Engagement, And family.

Photo by Fidel Hajj on Pexels.com

I will never Marry…but I came really close once. He was a handsome lad, who truly acted like I was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. He had dark hair and pretty blue eyes. We had dated for a while when I was in high school. I had gone to a special camp for occupational therapy. He was there and we hit it off. He was so cute, with a little bit of a problem with authority…yeah I know I have a type where men are concerned. Almost all of the men I have actually been attracted to have had that same issue with authority. I left him and the facility. Then a year or so later he and I met again. We hooked up. He asked me to marry him. You know what…at the time I had an awful amount of stars in my eyes where love was concerned. I wanted that damn white picket fence with six children. I wanted happily ever after like the poets speak of. (Says the poet) He made me think I was worth that love.

I was nearly twenty-one. I was an old lady to my mind. Thirty was an impossible dream. I had one child already. My best friend was engaged to a charismatic stoner. We were a group. At the time I thought that the traditional monogamy route was the only way life was. I also was quite deep in the metaphoric closet. I had girlfriends, but I was hiding them and our relationships because I was convinced that being myself was a bad idea. So, I was convinced that I would marry him. We would be together and there would never be a reason why we would not.

Then I walked in on him and my best friend on my couch. Yeah. He apparently had different dreams than I did. I had a one night stand with her fiance as revenge. That was an incredible memorable night. We are still friends, that one night stand and I. The best friend and the husband to be…well I haven’t seen either of them in 26 years now. I left the area and joined Job Corps. I met my boyfriend. He was unlike any guy I had ever dated. Yesterday is the anniversary of the day we met.

He is my best friend. He makes me laugh. He and I will never marry. We don’t want to. He and I had an open relationship from the first. It worked because we were able to be honest with each other. He closed it off when I found someone I could actually have considered getting close to. He realized that he wasn’t able to find anyone else who was even remotely like what he had in me. I still am able to find a girlfriend because there is things that a girl can provide that he cannot. But I have the only man I will ever have. And I am okay with that. (If he was gay the situation would be open there, but he is not.) I had in my youth figured that I needed to marry. I needed to have the house with the three-car garage and white picket fence to be normal. I was so foolish. At forty-seven I have learned a lot. I have carried to term 3 children. I had to give one up for adoption. I miscarried 2. I have found my home. It was not in a building. It was at the side of a man that loves me. It was being Mom to a neurodivergent Girl who thinks I am some kind of hero…and I still am trying to convince her she is mine. It was allowing myself to be me.

I have some definite opinions about Roe vs Wade. This story has a lot of family intonations in it. If I had grown up without the option for an abortion, it would not have mattered to me. I would have not aborted any of the three. However, I miscarried. Twice. Both were emotion killing moments. I wanted both babies. I barely survived having my beautiful neurodivergent girl. The doctors told me if I got pregnant again I would die. I can never carry another child to term. Roe vs Wade means I have the choice. I hate the idea of getting one. I still want that choice. I was raped after my son was born. If I had ended up pregnant I would have wanted that choice. I didn’t report it. I was terrified of the idea. I had told about the sexual abuse I endured as a child. I was told I had lied. Why would anyone believe me if I said that this had happened?

Ending RvW will not stop abortions. It will stop safe abortions. There was abortions before RvW. There were no safe abortions. Women have been choosing to slip pregnacies since the dawn of time. We are supposed to be an advanced society…so why are we discussing this again? It was solved in 1973…

nature at its best

sitting on my porch, watching the chicken that my daughter has…(she’s cleaning up it’s cage) and it is letting her opinion of my porch be known…well if it wasn’t pouring rain we would be walking around the yard…

Starting the week with book covers

So I have a list of “Titles” for upcoming Poetry books. Some with a theme in mind…others not. I know I am supposed to do a cover reveal thingy for each book, but this feels more fun. These are not in progress yet. I did the cover design because it was fun. These are going to be the ones I choose from when my current volumes are written. The idea is that eventually, I will have a poetry book starting with each letter of the alphabet. Which do you like best…and Why?

This one has two possible…have yet to decide which I want. It will be general poetry.

This will be general poetry.

This will be general poetry…but I think I am likely to lean a little bit into the idea of addiction here…not sure.

