Category: rant

Productivity is subjective.

I am fighting a mad right now. I admit it.

Perhaps it is time to step back and look at things from a different point of view.

Boyfriend sneered that he was the only one to do anything productive today.

From his point of view I am sure that is true. After all…He does not read. Everything I did today was to further the amount of books in the world. Either that or scheduling the week here on my blog.

Neither thing is exactly physical for him.

Publishing does not make me a huge paycheck.

What it does do is make me feel better about the world.

The world without books is a very dark place. So many wonderful books end up not getting a chance because the author does not know how to be heard. I am trying to help those authors.

However I suppose if you do not like books then it looks like I am locking myself in my room every Sunday. I am being antisocial and just playing on my computer.

Doing stuff that he does not understand and is not a part of.

While he made up homemade chicken nuggets. (He really is a wonderful cook.)

Usually I at least keep him company while he cooks. Still, He does know that Sunday is my day that I have set aside to do blog, and book stuff. I fight to keep it that way. If I don’t then I would never have anytime allowed. He would expect me to be available all the time. Which is not fair. To me, or to what I want to get done.

So I am mad. I am frustrated. And I feel like I should do more work because I am mad. (I was supposed to join the family game when I got my work done. But now I don’t think it is such a good idea.) However if I do too much at once I court burn out. And I risk mistakes because I am working mad.

So I am sitting here bored. Because spite is a thing too. I did more work than I had slated for today. My arm hurts. I am exhausted. And I just wish I had a way to explain to him that my work is productive too.

Wild Wednesday

I believe it is time to order a new keyboard. I am hard on mine. Mostly due to gaming, but I do a lot of typing as well.
The only requirement I have for my keyboard is it has to be backlit…and it has to have the number pad.

This is the one I settled on. I hope it is more sturdy.

Wild Wednesday

What is in a title?

What makes a good title? and is it subjective? My daughter and friend both think I can do better for my coloring book than the title I had chosen. I am still struggling with the amount of work that goes into what will be listed as a low content item. I am struggling with the coloring book altogether if I am honest.

I love the cover I made for it. But I don’t like how the scanned art has a off shade to it that will print funny. Or just the way that putting the book together for this is. I suppose I am finding fault with the whole project. I am a perfectionist and there is nothing perfect about this project.

Justice doesn’t always come

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I last saw the man who has lived in my nightmares at around 9 or 10 years old. Still, he has made my life miserable not because he was actively in it, but because of what he did and the fact that when I finally got the courage to tell anyone… well they did not believe me. He said that they would not. So if he was right about that, what about the other things that he said? Was it all really my fault?

Biden just signed a Bill…I am so happy for it…it takes away the limit for how long you have to take your abuser to court. How long you have to get the world to see them for the piece of shit that they are… for some people that is a miracle.

For some of us…there is no justice.

I am not saying that just because he is dead. My abuser committed suicide just a few years ago…Don’t expect me to mourn him.

No, I am saying that because I can’t go back and get my family to see the truth. I will never be able to look at my self and think I am not deserving of the way that I was treated… why? Because I obviously missed something. Something that he saw.

My mom doesn’t understand. She asked me if she ever actually said that she didn’t believe me… no not in those words. She said that I must have been remembering it wrong. That I didn’t have the dates exactly right. Okay…I was supposed to handle the memories better. I see. I was supposed to get over it… because that is what you do right?

No, Justice doesn’t always come. But the Bill that Biden signed is a huge step in the right direction.

Hush, Hush

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Some days it is harder than others to feel like I have a voice.

A lot of the reason I do the publishing thing is because I have had my voice stolen too often. I want to help others find their voice. Sounds kinda cheesy I realize…but it is the truth. I strive to make absolutely sure that when I edit I do so in a way that never changes the author’s voice…while still addressing readability and grammar. I realize that might not be important to some…but to me that voice is often what makes the story.

I know others feel like they are a burden, like I do. For me though it is harder to fight that because I spent much of my childhood not being heard. I have spent a good bit of my adult life the same way.

Let me explain.

Have you ever walked into a doctor’s office and told them your symptoms only to have them yell at you for not taking medicine for a disease you did not yet know you had? or have you gone in and said I am having trouble and get diagnosed with something with no test or diagnostic process simply because the doctor was overworked and you were in his office like the hundreds before you that day? Oh, and then there were the doctors who were quick to blame all of my issues on my size. Yeah. I have had really bad luck with doctors.

