Tag: Life

Thursday Talk

Ever want to just scream? Or throw everything in the garbage and just say the first idiot thing that comes to mind? Yeah that has been me lately. I Don’t wanna be that girl who is always there for everyone. Hell Really I am NOT that girl but I am not that boy either. To be flat out honest I am not ever even sure what I am. I am not anything that I can put a label on. I tried to talk to my therapist about it…Only to find out the words I did use to describe myself were not good. (Weird is apparently hateful)

So I am the lonely introvert who pushes everyone away. I don’t fit anywhere. I don’t know if I mind that so much…though it adds to that feeling of not having anyone who sees me. Don’t get me wrong – I have a best friend…who I feel like I am burdening because I have no way of talking to with out complaining. It doesn’t help that I am high functioning in my anxiety. So I take on more than I can do…and then refuse to ask for help. She wants to help and I end up doing what I do ask her to do because my brain tells me I am asking too much.

My damaged soul is just enough that I can see the problems I put out into the world, but I cannot seem to help myself from pushing away those who try to accept them. I normally avoid talking about the mess that I am because I am trying to put forth an image of competence and professional nature…but as I said Lately I am wanting to say the first idiot thing that comes to mind. Instead…I think I will say thank you all for your patience with me and my lackluster blogging of late.

I am hoping after the MRI on Monday I will be in a better headspace. I am hoping to get back to our regularly scheduled half mad idiocy.

The Me at the end of the week

Photo by imustbedead on Pexels.com

Well, there are no dead from a week of my shenanigans…though I may need more caffeine than usual. By this time, I have managed a poem posted daily and still got work done. It was not the most interesting week on this blog and probably seemed more like filler to y’all. Next week should be a little less busy for me, so I can hopefully get more content here that will be an enjoyable week. Though I may have killed my neighbor by then for the ruckus he is raising with his four-wheeler, I am not sure. I will also by this time have gotten to the doctor to see why I am getting migraines more often.

For all my shenanigans, I am hopeful that everyone will enjoy the beautiful anthologies I am currently putting together. The art and poetry are amazing. The stories are just what you need on a crisp fall day to put you in the mood for candy and spooky stuff.

Vacation attacked

So, my mommy messaged me around the beginning of June and said that she was coming to get me around the 18th and keeping me until the 28th. I was not asked if I wanted to go…but I do.. so I am going. I will have internet, but I don’t know what I am going to be doing. So this is your warning. I will not be posting anything during those 10 days…I don’t know if I am going to be able to get myself back to work before the 5th of July (due to a cookout that I decided was a good idea for the fourth) I will be back to posting after the fifth. so please excuse my random disappearance. Have fun and be nice to each other while I am gone…

Spring Illness

so I have been sleeping for several days now…running a mild fever. it has broken…but it has kept me from my life and online adventures….as I am recovering I am hoping to get back to work.

delays in posting

so I was so busy with yard work yesterday that I had no time to get the posts up. I am going to be at the computer later today, so I am planning to do this week today…but it will be late poetry and I thought I would warn you. thank you for your patience.

Each life is a book

This week I have been sharing some of the stories of my book. A lifetime of stories lived. Some of the stories I have lived will never be shared – for various reasons…some because they are not my story to tell(I am a mother after all) Some because the trauma prevents. So many lives are books stuck on dusty shelves. Never shared for various reasons. I need to share my stories. As a survivor of childhood sex abuse I felt like my voice was taken from me. For me, telling my stories is empowering. For others it is not. I would never try to force the telling of a life.

However, I also want to be clear. I am always willing to hear the story of the lives you have lived. I devour books like the dragon I am…and if you choose to present me with more to read I will revel in it.

Thank you for allowing me to share the stories this week. For me, it is the best form of immortality. I when I am gone will remain due to the book written by my words.

Excuses, and the stress Monster

I normally schedule my blog posts on Sunday for the week…and when I don’t I end up with the posts for the week not going up. I don’t intend it, it just happens that way. Well, the next two weeks are wrought with Stress due to an upcoming court situation. (My boyfriend has been trying to get his disability, and I am worried for him. It is not my court day but that often does not excuse the stress we feel when someone we care about is facing a major event.) So I cannot promise how well I will be doing until after the 30th. I am going to schedule this week today…or try to. I am having trouble with a stress headache today. So I thank you for your patience if I am less posty for the next two weeks. It is been much of the reason why March has been spotty. I have been writing and doing the work for Fae Corps to get the books out…but my poor blog has been too much to deal with sometimes. That is something I am trying to work on. I may end up just posting poetry and art this week instead of trying to keep my daily themes going.

A day later…

Holiday wishes and scheduling

Due to the Holiday my schedule for updates may be a little off. I will be trying to do a couple of posts but I can not promise, I will return next week to my regular posting.

Monday Poetry