This will be general poetry.

This will be general poetry.

This is one I am working on. It is going to be entirely Political poetry. I don’t know if I am going to stick to my standard rules as far as the number of poems inside or if I will adjust for the book. I do like how it is coming together so far.

Also In progress right now. It is general poetry.

This is probably going to be religious poetry. I have been considering this one hard.

General poetry. How could this title be anything else?

Again General.

This is another where I am not sure which I like better. This one will be written in letter format. A sort of Prose Poetry. I have the idea only so far.

This one is uncertain. I have already done one volume of Love poems. Still I love the imagery in the title and the cover I made is so nice…It will be there if I am ever ready to do a second one.

Another cover I am not sure which I like better…

General.

General. I actually made the cover for a different author. He didn’t like it, but I really loved it. so I had to find a use for it.

This is going to be all LGBTQIA+ Poetry. I am Pansexual and have thoughts on the Queer that I have yet to put to words… This is going to be me doing exactly that.

General.

This has another cover – But I really like this one better. This one suits me better. It will be general poetry.

General

General.

This is going to be me exploring various poetic forms. I am usually a free verse writer. I think that it would be interesting to do a book with at least one of each of the forms. This is going to be difficult to write, but I am looking forward to the results.

General.

Gemeral.

I use Evernote to write. It keeps me organized…I have a notebook on Evernote for each of my poetry volumes. I have these all organized under a stack labeled Future Poetry Volumes. I include the cover in each notebook so I don’t lose it. That being said…I have a file on my computer for Publishing. Inside the Publishing File is a file for Book Covers. I organize that file too…so the file where my book covers live on my computer has folders for each volume. I have folders in there with titles and no cover. Those have yet to get to the stage where I am ready to make covers for them, I may do this post again in a couple of years with those titles. I don’t know. They would have to make it into my Evernote for me to write in them. At this point, they are interesting titles and nothing more. The ones on this list are in the running to be my next volume…Heck, my next volume was on this list.

So, which title and cover did you like best? Why? Is there a theme you think I should consider? I end up doing two or three volumes a year most of the time. So I feel like I will be able to do this list without overreaching myself.

Oh! also the three I posted two covers for….Which cover would you choose for each one? I really am having a hard time choosing.

The Randomness Faery Bit me

So I know I missed last week…and here it is Sunday…and time to schedule my posts. I again don’t wanna. I feel like a child throwing a tantrum. I usually enjoy the blog. I enjoy the stuff I do for writing and for publishing. Still, I spent yesterday getting caught up on work I had put off. I wrote a poem, took out 2 bags of trash, did 2 loads of dishes, put up the finishing touches on 2 anthologies, and set the basics up for preorder for Death becomes her (Serena’s Poetry book). I still need to put the files together to finish that one. I only put the front cover as a placeholder – I need to format it properly and make the rear cover. So I sit down to work and I find myself ready to revolt.

I have lots of chores to do. The chicken needs to get its cage cleaned out. (We have 2 chickens and 2 ducks. One of the chickens was brought in during the winter due to illness and we have not got it back in the outside coop yet.) I need to clear my kitchen around my dishwasher – It is about to be replaced. I just got done eating and now have more dishes to do. I have writing to do. I have dusting and straightening that really needs to be done… So yeah I have things I need to do. I am sure there is laundry. Yet, I find myself rebelling at the idea of doing a single freaking thing. It is not just the blog.

This week is already setting itself up to be a busy one. I have promised to visit a friend. My new dishwasher is supposed to be installed. My little brother turns 40 on the 28th. (I have to harass him online on his birthday. it’s like required….lol) I have general housework that though it is not much will take me triple the time it would take anyone else. And I still have to shower, cook, and eat during that time.

And I still don’t wanna set up my blog. I think that I am going to try and do stories of my life again. Simply because it sounds fun. It means that my blog will update randomly this week. Y’all are so patient when I do that. I just really appreciate it.

In case y’all are wanting to look at what I did yesterday….Here are the Links to
Seeking Stories
Grandmother’s Wisdom
Death Becomes Her

And if you missed them the two most recent books by me –
Gathering Teardrops
Pip and Friends

In Fae Corps News –

I am also in discussion to possibly reprint an author that I have worked with on anthologies before. He is considering Fae Corps for the book that he had out. His publisher went under and I am hoping that I get to play with this wonderful book.

