I sometimes feel like Alice… the rabbit hurrying me for fear of being late. Admitted, I expected to be late for today. I was not in the mind space for blogging last night. To tell you the truth I am not quite there yet today. I survived the MRI. Though I was scared to death of it. This week I am going to be late if I post anything. I hate doing that but it has been a crazy week and it is only a Monday. I guarantee that I am not going to be able to do my blogging usual, but hopefully what I do post will be worth reading.
So, hurry hurry and let us see… what exactly the rabbit has in store for you and me.
As many of you know, I just took a vacation. The vacation was fun…and it was miserable. I will explain. My daughter and I went to visit my mom. We enjoyed the visit…but there were snide little digs that my mom made that we did not enjoy. I don’t plan on going into details. When we got back we were both upset and trying to get back to the happiness that was home. Then today we were talking about it.
“It wasn’t that bad” “I just exaggerated it” “I am just ungrateful.” “I blew it out of proportion.” “She probably didn’t mean it the way it sounded.” “I was just looking for reasons to hate the trip.”
This often happens to me when I deal with my mom. I end up feeling guilty because I take what she says the wrong way. I told my therapist about a thing that my mom had said that had my daughter upset. I told her that I had told my girl “My mother loves me, but I don’t think she likes me very much. The difference Is I love you and I like you just how you are. I would not change anything about you.” My therapist asked me a question that has been bouncing around my head ever since. “Are you sure that your mom loves you?”
The question becomes how are we sure if anyone loves us? When my parents got divorced, my mom told me something that stuck in my brain. She said that Daddy loved her, but not in the way she needed. Perhaps the demons eating at my brain are doing so, not because I am unloved or unwanted, but instead because I need more than those who have loved me were capable of giving. So my internal war today is the question – Am I too needy? Is everything I do stemming from the desire to be loved more than anyone is possibly capable of? And is my inner voice just looking for an excuse to be miserable?
I am at war with myself, and to be frank, I doubt that I am going to win. I am fighting the demons within, and it looks like I am losing again. The words that whisper in my brain are getting real loud within. Teaching me that I am failing seems to be the goal, Leaving me there to somehow the answers know.
Yeah, I guess I am going slightly mad, For I find myself doubting even the truth I had. Instead of knowing that I am whole and hale, I find doubt behind every thought, everywhere.
I don’t know if I will get every day this week posted. I am not able to get the week scheduled today. I am busy fighting that war inside me.
Getting set up in a new workspace…so I decided to do video in place of images. If you like this better Let me know. I am enjoying the recording. Also, Watch here for the Coffee House Writer post later today.
Blogging is harder than it looks. There’s timing, hashtags, content, and readers to consider. When you first start, if you are anything like I was, you think that you really are less than interested in sticking to a schedule… more that you just want to get what you have to say heard.
Then you start seeing that you are being seen more… Hence people are seeing what you have to say… And it becomes the thing to stick with a schedule (something I am still struggling with)…
So you find yourself searching through the daily Hashtags to find something that both fits your blog and is easy to do content for. You realize that the blog is in control.
I think that I am just not going to plan for Friday. If I feel like posting I will. Thursday is going to stay chaotic as a true mad tea party should be chaotic. (Even if the poet hosting the party is only half mad…). So I think that the blog posts that I share regularly will be Monday poetry, Tuesday Tunes, and Wordless Wednesday. Even the weeks where I am struggling I can usually do those 3.
It was suggested that I do a Follow Friday… Problem is it does not fit my blog. It’s too calm for my crazy
Hello Lovelies! Long time since we had tea. My current favorite is Lipton’s Peach Passion Green Tea.
2020 is nearly over, and I know that I am not the only one who is grateful. 2021 is already shaping up to be busy. Fae Corps has several authors lined up that we are going to be publishing. We have 2 anthologies planned (Fae Playgrounds and Fae Shivers). Serena is going to be in Circle City’s Absurd Apocalypse Anthology. And I submitted to two of Indie Blu(e)’s upcoming Anthologies. (I hope I get accepted, their books are always so pretty. )
Song of Shadow released this week. I am still working on Half Mad Meanderings and Heart Drops. I hope to release both in 2021. I am also planning on pulling each of my Poetry Volumes, one at a time, and Revamping and re-releasing them. I don’t know how long it will take to do each volume. I do know I will be releasing Large Print versions of each as well. I have learned so much this year that I can put into practice on my books. I hope it will give you, my readers a fun thing to look at.
This will be as far as I am concerned the final version of each book. Serena’s not going to do that with her books, and I am going to go through the poetry volumes first then deal with the children’s books after. I may try to talk Serena into large print at least.
I am also working on Grandmothers wisdom. Coffee house writers anthology will release next week. Like I said 2021 is shaping up to be a busy year.
Life has been hitting hard for me lately. I had to move out of my home, my life is in chaos. It will stabilize but it will take time. So I am looking at my options. I have been considering making my blog a paid one, so I could add a shop to sell some of the cute Jewelry and other crafts I make. I also am thinking about the other benefits…And I realize that I am looking at this with two blogs possible and debating. I can only do one paid right now. I have more readers here then on the Fae Corps Blog, even though I maintain both. I may see about combining them. Making it work that way…But I want to get your opinions. Should I combine the two blogs? Expand and make it bigger and better, hopefully. or should I choose one to go paid with?
