Lyrics-

Down in the workshop all the elves were makin’ toys
For the good gentile girls and the good gentile boys
When the boss busted in, nearly scared ’em half to death
Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath
From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo
Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo
And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye
“Merry Christmas to all, now you’re all gonna die”

The night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nick went insane
Realized he’d been gettin’ a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain

Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it
Everywhere you’ll find pieces of Cupid and Comet
And he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage
And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage
He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger
And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy Krueger
And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbequed Blitzen
And he took a big bite and said, “It tastes just like chicken”

The night Santa went crazy
The night Kris Kringle went nuts
Now you can’t hardly walk around the North Pole
Without steppin’ in reindeer guts

There’s the National Guard and the FBI
There’s a van from the Eyewitness News
And helicopters circlin’ ’round in the sky
And the bullets are flyin’, the body count’s risin’
And everyone’s dyin’ to know, oh Santa, why?
My my my my my my
You used to be such a jolly guy

Yes, Virginia, now Santa’s doing time
In a Federal prison for his infamous crime
Hey little friend now, don’t you cry no more tears
He’ll be out with good behavior in seven hundred more years
But now Vixen’s in therapy and Donner’s still nervous
And the elves all got jobs working for the Postal Service
And they say Mrs. Clause, she’s on the phone every night
With her lawyer negotiating the movie rights

They’re talkin’ bout, the night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nicholas flipped
Broke his back for some milk and cookies
Sounds to me like he was tired of gettin’ gypped

Whoa oh, the night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nick went insane
Realized he’d gettin’ a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain
Whoa oh, something finally must have snapped in his brain
Tell ya, something finally must have snapped in his brain

My 2 Cents –

Best Holiday song ever in my opinion. And considering that the holiday has already started kicking my nads…yeah. let the fun start please?

Lyrics-

They call it creeping, I say loving, it’s the only way for me
Filling out papers, signing waivers, but I stay outside his reach
I name your mother and your father and the first pet that you keep
I know your favourite place to dine at when your cheque comes in each week
I know you do your wash on Sundays and you separate your whites
And that your car needs a new tire ’cause last week I laid those spikes
I’ve got a million polaroids with all the dates penned in red ink
I sneak a walkie-talkie in your room to listen to you sleep
You just don’t know it yet, but you love me and I love you the same
One day we’ll have a pretty wedding, and I’ll be your everything
We’ll be together, yes forever, we will never ever part
Oh, you don’t know it yet but baby I’ve already got your heart
Some call it stalking, I say walking just extremely close behind
I’m sure if I sat down and asked you, well, you really wouldn’t mind
You’ve got those eyes that drive me crazy
And I’ve got eyes to watch you sleep
I brought a pack lunch and some coffee
For my stakeout in your tree, outside your house (shh)
Gotta be as quiet as a mouse, or else you’ll call the police
And I’ll get done for somethin’ stupid like disturbance of the peace
And piece by piece, I am collecting all the things you leave behind
And when you don’t, I rummage through your bins to see what I can find
You just don’t know it yet, but you love me and I love you the same
One day we’ll have a pretty wedding, and I’ll be your everything
We’ll be together, yes forever, we will never ever part
Oh, you don’t know it yet but baby I’ve already got your heart
You just don’t know it yet, but you love me and I love you the same
One day we’ll have a pretty wedding, and I’ll be your everything
We’ll be together, yes forever, we will never ever part
Oh, you don’t know it yet but baby I’ve already got your heart

My 2 Cents –

Okay this one is fun…and disturbing…but fun nonetheless.