Raz is still hard at work on his second book – he missed the deadline because he is trying to put together the best story possible.

Our winter anthology (Darkness Screams) deadline is August 1st and the call just went live.

Seeking stories releases on June 1st. Grandmother’s Wisdom releases on June 1st.

Grandmother’s Wisdom is the first Charity anthology we are doing. 50% of the Author royalties – In other words half of what we receive for it…will be donated to No Kid Hungry. We felt like this fit the purpose of the anthology. It was meant to be a remembrance of our grandmothers. There are some really wonderful memories in that one.

Seeking Stories is a collection of adventure stories of all sorts. From the slight horror stylings to the futuristic. It has an all-star list of writers, poets, and artists.

Death Becomes her releases on June 18th. It is dark poetry from Serena Mossgraves. Quite a few of them are about death, In one form or another.

Okay, I feel like that is all…OH! and I dyed my hair Purple again. Yeah, that is all now.

Tuesday Tunes

A day for me to discuss music

Lyrics:

Mama, I found someone
Like you said would come along
He’s a sight and so unlike
Any man I’ve known

I was afraid to let him in
‘Cause I’m not the trustin’ kind
But now I’m convinced that he’s heaven sent
And must be out of his mind

Mama, he’s crazy, crazy over me
And in my life is where he says
He always wants to be

I’ve never been so in love
He beats all I’ve ever seen
And mama, he’s crazy, he’s crazy over me

And mama, you’ve always said
You better look before you leap
But maybe so, but here I go
Lettin’ my heart lead me

He thinks I hung the moon and stars
I think he’s a livin’ dream
Well, there are men, but ones like him
Are few and far between

Mama, he’s crazy, crazy over me
And in my life is where he says
He always wants to be

I’ve never been so in love
He beats all I’ve ever seen
Mama, he’s crazy, he’s crazy over me
Oh mama, he’s crazy, he’s crazy over me

My Two Cents – With Naomi Judd’s passing, it just seems appropriate to post my favorite Judds song. I grew up with country music as the music I was allowed to listen to. Mama didn’t like Rock or pop or R&B. so I was a teenager before I had access to the spectrum of music. I really don’t listen to the country music as much now- mostly because I tend to get new music from my daughter and she doesn’t like country. The music of my youth is still loved however, and I honestly loved the Judds.

delays in posting

so I was so busy with yard work yesterday that I had no time to get the posts up. I am going to be at the computer later today, so I am planning to do this week today…but it will be late poetry and I thought I would warn you. thank you for your patience.

The trouble with Spring

So aside from the terrible allergies that I suffer every year…the trouble with Spring is the weather is actually nice enough to get the yard cleaned up. That is for me in the form of hiring people who are able to do the work I cannot.

well I have to supervise and direct. So I am staying busy today. Add in the first of the month errands and I am likely to be super busy all week. I will try to post some interesting stuff as permitted by my schedule.

today I am posting from my phone while I am waiting for my kid to come back out of the gas station.

Beltane Blessings

I wish you all the Blessings of Beltane.

I have been busy with publishing and my blog has become more than I am capable of today. so I will wish you all the best and hope that I can do it during the week.

Each life is a book

This week I have been sharing some of the stories of my book. A lifetime of stories lived. Some of the stories I have lived will never be shared – for various reasons…some because they are not my story to tell(I am a mother after all) Some because the trauma prevents. So many lives are books stuck on dusty shelves. Never shared for various reasons. I need to share my stories. As a survivor of childhood sex abuse I felt like my voice was taken from me. For me, telling my stories is empowering. For others it is not. I would never try to force the telling of a life.

However, I also want to be clear. I am always willing to hear the story of the lives you have lived. I devour books like the dragon I am…and if you choose to present me with more to read I will revel in it.

Thank you for allowing me to share the stories this week. For me, it is the best form of immortality. I when I am gone will remain due to the book written by my words.

No story today

My Daughter, My Mother, and Me

Today is my Mama’s birthday. She is an amazing quilter, a creative soul, a hard working woman.

so I am not going to do any stories today. I am just going to be thankful that I have my mommy.