The last two years have been so busy. And I am finding it hard to keep up. When I started with Coffee house writer’s I was easily able to keep up with the schedule I was on. But I have since started doing more here and with Fae Corps. We are doing more in Fae Corps. I am floundering under the weight of the responsibility… So I have made a decision. I am leaving Chw for now. I have already told my wonderful editor. There will be one more post next Monday. Then… I think that I will try to post here more. I am hoping that releasing one responsibility will ease the burden of the rest.
Lyrics- Smoke a little weed, smoke a little weed I’ve been feelin’ low Pressure in my head, lay awake in bed I’m against the rose Been tryin’ to recover but nothin’ i do works ‘Cause hidin’ under the covers is only makin’ it worse I’m stuck Think this is growin’ up Too much is on my mind, always on my mind Need a little space Spend my days alone, can’t get off my phone Nothing goes my way Miss all of my friends and barely can file my taxes I’m halfway through my twenties Like, how the hell did this happen? I’m stuck My life is in a rut And i’ve been hopin’ these doors might open And i’ll be running from this place, free Constant pacing; this time, i’m wasting I can’t control these emotions in me Growin’ up I think i’ve seen better days, it’s gettin’ tough Always tryna seem like i’m okay I’m growin’ up Whatever that means, anyway I don’t know enough I’m just growin’ up Girlfriend wanna chill, girlfriend wanna chill I’ve been workin’ late I don’t got no time, workin’ all the time Too much on my plate And i don’t wanna fail, i’m bringin’ myself stress I can’t sit on my sofa, i’m lost and depressed And stuck I can’t say that enough Anxiety is high, i can’t even lie I’m not doin’ great Dishes in the sink, think i need a drink They gon’ have to wait Stay inside my room that now’s become a prison I hate these four walls, but only feel safe in ’em I’m stuck But no one gives a fuck And i’ve been hopin’ these doors might open And i’ll be running from this place, free Constant pacing; this time, i’m wasting I can’t control these emotions in me Growin’ up I think i’ve seen better days, it’s gettin’ tough Always tryna seem like i’m okay I’m growin’ up Whatever that means, anyway I don’t know enough I’m just growin’ up Growin’ up I think i’ve seen better days, it’s gettin’ tough Always tryna seem like i’m okay I’m growin’ up Whatever that means, anyway I don’t know enough I’m just growin’ up Growin’ up
My 2 Cents – Well here lately I have been wondering who made me a grown up? I am struggling with responsibility and the urge to just have fun…so I really related to this one. I can’t imagine with the last year being the way it has that I am alone. so my song choice reflects it. It is ok to feel like you want to have fun, just don’t let it make you do something stupid.
Now I normally don’t do this. I don’t explain my poetry, or my art, because I think that most people see what they want to in anything creative. I feel like explanation ruins a piece. To be honest this post is not entirely an explanation… But rather an aside. I have been thinking a lot lately about accountability. About guilt and mistakes. About what I am responsible for in my life and what regrets I should have and what it all means.
I have thought about the regrets that others have expressed towards me. I find that I have very few actual regrets. Each of my choices I made with all of the knowledge that I had at the time. I have revisited some of them later… And hindsight makes regret easy… If you let it.
The problem comes in when you allow regret to consume your conscience. We are as a society, cold. We have lost the conscience. We have lost the knowledge of good and evil, or the will to care. When prison actually looks better than trying to make your way in this miserable world…lives of others no longer matter. That is not a mental illness thing… It is a wake up call.
We have a society where you can work 60+ hours a week and still not be able to afford to pay rent. We live in a society where there is often no way of breaking even, much less getting ahead. Where hate and violence is broadcast nightly on the news. So I have to wonder how we as a society can fix this? How can we take responsibility for the problem and fix it?
Pattimouse 