Dear manager of the taco bell in the pilot at hubastadt, in.,
You are part of what is wrong with the way people view minimum wage jobs. Yes I was irate. Consider the fact that I had already been made to wait. Then your employees failed to put my items in my bag. So I came back in and asked them to fix this. I was not even raising my voice the first time I returned to the counter. I merely said that there was a problem. The fact that I was causing my trucker to wait was something that should have been noticed. Still I went back to the truck to find they still failed to give me all that I had ordered. By this point it was pouring rain. So I came back in… nearly falling due to the rain. So yes I was yelling. But to tell me that they are only fifteen year old kids and then say that if I thought I could do that job better… well I have. I have worked fast food. I was expected to do my job. Excusing them from doing what they are being paid for is why people think that only teenagers work fast food. If your kids can’t handle doing the job then they have two choices, either get a different job or deal with the consequences of doing it wrong.
Sincerely,
The bitch you were being patronizing to
Category: rant
Personal safety
In a time of such marvelous inventions coming out, I am appalled by how many are designed to protect women from assault. Now don’t misunderstand. I am not saying women should be raped. I am not saying that the inventions are bad. I merely am appalled by the need for such items. I am a survivor. So I taught my children personal space and responsibility. I taught my son to respect women. I taught my daughter that her body is hers, and no one has the right to touch her without her permission. Yet, I know that there are people out there who would anyway. It kills me to know that someday she will not be safe. I am allowed the sadness that the world is not a safe place. I asked her what she would do if someone tried to grab her, tried to force her to do things against her will, and my beautiful twelve year old girl said ” I will kick him in the leg, then the nuts and I will scream! ” While crass, it feels good to know she won’t be a easy target. She doesn’t separate. If it’s someone she knows who tries to force her to do things or a stranger. Her body is hers. And I have made sure she knew it. I cannot help wondering if more children of both genders were taught that concept how the statistics of sexual assault and abuse would be? After all abusers seduce. They convince the child that even though the child is not comfortable with what is being done, that it is something the abuser is allowed to do. I mourn the need for the devices to “prevent ” sexual assault because I believe that if as children we are taught not to do or allow certain behavior… well as adults it wouldn’t happen. At least not as often. The ones who did at that point would be seen as deviants. They would then be treated as the criminals that they are.
Poetry normality
I am a poet. My children to my pride have shown themselves capable of great pieces. Now I should mention that I have not always felt good about my poetry. I have so often been told how depressing it was that I took it to heart. However, I wrote because it was how I healed. As an abuse survivor, I learned that I needed an outlet for the poison that was forced into my soul. Or I would not ever be whole. So I wrote to heal. I wrote for the love of poetry. So I would never be as good as Emily Dickinson or Edgar Allen Poe. I wrote because it was part of me. I did not force anyone to read what I had written. So if it was depressing…. that was fine. I could accept that. Then I was talking to a social worker. I mentioned that my poetry was considered depressing. Though I think she was being sarcastic, she said something that got me thinking. She asked “Isn’t all poetry?” There are various types of poetry that express different emotions. Discounting sad poetry is basically like saying that feeling sad is unacceptable. Poetry should be able to have a nice range of emotions. It is after all an expression of the poets heart in word form. Then someone else I care about said that his beautiful poetry was so sad. My response “Poetry is often sad. I’m told mine are depressing. Just because they are sad doesn’t have to deny their beauty.” Not every poet can write greeting card poetry or love poems. And abusing the poets whose writing causes other emotions is not acceptable either.
Nightmares
I have had them for as long as I can remember. I have looked into the idea of controlling my dreams. However once they dream starts, I am helpless. I know that some who have never been in my place would suggest that I just “shake it off.” Waking from a nightmare for me isn’t logical. The fear and helplessness follows me. I wake confused about where I am. I wake with my heart racing and my breathing uneven. Depending on how long I was in it, I even sometimes awaken to bloody places where I have scratched myself or been hitting the wall.
Add to that the fact that I rarely get back to sleep after, doing so is very often a herculean effort. So if I tell you I am tired. Or say I am having trouble sleeping…. please don’t feel the need to suggest I cut down on my coffee. Most weeks I have less than a cup a day. Please understand, if i tell you I am tired, it is merely me explaining that I am not at my best. Even with nightmares, I am not stopping… Don’t ask me to tell you what is so scary. Most of the time all i remember is the fear. The feeling of being helpless. No details other could I give you.
This nightmares are not a sign of weakness. They are the a sign that I am mentally unstable. They are merely another reminder of my survival. I made it through a lot of things. I have lived an interesting life. How my mind handles some of it, well, it could be worse.