Perhaps that is why I avoid going until I have no choice.

Still it is not just doctors that it feels like I am ignored by. Though I understand that I am not the only person in anyone’s life…there are days when I will speak and get the response of *Sigh* What? – Which makes me want to pull away. Because that response only hurts. I understand if you are busy. Say…Hey I am busy, can I get back to you? And I will get it. But to say it like that…

It silences me. And makes my inner voice into a scream.

I feel like eventually I will never speak again, but that voice…the one inside that never shuts up…the one that says how horrible I am and that no one likes me…That will be so loud that everyone outside will hear it.

Then who will I be?

So, today….I am going to be quiet, because that voice is too loud and my voice is too small. I hope that none of you ever are hushed.

The Existential Question

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So I have been busy working on publishing tasks yesterday, Well that for me included dealing with the dreaded Goodreads Now admittedly I don’t do everything I need to with it, because every time I go there it is the same thing. I can’t claim all of my books on there. Not even the ones all written as me. The reason – My name is too common. I should be able to give the information about the book and claim it…but no. It is based on the name of the author. I am debating doing a rebranding. Adding my grandmother’s maiden name in as my middle name (I tried my middle name to start with…it is even more common.) Still I wonder how much I should rebrand? Should I just start from here? or go back and rebrand from the beginning? There is a lot involved. I just don’t know if Goodreads is worth the effort. I have my amazon author page. I have my books2read reading list. Does anyone other than authors even really use Goodreads?

Though I have to say that I am annoyed by how common my name is. Names have always been a fun thing for me. I wanted to write as Susan Ann Andrews when I was a girl. I really thought it was the prettiest name out there. I chose to write my poetry and my kid’s books under my name because I wanted to love my name again. I wanted it to be mine again. It was part of healing the abuse I had been through. I chose to do the pen name of Serena Mossgraves for my horror and darker stuff so that my kid’s books would not be tainted by those writings. So I am struggling now. Do I really want to rebrand simply because of how common my name is? Or do I stick with who I am? This really feels like I am facing an existential crisis. Do I change my persona for the idea that I am not fitting in? Or am I fitting in too well? Oh crud. I really don’t know what to do here.

Yesterday I was sure that I needed to change the branding. Today, I wake up and find in my email in response to my help request…OK we merged this and this….I look on goodreads…now one of Serena’s books is listed as Patricia. And still not even half of my books are listed as me. I still can’t claim them. Changing my brand will mean I have to go and fight them for the right to the listing all over again. In order to change it I need to go into KDP and D2D and Google Play and Barnes and Noble. Change The Details on each. I need to upload a changed cover for each. Then I need to hope that I have not screwed something up. For one or two books it is not that difficult…but I have a catalogue of around 30+ It is a hugely daunting task. OK… I can change my branding from here on out…but the whole reason I wanted to do it was because of Goodreads not letting me accept my books…if I change my brand it will throw them into a worse fit.

I think I need to think on this. I am going to do nothing about it until after the first of the year at the least. That way I can be sure I am still needing to adjust and I don’t feel like I rushed in for stupid reasons.

Women’s History, according to Grandma

I found myself scrolling through Tiktok…and I found this. It reminded me of a story that my grandmother told.

yes I am talking about the same grandmother from Grandmother’s Wisdom!

She was born in the 1930’s in Washington DC. She said that young women were not allowed to carry any weapons…but they had hat pins. I put a picture on this post…She told me that the hat pins were sharp and it baffled me. How did women use them with out poking themselves? The hat pins were seriously the same as a dagger in the hands of these young women.

Her story made me think that DC was a really bad place in her youth…(though I guess I can’t say it is a good place now)

I don’t remember the whole story but it was full of the necessary thrill to ensure that the teen I was would be hooked on every word. Now the woman I am in the middle of a dystopian nightmare for women am wishing I could have recorded every single story she told. I will always remember her telling me that Roe vs Wade didn’t make abortion easier to get, it merely made safe abortion easier to get. Women were still getting them, just most of them were dying. She told me about back alley butchers. I was so happy that I was born in post Roe vs Wade America…now I am sorry that I have lived long enough to see my home become a place where I am no longer free.

Snapping Patti Gators

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Today I was trying to get work done. It seems like whenever I sit down to do work…well that is when everyone wants my attention. Normally it does not bother me…I multitask and get everything I can done. Today however it had me snapping. I have since apologized to those who I was cranky with. But it got me thinking.

