My daughter is actually too smart for my own good.
We were having a conversation and she got slightly aggravated with me. I know she probably phrased it slightly differently but the gist of what she said was that she had heard me tell her father that I don’t see him as the villain, and I don’t want him to be my hero. Her question was “well why the hell not? who rescues you?”
I don’t know how to explain to her that I don’t want to be rescued. I am my own hero…. and I tried to tell her that. She said that she had never seen me choose myself over them. I have always chosen the best for her and him. She said she didn’t understand. I chose the best for the best part of my life. How do I even begin to explain it?
She is my whole world. Don’t get me wrong, I love my other two children but I didn’t get to raise either of them… and then add in the two miscarriages I had before her. I can’t have any more children. I wanted a house full when I was younger. I found having her was enough.
She always seems to know what to say and when I just need her to be around. She has such a delightful eclectic taste in music and an artistic bent. She is so empathetic and she has a definite view of the world.
So, she is my whole reason to want to be a better person. And she gets mad at me for not being selfish.
Lyrics – I haven’t always been this way I wasn’t born a renegade I felt alone, still feel afraid I stumble through it anyway I wish someone would’ve told me that this life is ours to choose No one’s handing you the keys or a book with all the rules The little that I know I’ll tell to you When they dress you up in lies and you’re left naked with the truth You throw your head back And you spit in the wind Let the walls crack ‘Cause it lets the light in Let ’em drag you through hell They can’t tell you to change who you are (That’s all I know so far) And when the storm’s out You’ll run in the rain Put your sword down Dive right into the pain Stay unfiltered and loud You’ll be proud of that skin full of scars That’s all I know so far That’s all I know so far So you might give yourself away, yeah And pay full price for each mistake But when the candy coating hides the razor blade You can cut yourself loose and use that rage I wish someone would’ve told me that this darkness comes and goes People will pretend but, baby girl, nobody knows And even I can’t teach you how to fly But I can show you how to live like your life is on the line You throw your head back And you spit in the wind Let the walls crack ‘Cause it lets the light in Let ’em drag you through hell They can’t tell you to change who you are (That’s all I know so far) And when the storm’s out You’ll run in the rain Put your sword down Dive right into the pain Stay unfiltered and loud You’ll be proud of that skin full of scars That’s all I know so far That’s all I know, that’s all I know so far That’s all I know, that’s all I know so far That’s all I know, that’s all I know so far That’s all I know, that’s all I know so far I will be with you ’til the world blows up, yes Up and down and through ’til the world blows up, yeah When it’s right or it’s all fucked up ‘Til the world blows up, ’til the world blows up And we will be enough And until the world blows up Just throw your head back And spit in the wind Let the walls crack ‘Cause it lets the light in Let ’em drag you through hell They can’t tell you to change who you are And when the storm’s out You’ll run in the rain Put your sword down Dive right into the pain Stay unfiltered and loud You’ll be proud of that skin full of scars That’s all I know so far That’s all I know, that’s all I know so far That’s all I know, that’s all I know so far That’s all I know, that’s all I know so far That’s all I know, that’s all I know so far I will be with you ’til the world blows up, hm
My 2 cents – This speaks wonders about being a parent. My relationship with my mom has never been real close. She was busy working and I was busy fighting. So we never really clicked. I wanted better. So when my daughter was born I was determined to have better. I didn’t want a mini me. Mom kept telling me I was so much like her. I hated that because I felt so misunderstood. I did not want to make my baby feel like she had to be me. I wanted to let her make her own mistakes in life. I guided her and told her the truth about the mistakes I made. I stood with tears in my eyes watching the mistakes that she could have avoided. And She tells me that she is so much like me. I stand at her back and she is the best person she can be…and I will be there for her until my world ends.
Pattimouse 