in the end… Writing is an obsession stronger than any.
#amwriting #always
So I am not an easily triggered person, usually. However, here lately social media has been testing the limits. Several times I have opened Facebook and found articles about children dying because they were raped. Then there are the articles about rapists getting nearly no punishment for what they have done. So then I take to Twitter, which is usually a little bit more light-hearted. Until the presidential election. Then there started a new hashtag. #WhyWomenDontReport. Well, that is a huge can of worms. It caused me to discuss this with Joe.
He said that most of the women who he knows, or has known have been either raped or molested. Then as we were talking about it, he considered. Of the twenty women who he was intimate with, he said he was unable to say for sure on four. The rest were survivors. That is not even a random statistic. That is women who he was with.
I was floored by that. So I posted on Facebook. (So there is a thing on Twitter… #whyIdidntreport
I DID REPORT! At least the first time. I was told that I was a liar. Not all rapes go unreported, some people speak and go unheard. I didn’t speak of the second time because I knew I wouldn’t be believed.) I had several of my friends express similar situations. Think on this, according to Google, one in three women are raped in their lifetime. Yes men are also raped, but I am not speaking of them, not yet anyway. So 1/3 of all women. We as a people need to address this… That is a huge issue.
Add to the issue the ignorance of Trump’s “locker room talk” and the treatment of the victims by those who have the power to change things. Is it any wonder that sexual assault is the least reported crime? We make it hard for the scared to overcome the fear instilled by violence to step into a safe place… And I for one am tired of that. I was raped at fourteen and molested as a small child. I am not a statistic. I am not a victim. I am not allowing Rape culture to break me. I speak my truth, and invite you to do the same.
In my life too many
Have claimed that they
Loved me,
Just before turning
And walking away.
Don’t ask me
To tell you,
Who he really is.
For in my sorrow,
In my shame and pain,
I realized that I really
Never even knew.
Do not ask me
What I did,
That drove her away.
For all that I am
The one who once
Sister she called,
In truth I doubt
That she really ever
Knew the truth of me.
The shattered shards
Of self esteem and trust,
Left beside me as those who
Claim that they love me
Leave me in the dust.
Pattimouse 