Stress and its cause
I ended up blocking someone on Facebook yesterday. My reasons were simple. Them being in my life was causing me issues. Stress headaches are counterproductive for me. (probably for everyone). Normally this is no big deal and a no brainer. However this one was a big deal, this one hurt. She is the mother of my grandson. She has a habit of moving him around and keeping my son from knowing where he is. Now don’t get me wrong my son is not blameless in the whole mess. He has been lax in sending in support (because he was unemployed and looking for a job). Still my grandson is autistic. And in his three years of life she has moved ten times. So I worry because she is making it worse for the baby, and then instead of allowing his family at least contact, she uses him to play mind games. I cannot handle them anymore. So I finally had enough and blocked her. It was painful and not an easy decision. Unfortunately because my son is still involved in it I know she is still playing the mind games, claiming that my son is trying to take her child away simply because he is worried about his son. I really hope she eventually realizes how badly she is hurting her son. I hope she realizes before doing any permanent harm to her son. I wish her luck in life, But I am done. I refuse to play her games and be the mom in the middle. Instead I will live my life and do what makes my life work. Under stress I can’t write. Under stress I can’t be a good mom to my youngest. So for the sake of my world, I have to accept that I can’t help my Grandson. That saddens me. I hope she straightens up her act up before she ruins his life.
My block list is small. Less than ten in all. I only block if I need to for my own sanity. When I do it is because I can’t deal with the person at all. Why do you block? Or do you?
20 Reasons Why Donald Trump Should Never Be President
One astute blog commenter once said that this blog was “the death of art and meaning.” I kind of took that as a compliment. Do you understand the type of power I have to construct a boo…
Source: 20 Reasons Why Donald Trump Should Never Be President
Body positivity
This topic is one i fully support. Now understand, even though i am a big girl, it’s all bodies and body types i think we need to be positive of. No one should feel ugly for not fitting a certain body type. Unfortunately, as a society, we fail our children. We teach them to worry about appearance far more than we should. There is starting to be a movement that is helping. Tess Holiday and her #effyourbeautystandards. However many see it as a fat positive movement. While yes it is, it is also about beauty in all forms. It’s about no longer judging anyone based on appearance alone. My daughter is twelve. She is chubby. And so I have had to work hard to have her with a good self esteem. She really is beautiful.
However because of the beauty standards of others, she doesn’t feel like she is. So yes, as a woman, as a mother of a beautiful girl, I really like the body positive movement. Every body has flaws. Every body is beautiful. It’s really all in how you look at it.
Madness is subjective
Life has a funny way of pushing forward, no matter how we want to stop and reevaluate. I have spent a significant portion of my life considering sanity. Afraid of being mad, and trying to prevent that slide into deeper pockets of madness. I joke that I am as sane as I have ever been… but to be honest I am not sure sanity is something that truly exists. I think as a whole the human race has slowly been decending into a state of madness. We put such a stigma on it. Just in America there are millions who suffer….yes millions. a statistics site about mental health. So why do we make these people feel worse for their suffering? I think it’s a form of fear. We fear what similarity we see in them. So we push it away. Instead, we should try to understand that which drives the mind down such different paths.
Parenting & Media
Before I climb any soap box, I am a mother. I am not perfect. I firmly believe each child and each family are different. So even though my daughter is twelve, we allow her some media (movies, shows, music, books and video games) that is probably not “age appropriate .” She is more mature is some areas than others. So if the rating is for violence or vulgarity, I don’t worry about her. Her whole life, I have kept a close rein on what she watched. She has had leeway to choose.
She chooses horror, zombies and anime, hard rock, and rpg(shooter style). We talk to her. She understands that these are not reality. So we do tend to be less restrictive. I try to guide her towards intelligent programs. Towards a love of music that encompasses all music. Towards an open mind where media is concerned. I have succeeded and failed. After all, her father and her friends are influences as well.
The reason i am rambling, there have been a few instances where I have been accused of not being a good parent because I let her watch anime and play certain video games. I believe my child should have a chance to make her own choices ( to an extent). I keep away stuff that is heavily sexual. Blatantly sexual is more than i think she is ready for. I have forbidden only a couple of video games( gta5, south park stick of truth) and I don’t forbid music or books( most books with questionable content are still above her reading interest level for now ).
Very few shows are disallowed( got, banahee…basically stuff you would see on hbo, showtime or cinemax…) and it’s only if sex is open and blatant. Mind you not all kids are as mature as her. Some see violent or scary and have nightmares. She does not.
Really parenting is as much about knowing what will and will not be appropriate for your child as it is teaching them how to live. People who take their kids and let them watch a movie then complain about the content just ruin it for everyone. Know your kids, and be aware of what you are letting them be exposed to. It’s not that hard.
Rudeness
I live in a three story apartment complex. There is four apartments per floor. Mostly i can handle the noises around me…except for yesterday. Yesterday the neighbor in the apartment directly beside me was banging and clanging at the loudest possible way she could till four am.
While I normally would have assumed it was just a bad night for them, now i wonder. Everyday it sounds like her kids are running around drawing on the walls. And I had a visitor today who told me she knocked on my door when I was not home. She said that the kids in the other apartment screamed for her to go away.
I try to be polite, as much as I can. I have taught my daughter to do the same. However this doesn’t seem to be something people do anymore. I remember my daughter bumping into someone in a grocery store when she was about six. The woman looked so shocked because I forced my daughter to apologize.
It’s understandable for the kids to be playing. However letting your kids run ruckus till four in the morning? Letting them yell at people not even knocking at your door? I believe that manners are dying a slow death. I mourn the fact that rude has become the new normal.
Pattimouse 