I will not be able until the first to do it, so chime in with your opinion. I am also about to ask my partner and our marketing girl. So it is not just a random ask. I am looking at options.
Hello lovelies! Today is a coffee with lots of cinnamon creamer kinda day.
April has been exhausting. I tried to do the daily post thing, I really did. However things in the world at large have made life a bit harder on me then I expected it to. I am often a shut in. I only really go out to the grocery store. So initially I didn’t expect the stay at home order to really change things for me.
Then social distancing started making it to where stores were closing and the ones staying open were limiting hours. I usually go at night to avoid crowds. I don’t do well around mass amounts of people. People have noise and odors. They like to touch other people…all things that can cause me issues. So I have had to adjust. And it is exhausting.
I am not one that wants things to go back to where they were…not while the threat of pandemic lingers. I also however am not one who is comfortable with all of the liberties that the government is taking during this fear. I am just someone who is dealing with the changes, and the anxiety it is causing and saying that this is how it is affecting me.
Upcoming , on a better note, Fae Corps anthology Through the Sunshine should be available for preorder in two weeks. If you look over on the blog I have been posting the blurb promos that the authors have been making. We still have a couple of authors who have not done an image yet. We will post them as they are made. Coffee House Writer’s anthology is in the editing stage. I will let you know when I know more on it.
Did y’all catch Serena’s Interview on Chat and Spin Radio? It was last Saturday’s Episode part 3 (3B). I feel like it went really well. You can’t hear how nervous I was. Or at least I didn’t. lol. Anyway, the station is a decent internet radio station out of the UK. They do a lot of author interviews, and are quite fun. Go check them out.
I got the good news that Creatives Rising may be back up soon. The editors paused their magazine due to major life changes (Like a move) and posted that they are just about to start up again. I look forward to being a part of that again in the future.
With all that is going on in the world, I feel like I maybe should hold off on publishing new poetry volumes. I have been writing, but slowly. I normally do around three volumes a year…but I am thinking that I may only get one this year. We will have to see. I am also super busy with Fae corps this year as well. It makes a difference in the time I have to write. Also I have added Coffee House Writers. With all of the additional responsibilities, I think that promising more than I will publish when I have enough poems to fill a volume.
I am hoping to release Serena’s Kingdoms of Sin this year. I will release another Dylan story (Dylan and Zombie Hotel) this year. I am waiting for the Illustrator to be available. I do not know if Dylan will have any other books. He might. I like the character. \
I do not know how the world situation will affect my blogging, as my mental state affects how structured I can be, however I am going to try to keep my normal routine here.
I have planned to do a poetry based post every day of April… To celebrate national poetry month… And then chaos… You know… My life…. Happened. My allergies are still kicking my butt. Yesterday I was down with a tension headache. I am going to be doing a post later today… But I didn’t want to start off a day late with no introduction of my intent.
I do not know if I will be doing the normal posting schedule with this new posting. There is going to be 4 types of post for the national poetry month. 1. prompts (this is fairly self explanatory) 2. Poetry(mine or a famous poet) 3. Lesson (I with these are planning on trying to show how to write poetry… Or types of poetry) 4. Submissions (I will be sharing places looking for poems)… I am not sure what is going to be what day… But I am going to be trying to post daily. May will see a return to the normal schedule.
Also, Fae Corps is going to do a daily prompt starting later today. (I am the one usually doing the blog there so my headache yesterday prevented the normal Indie Wednesday post. I had forgotten to schedule it)
So, this is a milestone, and I feel like dancing. Or partying! What is a party without a giveaway? So for my giveaway… Leave me a comment. Every comment on this post, or reblog, will result in an entry. (New follows also result in entries)
Giveaway: I have a copy of Pocketful of poetry(my very first volume), and a painted tin for the winner.
Each year many of my writer friends choose a word to be their motivation for the upcoming year. I have done this in the past, but I felt like this year would be too chaotic. It was, but that is beside the point.
Let’s start with a review of this year and then I will reveal the word that I have chosen for 2020.
For me January through March crawled. I released one volume of poetry, Spilled Verse. I know that other stuff, personal stuff, happened… But at this point most of that time is a blur.
My Mom visited at the end of March. It is rare for me to see her, and her two eldest Sisters accompanied her. Both of which I have not seen since being a teen. It was a good visit.
The next thing that really happened this year was the release of Dream Drips. I did a migration to Draft2Digital in January which allowed me to offer all of my books in multiple formats.
I took a road trip in June to see people very dear to me. I also released Ink Splashes.
In July we released Under the Mists. Working with such lovely, talented wordsmiths, well it was quite a treat.
The next month of worth was October. I joined Coffee House Writers. I really enjoy working with them.
November was Nano. I have a couple of books in formatting that need releasing. I finished Beautys Tears, Dylan and his pet Zombie, and I am working on layout of Faerie Footprints.
Overall, 2019 has been eventful. I have written, and drawn, much this year.
So, I think that for 2020 my word will be change. I need to figure out what I am doing wrong and adjust to make not only my writing successful but my life. I need change, so I will be aiming for it..
Pattimouse 