So yesterday I was a busy blogger. I really should be more regular in my posts…. But I am not good at regular. Now that I have the app on my phone it is more likely. I am a creature of convenience. I try to improve my actions, I try to get into the habits that I want to have. Still routine is not easy for me. My life is very chaotic. I warned you with the tagline… Lol. Crazy rarely is predictable. Still, when trying to deal with a blog, and selling what I wrote, I am aware that if there is no updates then I will have no readers. So I will attempt to do better. If nothing else, I will try to share some of the awesome blogs that I read.
Category: continuity
Speaking out and why
Those who know me know I am a very outspoken person. I try to be as honest as possible. Mostly because my memory is awful, i really would forget the lie. Easiest way to end up caught. There are topics I voice that I know make some uncomfortable. I refuse to be silenced because what I have to say makes any one feel bad. I was told I was lying when i first spoke my truth. Others suffered because of this. I was sexually abused. I was terrified of my abuser doing exactly what he threatened to do. So it took time after to speak. He told me no one would believe me. They proved him right. I was thirteen years old when I finally found the courage. So he was allowed to continue his life, and I was thought insane. He did to others what was done to me. They were heard and believed. He has been in jail for about six years now.
I speak now to take back my power.
I speak now because I believe the truth should be heard.
I speak now for those who may find comfort in my story.
I speak now because I survived.
I speak now because no one should feel insane for telling their story.
I speak now so that my abuser and those like him never win.
I am writing!
Vacation seems like it should be a bad time to write. It’s work, right? Still for me, at home I find it harder to actually set the time aside for writing. Too much else to do. So much household chores that never seem to be done. Too many distractions, social media and other entertainment options. I realize I should be more disciplined about my writing, but if I structure too much, my muse will abandon me. I have spent two hours today writing. Cleaning up my projects helped. I backed up a couple of projects that really aren’t working, and cleared them from my writing app. I rewrote two pages that were lost in a save mishap. I wrote more on a couple of my works in progress. I wrote another poem for Life Drops. I am also of course writing this blog post. Still. I am doing so much better on my vacation with my writing than I do normally. I have no internet to distract. No housework to distract. I only have my kindle and my family. I am hoping that I can publish the second book in the Bedtime tales series before summer ends. I am aiming to finish one of the other books (full novels) before my 45th birthday. That gives me a little over three and a half years. 🙂
Genetics or something else?
I am a poet first and a writer second. I just do better with poetry than I do with stories. I am not bad at stories, just better with poems. Now there is a reason I state that. My daughter came home and was asking about poetry. She has no patience with writing stories. So I was helping her with her poetry for English class. At this point I was tickled to find out that she enjoys writing poetry. Mind you I have had three children. My eldest has written one beautiful poem. Then he allowed his own self doubt to keep him from writing. My middle one (who due to situations I refuse to explain here was given up for adoption at birth ) writes wonderful poetry. I am so tickled that the three of them have shown such talent. It actually got me thinking. What do we pass on in our genetics? My children are all taller than I. None of them look exactly like me. My daughter looks the closest. There is personality traits that all of them possess that I have. So that leaves me curious. What do you think we pass on in our genetics?
Day 29
I had been visiting a wonderful sports bar for a couple of years. The owner had promised my first beer for free. I went, played pool(i was forbidden to play darts as my aim was horrible ) and enjoyed a free beer.
Day twenty four
Hmmm something I miss… cartoons. Saturday mornings with cereal and early morning cartoons. The cartoons of today really are subpar. I have tried to introduce my daughter to the cartoons of my childhood, but to be honest, it really saddens me that cartoons are no longer like that.
Posted earlier on my personal Facebook
It really is the little things that hurt…and heal. Seeing affection and pride felt by those whom you wish were proud of you. Or who paid enough attention to see who you really were. So I end up feeling the little green eyed monster creep in. And then I self recriminate because I see myself as better than that. I don’t do my writing or my crafts or my art for the recognition. I really don’t. I do all of it for me. However, the primal urge for recognition exists in everyone. Then along with the self doubt, a few someone’s stood up for me. It heals the little cracks in my soul.
Day fourteen
Although I know it seems like I should have a plan… I don’t plan that far ahead. There is so much that changes in my life but what matters doesn’t change. I write, I create and I love.
Not writing, Relaying
I call myself a writer…Still in truth for many of my stories…that title is inadequate. The stories and the characters within take on a life of their own. They are telling me the story, which I then relay to my readers. I know it is often how writers see their work, But last night it was driven home to me. I have a premise for a story. I have written at least the bare bones of it’s beginning. Enough to where the story and it’s characters are ready to really talk to me. I gave it a temporary title, one I knew would change before it was said and done. I have to title my work so I can tell it from the poetry I write on just file level. So my stories will sometimes have a bland descriptive title to just start with. Well last night, coffee in hand and music on, I opened the document to write. I drew a blank. The only thing that my mind kept focusing on was that the title was wrong. I really tried pushing the story and to my frustration only typed gibberish. So I have a wonderful story idea. Rich with Sci-fi goodness. A strong Heroine with a rich descriptive history. A plot that is strong and a monster that will be interesting…and I am not able to tell it for the fact that the temporary title isn’t the right one. *Headdesk* Yes I am insane….
Of course then i was trying to explain my frustration on my author page on Facebook, with my head pounding from the frustration, and I believe managed to condense what can be a really good story to like five sentences of garbage. In general I hate writing the synopsis anyway. I honestly have a hard time condensing a full story into a “Blurb”. Especially without spoiling the whole thing. So, note to self….no explaining your story when the story itself is refusing to talk to you. You end up reinforcing the perception that you are insane and only causing your frustration to increase.
Lazy days and Tuesdays?
Normally i have a million of things i work on. Between writing and social media, games and housework, Parenting and crafts. This morning was no different. So this afternoon when I returned from running errands, I found myself feeling lazy. I didn’t want to do the normal social media. The games were less than attention grabbing. Housework does need done, but finding motivation is always fun when it is work. I have some typing to do, and still some writing. I just find myself sitting here thinking how bored I am. I found myself in good company. A lot of my friends were having motivational issues today. I have heard of Lazy days and Mondays. Sundays tend towards lazy days often. However it seems to me I have never heard of Tuesdays being lazy days….I have stuff that needs done, writing just waiting for my attention. So I force the nose to the grindstone. My To-do list for the week is less than interesting for me at the moment. I have done some of the housework that seems to be constantly screaming for attention. I still have dinner dishes to do tonight. I have a vendor fair coming up in May (on the 14th in Keyser if you are interested) So i really need to work on my crafts. and all I seem to feel like saying Is…Not today.
Pattimouse 