Tag: relationships

Time to begin again

Let me preface this by saying that I don’t know what I am changing yet…if anything. I am entering a little bit of a restructuring of my own life and social media. I still plan on being here. I am still me. However, I recently broke ties to a friend of over a decade. This has been coming for the past year. It should surprise no one.

I don’t know if I have anything to change, however a decade of shared speces and shared faces means that I at the very least have to consider the change… and the backlash it will have on the people around me. Though I share easily my life here, I don’t feel like I should be pointing fingers at others and writing their sins. What is toxic to me may not be to them. We can each only tell our own truth… whatever that may be.

I do post on social media vague rants and those who are close to me can figure it out…but I don’t point fingers. I don’t feel like it is my place to call someone out. It is my place to try and work through my own emotions and my reaction to the situation. Hence why I vague post. They are my way to work through the issue. Comments end up helping me to see if I am way out in left field or missing something.

Right now I am feeling grief. I am processing it. I am pulling myself away from the shared spaces. I am also refusing to allow my grief to stop the forward motion of Fae Corps. She requested that her books be pulled. She has decided to cut the ties completely. I think that is probably the best idea, as I will continue to get hurt otherwise. She left me feeling like I am hard to love, and hard to get along with. That is my responsibility to deal with.

I am back to dealing with this blog and the Fae Corps blog. I spent all day Sunday getting it dealt with, and I am determined to keep my blog from falling behind. Maybe I will have an easier time doing so with my mind not distracted by the issues I was facing.

Tuesday Tunes

Kenny Rogers – Buy Me A Rose

Lyrics – “Buy Me A Rose”

He works hard to give her all he thinks she wants
A three car garage, her own credit cards
He pulls in late to wake her up with a kiss good night
If he could only read her mind, she’d say:

Buy me a rose, call me from work
Open a door for me, what would it hurt
Show me you love me by the look in your eyes
These are the little things I need the most in my life

Now the days have grown to years of feeling all alone
And she can’t help but wonder what she’s doing wrong
Cause lately she’d try anything to turn his head
Would it make a difference if she said:

Buy me a rose, call me from work
Open a door for me, what would it hurt
Show me you love me by the look in your eyes
These are the little things I need the most in my life

And the more that he lives the less that he tries
To show her the love that he holds inside
And the more that she gives the more that he sees
This is a story of you and me

So I bought you a rose on the way home from work
To open the door to a heart that I hurt
And I hope you notice this look in my eyes
Cause I’m gonna make things right
For the rest of your life
I’m gonna hold you tonight
Do all those little things
For the rest of your life.

My 2 cents – The death of Kenny Rogers has hit me hard. Music when I was a child was not as much of a variety. Daddy enjoyed rock(like the Stray Cats and such) but Mama was more stubborn when it came to music. When she was around… It was only country music. I see music as another expression of art. I always have. So I have been more attracted to the way the song made me feel than the genre that the song is in.

Kenny Rogers songs always made me feel. Even more so as I aged… Because I gained wisdom.

In many ways, this has always been my favorite of his songs. Followed closely by Coward of the county. I came from a broken home. My parents loved each other once. In the way you love the image of someone. Both were not seeing the other. And neither were willing to fight for the other. They were children having children and it really wasn’t long before they drove each other away.

I’m not telling you that to condemn them or upset you. I’m telling you that because it is truth and it goes along with the chosen song. Romance is not what the books say… There is no immediate knowing how to make it work. I have been with the same guy for 24 years come May. Some days I am the asshole. Some days he is. We hurt each other. We heal each other. We communicate. We are still together, not because of what we can get each other, but because we are willing to do the effort. I am a firm believer in the idea that romance is based upon the effort you put into it.

So, with this I say goodbye to Kenny. Hopefully his memory will always comfort a word brighter for having known him. And may the game of the afterlife come up nothing but Aces for him.

Tuesday Tunes

Kenny Rogers – Buy me a Rose

Lyrics
He works hard to give her all he thinks she wants
A three car garage, her own credit cards
He pulls in late to wake her up with a kiss good night
If he could only read her mind, she’d say

Buy me a rose, call me from work
Open a door for me, what would it hurt
Show me you love me by the look in your eyes
These are the little things I need the most in my life

Now the days have grown to years of feeling all alone
And she can’t help but wonder what she’s doing wrong
Cause lately she’d try anything to turn his head
Would it make a difference if she said

Buy me a rose, call me from work
Open a door for me, what would it hurt
Show me you love me by the look in your eyes
These are the little things I need the most in my life

And the more that he lives the less that he tries
To show her the love that he holds inside
And the more that she gives the more that he sees
This is a story of you and me

So I bought you a rose on the way home from work
To open the door to a heart that I hurt
And I hope you notice this look in my eyes
Cause I’m gonna make things right
For the rest of your life
I’m gonna hold you tonight
Do all those little things
For the rest of your life.

My 2 cents

This one is hard, mostly because I think that we are all guilty of the ignorance in the song. We get busy with life and our own stuff and let things fall by the wayside. But it goes both ways. Communication is the most important thing in any relationship. She should speak up, but he should notice when she is not happy too.

Tuesday Tunes

Pink Floyd – Another Brick in the Wall

Lyrics ~

We don’t need no education
We don’t need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teachers leave them kids alone
Hey, teachers, leave them kids alone
All in all it’s just another brick in the wall
All in all you’re just another brick in the wall
We don’t need no education
We don’t need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teachers leave those kids alone
Hey teachers, leave those kids alone
All in all you’re just another brick in the wall
All in all you’re just another brick in the wall
“Wrong, do it again! Wrong, do it again!”
“If you don’t eat yer meat, you can’t have any pudding
How can you have any pudding if you don’t eat yer meat?”
“You, yes, you behind the bike sheds, stand still, laddy”

My two cents ~

Ok. I promised to give you a story last week. I had my first child at fourteen. I was six weeks late starting high school as he was born on September the first. Talk about hell. Starting a new school late and for such a scandalous reason. I was so nervous. I was terrified.

One of my step brothers was dating this amazing girl. She was held back a couple of years, and was so beyond caring about the “social norms”. Our school had the main entrance into the cafeteria. She knew the day I was starting. She knew how scared I was. So I got off of the bus, and saw her sitting there at the doors with a boombox (it was 1989.) Seeing me, she hit the button. Out of the speakers, at a volume that shook the glass in the doors of the cafeteria, she blasts that song. It started my high school career off on a better note. I was laughing. I was suddenly feeling like I was accepted. This song has been that feeling for me ever since.