Tag: grief

Who I am,  realized

Meme - I am Done

I posted a week ago that I was dealing with the death of the family pet. My kid is still in grief mode… And I don’t blame them. I miss my favorite siren. But I don’t handle death well.

I have been upsetting my kid because I have accidentally started to use the cat to refer to Luna. I find myself trying to separate myself from the pain that she is gone.

We had her for five years. I am still struggling to process that she is gone.

Everyone has been offering condolences and I appreciate the thoughts….

But it feels so hollow because it doesn’t bring the pain to an end. That is why I struggle with what I should say when someone else is grieving. I hate that hollow feeling so I don’t want to give it to anyone.

So, Thank you for the well wishes… But I just don’t know what to do with them.

The Cost of Grief…

The Cost of Grief…
Meme-emotional description

If you are a facebook friend or follow my Instagram… you have seen me post yesterday that our family cat has passed. That means I am a true mess. My Child is the Intern doing the Fae Corps blog…So I scheduled it for them…because in so many ways Luna was their baby. We are going to be okay…but it will take time. This is probably the only post I am doing for Wednesday & Thursday here. I will schedule my usual Friday post. By Monday I should be back to my routine…but if not then I will try to pick it back up as soon as I can. We are used to a very vocal baby who is now silent. This will be hard.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics-

If I had only known the last time would be the last time
I would’ve put off all the things I had to do
I would’ve stayed a little longer, held on a little tighter
Now what I’d give for one more day with you
‘Cause there’s a wound here in my heart where something’s missing
And they tell me that it’s gonna heal with time
But I know you’re in a place where all your wounds have been erased
And knowing yours are healed is healing mine
The only scars in Heaven, they won’t belong to me and you
There’ll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in Heaven are on the hands that hold you now
I know the road you walked was anything but easy
You picked up your share of scars along the way
Oh, but now you’re standing in the sun, you’ve fought your fight and your race is run
The pain is all a million miles away
The only scars in Heaven, they won’t belong to me and you
There’ll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in Heaven, yeah, are on the hands that hold you now
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, for the hands that hold you now
There’s not a day goes by that I don’t see you
You live on in all the better parts of me
Until I’m standing with you in the sun, I’ll fight this fight and this race I’ll run
Until I finally see what you can see, oh-oh
The only scars in Heaven, they won’t belong to me and you
There’ll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in Heaven are on the hands that hold you now

My 2 Cents –

This is the second time I am posting a grief song. This one is based on my daughter’s pet chicken. She went to sleep and didn’t wake up. Poor baby. So this has been a long weekend.

Tuesday Tunes

Lyrics I’m not a perfect person
There’s many things I wish I didn’t do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know I’ve found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you I’m sorry that I hurt you
It’s something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That’s why I need you to hear I’ve found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you I’m not a perfect person
I never…

My 2 cents So I end up associating people with songs…used to be only lovers, until this song. There was a young man …I truly thought of him as a little brother. He was about the same age as my little brother. I met him because he hung out with Joe’s kid brother. He was dating a friend of mine when this song came out. I have always had a huge music collection…multiple cd’s /cassettes back before mp3’s were a thing…and now gigabytes of mp3’s. I love music variety. However back then…I had never listened to the same song on repeat…I just had so many that I could put it on Auto Dj and not hear the same song twice in a day…even in a week if I am honest. Well Jeremy…The little brother like fellow…He would get on my computer and blast this song on repeat…we must have heard it a thousand times if we heard it once.

I am sharing this for a reason…he died, very young. He was 28. I find I am missing him lately often. He was all about his games, and we have all (my gaming group) been missing his enthusiasm. So Duesy…You are the reason I can’t hear this song with out cryin.

Thursday Tea Party

Hi all! Pull up a seat! So much on my mind… I am a wee bit squirrel brained lately. All that it takes to distract me is a shiny object in my side view.

First… I want to express my grief at the sad demise of Grant Thompson. He was way too young to die. *a moment of silence *😭

Now, I think that I promised a Tea recommendation? I love tea. Homemade, store-bought, hot or iced. I prefer sweet, but anymore I settle for adding splenda. One of my favorite store-bought teas are Stash Black Chai Spice. I prepare it with half milk and half water and it is a luxurious treat.

I have been working on the publishing company a lot here lately. It has been a learning experience. I am learning about contracts and the messy part of publishing… That moment when crap hits the fan. It is frustrating when it is your work with snafus… It feels like failure when you are handling other authors work. I am blessed with authors who understand and are patient with me.

Fae corps anthology Under the Mists is available in Ebook format… However as the platform that I chose to use for the paperback is still in Beta… We are looking at a month wait for the paperback. We are still going to be trying to get it in as many hands as possible because these stories are really worth the read.

I am quite sure most of you saw the call for submissions that I shared yesterday. Fae corps has two new anthologies in the works. We are going to do another fae story one, this one about light fae. We are also going to do a poetry collection.

Fae corps is also pleased to announce that we are going to be representing Ms Deedra Nichole in her In a small world series. We are in contract negotiations now, but I have no doubt that we will be able to do it.

I submitted 3 poems in a call for submissions that I found on wordpress. One of the three was accepted. My poem is supposed to be published on August 5th. With all of the feels of failure in the publishing… This felt like a win. I will take it.

Oh… And soon the next edition, the summer edition, of Creative Rising Ezine will be publishing. I will share the link to subscribe as soon as I get it.

Hmmm I think that is everything…. So I will be back tomorrow with some sort of tips on writing…. So for now… Time to gather tea leaves.

Temporary Temporals

How fleeting life can be. A string of moments, all connected with something called a lifespan. I recently got news about a friend who is fighting cancer. It hit harder than I ever could have expected any news to hit. She is younger than me. And it feels damned unfair. Now mind you, as usual, she has it under control. She has always had it under control.

It seems like it is easy to react from outside of a situation with righteous indignation, and fear. Those two emotions cause us to fail to see the weight we put on the one inside with each question. Sometimes, it would be kinder to just be an ear.

It’s hard to be just an ear when we want to scream frustration. It will pass but what damage do you do to those around you as you fight to calm yourself down?

That is the stage I am in. I am fighting to remind myself that this too shall pass. It is not about me, and I have to learn how to be there for her. I have to not let my own fears come between me and supporting her. It is Damned Unfair, but life is not about what is fair. It is about learning, loving, and creating. So I wish for all of you…

May you love deeply,

May you learn happily,

And may you always

be able to create beauty!