Why was I so quick to snap?

Well, I have publishing deadlines approaching. I am also getting ready for a trip out of town. (A rare treat as my Mom is coming to get me and my daughter for a mini Vacation to her place.) Then I have invited friends over for a fourth of July cookout…And so I have to plan for that…I am rearranging my house and cleaning as I go. My dishwasher broke and I have to prepare for the installation crew with the new one. Summer is almost here and I have yet to spend any time in my art studio…My legs have been achy…People, in general, have been irritating me more than usual…

Yeah, that is all my excuses. Well, I could probably come up with a few more. But I don’t make a habit of Lying…Even to myself. So I had to face the real reason why Patti has been cranky today. I really did not want to do anything other than sit at my computer and work on the projects I wanted to work on. I wanted to be alone, crank up my music, and work on making books exist. Either by formatting or by writing or editing. I really did not care. I wanted to forget that people exist because then I would be able to forget the cruelty we people do to each other. I would be able to forget the idea that peaceful existence is a dream…a hope that is too often dashed.

I could forget that this world is so awful that eighteen-year-olds want to kill and die.

I could forget that there are so many people who cannot seem to accept the mere safe existence of people who are different. That people feel the need to hate. To fear. And often what humans hate and fear – They kill.

I could for at least a short time forget that women’s rights are at this very moment about to be thrown back in time to the 1950s.

I could for a few minutes just enjoy what I am doing and not worry about my children in this world. This world is where hate and fear are more prevalent than love and kindness.

I could forget that there are those who would have me locked away because I am different. There are those who would speak over me…simply because what I say is nothing that they want to hear.

So when I feel like my voice is being stolen I GET LOUD.

So since I am aware that I am Snappy because I wanted to hide – GUESS WHAT?!

Consider this your Warning. I am about to get VOCAL. I Am about to get loud. I have been more or less leaving my opinions off of my social media. I tame myself because I feel like that is not going to help my books sell.

But I will no longer bite my tongue just to watch it bleed. My opinions are a part of me.

Blog Basics

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I have been doing an Author spotlight for Fae Corps. It has given me the realization that some of the basics for blogging are not well known. We ask for a picture. Most of the time we don’t get it. We ask for a website…guess what? So it came to me that maybe I could help others by giving you what I have picked up in the time I have been running this blog.

  1. The first thing is that every entry should have a picture. The picture grabs the attention It gives a hook to your post.
  2. Make sure that you proofread your post. Typos do not encourage repeat readers.
  3. Try to keep a schedule. If possible at least four times a week, but if you cannot keep that then try for at least once a week.
  4. Think about what you would want to read. Try to keep from whining or complaining – no one wants to read that.
  5. Whenever possible include links. Example – My Books. Make it open in a new tab. you don’t want them to go off of your site completely.

Most of this is common sense. It really is hard to screw up blogging. However, some of it is also stuff you pick up. I started off treating my blog like a journal. It took me time. I also am terrible at keeping the schedule. Is the world gonna end if I fail to keep up? NO, but I may have a few readers who decide that I am not worth following. So I keep trying. If you are looking to get on as a spotlight on someone’s blog, or as a guest blogger, then I recommend trying to make sure that you provide them with as much information in what they ask for as possible. It makes it easier on them but it also makes you look good. That is the whole reason to do this, isn’t it?

Tuesday Straight Talk

Okay… I know that I usually do Tunes on Tuesday… But something came up yesterday, and I want to discuss it.

A friend in the indie writing community discovered a pirate site… With almost all of my books and all of Serena’s listed. Talk about mixed feelings… Part of me feels betrayed. The other part is like… Well, at least they are good enough for piracy. I am not going to lie, and say it is about my books being shared. I see piracy in two different ways. Things like peer2peer are different. I see that the same as me sharing the book with a friend. It is not going to make me money… But it is not offensive. At least not to me. The site last night is not p2p.

That site charges for my books. I get nothing from it. It is not certain whether the site delivers the book to the buyer. I don’t know if they are even using the buyer information properly.

So, I wanted to tell you that Serena and I both only publish to the above markets. If you find my books anywhere else then I did not give permission for it to be there. Let me know and I will proceed to attempt to get the cease and desist word to them.

Just an Fyi, it’s illegal to print ebooks. Any site telling you different is questionable anyway. I have arc files for those who are interested in leaving honest reviews, but can’t afford the book. It is not a hard thing to get a copy to read.